Chapter 11

James

I woke up before she did, and held her a while before she began to stir. I liked her more than I’d liked anyone in a long time, but with my lifestyle and the things in my past, I couldn’t help but think she was better off without me. I knew deep down that was the reason I’d stopped the kiss and the reason I was unsure about the night before. I wanted her, but wanting wasn’t enough. I needed to know what to do with her after I had her, aside from the sex part. I couldn’t be a good brother, how was I supposed to be a good boyfriend.

With my last girlfriend, Jen, it had been easier. She was self-supporting and from my circle of friends. She worked in the same field and liked her alone time as much as I did. Things were as sterile as they’d been in the laboratory, and that’s the way we liked it. But Maya was different, she was a people person, and had a warm, friendly smile for strangers that I’d grown so jealous of. I wanted her to myself, to keep her like a butterfly in a jar when she needed to fly.

As she rolled over to put her back to me, I slipped a pillow down between us and eased out of bed. I needed to put some distance between us, and hopefully, when she woke, she’d understand why things couldn’t be like a fairy tale with the two of us living happily ever after.

It wasn’t long until the sound of her bare feet padding across the floor caught my attention. I’d been in my office working on formulations and doing a bit of research. She stuck her head in the door and looked around my office before coming in.

“Is it okay to come in?” She gave me a hesitant look as I gave the affirmative and she tiptoed in and took a seat.

“I think I need to make some other arrangements and get out of your hair. I don’t know what I was thinking last night, but waking up alone kind of put things in perspective. I’m sorry about what happened.” She was sober now and regretful. Even though I’d thought it was a mistake, I had no regrets, and I only wished she felt the same.

“I’m sorry you feel that way, but I understand.” I couldn’t let her leave. She had nowhere to go. I wondered if I should offer to rent her a place of her own, at least until she got on her feet, but she had barely allowed me to hire her and until she found a job, she’d only have to commute back and forth, unless she was talking about leaving my employment as well. “Have you suddenly somewhere else to be?”

“No, it’s not that. It’s just that I didn’t want to make things awkward and when you weren't in bed this morning, I just—I don’t know what I thought, actually. Just that it might have been a mistake. I mean, I was drunk—

“Which is why I tried to stop you from throwing yourself at me.”

Her mouth popped open, and her eyes widened. “I beg your pardon? I did not throw myself at you. I might have merely suggested, but—

I stared blankly. “You suggested with your tongue down my throat as you undid my pants and stroked my cock. I’d say that’s a bit more than a why don’t we fool around kind of thing.” I shook my head as I grew increasingly irritated. “I knew I should have refused you again. But you made me feel so fucking bad since the last time.” I stopped and held my tongue as she headed for the door.

“I’ll figure something out. This obviously won’t work. Thank you for your help.”

Where the hell did she think she’d go? She couldn’t be out in the city alone, and there was no way I’d let her go back to that assholes apartment. The only other person she knew was Darek Dillon. I didn’t want her near that asshole again.

I got to my feet and headed around the desk as she made it to the hall. “Wait!” I hurried up and took her arm, and she spun around to face me.

“What?” She turned her head to look away from me.

“Let’s not either of us say or do anything else until we calm down.” I pulled her into my arms. “I didn’t wake up this morning wanting a fight, did you?”

“No, but I didn’t like waking up alone and coming in here to find you working like last night meant nothing.”

“Maya, I’m not Mr. Romance. I don’t always get that type of shit right, and I’ve never really been good with other people.”

“Please, from the way Darek talks you have women leaving your apartment all the time. You date, so what.” She gave a shrug.

“No, I don’t. I have women over for sex, and rarely anything else. I pick them up; we fuck, they go on with their lives.”

“Oh, so that’s what you think we should do? Go on like it’s no big deal? I can’t do that. I should stop while I’m ahead and before I develop any more feelings for you.”

Did she have feelings for me? I found that surprising almost even though the sex we’d had was wonderful, but only because I didn’t think she’d put much feeling into it being drunk.

“I didn’t know you felt anything like that.” I shrugged.

“I hoped you did, even just a little. I could work with a little. But nothing? What’s the use?”

“What if I do have feelings, Maya. I don’t know what to do with them. I’m not the kind of guy that can make you happy. You’re better off with someone else.”

She pursed her lips and folded her arms, and I could tell by her chest heaving, that she was growing pissed off. “Fine, then. I’m sure I’ll find someone else. I guess it doesn’t matter if I have feelings for you that are unrequited. I’m sure someone like Darek won’t mind.” She turned around, and as she started to walk away, I grabbed her arm.

“Don’t do that, Maya. It’s not nice.” She was only using Darek to piss me off.

“Why does it matter? It could be anyone; it still wouldn’t be you.”

“It won’t work.”

“No, you’re right. It won’t work. Especially if you don’t even try.” She was right, and the reality of her words hit me so hard, that I let her go.

I always did things like this. I sabotaged good things that there right in front of me because I was afraid I’d lose someone I loved again. Losing my sister had damaged me beyond repair, and the actions of the media and the circus it created only left me toxic.

I heard her bedroom door slam and, I rubbed my temples wondering what to do. I couldn’t let her go, but I couldn’t do anything to stop her if she really wanted to.

An hour later, when she still hadn’t come out of her room, I walked to her door and knocked.

“It’s open.” I heard from the other side.

I opened the door expecting to see her bags packed and her prepared to leave. Instead, I found her sat up in the middle of her bed with papers scattered around her.

It wasn’t just papers though, as I soon noticed, she was doing sketches and working in the center of her pile with colored pencils. “What’s all this?”

“Just some designs.” She shrugged like they were nothing, but I picked one up and studied it. “You drew this? All of these?”

“Yeah, it’s not the cure for cancer or anything, but it’s all I know how to do.”

“You’re talented. I mean, these are wonderful.” I looked down, perusing them all. “This is my favorite. Why didn’t you tell me you were into fashion design?”

“I didn’t think you’d know anyone who could help me. Craig introduced me to a few people, but no one that could get my foot in the door.”

“I’m not Craig, and I’ve met a lot of people even though I don’t socialize with them on a daily basis.”

“I just needed a job; I didn’t want to be picky.” She stared at the bed to her display of designs, and all I wanted to do was pull her close and kiss her until she knew just how much I cared about her.

“You should be doing this, though, not folding my socks. I bet I could get you a job at Tabitha’s shop. You knew I knew her.”

“She knows Craig. I don’t want to be involved with any of those people. None of them have been especially kind.”

I found it interesting that Tabitha knew Craig, especially considering how I knew her. She was a frequent guest at Club Expose, but with her being a domme, she hadn’t been my type. We’d made friends though through business, and she’d been a lifesaver when I was with Jen for helping me choose the right gifts.

I thought about the women I knew and snapped my fingers. “I know just the person. Her name is Gretta. She’s in the industry, and she’d be perfect to help get your foot in the door. Let me ring her.” Gretta Martin had been a partner of mine from the sex club, but we hadn’t found time for one another in months. She ran a factory and had a line of clothes in five major department stores and at least three of the higher-class boutiques.

I dialed her number and knew I’d have to tip her off that this was purely business. I didn’t need her thinking I was looking for a hookup. Her machine answered, and I left a message. “Hi, Gretta; this is James Thomas from The Avalon. I need to discuss a bit of business concerning a girlfriend of mine.” I knew if I threw out that I had a girlfriend, perhaps she’d get the point. I hung up the phone to find Maya’s eyes narrowed.

“Girlfriend?”

“You’re a girl and a friend, and we had incredible sex last night.” She rolled her eyes. “Look, I don’t want you to go anywhere. I’m not sure what to do with this, and it’s happened kind of suddenly for me. I have feelings too, but I’m not sure what to do with them. So, could you maybe, cut me a break?”

A soft smile played at the corner of her lips, but she kept herself composed. “Fine. I didn’t really have anywhere else I wanted to go anyway.”

And just like that, things were okay for the moment.