Chapter 10

Sara

He looked up at me and nodded, having told me his story. I realized then that it was my turn to talk, and I really didn’t want to, but he had held up his end of the bargain, so it was only right. I cleared my throat and leaned back in the chair, looking out the window.

“Janson and I had been dating for about three years,” I said, starting the story. “There was even a period of time when his house was under renovation that he’d moved in here with me. It was a very short time since we both found that living together wasn’t quite the easiest thing to do. I’d always had this suspicion that he was cheating on me and even had several people in town come and tell me, but it took quite a while before I had hard evidence to really show him. One day when I was at the station visiting him for lunch, I saw some texts come in on his phone from a waitress at the saloon downtown. She was talking about the night before and all kinds of personal things, things only someone who had slept with him would know. I left the station and went home and thought about it until he came over that evening. I confronted him, and when he admitted to it, I broke it off with him. It’s been a while but really not that long if I think about it. About six months maybe.”

“And how did he take it?” Ryan asked.

“Not very good.” I smiled. “Let’s just say he was not happy about it, and he let me know that very sternly. I stayed away from him after that, until the other night in the parking lot.”

I turned back in my chair and drank the last of my tea, not wanting to look him in the eyes. I had left out the worst part of the abuse. I didn’t want Ryan to feel sorry for me. It drove me nuts when anyone felt sorry for me, much less the guy I was really starting to like. It wasn’t something I had told anyone but Alison, and it needed to stay that way. It wasn’t like I could go to the police. He was the sheriff.

I looked over at Ryan as he sat thinking about what I said. I realized in that moment that me not telling him about the abuse was more than just me not wanting him to feel sorry for me. I wanted him to respect me, not pity me, not want to feel bad for me. I wanted him to think of me as a strong person.

I shook my head and pushed my chair back, taking the cups over to the sink to rinse them off. I was tired of living in this fear of Janson, this creepy shadow who seemed to follow me everywhere. It wasn’t that I was stuck in the past. It was that the past was always right there in front of me, chasing me around every corner. I couldn’t get away from him unless I moved, and Bonanza was my home. I still had the hope that he would one day move past it all and leave me alone. I knew it was a long shot, but I had to hope for something more than the life I was living.

I finished rinsing the mugs and put them in the dishwasher, closing it and drying off my hands. When I turned back around, I found Ryan standing behind me, leaning against the center island. He was looking down at his hands, thinking about something, so I stood there waiting for him to talk.

“I want to ask you something,” he said.

“All right,” I said, nodding my head. “I’ll answer the best I can.”

“Does Janson still want you?” he asked. “I mean is he still in love with you like he was six months ago?”

I stared at him for a minute before dropping my eyes to the floor, nodding my head up and down. I didn’t want to say the words out loud because I hated the thought of Janson. I hated the thought of him even thinking about me, much less still being in love with me. The man had hurt me in ways I didn’t know would ever heal. I turned my head and looked off into the distance. My thoughts whirled around in my head, knowing exactly where Ryan was going with all of this. He thought Janson might have something to do with the animals out front, and sadly, I couldn’t deny it was a possibility. He had never done something like this before, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t capable.

Ryan reached over and put his finger under my chin, guiding my gaze back to his. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he wanted to know more, that he needed to know more, but I didn’t want to tell him. He could sense I was holding back, and he had seen the way Janson had treated me that day. There was no way I could deny that he had done that before and more than once. So, to head off any more questions, I took in a deep breath and lunged forward, pressing my lips against his. He stumbled backward, catching himself on the island counter. I had caught him off guard, but he had done the same to me when I felt just how soft his lips really were. In fact, he had caught me off guard from the first moment I met him.

I stepped forward, following him backward, unable to pull my lips from his. He tasted like honey and tea, and the scent of his cologne wafted strongly into my brain. When he had gotten his footing, he immediately responded, wrapping his arms around my body and pulling me close to him. I wound my arms up around his neck as he deepened the kiss, moving his tongue over my lips and pushing them apart. It had been a long time since a man had kissed me like that, and I found a small whimper escaping my throat. The intensity between us took my breath away, and I could feel myself getting weak in the knees. The lust and desire between us were as thick as fog, and finding a way out of that embrace was nowhere even close to my thoughts. I didn’t know if it was the moment or if it was the attraction, but the man had completely swept me off my feet.

Things quickly started to heat faster and faster until we were so close together, I could barely breathe. I could feel the bulge in his pants pressing against my body, and in that moment, I wanted nothing more than for him to take me right there in the kitchen. I hadn’t felt this kind of attraction ever in my life, like we were two magnets being pulled closer together by the second. It had been simmering since the beginning, but until my lips hit his, I’d had no idea how intense it really was. I wasn’t the kind of girl who jumped into bed with a man right away, but Ryan made me want to throw caution to the wind. I had to fight it, though. There was more at stake than just my love life. If Ryan was right, him being there with me was bad for him and bad for me. He had no idea what kind of pull Janson had in that town.

Finally, I mustered enough strength to pull myself away, dislodging his arms from around my body. Instantly, I regretted it, wanting to be right back there pressed against him, but I needed to have more self-control than that. I leaned back against the counter and put my hand out, both of us out of breath. We stood there for several moments collecting ourselves. I looked up at him as he pulled away from the island and took a step forward. His eyes moved up my body and met mine, turning dark with lust. I couldn’t look at him any longer, knowing I was teetering on the edge of self-control. I looked away quickly, closing my eyes and breathing deeply, trying to gain control of myself. This man had a serious spell over me, and as much as I liked it, I had to break it, at least for that night.

“You all right?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said, nodding my head and wiping my lips. “I’m all right. A little tired is all. It’s been a really long day with work and the stables and then the date and the deer. I’m pretty much spent.”

“I understand.” He smiled. “I can take the hint.”

“No,” I said, turning around. “Please, don’t take it in a bad way.”

“Hey,” he whispered. “It’s okay. We can maybe pick this conversation up later.”

“I’d like that.” I smiled, looking down at the floor.

“I gotta get going anyway. I have some phone conferences really early in the morning.” He smiled, grabbing his keys off the table and turning back to me. “I want you to know that I had a really lovely evening with you. It’s definitely climbing the charts as one of the best dates I’ve ever had. Thank you for that. It was definitely unexpected. You were unexpected.”

“You too.” I smiled. “But I have to ask, was it worth five thousand dollars?”

He chuckled and walked out of the kitchen and down to the front door. I stood there at the front door watching him open it and turn back toward me. His smile sent butterflies through my whole body, and my knees went weak watching him.

“Honestly?” he said. “I should have paid double.”

With that, he winked and walked out of the house, closing the door behind him. I smiled, walking over and locking the door, leaning against it and laughing to myself. I really knew how to get myself into some crazy situations, including falling for some guy I barely knew but seemed to have a knack for saving me every chance he got. He definitely was going to be on my mind for a very long time.

That night, I tossed and turned in my bed, my body still on fire as I lay there thinking about how hot that kiss was. His lips, his smell, the feeling of his bulge pressing against me, it all ran wildly through my mind as I tried to sleep. Even in my dreams, I could see him standing in the rain, kissing me passionately. He was shirtless, his skin slick from the rain falling over us. Every drop of rain that hit me instantly turned to steam, sizzling and radiating off my body because I was so turned on. I woke over and over, wanting to fall asleep again, wanting to see him in my dreams and touch that soft, supple skin. I barely got a wink of sleep that night, and I was okay with that.