Chapter 25

Sara

The stables were the only place I could think without much distraction, so on Monday afternoon, I headed over there, finding myself in the stalls brushing one of the horses, my mind centered around Ryan again. It was like he was imprinted in my brain for some reason. I couldn’t stop thinking about him, and it was driving my heart and my mind completely nuts. It was almost worse than when we were at the height of our relationship, or whatever we had going on. Seeing him on Saturday didn’t help in the least. It had completely caught me off guard, and I had been so focused on the call when I pulled up, I didn’t even think about the fact that he was staying right across the street.

He had been so sweet, though, helping me get my things from the van and petting the dog as I prepared him for transport. I had to force myself to remember how he had lied to me about his ex, Natasha. Obviously, the girl had done the wrong thing, attempting to implicate Ryan in the Russian scandal, but he had broken her heart, throwing her away when he was done with her. From the sound of the way the media talked about him, she wasn’t the first one. Who knew how many other girl’s hearts he had broken. He was a playboy, and one with a whole lot of money, living it up in one of the biggest cities in the world. On top of that, he was incredibly handsome and very charming. It was no wonder girls flocked to him and no wonder he took full advantage of that fact.

I looked over my shoulder, hearing voices in of the stalls. I put my brush down and pet the horse softly before wiping off my hands. I walked out of the stall and quietly through the barn, stopping when I recognized Alison’s voice. She and Jimmy must have come into the barn and not even realized I was in one of the stalls. I hadn’t told Alison I was coming here, but I rarely did. I just showed up whenever I could and worked with the horses, letting her know later what had been accomplished. I stopped for a moment and listened, wanting to make sure Alison was okay, and they weren’t fighting again. Jimmy said something, but I couldn’t hear him, and Alison’s voice rang out in laughter that echoed through the barn. I scrunched my eyebrows together and stood there, jumping slightly as something banged hard into one of the stall doors.

I felt slightly strange for standing there listening, but it was a distraction from my own mind, and those two always did give me something else to think about. Alison laughed again, saying something about being spontaneous and adventurous. Then it was silent and didn’t seem as if Jimmy had responded to her at all. That didn’t surprise me, though. Jimmy ignored Alison on a regular basis, and I still didn’t understand their relationship at all. I took another step forward and peeked around the stall door to my left, staying far enough away to not be seen. There they were, Alison’s body pressed against Jimmy’s. Jimmy was backed against the stall across from me, and he did not look happy in the least. Alison was smiling up at him, but he wasn’t reacting to her at all.

Alison ran her hands up his chest and smiled again, leaning in and kissing over his neck. She pulled back and tried to pull his head down toward her, but he resisted, turning away from her. She taunted him a bit, laughing and giggling, obviously trying to get his attention and arouse him in one way or the other. He wasn’t taking the bait, though, and I could see the irritation building on his face. Finally, after a few more taunts and strategically placed grabs on Alison’s part, he reached up and pushed her backward. She stumbled back and frowned, trying not to fall into a bale of hay.

“Jesus, Jimmy,” she said angrily. “You act like it’s the worst thing in the world.”

Jimmy didn’t say a word, just turned and stormed out of the barn, leaving Alison there looking stressed and irritated. I wasn’t sure what was going on between them because there always seemed to be something going on, but part of me felt bad for Alison. It sucked to be turned away by the person you desired the most. Alison dusted off her pants and hung up a couple of reins that had fallen off of hooks in the old barn wood. She stared at the back of the stall for a minute and sighed before swinging around and walking for the stall door. As she walked forward, she looked up and stopped, catching sight of me standing there with my eyebrows raised.

“Oh,” I said, standing up straight and blushing like crazy. “Sorry, I heard voices. I was brushing one of the horses, so I came to see who was in here.”

I was absolutely mortified that I had caught my friend in that situation. If it had been me, I would have buried my head in the hay, but not Alison. In her true form, she took it right in stride, shrugging her shoulders and leaning against the stall door.

“Now you know my dirty little secret,” she laughed, standing up and walking over to where I was standing. “Not that it’s that much of a secret with how Jimmy talks to his boys.”

“You okay?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she chuckled. “Turns out, I have a much higher sex drive than Jimmy, or so I think. He barely ever wants to do it, whereas I seem to want to do it all the time. You would think that would be a good thing, but it just pisses Jimmy off. But what doesn’t these days?”

“Whiskey?”

“Whiskey doesn’t piss anyone off.” She laughed. “Except maybe my father, who never handled it well.”

“I remember,” I groaned.

“I am a sinner, Sara,” she said, leaning onto my shoulder and throwing her arms in the air. “How dare I have a healthy appetite. Maybe I’m in the wrong business, and I should start a town brothel like in the old days. I would be one hell of a madam.”

“I am not working for you.” I laughed.

We both leaned back against the stall doors and chuckled, but the truth was, neither one of us were happy. She had her constant ups and downs with Jimmy, never really finding that sweet spot with him, and me, well my love life consisted of a narcissistic rich boy and a sheriff who wanted me dead. It was more than a bit of a dramafest in our lives.

“I have an idea,” Alison said, standing back up excitedly. “Why don’t you come over this weekend and stay at the farm. We can have a sappy movie festival and eat enough junk food to kill one of these horses. It’ll be fun, and we haven’t done it in forever. It’s not like you won’t be here anyway.”

“That actually sounds perfect,” I said, heading back over to the stall I was working in with Alison in tow. “I have been really stressed out with everything going on. I could use a nice, relaxing weekend.”

I picked the brush up and finished brushing the horse’s mane before putting away the tools and closing the stall door for the night. Alison told me about the movies she had just bought, and I started to feel a tad bit more normal, not that I expected that feeling to stay. I finished everything up and turned to Alison, giving her a big hug.

“I have to go. I have some paperwork to finish up over at the practice,” I said. “I just needed a break, so I came over here.”

“All right, girl. Call me later.”

“Will do,” I said, walking over to my truck and climbing inside.

By the time I got back to the practice, everyone else was gone for the day. I did my normal checks on the animals that were staying overnight or for extended stays and then headed into my office and tried to get some of the paperwork done. It was proving harder than I thought, though, and I was having an incredibly tough time focusing on anything. I could feel a dull pain in my chest, and I hadn’t been hungry in days. When I got off work and done at the stables, I went home and went straight to bed, not wanting to deal with life. I was doing everything I could to distract myself. I really couldn’t figure out why I was so upset and why I couldn’t let the thought of Ryan go.

In reality, my time with Ryan had been pretty much the shortest relationship I had ever had, or anyone in my town had probably had. We had only been on a couple of dates and spent one romantic weekend away, which was more like a night away with each other. We hadn’t stayed over at each other’s houses, we obviously hadn’t spilled our darkest secrets, and there was no real reason for me to be attached the way I was. My heart and my mind were acting like the two of us had spent months or years together and that losing him was going to be such an upheaval in my life. The only thing that hadn’t seem to change was my daily routine, and that was a really good thing. It didn’t seem to help take him off my mind, though.

I felt like I had lost something huge, something I never thought I would find. I was a pessimist in love, a man-hating small-town vet, or at least that was what Janson had called me one time. What I lost felt bigger than all of that. It was wonderful and unexpected, and I had immersed myself in it, feeling like it was making me a better and happier person. I had been satisfied with life for the first time when I was with Ryan, and his absence in my life had changed that for me. I had fooled myself, though, refusing to see the truth in what was going on. I continued, even now, to fool myself into thinking there would be any permanence to the relationship. I sighed and looked back at the stack of papers on my desk. It was around six, but there was no reason to hurry back home. There was nothing waiting for me there. It was probably better that I did busywork and kept my mind on something else.

I pushed my way through the filing, the invoices, and the dreaded spreadsheets I had been putting off forever, trying to not think for a while. It all took me hours, and by the time I was done, I could hear the crickets chirping outside, and it was dark out. I closed and locked the filing cabinet and shut off the computer, getting my things together. As I grabbed my keys, I squinted when I caught a splash of headlights coming through the windows. I went to the door wondering who was pulling into the parking lot at that hour. I really hoped it wasn’t an emergency. I put my things down and headed quickly out the door, rushing toward the large vehicle parking outside.

The driver’s door swung open, and I froze in place recognizing the face smiling over at me. It was Ryan and he looked like a kid at Christmas. I crossed my arms and grabbed onto my shoulders, feeling the cool air washing over the parking lot. He got out and started walking toward me.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

He had a smile on his face and seeing him that happy put a slightly sickening feeling in my stomach. He was too handsome, too intense, and it threw me off whenever I was around him. He walked up closer and looked down at me, mischief in his eyes.

“I bought you a going-away present to remember me by,” he said.