Chapter 4 – Jesse
I left the dinner with Scott’s parents with mixed feelings. While I really liked his mom, his father was not a man who was going to be easy to get along with. There was a resemblance between the two men that was undeniable, but I remember being thankful more than once that Scott did not act like his father as much as he looked like him. The resemblance was one thing, but the feeling that the older man gave me was nothing like the feeling I got from being with his son.
Insisting that he take me home, I told Scott that I wasn’t feeling very well and that I wanted to be alone. It was the first time since we’d been together intimately that we wouldn’t spend the night in each other’s arms, but I was okay with that. I needed time to think and get over the way it all made me feel. The man had made me feel like I was the gum on the bottom of his shoes, and I can’t say that I liked the feeling at all. I could have gone a lifetime without ever meeting him.
I worried that Scott would feel the same way about me. I knew that he was out of my league. I’d known it since the first time that I’d met him, but his family had made it even clearer without actually saying a word. His father had sneered when I’d talked about my father, and that upset me more than anything else did. I didn’t care what he thought or said about me, but I still cared about my father’s memory. It was all I had left, and I wasn’t going to let it get tarnished by a man who had never even met him. I just couldn’t.
Scott called me after he got home that night. I did answer, but we didn’t talk for long at all. I was feeling weird, and I didn’t want to tell him that his father was a jerk. I was pretty sure that he knew it, because he’d been raised around him, but I didn’t know how close they were. The evening had made many things clear, and one of them was how little we actually knew about each other. How could I be in love with him without knowing anything about him besides what I’d read in magazines? It didn’t make sense, and it was hard to really take it all in.
I promised Scott that I would call him in the morning, but he was there waiting for me when I got up. Like before, he was knocking on the door before we opened, but this time I was happy to see him. I gave him a big hug when I opened the door. I’d missed him the night before, but I would never breathe a word of it out loud.
“Good morning, Jesse.”
He had a strange look in his eyes, much like he’d had when he came to see me the day before. I was still unsure what made him look that way at me. What was going on?
“Morning, Scott. Are you coming in?”
He nodded that he was, but he didn’t make any move to do so. I was trying to tell myself that I was just imagining things, but I wasn’t sure if that was true. I didn’t want to work myself up again for nothing, though, so I tried to take a deep breath instead. I moved back into the shop and pretended like I wasn’t shaking inside with a sense of impending doom.
“Yeah, thanks.”
“Are you okay? You seem sidetracked this morning. Do you have a lot going on with work?”
I had a feeling that it wasn’t work related, but I didn’t have the courage to ask him if it was about the dinner with his parents the night before. I didn’t want to think about that, even though I knew that he must feel as badly as I did about everything. It wasn’t like I’d just made it worse in my head. It was that bad, because it had been that bad. It had been far worse than any meeting I’d been in before.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I just have a lot on my mind. Work is always a big part of that.”
I had a feeling that it had more to do with his father and less to do with his work. “So are you working late today?”
Scott rubbed the back of his neck, something that I associated with him being nervous. He didn’t do it that often anymore, but when we were first together he’d done it all of the time. What was he so nervous about?
Not wanting to see him that way, I went into the kitchen and started him some breakfast. I didn’t even ask him what he wanted, just took the time to relax with the new habit that I’d picked up. Cooking always made me feel better about everything, and I wanted that bit of relaxation now. I needed it, really.
“I… Jesse, we need to talk.”
The feeling in my stomach was rising to my throat as I waited to see what he was going to say next. It wasn’t going to be good, so I tried to prepare myself in the best way that I knew how.
“Okay, Scott, what do you want to talk about?”
“Us.”
“Us, huh? I didn’t even really think that there was an us.”
That had Scott stopping and finally looking at me. There was something in his blues eyes that was akin to anger, but I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what he was mad about. I could feel the walls coming up though, and I didn’t want to admit to him or anyone else how much the next few moments were going to hurt.
“Well, you know, I know it isn’t official, but I care about you, Jesse, and I enjoyed our time together more than I can tell you.”
I noticed the way he was already using past tense. It was over.
“I enjoyed our time together as well, Scott.”
“I wish it were different, but I don’t think that we should see each other again.”
“Oh.”
It was all that I could get out. I turned away so that my blasted eyes wouldn’t give me up. So I wouldn’t have to see Scott’s reaction and pity.
“Is that all you’re going to say?”
“Yes, what more can I say? You and I were never going to be much more than a fling. I knew that.”
My eyes were burning as I boxed up the omelet and handed it to him without meeting his gaze. “It was nice to meet you, Scott. I’ll make sure I keep up on the loan payments. I’ll always be grateful for your help.”
I turned back to the stove and stared at the small bit of flame still coming up. It felt like I waited forever to hear him leave. Only then did I look back at him, and only then did I let the first tear fall down my cheek.
To be continued in Part 7…