I was getting close, so close that I had already packed a bag to take with me to the hospital. I wasn’t nervous anymore; I was just ready for it all to be done and over with. As I made my way to the doctor’s office, I was eager for him to tell me that it was almost time and the baby would be out soon.
A few weeks before, I had finally learned that I was carrying Greg’s son. I don’t know why, but that seemed harder. I could imagine how our son would look just like him. A daughter might have been a little easier to deal with in that regard. I was convinced that Greg’s son would have his same green eyes and the same half-grin that Greg would give me when he was pleased. It was just going to be a reminder of what we had had for a brief time – and what I had lost forever.
Shaking off the melancholy mood that seemed to come with the last few weeks of pregnancy, I tried not to think about Greg. He came to mind more often than I was comfortable admitting, but I knew he was someone I could never forget. I was meant to be with him, and I would have thought about him for the rest of my days even if I wasn’t raising his child. Fran said I was just thinking crazy. I don’t know, maybe she was right, maybe it was all of the hormones.
Parking by the door at the front of the doctor’s office, I noticed a sports car that reminded me of Greg. Well, just about everything reminded me of Greg, but he really liked fast cars and had been photographed recently in one just like it. It didn’t occur to me that it would actually be his; that would be just too incredible. So when I walked into the office and found him talking to my doctor, it was rather surreal.
“Ah, there you are, Desiree. Your husband was just asking some questions and I didn’t think you would mind. I’m glad that he’s finally back from all of that travelling. I told you before that a father needs to be there for the birth, so I’m glad that you convinced him to come back in time.”
I have to admit that I’d lied to the elderly doctor when he asked if I was married to the man whose child I was carrying. At least Greg didn’t look too mad about it. It was almost like he was amused. My husband?
“Yes, I’m glad to see that he was able to get back as well.”
I didn’t know what else to do but go along with it. Dr. Rosa didn’t seem to notice the tension that now filled the room. Was he just clueless, or was I the only one feeling hot all of a sudden? I wanted nothing more than to ask Greg what in God’s name he was doing there, but Dr. Rosa was already urging us back to one of the examination rooms. The waiting room was a thing of the past, and now Greg was going to be the one asking questions as we looked at our baby on the ultrasound.
My mind went to Tommy while we walked down the short corridor. I knew he was the reason that Greg had suddenly showed up, and I wanted to wring his neck. As we walked, Greg pulled my hand and then my arm to him. I wasn’t sure why he was doing it. Maybe he was trying to put on a show for the doctor, or maybe he actually wanted to, but it felt good to be back in his arms, even if it was under a false pretense.
When we got to the small examination room, I was hoping that Greg would stop the little game he was playing. “You can wait out front, sweetie. I’ll be back out in a few minutes.”
He just shook his head, his eyes determined and his jaw set, and I knew that it wasn’t going to happen. He wasn’t going to budge without making a big scene, and I was just not in the mood for that. I had never wanted to argue with him; that had been the whole point of avoiding him all these months. So I just went with it and ignored the look from Dr. Rosa.
The older man patted the bed and told me to get up there. I was nervous about everything already, and having Greg there was not calming me down. Just his presence had me tense.
It was only when I saw the look on his face when he heard the beat of the baby’s heart that I knew that everything that I had thought was wrong. While he’d said he didn’t want a baby, there was a new light in his eyes as he looked at me and then to the screen where the baby was.
“I can’t believe you’re pregnant.”
I knew what he meant, but the doctor was a little puzzled by the comment. Dr. Rosa had enough tact not to say too much, but he was obviously curious about the man who’d just popped up. I could tell that the doctor had questions of his own, and I was sure he would ask them next time he had me alone. I wasn’t looking forward to that conversation.
But I had to focus on the now and the look on Greg’s face. It just made me love him even more. I still didn’t know whether everything would be okay between us, but from the way he looked at the screen and then back at me, it was impossible not to feel a little hope for our future and our son’s future.
The doctor took a couple of pictures and gave them to Greg. I could see how moved he was, and just looking at him was bringing tears to my eyes. Had I really messed up by not telling him what was going on? I was starting to feel like a horrible person who had jumped to conclusions too quickly. Maybe he had just made the comment about not wanting babies off-handedly. It wasn’t like he’d known what was going on.
It wasn’t too long before the doctor was done and I was wiping the clear gel off of my stomach. It felt strange to be so exposed in front of Greg, but he was still looking at the sonogram pictures in his hand. He was transfixed. If I had wanted him any way, it was the way he was acting right then.
“Well, I think it’s safe to say that the baby will be here soon. I know that you don’t want to induce, so just listen to your body, Desiree, and when it’s time, I’ll be here to help you have your baby.”
I thanked him and watched him walk out of the small room. I was trying to get off of the bed and hating that I wasn’t as limber as I had once been. It was only when Greg offered me a hand that I realized just how much trouble I was having. I didn’t want him to see me like this, but at the same time, I really needed some help getting down.
When I fell into his arms, he held me for longer than he needed to and only let go when I pulled away slightly. There was no denying the way he looked at me, and there was no denying the way he made me feel with just one look.
“Why don’t we get out of here? I think we have a lot to talk about, Desiree.”
I nodded my head. What more could I say? His hands were still on me, and that was always one of my weaknesses. Greg had been one of my weaknesses since I had met him, and the last thing that I wanted to do was tell him no. That was why I had moved: so that I would never have to see him, because I knew that once he was in my eyes and I was in his arms, I would be lost forever. The thing that I had been so worried about him knowing, he now knew, so it didn’t seem to make much sense to worry any longer. It was finally time to put the truth out there and just see what happened.
Following him out to the car, I waited for him to unlock it and open the door for me. Again I was reminded how much of a gentleman he was, and strangely, that made me even more nervous. Greg was always more than I could handle, and with the powerful engine and the fine man next to me, I was feeling more like my old self. I had to look down to remember that everything was different than it had been before. He was no longer my boss and this was no longer just some fun fling that we were having.