Chapter 5 – Harriet
I could hear him whispering in my ear, asking if I was still awake. I had been waiting for him, but he was late. After falling asleep, my body was still warm from my slumber. Stretching I turned towards him and wrapped myself around him slightly.
“You are late.”
Pushing the hair back from my face he nodded. “I didn’t mean to be.”
“I waited for you. I had something that I wanted to give you.”
His eyebrow went up like he was interested in knowing what the surprise was, but I was still angry with him for making me wait. Bending down, he kissed me again and before I knew it, my anger had dissipated and I was yearning for more. Lying on my back, Damien pushed his body against mine and I could feel every bit of him pressing into me. It was hard to deny the way I felt underneath him or the way my body responded to the hardness pressing against the most sensitive part of me.
I heard him groan and then there were his calloused hands moving up my leg under my dress. It was all happening too fast, his mouth covering up my soft mewls of pleasure as he touched me there. Just the touch, slowly and gently made my body excite and soon I was yearning for something more. I felt empty, hallow and needed Damien to fill me up. I knew he was the only one that could, the only one that could truly give me what I really wanted.
“Please, Damien. I want to be yours.”
“You are mine, Harriet.”
“I want to be yours in every way.”
His eyes darkened and he asked me if I was sure. I wasn’t, but I nodded my head that I was. I knew that if I didn’t have him that very night, I would not want to go on. He was leaving in the morning and I would never see him again. I knew the risks but I didn’t care. I would never love anyone the way that I loved Damien and I needed him.
Damien didn’t ask if I was sure again, instead he sat up and quickly dispatched with his clothes. I waited for him, my eyes almost slits, and his hand was back between my legs to make sure that my mind didn’t change. How could it? All he was to me was pleasure, every touch awakening my body to what it should feel like, what love felt like.
I couldn’t wait any longer and then he was over me, pushing against me and then a sudden feeling of being stuffed full of him. I gasped and then moaned his name slowly.
Waking up suddenly, I could still feel the throb of need that I had felt in that moment. But I was alone, in the small room in the attic of my aunt’s house. Damien was not there to save me and take me away from anything. He was gone and even though I had awoken from that dream more times than I cared to admit, it hurt the same every time. Every time I woke up alone, it was like losing him all over again. Over and over again I lost him and that morning I could feel that hot result of that unfulfilled need on my cheeks.
Getting up, I tried to get myself together, but my hands still trembled from the memories and I could still feel the tingling sensation of him inside of me. I felt hollow again, utterly empty without him and knowing that his child grew larger inside of me was of no real comfort to me. I was going to be alone and without him and that hit me harder than my aunt’s constant jabs.
I had to push him out of my mind or I was going to drive myself crazy. There was nothing that I could do really. He was gone and that was that. I wished for many things, but I had not wished and prayed for nothing as much as I had for Damien. To keep him safe in the war and to maybe one day bring him back to me. I knew it was a long shot, but I sent another wishful prayer up for him, that maybe one day we could be together again. I knew it was impossible to have him like I wanted, but I knew then that if I could have him in any way, it would be better than nothing at all.
***
“I have been waiting for you for a while, Harriet. I was starting to wonder if you were going to get up at all. This is no time to be lazy child, there is so much that needs to be done. Don’t think that I am going to do everything around here while you lay about. I told your mother I would watch over you, but never did I say I would be your servant.”
I sighed to myself and sat down at the table in front of a plate of cold potatoes and some kind of meat. She never splurged on anything that was too costly, so I knew that it was whatever the butcher had for little at the time. The smell of it was making me realize that I wasn’t so hungry anymore, but after more of her prodding, I managed to put down half of a small potato before I pushed the plate away.
“What is it that we have to prepare for?” I still had no idea what she was talking about from before.
“Why, for the baby of course. There are several families that we are going to meet with and I need you to look your best. No one will want your child if you look as you do now, dirty and your hair in disarray.”
I looked down at my clothes and they were stained, but it was only because I only had two dresses there. When I was made to leave in the middle of the night, my things were already in the carriage waiting and I was not able to get anything else. When I mentioned that to her, she made a sound and then told me that I would have to go down to the shops and see if there was something that wouldn’t need too many alterations.
“I doubt we will find anything as large as you are now.” She tsked and looked off for a time. “I don’t want them to see you like this, so we will have to find something. Go down there and see if there is anything suitable.”
She handed me some money and I looked at it. She made mention that she wanted anything that was left over and I nodded that I would. What I was really thinking of though, was how much it was when added with my own. There was not much else I could do if she was already planning to sell my baby or give it away to strangers. There was no way that I was going to let that happen, so I knew that now was the time. If I was going to go, really going to leave, I had to do it now because after the baby was born was going to be too late. There was much apprehension in having a child without a doctor or something of the like around, no one to help me, but I knew that I didn’t have a choice.
She was not going to let me keep my baby and I could never go home with him, so I had to leave.
“I have to change my shoes and I will go right away Aunt Lea.”
Looking at me suspiciously, I smiled back at her and she looked at me sharply. Toning down the look, I tried to keep my apprehension and excitement to myself. I didn’t know what would happen next, but I knew that almost anything had to be better than staying there and listening to her. My aunt had a way of breaking one’s spirit and mine had been broken enough. There was nothing more that I wanted to do then, but leave and never look back. My mind was a long way from the man that kept me company at night.