Chapter Fifteen—Sky
That night, after I had hauled what I thought I would need to my new room—the guest room—at Linc’s place, I’d made a lame excuse about how tired I was and said that I was going to call it a night early; that I hadn’t slept that well the night before and needed to catch up. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the truth, either. Instead of dropping off into an exhausted sleep, I lay in the bed, staring at the ceiling. Every nerve in my body seemed to be on fire. Linc came in to check on me before he went to bed and I was still up. I pretended that I was sleeping, but I wasn’t. I was too worried about everything going on in my head.
It was so bad that I didn’t even trust myself to be around him. How was I supposed to stay in the apartment with him? I couldn’t hide in the room all the time, and I didn’t work 24/7. I was going to have to figure something out, because this was ridiculous.
Then I started thinking about other things, and a part of me didn’t want to hide; it wanted to go to him. It was a strange tug inside of me, and when I heard him getting up to go to the bathroom later, I couldn’t resist it anymore. I got up and padded across the apartment, to his bedroom door. I was waiting next to it when I heard his footsteps. He stopped right in front of me, staring at me as if I was some kind of ghost. “Can you not sleep either?”
I smiled shyly, biting my bottom lip, thinking in the back of my mind that probably never in my life had I looked as much like a virgin as I did just then—and a stupid virgin at that. “No,” I admitted.
I forced myself to actually look at him, and realized instantly that it was a mistake. Linc was wearing nothing but a pair of boxers, and my eyes moved all over the place; it was like I couldn’t focus on one thing. His hard chest, the soft, dark hairs that curled along his hard washboard abs. I’d seen it before, but it wasn’t something that got old. I didn’t stop looking until he made a sound in the back of his throat that made me realize what I was doing: I was staring at him—In fact, I was leering at him. I had the decency to blush, but that didn’t exactly help the situation.
“Yeah, I can’t sleep either,” Linc said, and I realized that he was looking me up and down, and then I realized that instead of my usual pajamas, I’d pulled on a little nightshirt that barely covered me, a relic from my teenage years that I hadn’t been able to make myself throw away. I’d been so distracted I hadn’t even thought about it.
“Do you feel let down?” It was as close as I could come to what I really wanted to ask him.
“Why would I?”
My heart was hammering in my chest, and every nerve in my body seemed to be screaming at me to do something, to just throw myself at him and let him figure out what came next. I could feel the creeping warmth along my labia, and I tried not to stare at my toes on the floor, tried to get up the guts to actually talk about what I’d come to him to talk about. “Because of the whole... sex thing,” I said quietly. “Because we’re going to stay separated.”
“No, not at all,” Linc said, and I looked up quickly, suspicious of the possibility of sarcasm. But he was being genuine. “You have a right to decide what you want to do with your body, and if you don’t want to share it with me—even as my wife—then that’s up to you.”
Why did he keep saying that? There was a part of me that almost wanted him to force me, that almost wanted him to just take me and not even ask if I wanted it. I knew that I didn’t actually want it to be that way—that it would be terrible and horrifying if it was—but at the same time I didn’t want to have to be the one to say yes. I didn’t want to be the one making the decisions when I didn’t even really know how I felt. Or what I wanted. But my body knew what it wanted.
The way he was looking at me and leaning in, it didn’t take much imagination to realize what he was thinking about. I should have told him the truth then. I wanted to, I really did, but the words were stuck in my throat, something that often happened when he was around. An inconvenient affliction.
“I’m an idiot,” I said. “I—you don’t have to do anything... nothing like... I don’t know, I’m babbling.” I laughed and wanted to cry at the same time. Right up until that moment had come, it had all seemed so easy: Linc obviously wanted me, and my body—as it kept insisting—really wanted him, and did it really have to be more complicated than that?
“I could help you get to sleep,” he said slowly, and there was a little rumble in his voice, something that seemed to go straight into my ears and somehow, magically, work its way down my spine, to my hips. I felt something—some group of muscles below my stomach—tighten, and I trembled.
“How could you help me fall asleep? Do you have some sleeping pills or something like that?” I hated the way my voice shook, but I couldn’t help it.
I was almost hopeful, because I was really tired and there was no reason for me to be up.
“No, it’s not at all like that, although I hear it can be habit forming,” Linc’s voice rippled again, this time with a laugh, and I was torn between the sudden certainty that he was making fun of me and the curiosity to know what was so funny about what he was saying.
“I don’t understand,” I said.
“I know, and I didn’t get that until a little while ago,” Linc said. “Tonight, in fact. Why didn’t you tell me?”
He was talking in Greek, that or I was just unable to follow the conversation when his breath was on my neck. I couldn’t even remember when he had gotten so close to me, so close he could breathe against my skin. I wasn’t sure if my heart was beating a million times a minute or if it had stopped altogether.
“Tell you what?” I tried to shake my head, to clear it of the hazy, thick sweetness—like honey—coating every thought, making everything so much harder to understand, to think about.
“Let me show you, Sky, what it can be like between a husband and wife,” Linc said. Some muffled alarm went off in my mind, but I couldn’t make myself pay any attention to it.
“But we’re not married yet,” I said; but somehow it didn’t seem to matter at all. Who cared? Certainly Linc didn’t care about that—and my body, at that moment, was far from having a disciplined outlook when it came to sex.
His lips moved the last couple of inches towards mine and I couldn’t stop myself. I kissed him back, and the immediate pull of his arms around me took my breath away. He knew exactly how to touch me and hold me to make everything better. He made me feel so good that I never wanted the feelings to end.
Linc picked me up, and I barely had time to realize he was carrying me through the door to his bedroom; I was too distracted by the fact that he’d lifted me into his arms like I weighed nothing at all. When he laid me down on his bed, it finally hit me—what we were about to do—and I felt that snapping sensation again. I felt my body betray me with a sudden cold gush. “We shouldn’t,” I started to say.
“Do you want to?” That was a question that Linc had never really asked me. And I had to nod.
“I—I want to, but I don’t want to...” He smiled slowly, kissing me lightly on the lips again, and then again, as if he loved the taste of them.
“Everything will still be intact, Sky. I can wait till you’re ready for all of me, but for now I want to thank you properly.” I still didn’t get what he was talking about until he got on his knees between my legs and started to slowly pull my sleep shirt up by the hem. I jumped up and tried to move away, but his hands were fast on my thighs. “Just let me, Sky. I promise you that I won’t do more than you want me to.”
I wasn’t going for it. “How can I trust that when I don’t even know what I want you to do—or what you’re about to do to me?”
He was trying to pull me into his vortex of lust, and I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to stop him. I was afraid that I wouldn’t want to. Every part of my body said yes, while every part of my mind said no.
“Just feel tonight, Sky. All you have to do is feel what I’m doing to you. If you want me to stop, at any time, I will. I will stop the instant you even start saying it, but if you want this, you shouldn’t keep stopping yourself from it. You’re thinking about it too much.”
I was trying to think of what to say to that—some way to convince both of us that it would be better if I just went back to my room and put my foolishness behind me—when he yanked my thighs open and his mouth moved down onto me. All the thoughts that were driving me crazy were gone. I did exactly as he suggested. I just felt.
His mouth was so damn hot and wet. Even with my panties still on, I could feel the moisture coming from between his lips, as well as the steaming breath that made my toes curl. After saying no for so long and trying to deny the attraction that I had to Linc, it was my sheer need that won in the end. I wanted him so badly, and what he was doing right then, I never wanted him to stop.
Every thought left my mind and my body took over completely. My hips bucked and twisted, trying to push my panty-clad pussy into his face. His teeth grazed the soft skin along my inner thigh, and then against my barely-covered labia, and I yelped out, startled—but then I asked him to do it again. I’d never known that anything could feel this good. Those exact words must have slipped out of my mouth, because he kind of chuckled at me. “Just wait till you feel what my tongue can do to you.”
I trembled underneath him, and my hips rose again as he tried to pull my panties down. It was pure instinct; the only thing I could think of was how badly I wanted there to be nothing at all between Linc’s body and mine. I wanted to know what he could do, even though I seriously doubted that it could feel any better than when he nibbled on my clit.
I was wrong. So damn wrong. His mouth was so much hotter without the cotton of the underwear between us. The wetness was different, too; instead of being damp, it was now slippery, and it helped his tongue slide in between my lips and brush against the tiny bundle of nerves just at the apex.
“Oh—oh, Holy Mother of—God!” I bucked up, and again he had to hold me down. He wrapped his arms around my thighs and pinned me underneath his hungry mouth. What had started as mere pleasure was quickly overwhelming me, and I tried to push him away. I was getting hot all over, like I had a fever, and I couldn’t stop the rise and fall of my hips. I was searching for something more, even though I knew it was going to make me explode. There was a strange tightness between my hips, like a lazy knot, that somehow just kept pulling and pulling until the tension was unbearable.
“Linc, please!” He didn’t stop or even slow down. Instead he leaned back just a little so that his mouth was no longer on me. I cried out again, this time begging him not to stop. Linc said something about not being able to make up my mind, and he was right. One minute I thought it was too much, but as soon as his hot mouth moved away from me, I wanted it back.
“Make up your mind, Sky. Do you want me to stop or keep going?”
I didn’t want to answer him, but the fear that he would leave me in the state I was in now forced my hand. I needed him so badly, and I wanted whatever it was that was happening. I wanted the ending. “I need you to lick me, Linc,” I said, surprised at the needy sound of my own voice—I sounded like I was a starving child. “It feels so good.”
He growled at me in the back of his throat and pulled me back to him roughly. I realized with a jolt that he’d pulled me so far toward him that my ass was no longer even in contact with the sheets below me. My legs were over his shoulders, and he held me in place with a strong grip on my arms. I was not going to be able to move, and I had a feeling that that was the point. He didn’t want me to go anywhere.
The heat was back in my face, and my body was starting to shake uncontrollably. I wanted him to stop, but I dared not say anything, because he might actually listen to me—and that would be far worse than the implosion that my body was about to undergo.
His fingers rubbed on my clit while his tongue pushed on the hole that was for now off limits. It was like torture, and I heard myself moaning, felt my body twisting against his tight grip as I struggled to get some kind of control of the situation, as I tried to get better contact every time his tongue danced away from where I absolutely needed it and then came back. I started to think that I might actually die if something didn’t happen—the tension mounting in me felt so good that I didn’t want it to stop, but if it didn’t stop then I was certain I couldn’t take it for even a second more. All at once, I felt myself burst from the inside and saw colors behind my closed eyes. My legs tightened around his neck for a time, and then I was desperately pushing him away because I couldn’t take it anymore. It was all just too much.
“Linc!” His mouth pulled back, but his fingers kept working on me. I gasped and shivered, wanting to tell him to stop, but unable to even think of words anymore—and utterly distracted by the sensitive feeling of my own pleasure center, the tingling in it that was somehow both delicious and terrible. Finally I pushed myself away from him, needing to get air, needing to stop feeling for just a moment.
Linc took pity on me and let me go. I breathed out a sigh of relief, but it was short lived, as he moved to touch me again almost immediately.
I slapped his hand away. “No more.” I felt like all the energy that I possessed had gone out of my body and now I was left in a daze. “Please,” I added, realizing how rude I must have sounded. Linc chuckled, and after a few moments, when I finally felt like my heart might not explode, I turned around.
Our eyes met. He wanted to do more; I could see it in his eyes. He pulled back and let me breathe instead. He was right. I was going to have no trouble going to sleep now. All my enthusiasm for everything else was gone. I didn’t even care that I was still naked in front of him. I felt like I no longer had bones in my body, like I was somehow both light as a feather and weighed a million pounds, pinned to Linc’s bed by an immense gravity. I felt him move next to me in the bed, and I heard myself moan when he kissed my neck. “Is that better?”
His voice was strained, and I turned my head to kiss him back. “Much better, Linc. Thank you.”
There was a pause. For a moment he looked like he wasn’t sure what to do. I knew that I should say something, that I should make some kind of offer to him, but my mind was still so hazy from what he’d done to me that I couldn’t even pull together the energy to form a real thought.
Before I could come up with the energy—much less the consciousness—to figure out what I should say to Linc, the darkness began to swirl around me, and the delicious exhaustion that had come along with my climax started to take control of me.