Epilogue

Chanel

We didn’t get to spend too much time on Hawaii’s white sand beaches together, but today was the exception. Today was our day, and Paula’s too, though she was only interested in sunbathing at the moment, with the soft lap of waves on the shore for company.

I didn’t blame her. She got less holiday than Ryan did, and I loved it that my friend had come out to spend time with me the minute she got the chance.

“You’re smiling,” Ryan said, and squeezed my hand.

I dug my bare toes into the warm sand. “I’ve been smiling ever since I moved here,” I said. “I get to be with you, Ryan. Why wouldn’t I smile?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” he said. “I’ve heard so many rumors about women freaking out during this process.” He looked out over the ocean blue, and smiled himself.

A soft breeze tangled my hair and I rested my head against his shoulder. “What process? The moving is done. Living on post is pretty much a blast,” I said. Though, some of the other wives could be a little nosy at times.

I’d already been commissioned to spruce up the insides of quite a few of the homes. The women on Oahu loved my style and pictures of my portfolio had pretty much gone viral – if it could be called that – on the Hawaii Military Wives Facebook page.

I had business coming out of my ears if I wanted it, and more from the Navy itself. Everything had gone well so far, but my insides clenched with nerves. Not cold feet. No, this was something else entirely.

“Ryan?” I tugged on his arm and he turned back to me again.

He kissed my forehead, then raised my left hand in his and tapped the engagement ring on my finger. “This process. Preparing for the wedding.”

“Oh, that? No, I’m fine with that. I didn’t want anything huge, anyway,” I said. “And I’ve got my little helper to put to work when the time is right.” I nodded to Paula, who’d taken up residence on a beach chair under a floral umbrella.

“If you can drag her away,” Ryan replied, laughing.

“Hmm, that might be a challenge. But she’s so excited for the wedding,” I said. “Are you sure it’s not too soon? I don’t want to make you feel pressured.”

“Make me feel pressured?” Ryan laughed. “Chanel, I was the one who asked you, remember? The sooner we get married, the happier I’ll be. Trust me, this can’t come quickly enough.” He lowered his voice and drew me close, gaze hot, now. “I can’t wait to make love to you once you’re Mrs. Baker. Officially my wife. Mine for the rest of our lives.”

“I can’t wait either,” I breathed, and brushed my lips over his.

He pulled me tight to his chest and deepened the kiss. His fingers tangled in my hair, and his heart beat against mine. God, every minute with him was precious. Every second. He hadn’t been deployed yet, but that day would eventually come and I would have to get used to it.

We broke apart and I ran my hands up his torso, bringing them to rest on his broad shoulders. “Only two weeks. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe I’ll be Mrs. Baker.” I sighed. “I feel like it’s impossible that I’m this happy.”

“It’s not. I’m this happy too,” Ryan replied, and grinned at me. Every day we spent together saw him lose his inhibitions. At first, it’d started with stories about his time out in the sands, then progressed to him telling jokes, laughing, letting go of all the formal ticks he had back in Meek Springs.

The glimpses of the man I’d seen underneath the façade, the one I’d fallen for, had come into full view. Vistas of Ryan Baker, and now with me included.

Finally, he could relax and I could talk to him about everything we’d held back from each other. The connection we had had only strengthened over time.

“I have a question,” Ryan said, and tucked my hair behind my ear.

“Shoot.”

“You’ve been acting differently the last few days. Is there any particular reason for that? Cold feet?”

“What?!” I blinked at him. “Of course not. I want to marry you more than I want anything.”

“Okay,’ he said, but the uncertainty remained. “You’ve just seemed a little distant. And you’ve been spending a lot of time in the bathroom.”

“I like long bubble baths,” I said, but I couldn’t hide the blush that crept up my throat. A patchwork which exposed my lie. I’d wanted to wait longer than this before telling him the truth. I’d figured it could wait until after the wedding or… gawd, I didn’t have any real plan here.

“Okay, now I know something’s up.” He took a step back and tilted his head to the side, a frown wrinkling his brow. “What’s going on?”

“I – I didn’t want it to come out like this,” I said, and looked around.

The white sandy beach was backed by a row of palm trees behind us, and the ocean in front. It was peaceful, though a cabana in the distance brought a little energy to the setting. Music drifted across, even now, an hour before noon.

“Chanel, talk to me. We’re going to be married. Keeping secrets from each other is dangerous.”

That was true – I’d almost lost him because he’d never understood that I could handle the naval stuff, that I could understand his respect for duty. If I’d told him about my father sooner, perhaps things would’ve been different or gone smoother.

“Chanel?”

“Okay, you’re right. I shouldn’t have kept it from you. I didn’t want to put more pressure on you than I already have, and I was afraid it would throw you off at work.” I struggled to bring the words up.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “I think I might know what’s bothering you.”

“What?” My heart skipped at least twenty beats. Good God, why was this so nerve-wrecking? He was my fiancé. I could tell him anything. “You know?”

“I found the letter,” he said. “And I spoke to her on the phone.”

“Huh?”

“Chanel, relax. I know your mother is coming to the wedding,” he said. “I was sure you’d think I wouldn’t approve, but I do. I’m glad that you two are giving each other the chance to straighten things out.”

My mind tried to catch up. That was what he thought I wanted to discuss? God, that made this even more uncomfortable.

“I understand that your mother made life pretty miserable for you, but she won’t have a chance to do that anymore, and it’s a good idea to try to reconcile,” he said. “Trust me, I lost my mother and it’s a terrible feeling. I wouldn’t wish that on you and that guilt that would come after if you two didn’t at least try to make things right.”

My jaw dropped and I worked to get moisture back into my mouth. “Yeah,” I said, lamely.

“So, you can relax. I don’t hate your mother, and, well, I guess I can’t say she doesn’t hate me yet. We’ll see when she gets here,” he said. “When is she arriving, by the way?”

“A few days before the wedding,” I replied. In fact, I’d been so stressed out about the real issue on my mind I’d totally forgotten to tell him about it. It was sweet that he thought this was my issue, and even sweeter that he wanted to be supportive even though my mom had been super rude to him.

“It’s not like you invited an ex to our wedding,” Ryan said, then sniffed. “Wait a second, you didn’t, right?”

“Of course not!”

Ryan laughed and hugged me again. “Relax, I’m kidding. You’re wound up so damn tight.” He massaged a line up my back and down it to the base of my spine.

I had a choice. I could tell him about the issue or leave it until after the wedding, but chances were he wouldn’t keep quiet if he sensed something was off with me. I couldn’t buy myself two weeks with long bubble baths. And I didn’t want to have to avoid answering questions until then.

It was now or never.

I pulled out of the hug and he held me at arm’s length. “That’s not what’s wrong, is it?” he said.

I shook my head. It was like the Sahara Desert had transported into my mouth.

“Lay it on me,” he said, and folded his arms. “Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it together.”

I swallowed, then forced a smile, then lost it again. “I’m pregnant.”

Ryan’s eyes went round as dinner plate. “You’re what?”

“Pregnant. I found out at the beginning of the week. I – yeah.”

“Are you serious?” Ryan let out a fantastic whoop.

Paula jerked upright in her beach chair and whacked her head against the umbrella. “What the hell? You trying to give me a heart attack?”

“Is it okay?” I asked. “I mean, are you happy?”

“Happy?! Happy! Are you kidding me? This is the best news. Chanel, I can’t think of anything that would make me happier than marrying you and having a baby with you,” he said, and dragged me into another hug. He positively vibrated with joy. “You’re my soul mate, I swear to God.”

“Oh thank goodness,” I said, and let out a breath. “I was worried it would only stress you out more.”

“No, this is the best news possible.” He kissed my forehead. “We’re going to have a baby. I’ll be a dad and you a mom, and we’ll have a beautiful baby boy or girl. Shit, this is making me mushy all over. Damn.” He laughed and kissed me again.

I’d be a mom, and I wouldn’t be one who restricted her child from doing what they loved.

“All right,” Paula yelled. “That’s it. I can’t get a minute’s peace with you two love birds around.” She whipped off her oversized floppy hat and marched over, sarong whipping in the wind created by her pace.

She halted in front of us and fisted her hips. “What’s going on here? You’d better have a darn good reason for giving me this bump.” She gestured to the minuscule mark on her forehead where she’d connected with the umbrella. “You’ve ruined me for the wedding. How am I supposed to be the maid of honor with a lump like this marring my features?”

“You mean how are you supposed to get the cobwebs blown off your –?”

Paula gave an indignant squawk. “Don’t you dare. I’m fine in the cobweb department thank you very much.” She sniffed. “Seriously, why do you two look like you’re about to spew rainbows and puppy dogs?”

“I’m pregnant,” I said, and Ryan squeezed my waist. He beamed over my head at Paula.

My friend’s mouth flopped open. “Are you shitting me?”

“Not even a little bit!” Ryan grinned from ear to ear. “It’s all real. We’re having a baby!”

Paula let out a squeal rivaling Ryan’s whoop and threw herself at me. She hugged me tight and practically squished all the air out of my lungs. “Oh my God,” she shrieked, and backed away. “This is the best news ever. You’re going to be a mom. I’ve got to call somebody and tell them!” She rushed off, kicking up sand with her tan bare feet.

“I’m going to be a mom,” I repeated. “And a wife.”

The things I’d never dreamed were possible had finally come true for me. All my life, I’d been drifting on the ocean, and Ryan, and his baby, my baby, had provided the anchor I needed.

Ryan slung his arm around my waist and I leaned my head against his shoulder, and I knew, we both did, that everything was how it was meant to be.

I wasn’t alone anymore. I was home.