Chapter 28

Jane is in the bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror. She sees a woman who is ready to take off the mask she has been hiding behind. The good Jane, the easy-going Jane, the one who always says yes and feels shy. The Jane that everyone knows will do as she is told.

She hates this side of herself. She despises it, really. She wishes she had more something—strength is it? Courage? The ability to say what is really on her mind?

Her mother never taught her a thing about life, boys, or how to take care of herself, at least what she needed to know in the big city. No one told her what it was like, and now, she is left having to hold her own, on her own.

She is confused and not sure if she is sending herself down a rabbit hole by meeting with this strange man and having to do everything he tells her to do. No one else would make her wear a red thong and orgasm five times in a 12-hour period. No one else has ever asked her to do anything remotely like this before.

Jane decides she doesn’t want to play this game anymore. Being Brad’s obedient sex kitten doesn’t feel right. She needs to take a stand and see if he’ll put his money where his mouth is. Will he still pay her even if she doesn’t follow his instructions? She doubts it, but this whole thing is making her feel sick to her stomach.

Jane goes into the bathroom stall and proceeds to undress, taking off the red thong. She pulls her jeans back up and puts the thong in her pocket as an act of protest.

I’m not this kind of girl, she tells herself. I’m from Utah. I have dreams of being a ballerina. And I don’t sleep with random strangers. I have self-respect.

She repeats this in her mind as she washes up and leaves to go back to the table to sit with Brad.

“Oh good. Are you feeling okay?” Brad asks.

“Yes, just a bit queasy. I think it will pass,” she says.

“Excellent. I took the liberty of ordering something a little extra for you—smoked salmon with chevre cheese salad.”

Jane bubbles up with upset.

“Actually, that’s okay. I just want yogurt with granola and fruit. Okay?”

Brad is taken aback by Jane’s sudden abruptness.

“Um, yes, fine. I’m sorry, I just thought you might like it before we start our day,” Brad says sheepishly.

Jane is surprised how easily Brad recoils.

“Thanks for respecting that,” she says unapologetically.

“Is there something I said that’s upset you, Jane?” Brad asks, feeling confused.

“I don’t really want to talk about it,” she replies.

Brad is worried that Jane saw something happening with the call girl, or maybe somebody told her. Has she found something out about him, or perhaps she has this other side of her personality that is a bit crazy?

“Okay, well, whenever you want to let me know, I’m here,” he says, motioning to the waiter to cancel the order of salmon.

They eat most of their breakfast in relative silence. It’s awkward now and all the energy and tenderness that was there first thing in the morning is gone. Everything feels very bleak and empty between them, to say the least.

Then Jane speaks up.

“Well, if you must know,” Jane says firmly, “I no longer want to be your sex kitten.”

She pulls out the red thong and tosses it on Brad’s plate. A few people look at them, then look away when Brad stares at them.

“Jane, I think we need to talk about this privately, okay?” he says.

“Why, so you can tell me that it’s all over and our deal is off? I get it, Brad. That’s fine, but at least I’ll have my dignity,” she says.

“No, because I want you to stay, no matter what. No more games or instructions if you don’t want. This should be as much fun for you as it is for me,” he says, reaching out his hand and wanting to make a connection.

Jane looks back, a bit stunned that he’s responding this way in front of everyone. She looks around the room. Others are watching to see how she will react.

She reaches her hand back, a bit limp and hesitant. He holds it gently and warmly connects to her. “I mean it, okay? I told you at the beginning, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. This is fun for me, but it needs to be for you, too, okay? I never want you to feel uncomfortable.”

He looks deeply into her eyes and she can feel his sincerity. Her shield is melting.

“And honestly, I’m proud of you for taking a stand for yourself, for not letting yourself just go along and do what I tell you. That makes you a strong and true woman, Jane. It makes me want to be around you more, you know.”

A strong and true woman, Jane repeats to herself, taking in Brad’s perspective of her. I’m a strong and true woman.

She feels she can trust him again, that he really does see her for who she is, and he is willing to have her there with him no matter what she does.

Jane reaches over and takes the thong back and puts it in her pocket.

“Honestly, I kinda like how it feels when I wear it,” she says, smirking.

“Well, that’s good. I like the thought of you wearing it,” he replies, reaching for her hand. “Wanna go down to the beach?”

“Yeah, but let me put this back on first,” she says.