Chapter 17

They were about thirty minutes into the movie, Mimi curled up beside him, her head resting on his chest. Like him, Luke could tell that she wasn’t really enjoying the film but it offered a little white noise to drown out her thoughts, and definitely served to relax them both a little more. The moment he sat down on the sofa with her he felt the tension leave his body, as it always did. It was as though his cells knew long before his brain did, that this was his safe place to land.

He knew her confidence had been shaken that day and it pissed him off. She was just starting to feel stronger, take a more commanding role in her own life, and as if Andrew knew it, he slithered his way back in to pull her down a peg or two. He knew exactly which buttons to push too, the little fucker. How dare he threaten her like that. He would never let him hurt her again.

Emma sighed and shifted her body to face him. Her expression was tight, worried even. She looked like she had something to say but shrugged her shoulders instead and looked away.

“What?” Luke prodded gently, encouraging her to face him again. He knew she was struggling with something.

“Nothing,” she lied, her eyes dropping to her lap.

“Bullshit,” he objected, his fingers raising her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes. She was never good at hiding her feelings.

“You’re going to think it’s stupid. Forget it...”

“Probably, but tell me anyway,” he grinned, trying to pull the words from her in the only way he knew how, with humor. She offered him a half-hearted smile and shrugged again.

“Mimi, tell me.”

“The reason I didn’t want to go out tonight, the reason I have been so afraid to actually meet someone, to be intimate with someone...” she whispered, her voice trailing off as though she were pushing through her vulnerability. Luke waited patiently, nodding for her to continue. She sighed again. “I don’t think I’m very good in bed,” she admitted sourly, as though ashamed of herself. “I know that Andrew never seemed to enjoy it much, and to be honest, neither did I.”

“Can’t say that surprises me, but I highly doubt it had anything to do with you.”

“I don’t know,” she pouted, breaking eye contact again, “I always felt like I should be doing more, you know, to make him more interested but I just didn’t know what to do.”

“Well in my experience, and we both know that’s extensive,” he teased, happy to see her smile, “a woman needs to feel safe in order to let go of her inhibitions. She needs to feel beautiful and desired. Did Andrew make you feel those things?”

Emma shook her head slowly but her expression didn’t look convinced. “No, but I think there was more to it...,” she sighed.

“He never liked oral sex, I mean offering it. We tried on occasion, early on in our marriage, but he would just make these little comments like he hated the taste or that it was too messy. It just made me feel so insecure, like maybe there was something wrong with me,” she continued.

Luke snorted derisively and shook his head, “I promise there’s nothing wrong with you, Mimi, that was about him and his hang-ups. I’m assuming he didn’t mind receiving blowjobs though, right?”

“Well, no. He seemed to enjoy that. Sometimes that was all he wanted. He said it took the edge off, and for the most part, it did. He would fall asleep right after,” she admitted, her voice thick with sadness. “There were times, in the early years, that he would wake up the next morning and apologize for drifting off, but those last few years he didn’t seem to care anymore whether or not I got any joy from our lovemaking.”

“Jesus,” Luke said, “that’s brutal.”

“I just assumed that he was growing tired of me. Maybe that’s the norm in marriage?”

“God, I hope not. Maybe he was just a lousy lay. Did that ever cross your mind?” Luke asked, his brows raising.

“I thought about that, but the truth is, I had a hard time reaching an orgasm when we had sex. I think it really frustrated him. After a while, he just seemed to give up trying,” Emma offered quietly, as though the admission was painful.

She sat back on the sofa with her eyes looking up at the ceiling. Luke took in her words for a moment, trying to find the right thing to say, anything to make her feel better. She deserved so much more than the shit Andrew gave her. The man was so self-centered and weak, always using Mimi to stroke his own pathetic ego, never once considering her feelings. The stories Mimi shared over the years about their marriage, and the way Andrew treated her made his skin crawl, and yet she had always defended him, holding out hope that things would improve. She wanted it to, he knew that. She wanted to build a good life with that douche-bag and he would throw her little tidbits of hope to string her along, keep her on the hook, before pulling the rug out from under her, again and again.

“You are capable of climaxing, right?” Luke asked, speaking very softly. She looked at him curiously but said nothing. He smiled warmly and continued, “What I mean is, you’ve had orgasms, you know your body is capable of pleasure, right?”

She nodded at him but did not smile. “Yes, of course, but I have never had an orgasm during intercourse, not once. I’m not sure I can. Can I be honest with you about something?”

“Of course,” Luke nodded, waiting for her to continue.

“The only time I’ve ever cum, aside from um...taking care of myself...was last month, with Lorenzo, during that massage.”

“What are you saying? That Andy never brought you to orgasm?” Luke blurted, failing miserably to hide his frustration.

Emma shook her head slowly, “maybe it is me.”

“No, it is not you. It’s variable,” Luke insisted, anxious to ease her mind.

“What do you mean?”

“Like I said, most women need nurturing. They aren’t robots you can just switch on and off. They need a lot of fluffing, you know? Romance, stimulation, imagination, security, encouragement, validation, playfulness. These are important things,” he explained, his grin promising that he knew what he was talking about.

“Coming from the one-night-stand king?” Emma teased, poking him in the ribs.

“Well, I’ve had a few relationships, if you recall, and it doesn’t matter whether it’s one night or something else, when I’m with a woman I go to great lengths to make sure that she’s getting just as much out of it as I am,” he retorted.

“I’m sorry, I’m just kidding,” Emma assured, touching his leg lightly.

“I know you are, but I’m serious,” he continued. “It’s true, I’ve hooked up with the occasional woman that just wants a thorough shagging but believe it or not, that’s not my favorite. I like heating a woman up, getting into a groove with her, you know? There’s something carnal about watching her sensuality unfolding in front of you, knowing it’s because of the way you’re touching her, tasting her, and then seeing her eyes glaze over while she writhes under your tongue. Fuck! Bringing a woman to orgasm is half the fun. There’s nothing hotter than listening to a woman cum knowing it’s because of you,” Luke boasted, sitting proudly back on the couch. He was getting aroused just thinking about it.

“Wow,” Emma mumbled, looking at him thoughtfully.

“Yeah. So, you see what I mean? Have you ever been fluffed like that?”

Emma answered way too quickly, “absolutely not.”

“Variables, my friend. Too many of them missing from your life. You need to find someone who considers your pleasure just as important as their own.”

“I guess that’s what worries me. What if I don’t ever find that? What if I put myself out there and meet another guy like Andrew?” Emma considered, her words laced with concern.

“Unlikely.”

“Why is it unlikely?”

“Because I won’t let that happen,” Luke insisted confidently. He took her hand in his and squeezed her fingers, hoping to reassure her.

“Well I appreciate your confidence Luke, but I still feel anxious about it. You can understand why I’m so apprehensive, can’t you?” she asked, cocking her head to the side. She waited for a response, hoping for some sort of validation, he assumed.

He did understand her concerns, of course he did. He would probably feel the same way under the circumstances. Christ, after his little Puerto Rican dropped the bomb that she was married he had trust issues, and that was just a little surge compared to the tsunami of lies and manipulation that Mimi had endured during her marriage.

“I do understand, Mimi. But you can’t worry about that, it will just hold you back and you were held back by Andy for too long. Don’t do that to yourself,” Luke advised, knowing she needed to take a chance but also afraid she wouldn’t if she let her insecurities drive her decisions.

Mimi considered his words for several moments, a small worry line prominent between her pretty eyes. Luke smiled warmly at her, waiting for her to speak, unsure what more he could do to console her.

“You’re right,” she finally replied, sighing heavily.

“Of course, I always I am,” he smirked, pulling a smile out of her.

“You dick,” she giggled, pushing him playfully away.

“What?” he blurted innocently, teasing her with his eyes.

“I guess I just let him into my head today, but I refuse to rent out that space to him anymore. If I do, I’m only sabotaging myself, right?”

“Right.”

“And that’s what he wants?” she said, her words more a question than a statement.

“Yes.”

“Just because we didn’t make each other happy doesn’t mean that I won’t make someone else happy...”

“Or that someone won’t move mountains to make you happy,” Luke concluded, wanting her to finally come to the conclusion that she deserved a loving, balanced partnership. She didn’t have to do all the work, in spite of what Andy made her believe.

“Thanks, Luke,” she offered genuinely, melting into his hug. He pulled her close and inhaled deeply, breathing in her sweet scent, happy he was there to talk her off the ledge. “You’re such a good friend. What the hell would I do without you?”

Luke shook his head, wondering the same thing, “you keep saying that...”

“Because I mean it. I love you,” she smiled, hugging him tightly. He closed his eyes and kissed the top of her head, enjoying the easy intimacy they shared, maybe just a little too much.

“What’s not to love...” he quipped, tickling her ribs playfully, tactfully gesturing for her to release him, “now stop your whining and let’s finish this stupid movie.”

She chuckled and slipped out of his embrace, leaving the ghost of her perfume lingering between them. He took a second to let the mood reset itself.

“I’m hungry, do you have anything that resembles food in this house?”

“Is your stomach the only thing you think about?” she taunted, giving him a poke.

“What do you think?” he playfully flirted, throwing her a wink.

She laughed out loud, shaking her head, “I think I have some cold pizza in the fridge.”

“Ah, a gourmet meal, I’m in!”

She went into the kitchen and returned with the pizza box and two beers. Luke twisted the caps off both beers before grabbing a slice of pie.

“Bone-appetit!” he smirked, “Emphasis on the bone...”