Chapter 24

Amy

It was a long ride home.

I felt like I couldn’t breathe. My hands shook as I held my phone. Thoughts of Derek barraged my mind.

The memory of the disappointment and betrayal in Walter’s eyes scorched my mind. His anger felt like lashes upon my back. He had become like a father to me, and having that so harshly ripped from me was more painful than I ever would have imagined.

And never seeing Derek again… that thought sent me into a full-blown panic.

I tried to calm myself down. It’s going to be alright, I told myself. You’ll be fine. You survived without him before.

Being around Derek had changed me though. He had given me confidence. I was more certain, more self-assured. His constant appreciation of me taught me that I was worthy of love.

But, now that he was gone, I wasn’t sure I would be able to keep that, either.

Of course you can. Just because he helped you realize it doesn’t mean that your value is determined by him.

I thought about that for a few minutes and then I finally decided. I wouldn’t go back to the awkward, self-conscious person that I was before Derek, because that would mean forgetting him.

Derek was unforgettable.

Finally, the cab driver dropped me off at my apartment. I fished some cash out of my wallet, all that I had on me, and gave it to him, thanking him for the ride. He took it and didn’t say another word before he sped off.

Feeling more wretched than I ever had in my life, I made my way up to my apartment building, unlocked the door, and walked in. It felt so empty, so small, especially without my dog there to greet me.

God, I was so alone.

I went to the kitchen to find something to eat, but nothing looked appetizing. So, I closed the fridge and went to my bedroom, where I fell onto the bed, buried my face in the pillow, and cried.

I had messaged my sister that I would be home early and that she could bring Zeus home, but didn’t give her an explanation as to why. I was still laying face-down on my bed, about an hour later, when I heard her knock on the unlocked door, then open it, followed by the sound of Zeus’ huge paws racing across the floor.

The bed shifted as the Saint Bernard jumped up and laid on top of me, covering me in his slobber. I rolled over to hug him, burying my face into his soft fur. At least he would always love me, no matter what I did.

“Oh man, he missed you,” Abby said, standing in the doorway. She looked at me, noticed my tear-stained face, and stopped. “What’s wrong? Oh, no, Amelia. What happened?”

“I screwed up,” I said, my voice quiet and hoarse. Zeus licked my cheek.

Abby sat down on the bed beside me, pulling me into her arms and hugging me tightly. “It’s okay, dear. I’m sure we can figure this out. It’ll be okay.”

“I don’t think it will, Abby.” I took a deep breath, trying not to spiral into sobbing despair again. “Derek’s father found out. About the lie. He threw me out. He thinks I was taking advantage of them, for money. He threatened me, told me that I can never see Derek again.”

Abby stared at me, surprised. “Holy shit, Amy. That’s… I mean, pretty crazy, for one.”

“It’s my fault,” I mumbled. “My fault for thinking I was doing the right thing. It was stupid of me to imagine that I could really live that sort of life.”

“Oh, that’s not true.” Abby patted my back.

“I made fifty thousand dollars for tricking an old guy into thinking I was pregnant,” I said flatly. “That’s pretty unacceptable. I deserve this.”

Abby rolled her eyes. “Don’t be so melodramatic. Let’s look at the situation, okay? You met some rich, sexy billionaire, right? Had lots of fun with him. Then he asks you for a favor, right? And you’re like, sure. That’s normal. Maybe not a common occurrence, but I don’t think anyone would have acted differently in your shoes.”

“But the favor,” I said, “was lying. And I got paid. I didn’t want the money, but does that really even matter?”

“Of course it does! Listen to yourself, Amelia. You’re upset. You’re not thinking straight. Let me be your voice of reason. I know you. I’ve known you all your life. And I can say with complete certainty that you are the most selfless, generous, caring person that I have ever met. You would take any chance to help anyone, even if it meant hurting yourself.”

“Yes, but—”

“But nothing. Derek asked you for help. You gave him your time, your energy, your attention. Those things are invaluable, Amy.”

“And I’m never going to see him again.”

Abby studied me. “You really like him, don’t you?”

I nodded. “Yeah. It was more… it was more than the deal we had, Abby. We really got to know each other over the week. To be honest, it’s gotten to the point where I can’t imagine my life without him. I don’t want to.”

“Are you sure,” Abby said carefully, “that you feel this strongly about him? You’ve only known him for a couple of weeks. Could it be a very serious infatuation?”

“I know how it sounds,” I said. “And I am sure. I can’t explain it. But I’ve never been so completely drawn to a person. Fuck, Abby. He’s wonderful. I don’t want to lose that. For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m living. I feel good, and happy, and like I’m worth something.”

“Oh, Amelia. You don’t need anyone to be that.”

“I know,” I said. “But he helped me understand what I was worth. And I never… I never told him how much he means to me. And now I’ll never get the chance. I was too scared that he wouldn’t reciprocate, that he would be scared off or weirded out. I would give anything, anything in the world, to see him and tell him. It doesn’t matter what he says, just that he knows. I could live with myself if I knew that he knew.”

Abby grabbed my hand. “I believe you,” she said. “I can tell. He really means something to you. I have faith that you’ll see him again, Amy. Trust the universe.”

I looked at her, tears finally breaking through the barrier. “Do you really think that?”

“Absolutely. These sorts of things always find their way.”

“Thanks, Abby.” I rested my head against her shoulder. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“That’s what sisters are for.” She kissed my cheek. “Now, how about we run to the store and rent some hardcore horror movies, and have a movie night?”

I lifted an eyebrow. “Horror movies, really?”

“Oh yeah. I have discovered that popcorn and a good scary movie are way better than ice cream and a chick flick for dealing with a breakup. Instead of feeding your heartache, you’re crushing it with terror, adrenaline and buttery goodness. Trust me.”

“Alright,” I said. I would try anything, at this point, to get Derek off my mind.

Some twenty minutes later, we were at the drugstore. While Amy was looking through the movie rental kiosk, I went inside to buy some candy and popcorn for our movie night.

As I was walking through the store, one of the employees busy sorting a shelf caught my eye. She seemed familiar, but it took me a moment to realize who it was. Madame Zee, of all people. She looked wildly different, dressed in the store’s uniform, her bright hair pulled back in a tight bun. But she still had that mysterious, knowing look on her face.

A psychic with a day job, I thought.

I turned away, but she called out to me.

“I remember you,” she said, lifting a finger and pointing. I turned back, smiling. “Devil, Lovers, Empress. A fascinating read.”

I nodded. “Yup, that’s me. Or, just Amy, if you like.”

“Amy.” She said my name slowly, deliberately. “You’ve changed since I last saw you.”

“Have I?” I brushed my hair behind my ears.

“You’re surrounded by gloom.” Her words were blunt, but her voice was smooth. “I’m guessing it has to do with your lover.”

“I’m not seeing him anymore,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady, not wanting to reveal how much I was actually affected.

The woman looked me over. “I see. Perhaps you did not follow the advice of my cards.”

I was a little taken aback by her bluntness. After all, she was a stranger to me. Normally, I would be offended if someone came up and started lecturing me about my love life, but there was an aura of wisdom about her that made me lean in.

“We were doomed from the start,” I said. “Our whole relationship was built on a lie. A mutual lie, I suppose.”

“I did tell you to be honest,” she said, smirking.

“Yes,” I said. “But being honest is what ripped us apart. The only reason we were able to be together was because we were lying, and now that the truth is on the table, I can never see him again.”

“It sounds complicated,” she said.

“It is.”

“More complicated that it ought to be,” Madame Zee chuckled. “I think you’re fooling yourself.”

I frowned. “How?”

“So, this lie. Without it, your love for one another disappears? I don’t see how this can be, unless the lie was the love, in which case, it doesn’t really matter.”

Her logic confused me. “Well, no. That’s oversimplifying it. It doesn’t matter how much we like each other. The situation doesn’t allow for us to be together.”

She laughed out loud. “Listen to yourself, Amy. The only thing that matters is your affection. That old cliché, ‘love finds a way’? It’s true, you know. When the lovers are willing to try, and not just give up.”

“It comes down to compromise. How much you are willing to give up. Once you learn the value of compromise, your selflessness will surprise you,” she said.

“I suppose…” I said. She was right. the only things that should matter were the feelings that Derek and I had for one another. Now that he had been taken away from me, I was completely certain how strongly I felt for him. I couldn’t be sure if he reciprocated those feelings, but I wanted to believe that he did.

“Then what do I do?” I asked, my voice desperate.

Madame Zee shrugged, turning back to the shelf. “That is your choice, Amy. I am not magic. I cannot tell you what to do with your life. I only know that you, like everyone, have many different paths you can take, none of which are right or wrong. I can only give advice, in the hopes that you choose the path that leads you to happiness.”

I nodded.

“But, I will tell you one thing I have learned,” she said, a grin twitching on her lips. “I have studied many lives, and one pattern remains obvious. Just when you think all is hopeless, fate will throw you a rope. You can either take that rope, or keep treading the water. It’s all your choice, Amy.”

Thinking over her words, I watched as she continued sorting the items on the shelf. Just then, I noticed with a start what she was sorting. As I did, she glanced over me, lifting her eyebrows and smiling that knowing smile of hers.

Fate will throw you a rope. Her words echoed in my mind. There was no way. It was impossible. Unlikely.

I took one of the items off the shelf, holding my breath. I glanced over at Madame Zee, as if she would tell me the right answer. She simply nodded to me, her eyes bright.

“Good luck,” she said, as I turned and headed toward the register, my heart pumping with anticipation. As I held the box in my hands, I was overcome with a complete and terrifying certainty. I already knew the answer.