Chapter 13

Melissa

The sun was just thinking about rising for the day when I got back to Donnie's place. The front door was still unlocked from my flight earlier, and nothing was out of place when I stepped through it. Donnie clearly hadn't woken to find me gone nor had he heard me leave. He had no idea what was coming his way.

I went to the bedroom to find him sprawled out, face down on the mattress. He was snoring lightly, peaceful as a babe. When he was like this, he almost looked innocent, and it was enough that I could nearly forget everything he'd done to me, all the times he'd made me feel so small. Part of me ached to crawl back into bed with him and forget this ever happened. I could, too. I doubted Jack would come looking for me to see if I'd really done it, and since he was the only one besides Cheyenne at Ma's Diner who knew about my late night escapade, pretending that nothing had happened would be as easy as just not seeking him out again.

The thought of never seeing Jack again hurt me more than the thought of leaving Donnie. In the end, that’s what compelled me to start packing a bag, tossing in as many clothes and items as I could fit. I didn't bother trying to be quiet and was actually a little irritated that Donnie didn't stir at all. To think I'd been so worried about every creaking floorboard a few hours earlier, when it turned out I probably could have rung a gong next to his head without him noticing. Go figure.

I finished packing and stood at the foot of the bed. My heart hammered against my ribs, punching out a staccato rhythm of fear. It would be easier not to wake Donnie. I could be out of here with no consequences and no drama if I didn't. It didn't feel right, though. I needed closure and he needed to know to stay the hell away from me. Still, it took quite a lot of effort to force myself to walk around the side of the bed and nudge him awake.

He snorted, shuffling over onto his back and opening one bleary eye.

"What?" he groaned.

"I'm leaving," I said, filling my words to the brim with confidence.

Donnie blinked open the other eye and ran a hand over his face. "For work? What time is it?" He craned his neck to look over at the alarm clock, then looked back at me in confusion when he saw it was only six.

"Where are you going?"

He sounded almost innocent in his questioning, like a young boy to his mother. He sounded like he needed me. Or maybe that was just my subconscious still trying to trip me up. Either way, I wasn't giving in.

"Out of this house and away from you." I adjusted the bag on my shoulder, and Donnie's eyes zeroed in on the movement.

He sat up in bed, no longer sleepy.

"Get back in bed," he said. "I'm not in the mood."

I gritted my teeth and took a deliberate step back. "I'm not joking. I'm leaving you, Donnie."

Donnie swung his legs to the floor and ran a hand over his face, eyebrows knitting together in anger. He was quiet for a moment, and in that silence my heartbeat rang out like a heavy bass drum.

"What's your problem?" he asked. "Is it because of our fight last night? Babe, you know how I get when I'm drunk. You shouldn't pick fights with me when I'm like that."

"And that's exactly why!" I folded my arms over my chest and channeled my anger into staring him down. "I didn't pick a fight with you in the first place, and I shouldn't have to be careful about when to pick fights so I don't get beaten. I certainly shouldn't have to take the blame for you hitting me. You think you own me but you don't, and it's time for me to take back my life."

"You don't know what you're saying." His voice was cold. Direct. I could tell things were about to take a turn. The only question was, was I ready for it?

"I know exactly what I'm saying."

Donnie charged up to his full height, towering above me with a menacing expression. I held his gaze, jutting my chin out.

"If you try to leave me I will make you fucking regret it," he growled. "You like that cushy job of yours? You like having a fucking place to live?" He stepped toward me and I stepped back.

Was he going to hit me? Keeping my arms crossed was the only way I knew to keep him from seeing my shaking hands but it made me feel vulnerable. I lowered my hands to my sides but clenched my fists.

"I don't care what you do. No amount of threatening will be enough this time. I'm through. And you know what, Donnie? This is your fault. It always has been. Every time you've pushed me around and mistreated me, you've been pushing me further and further away. It's too late now."

I turned to leave, finished with this conversation and finished with this life, but Donnie grabbed my shoulder and dragged me back. I stumbled and nearly fell back onto the bed but managed to catch myself in time to stay upright.

"Don't touch me!" I shrieked. "Don't you dare lay a fucking hand on me ever again!"

"Don't fucking walk away from me!" he screamed back.

"You. Don't. Own. Me!"

I bit out each word with all the pent up malice I'd been saving up like tarnished pennies.

"You had your chance and you blew it! You don't make decisions for me anymore. We're over!"

Donnie didn't pull me back when I stormed for the door this time, but he followed me down the hall, stomping and screaming.

"I gave you everything! I made your life so fucking good! You don't just get to walk away from that!"

"I'll run then!" I shot over my shoulder. "I'll skip. I'll fucking dance away if I have to."

Donnie threw his hand out just as I reached the front door. I managed to open it a crack before his bodyweight slammed it closed again, and when I turned around I found him glowering down at me.

"You're making a mistake," he seethed.

"No, this is the first thing I've done in years that hasn't been a mistake. Now are you going to let me leave or am I going to have to call the cops?"

I watched his expression flicker as he weighed his options and horror sent icy tendrils up my spine. I didn't want to know what kind of nasty ideas were crossing his mind, and I worried that his darker instincts would win out. I was in danger every second that I spent with him, but never more than that moment. He could have killed me and I wouldn't have been able to stop him. He was bigger than me, stronger than me, and so much crueler. I anchored my feet to the ground and held my breath.

Donnie's hand pulled back, and he ran his thumb down my cheek. "Baby, please don't go."

I let out a breathy sigh. He seemed to think that meant I had succumbed, but it was really a sigh of relief. He leaned down to kiss me and I stopped him with a hand to his face.

"I've been gone in my mind for a long time," I said. "Not that you ever noticed."

Was it hurt that crossed his face? Did I care if it was? It was hard to be with someone for so long, to live with them and share every part of your life with them, without developing some sort of attachment. But any pity or sympathy I felt for Donnie was buried so deep under all the resentment and agony that I stared at him in cold indifference. Then, straight backed, I turned and opened the door.

Donnie followed me out onto the deck. "What can I do? I'll be better, baby, I promise. Please don't leave me."

Now he just sounded pathetic. I laughed bitterly under my breath and strutted over to my car, yanking open the door and sliding in without even sparing him a parting remark.

"You'll be back!" he cried as I started backing down the drive. "You can't survive without me!"

I flipped him the bird, smiling serenely. Not a fucking chance.

I rolled into the motel's parking lot just as the sun was stretching long rosy fingers over the horizon. The dry heat kissed my bare thighs and arms as I walked to the building, promising a long, hot day ahead.

It felt like there was a little bird trapped in my ribcage, fluttering this way and that, filling me with excitement and trepidation. I'd just done the unthinkable, and now I was free. Completely free. It was just as scary as it was liberating, since I faced a world of unknown obstacles ahead. At least with Donnie I knew he would always be my main opposition. It was exciting to think that I'd have new dragons to slay, even if I did feel like a foal taking my first steps outside of the womb.

One thing I knew for sure was that the man whose door I searched for down the long line of motel rooms was the most exciting, most dangerous unknown of them all. He had eyes like a dust storm and made my core sizzle every time he looked at me. There was an electricity between us that demanded exploration. And there was nothing stopping me.

Room 103. I stopped at the door, hand hovering just below the room number. Then, with a wide smile, I knocked.