Ginny
2000, Fort Lauderdale (After the Execution)
That first time I took Mimi to the shooting range hadn’t been perfect, but it was a start. I shuddered when I learned how much Leslie had been sharing with Mimi. Things I’d shared with the reporter only as a way to help provide a truthful foundation for my real experience. They were never going to be in the article, and they certainly shouldn’t have been told to my fifteen-year-old daughter. I’d been so stupid.
I surmised from my conversations with Mimi that Leslie had stopped talking to her around the time Grizz beat her up at the prison. This told me Tommy was right. Mimi didn’t know Grizz was Tommy’s father. We would have plenty of time to get to that.
One thing came as a welcome surprise after that first day together. Mimi started making an effort to spend time with me. It wasn’t easy, because I still had to manage my time equally between running our household, church, work, and volunteering. Tommy and the kids were my first priority, and I didn’t want the new attention I was getting from Mimi to take away from my two best guys, so I told Tommy after that first week that I was giving my clients notice they needed to find somebody else to do their bookkeeping. It might’ve seemed like I was jumping the gun, but I was so excited to have Mimi back in my life on a deeper level that I would’ve done anything to hold onto it.
Tommy had been standing in front of our dresser adjusting his tie. He couldn’t get it right. I’d noticed he’d been acting differently since the day I’d taken Mimi to the shooting range, the day he’d met Jo for lunch. I figured it was a combination of worrying about the big reveal we’d be making to Mimi, or maybe he was just sad about Sarah Jo’s move. A lot had happened these past months. Grizz’s execution, our separation and reconciliation, his childhood friend’s announcement that she’d be moving out of the country. I was even concerned that maybe he was still upset at my outburst in the kitchen the morning he told me that Mimi knew about Grizz being her biological father.
Maybe it was all just too much.
I walked up behind him and tiptoed to peek over his shoulder. I could see his reflection in the mirror over our dresser. He was frowning as he undid and redid his tie for the third time. Something was definitely on his mind because Tommy could put on a necktie with his eyes closed.
I guided him around to face me and slowly undid the third mess he’d made.
“What’s bothering you?” I looped the tie gently. “You haven’t been yourself since that day I talked to Mimi. I figured it can’t be her because I’ve noticed a positive change in her attitude with us. I know it’s only been a week, but she seems different somehow. Don’t you think so?” I glanced up to meet his eyes and quickly looked back at his necktie. I could feel his eyes on me as I worked.
“Things with her have been better than I thought. She still has some attitude, but—”
“She’s a teenager.”
He smiled and nodded. “She’s a teenager. Which is what I was going to say if you’d let me finish my sentence.”
I pulled snugly on the tie and, satisfied with my job, sat down on our bed and looked up at him.
“I think this week with her has been fabulous since we’ve been trying to set right a secret that she’s been keeping inside for almost three years. She seems almost relieved, Tommy. Like she’s just been holding her breath and finally let it out.”
“I know that feeling. It’s how I felt at Grizz’s execution.”
I wanted to look away from him then but wouldn’t let myself. I had to bite the inside of my cheek so I didn’t scoff out loud at the thought of the execution that never happened.
“You still don’t seem right, though,” I said. “Is it because of what we still need to tell her?”
“Yeah, it’s that, Gin. But it’s other things, too. Like Leslie using our daughter, and then telling her some of the more serious things that you shared with her in the interview.” He shook his head. “I still don’t know why you ever agreed to give Leslie that stupid interview. You had to know Mimi would’ve been able to read it. That everybody would be able to read it.”
Intense and immediate anger flared. I jumped up from the bed then and stood inches from his face. My fists were tightly clenched at my sides.
He stepped back. I wasn’t sure if my anger was because what he was saying was true, or because I was furious with myself for being so gullible. I’d wanted to please Mimi so much that when she told me that she’d eavesdropped on Tommy and me discussing it, I’d let down the carefully constructed walls that had been in place for years. I’d allowed Leslie into that sacred place because I’d felt it would be a connection back to my daughter. Little had I known that Mimi hadn’t eavesdropped on my conversation with Tommy. She’d been goaded into persuading me by Leslie.
“You know why I did it! And you also know I went into it never intending to tell Leslie some of the things I ended up telling her. We agreed on anonymity and that certain things would be left out.” I paused for effect. “Like the billy-club incident.”
I felt a small stab of guilt as I watched Tommy cringe.
“I don’t know why I told her more than I should have,” I added in a calmer tone. I could feel my anger slowly deflating. I looked at Tommy apologetically. “I guess it was kind of therapeutic. Talking about it.”
He nodded slightly, an indication that my unspoken apology had been accepted and that he understood why I’d agreed to give Leslie the interview. We’d had a conversation after my first day at the shooting range with Mimi. I’d told him that evening about my anger toward Leslie and how I’d planned to have a serious discussion with her. Possibly I could even file a complaint with the state press association over her unethical tactics.
Tommy had convinced me to let it go, saying that Leslie was out of our lives now, and while using our daughter was wrong, we didn’t need to dredge it up. Enough was enough.
“I’m sorry for bringing it up, Gin,” he said now. “I’m the one who told you to let it go, and then I go and bring it up. I guess I’m just feeling—hell, I don’t know what I’m feeling. I know you’re spending a lot of time with Mimi. I know she’s asking you details, and I’m guessing you’re not holding a lot back.”
He gave me a questioning look. I shrugged.
“She’s handling it pretty darn well. I told you I wouldn’t tell her the other thing until we could do it together. It’s not time yet, and I promise you I won’t do it without you,” I said. And I meant it.
“It’s not that.” He took my hand and seated us both on the edge of the bed. “You’re going to think I’m being ridiculous, Gin. And I am being ridiculous. I’ve always been her father. I guess I’m afraid that when she hears how much you loved Grizz, she’ll look at me differently. I don’t know.” He swiped his hand through his hair. “I can’t explain it. I’m afraid she won’t look at me like she used to. I was her hero up until a few years ago. I was the only man who would lasso the moon for her mother. I wonder if she’ll see me differently when she knows I’ve not always been the only man in her mother’s life. That there was somebody before me. And then we’re going to add into the mix that she and I have the same father? I don’t know if I can do it, Gin. I just don’t know.”
I saw the pain and emotional devastation on his face. He was at war with his feelings, and here I was so excited to have a connection with Mimi when Tommy’s only connection would be shattered when we told her the truth. Did I believe she would be able to handle knowing Tommy was her half-brother? I had to seriously rethink this.
I swallowed hard and turned to him, and took both his hands in mine.
“Tommy, maybe we don’t have to tell her. Hearing you say it like that does make me wonder if it’ll do more harm than good. Can we agree that we’ll wait? We have our Thanksgiving cruise coming up and then Christmas. Let’s get to know our daughter again, okay? You had some alone time with her, and now I’m starting to have time with her. How about we start having some together time with her? Would that make you feel any better?”
“I don’t know, Ginny. I don’t know if I want to see the look on her face when she asks you something about Grizz and you tell her honestly, like we agreed you should. I don’t think I can bear to see her as she mourns the father she’ll never know. I don’t think I can handle it.”
This surprised me, and I sat back to look at him.
“What?” He gave me a funny look. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You already know I’ve been answering her questions all week, right?” He nodded, so I continued. “I was thinking it would be a good idea for the three of us to talk about Grizz. I need your help with something.”
He raised an inquisitive eyebrow. “What do you need my help with?”
I sighed and answered Tommy honestly.
“I need you to help me convince Mimi not to hate the man that she will only refer to as the evil sperm donor.”