Grizz
2002, North Carolina
It took power he hadn’t known he possessed to walk away from her that night in the kitchen. He’d promised himself he wasn’t going to fuck up the only thing that still mattered to him.
He hadn’t let himself hope for a long time. He remembered telling her he’d settle for crumbs, and he’d meant it. But then as he patiently waited for what he could only dream was possible, he saw their lives slowly melding together. Mimi and Jason had started to accept him as they healed after Tommy’s death. He still never pushed, just patiently waited for them to find their way. He could only hope that way included him.
He’d actually prayed once to Ginny’s God, asking—pleading—for something he didn’t deserve. But promising that if he got it, he would do right by all of them. He also knew it would have to play out perfectly, but he’d heard Ginny say more than once that her God was a God of miracles.
Well, he knew he’d need a miracle, and as he glanced around the dinner table that night at all of them, at his family, he was pretty sure he’d gotten it.
How it had all worked out so perfectly was still a mystery to him. Somehow, he’d managed to spend some time alone with both kids during the vacation. If Micah hadn’t been around to encourage him, he might not have felt like he was ready to approach the kids. But then when Ginny had gone to Aunt Tillie’s to get some canning lessons and he had an unexpected free afternoon hiking with Jason, Mimi, and Micah, he had the chance to lay it all out for them.
The four of them had stopped for a picnic lunch at the summit. And then, before he could talk himself out of it, Grizz told the children he was in love with their mother and that he wanted to ask her to marry him, but he wanted their permission first. The second he’d uttered the words, he realized he hadn’t thought far enough ahead about what he’d do if they didn’t give that permission. For a moment, he saw in his daughter’s eyes that she’d realized it, too, but then she smiled. She looked at her little brother, waited for him to give his answer first.
“Are you going to move into our house with us?” Jason asked, his tone unreadable and his expression curious.
Grizz wasn’t sure why Jason was asking, but he knew he now had to hit them with the second half of his request. And that part wouldn’t be easy.
He sighed and looked at Micah. Micah nodded.
Looking from Jason to Mimi, and then back to Jason, he told them, “I can’t move into your house, Jason. As a matter of fact, if I marry your mother, it’s probably not a good idea for us to even stay in Florida. I’m sorry, but my marriage proposal comes with a part two. I’d have to ask if you and Mimi would be willing to move away from Florida. It would involve changing schools, making new friends. Some big changes, I’m afraid.” He grimaced. “And I’d also have to ask that it stay a secret. Just like you’ve been good about not telling your friends about me, I wouldn’t want people to know your Mom is moving away to get married. I wouldn’t ask you to lie to people. I’d just ask you not to tell them.”
They listened intently, clearly mulling it over.
He leveled a look at Jason. “You know I’ve been to prison. I don’t want that stigma to attach to your mother or either of you kids. I’d want to move away where nobody knows about my criminal record in Florida. I don’t want to be a source of embarrassment or shame to any of you.”
He’d already had his neck tattoo changed after Jason had noticed it last Thanksgiving, and of course, he couldn’t tell the boy his real reason for not being able to stay in Florida. But even if he hadn’t been “executed,” he realized there was still a lot of truth in what he was telling Jason.
The weight of what he was asking of these children hit him, and his eyes sought Micah’s. He could see in Micah’s expression that he understood what Grizz was thinking, and Micah raised his hand slightly, indicating for him to wait. They were all silent for a few minutes, and Grizz was seconds away from telling them to forget he asked when Jason spoke.
“What do you think, Mimi?” Jason turned to his sister.
“I want Mom to be happy, Jason, and I think she’s happy when she’s with him.” She nodded toward Grizz, then tilted her head and looked at Grizz sideways, met his eyes. “And I like him. I know you do, too.”
“But what about school? All our friends?”
“I’m ready for a change, Jason, and from what I’m hearing about what’s going on with you, maybe you’re ready for one, too. Maybe it’s time for both of us to make some new friends. But I’m not going to tell you what to do. You have to give James your own answer.”
Jason bit his lip, nodded. “So where would we move to? Could we move to someplace like Montana? Remember when we went there with Aunt Carter when she was helping rescue those horses?”
“Montana sounds reasonable to me,” Grizz said with a wide grin.
“Well, if Mimi says yes,” Jason said, casting a hopeful glance at his sister, “then I say yes too!”
“Yes,” Mimi shouted, giving a fist pump. There was a round of laughter and Jason immediately started suggesting unique ways for James to pop the question.
Now, sitting around the dinner table with memories of that hike tucked away, Grizz watched as Micah said the blessing. They were all holding hands, himself included, except everyone else had their heads bowed and their eyes closed. He took the time to look at each person seated at the table. When he got to Ginny, he was surprised to see she had her eyes wide open and was smiling directly at him. He smiled back.
“In Jesus’s name we pray. Amen. Pass those peas, wouldya, son?” Micah asked.
And then there were so many conversations at the table Grizz could barely keep up with them. He listened as Micah explained that the engagement ring on Ginny’s finger was one he’d bought for Grizz’s mother, Francis, but had never been able to give it to her.
“Just like I knew it was a good idea to hold onto this house, I knew there’d be a good reason to hold onto that ring.”
“I’m the one that told James he should put it under Miss Prissy for you to find, Mom,” Jason said between bites.
“Thank you for picking the meanest hen out there, Jason. I almost skipped her,” Ginny said with a smile.
“So, James, do you want us to call you Jamison now?” Jason asked. “Are you going to change your name to Jamison Hunter now that you know your real dad? When you marry Mom, is she going to be Ginny Kirkland or Ginny Hunter?”
“I can answer that one.” Micah held up a hand. “She’s going to be a Hunter. I’ll take care of the legalities.”
Grizz just smiled as he enjoyed his meal and the conversations. There was talk of Montana and Wisconsin. Grizz had made it clear the further away from Florida the better.
“How about Louisiana?” Micah asked, gave Grizz a knowing glance. Grizz had confided in Micah that he was pretty certain he’d run across Ginny’s twin sister living in the state of Louisiana. He also told him that he wasn’t sure how or when to actually tell her about it. This was Micah’s reminder that it still needed to be done.
“So when are you going to get married?” Jason asked through a mouthful of food.
“Don’t talk with your mouth full, Jason,” Ginny said. “We haven’t even talked about a date. We just know we’ll stay in Florida until summer so you can both finish up school and have the whole summer to make new friends and get acquainted with wherever we might end up.”
“How about this Sunday?” Micah asked.
All conversation ceased as everyone turned to look at him.
“I can marry you this coming weekend in my church.”
“Oh! Uh, well, we were going to drive home Sunday,” Ginny said. “The kids have to be back to school on Monday.”
“I’m sure they can take a few more days off,” Micah grinned. “I can marry you this weekend, the kids can stay with me, and you two can take a short honeymoon.”
“But there’s no time to plan anything!”
But then she realized she wouldn’t have planned anything big, anyway. It would have to be a small and intimate ceremony. She looked at Grizz and her children, saw that they were all considering it. Maybe…
They decided on a Saturday ceremony and thought the smaller and simpler the better.
Grizz was concerned it might’ve been a little quick for the kids. And the next morning, when he heard Ginny and Jason talking in hushed tones as he was coming upstairs from his basement bedroom, he stopped to listen.
“We won’t get married this weekend if it upsets you, Jason,” he heard Ginny say.
Grizz had been right. He’d thought Jason was unusually quiet after dinner last night and had wondered if the boy had had a change of heart.
“It’s not that, Mom.”
“What is it then?”
Jason didn’t answer.
“Is it that it’s too soon?”
Grizz didn’t hear an answer, so he could only assume Jason was shaking his head.
“Is it that you don’t like James?” A pause. “Is it because we have to move if I marry him?” Another pause. Finally, “Jason, I can’t read your mind. Please tell me what’s bothering you.”
“I guess, well—I guess I need to know before you marry James that you still love Dad.” Jason sniffled. “And you won’t forget about him.”
Grizz held his breath as he waited for Ginny to answer. He was shocked to realize that in the past he would never have wanted to hear his woman tell anybody, not even her son, that she still loved Tommy, but something had shifted inside of him. He’d changed. He knew what he wanted, needed to hear for Jason’s sake. Maybe he was learning the real definition of what it meant to love someone.
“Oh, Jason. Come here, sweetheart. Let me hug you.”
Grizz took one more step and could see them. Jason and Ginny had been sitting on the couch. The boy was scooting closer and now had his head buried in his mother’s chest, her arms wrapped tightly around him. Her eyes were closed when she answered him.
“Jason, I will always, always love your father. Just because I love James again doesn’t mean I never loved your dad. It doesn’t mean I will stop loving your dad.” She pulled back from him then and grabbed his face in both her hands. Looking into his eyes, she said, “And, no. I will never forget about him. Not only will he always live inside my heart, but I see him every time I look at you, Jason. Every time. And I thank God for that. I thank God that I see him in you.”
She looked over Jason’s head then and caught sight of Grizz. Had he heard? Would he become jealous and doubt her resurrected love for him?
Time stood still as she waited for his reaction. Some kind of sign, anything. She had a hopeful look on her face.
And then Grizz smiled at her. Not a smile that was pasted on for the sake of looking real. His smile was genuine and pure, and it radiated a love she was grateful he was now experiencing. And giving her a slight nod, he quietly walked back downstairs.