Ginny
2002, Fort Lauderdale
It wasn’t easy saying goodbye to Micah and Aunt Tillie, but they knew we’d already extended our mini vacation, and the kids needed to get back to school. Besides, we would be back.
Before leaving the mountains, I’d confided in my new father-in-law that I was uncertain about Grizz’s revelation concerning my twin sister and wasn’t sure what to do about it. Especially when I wasn’t really letting myself believe it. Our transition seemed complicated enough without adding an unlikely unknown. And truth be told, my emotions were at war. One minute, I could feel the pull to hop on a plane and go check it out for myself, but then reason would weigh in telling me I’d spent my entire life without knowing her. If it was true, a few more months wouldn’t matter.
Micah agreed and told me it was something I should do after we settled. He gently reminded me that he’d patiently waited a year to meet his son after I’d visited him that first time.
“I’m so sorry I put you through that, Micah. I was so distraught when Tommy died, and I was really struggling.”
“I’m not telling you this so you can feel bad and apologize, Ginny. I’m telling you because I believe it happened the way it was supposed to. His timing is never wrong.”
Back in Florida we immediately returned to our regular routines, deciding that it would be best if we lived apart until after our move. It would be easier to keep our marriage a secret this way so Grizz went back to his house in Laurel Falls and his job on Anthony’s landscaping crew and I went back to running my household and making sure the kids kept up with their schoolwork and continued to participate in all of their activities.
I didn’t have to drive Mimi around as much as I used to. She’d finally gotten her license, and I would let her take my car when I didn’t need it. I’d sold Tommy’s car the previous year to a man who’d come up from Miami to buy it for his sister. I could’ve kept it for Mimi, but at that time I couldn’t trust myself not to fall apart every time I saw it pull into my driveway.
The wide gold band that now graced my ring finger looked similar to the one I’d always worn, so I wasn’t concerned that it would be noticed. Slowly I started letting my friends know my little vacation during spring break had made me realize I’d wanted to move away from South Florida. I never mentioned there was a man in my life, especially not a husband, just that I thought it was time to start fresh somewhere.
And there was some serious truth in that statement. I’d not grown particularly close to anybody over the years. I had lots of friends through church or the kids’ social circles, but I couldn’t say they were especially close ones. Of course, Carter and Christy Bear would know the truth. But I was undecided about Sarah Jo. We’d grown almost completely apart since the execution, and she seemed to have distanced herself more since Tommy’s death last year. Maybe it was a good thing. I didn’t want one more person to know that Grizz had faked his execution. The less that knew the truth, the better.
The kids also began dropping hints to their friends, and if that hadn’t been enough, the real estate sign in my front yard definitely let it be known. Grizz had been right about Jason. My son wasn’t as naïve as I’d wanted to believe. He would be a teenager next year, and he took the vow of secrecy we’d asked of him very seriously. He knew it was important that our private life stay private. I have to admit, though—I had moments when I was concerned he might slip. But as far as I could tell, he never did.
I had to contact Alec to let him know I wanted to sell Tommy’s interest in the partnership and, of course, I would offer it to him first. He didn’t seem surprised that I was finally ready to sell, and he agreed to buy me out fairly. He was surprised when I told him that I wanted to move. But, just like other friends that asked, I had a “go to” answer for my decision to relocate. I told everybody that my children and I fell in love with the mid-west when we visited years earlier with Carter and that it was a well thought out and carefully planned family decision.
“I don’t understand,” Alec said over coffee one morning. We’d met at a local cafe to work out some details about the sale. “This is your home. It’s always been your home, Ginny. I just can’t see you leaving it for a strange place.”
I knew his question wasn’t requiring a deep soul-searching answer. He was seriously concerned that I may have been making the wrong decision.
“I need a change of scenery, Alec, and so do my children. We’re all ready for something different. I need to start over somewhere where the memories aren’t so painful.”
I was being truthful. It was still difficult sleeping in the bed I’d shared with Tommy for fifteen years. I didn’t feel guilty about remarrying. My grief at losing Tommy didn’t take away from what I had with Grizz. But I still felt it. I missed Tommy. And so did Mimi and Jason.
He avoided my eyes. “What if I told you Paulina and I aren’t going to work out after all? Could you stay long enough to maybe give me, give us, a chance?”
He looked at me, and I know my mouth must’ve been hanging open. I’m certain I was blushing, but I didn’t need to think about my answer. I knew what it was, I just didn’t know how to say it. He recognized my discomfort.
“I have it coming. I know what your answer is, and I’m embarrassed for putting you in the position of having to let me down easy. I’m sorry, Ginny.”
“No apology needed, Alec.” Relief washed over me. I started to get up and gather my things when he asked me one more thing.
“I know we still have some financials to work out with the business, so we’ll be talking soon, but will you do me a favor? After you do decide where you’re going to move and you get settled, will you stay in touch? Will you let me know you’re okay? Can you promise me that?”
I was standing now and looked down at him. I was seriously pondering how to answer him. Was this the Alec who was sincerely concerned for my welfare, or did I have to worry about him showing up one day? I decided that the best way to answer him was with honesty.
“Alec, moving away, starting new like I want to, means I have to break some ties. Leave some people and relationships behind. I’m sorry.”
“Fair enough.” He nodded, his small, sad smile said he accepted that boat had sailed and wouldn’t be coming back.
**********
Two weeks later, Grizz and I found ourselves in a spacious hotel room on the outskirts of a medium-sized city in Montana where we could drive forty-five minutes in either direction and visit several smaller towns. I’d found the Internet was a fabulous resource for everything I wanted to know about these small communities.
I’d narrowed our search to three places that met the entire family’s criteria. Mimi and Jason stayed with Carter and Bill while Grizz and I made the long drive to make a preliminary visit. If we liked what we saw, we’d bring the kids back on the next trip.
We’d spent two days visiting the towns on our list and were now discussing it in the hotel's oversized tile shower.
“I like all three,” I told Grizz. “I’d really like to bring the kids back and let them visit the schools before they let out for the summer. What do you think?”
I had already washed and was standing back, watching him rinse his hair under the showerhead. His eyes were closed, and water cascaded down his body. Just looking at him sent a familiar and welcomed ache through me.
“Sounds like a plan,” he said.
He turned the shower off and used his hands to wring out his long hair. I did the same and reached for a towel I’d hung over the top of the glass door. I bent over and purposely wiggled my butt at Grizz as I wrapped the towel around my head. He slapped me hard on my rear end and opened the door to reach for his own towel.
“A slap isn’t what I had in mind,” I teased. “And—ouch!”
He smiled at me as he dried off. “C’mon out to the bedroom.”
Something occurred to me then. That had to be the third, maybe the fourth time since our wedding that I’d purposely bent over, offering myself to him, and now that I gave it some thought, he’d never once accepted. I knew we’d enjoyed that kind of lovemaking years before. What had changed?
“Oh!” I said out loud, raising my hand to my mouth as a possible reason occurred to me.
“Oh, what?” He stood before the mirror, towel-drying his hair.
“I just realized that when I bend over like that, it must bring back some bad memories.”
He wrapped the towel around his waist and looked at me curiously as he reached for his hairbrush.
“Bad memories?”
“Yeah, bad memories. You know—of prison. Bending over. You know.” I made a motion with my hand. “When men are in prison together, and they want sex, I’m sure it’s in the shower, and they have to bend over.”
I bit my lip and he swung around to look at me.
“Did you have to bend over for someone in prison?” My heart thumped as I waited for his answer. I didn’t think I could bear to hear Grizz had been ganged up on and raped in prison.
I don’t know what I expected from him, but it certainly wasn’t what I got. He burst out laughing. Not a small chuckle. No. He was laughing so hard the towel around his waist fell off.
“What is so darn funny?” I put my hand on my hips.
“God, how I love you, woman. No. Absolutely no fucking way did I ever get raped in prison. And before you ask, I didn’t do it to anybody, either. I haven’t been with anybody else but you since 1975.”
The revelation that he’d been faithful to me for over twenty-five years brought me up short, and I started to tell him how moved I was by his admission when he interrupted me.
“And seeing your beautiful tight ass is not bringing back bad memories. I can fucking guarantee that.”
He was still laughing about it as we fell asleep that night.
The next morning, I woke up before he did. His arms were wrapped tightly around me from behind. The digital clock on the nightstand said 7:30 a.m. That was sleeping in for us. The curtains hadn’t been shut completely, and a slice of sunshine was cutting through the room. I snuggled in, purposely grinding my rear end, which I knew would get his attention.
I was right.
“You’re doing that on purpose,” he said in a groggy voice.
“Sue me.”
“Did you just say ‘do me’?” he teased.
“No, that’s not what I said, but yeah, do me,” I laughed over my shoulder.
He scooted back and softly tugged on my shoulder so I’d be lying on my back, but I stopped him.
“No, I don’t want to lie back.”
“No problem, I’ll lie back. Feel free to jump on board.”
“No, Grizz,” I told him, looking back over my shoulder so I could see his face. “I want you to do me from behind. We used to like that. At least, I did, and I thought you did, too, until last night in the shower.”
Something was up, and I wanted an answer.
He forcefully rolled me over then, and his green eyes grew serious as he looked down at me while leaning on one elbow. His long hair fell onto my chest, tickling it. I raised my hand and softly stroked his heavily tattooed and muscular bicep.
“Why, Grizz? Why won’t you make love to me like that anymore?”
“It’s not that I don’t want to, Kit,” he said, his voice sounding even deeper than normal. “I’m just not ready.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m not ready to make love to you without seeing your face. I’ve gone so long without you that I guess I still feel the need to look into your eyes, to make sure you’re real. That’s all it is, honey. Nothing’s wrong.”
“Really?” It was the last explanation I’d expected, and I had to admit, it really warmed my heart. Especially coming from him.
“Really,” he said softly as he kissed the tip of my nose.
I pushed him away then and threw off the covers. I made my way toward the end of the bed and got on all fours. Catching his eye in the mirror hung over every dresser in every hotel room ever, I wiggled my backside at him. He did something I never expected. He bit me right on my left butt cheek. He’d never done that before. It wasn’t painful, it just startled me, and I yelped.
“Sorry, Kitten. You get under my skin,” he said in a low growl. “And I’ve gotta say. I know cussing isn’t your thing, but if I remember correctly, you used to make an exception in the bedroom. We used to like that. At least I did, and I thought you did, too.” He raised a brow, and I smiled to hear my own words thrown back at me.
I glanced into the mirror and looked into his eyes as he knelt behind me, his hands tightly gripping my hips.
“Just shut up and fuck me,” I told him.