Ginny
2002, North Carolina
I couldn’t help but feel there was some joke I’d missed out on, but the day’s activities and the fresh mountain air must’ve caught up with me. I yawned and excused myself. I wanted to turn in early.
My eyes popped open at exactly 2:47 a.m. I’d gone to bed maybe a little too early and now found myself wide awake. I looked over at Mimi, who was sleeping next to me. I gently pulled the covers back, found my robe, and made my way downstairs.
I was standing in the kitchen making myself a cup of hot chocolate when I sensed him. I didn’t turn around, but leaned back into him as I felt his arms come around me. He bent low and softly kissed the side of my neck. My hot chocolate forgotten, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the heat that radiated from him.
“How did you know I was up?” I whispered.
“I didn’t. I couldn’t sleep and thought I heard someone up here. Didn’t know it was you, Kitten.”
Grizz had been sleeping in one of the bedrooms downstairs. I was sharing one of the two upstairs bedrooms with Mimi. Jason was across from us in his own room.
I turned around then and looked at him. He looked sexier than I could’ve imagined or remembered, and I had to swallow my intense and immediate reaction. He was wearing camouflage pajama pants and a dark T-shirt. His hair was tousled, and his normally bright green eyes appeared dark and smoky.
I could tell he read the need in my eyes. He took my face in both his hands and kissed me. Not a small feathery kiss that teased. A kiss that took my mouth, hard and unrelenting with its bold claim of ownership.
I welcomed it and hungrily kissed him back, grinding my body against his. His need was apparent, and I felt my own need making my panties wet.
I pulled back, breathless. “We can’t here. Micah is sleeping right down that hallway.” I nodded in the direction of the master bedroom. “We need to go downstairs to your room.”
He stepped back then and gave me a look that told me he had something to say. I knew what it was, and I responded with a small, knowing smile. I knew I’d surprised him. We hadn’t taken our relationship to the next level, and I was grateful he’d never pushed it. But I was now letting him know I was willing and ready—and that I could certainly make my way back upstairs and slip into bed with Mimi long before the rest of the household woke up.
I watched as the vein in his forehead throbbed.
“No,” he said quietly.
I shook my head as if to clear it, not thinking I’d heard him right.
“Wha...what?”
“No. Not now, Kitten. Not tonight. Not here like this. No,” he said again in a voice that didn’t sound too confident.
I was shocked and maybe even a little hurt.
“No?” I whispered a little too loudly. “Are you sure, Grizz? Because your mouth is saying no but your pants are saying something different.”
He inhaled loudly and looked at the ceiling. He didn’t say anything. He finally looked down at me and, letting out a long breath, he shook his head and lightly kissed my forehead.
“Goodnight, honey. I’ll see you in the morning,” he told me with a frog in his throat.
And then he was gone.
I know my mouth hung open as I watched him walk away. I turned back to the kitchen counter and finished making my hot chocolate with shaking hands.
What had just happened? Or rather, what had not happened?
I carried my mug over to the couch and looked out on the most beautiful scene. Micah’s back yard was a blanket of white, and the full moon cast just enough light for it to look almost heavenly. I don’t remember eventually setting my empty cup down. I don’t remember lying down on the couch and grabbing one of the throw blankets to cover myself.
I woke up the next morning staring into four pairs of eyes looking down at me. They were all smiling, and Jason was almost hopping with anticipation.
“We didn’t wake you up, did we, Mom?”
Before I could answer him, he told me one of Micah’s nephews was bringing over some of his kids’ winter gear for Jason and Mimi.
I shook the sleep from my foggy head and sat up, the smell of coffee finally reaching my nose. I yawned and stretched, all of a sudden very aware that I was in a nightshirt without a bra. I grabbed the blanket and pulled it up to cover my chest. Being the perfect gentleman, I noticed Micah had already looked away.
I stood and grabbed my robe, excused myself to go shower. I poured myself a cup of coffee and was getting ready to carry it upstairs with me when I caught Grizz’s eye. I looked away, a little embarrassed by last night’s rejection.
A little while later, I told the kids to enjoy the snow while I cleared away the breakfast dishes. Micah’s nephew had shown up while I was showering with some spare winter clothes and boots and, surprisingly, everything fit the kids perfectly. Micah, Grizz, and both kids were now digging through the barn for sleds.
Beds made, dishes washed, and one load of laundry later, I stood with a second cup of coffee and watched them in the snow. Micah had set Grizz to work clearing a path to his henhouse. Micah’s henhouse wasn’t what I’d pictured a henhouse to look like. I’d imagined a small structure surrounded by wire. But Micah’s henhouse looked like a small house that, if cleared of its feathered occupants, could probably sleep several people. We’d been collecting eggs every morning. Well, I’d been collecting them. I thought at first that I wouldn’t be able to do it. I had a real fear of disturbing the hens, but after getting the hang of it, I loved it. It was just something different, and it made me happy.
After shoveling a path, Grizz gave me a signal to get a coat on and come outside. I laid down my coffee and grabbed one of Micah’s winter coats that he kept on a peg. I had on my own boots. They weren’t for winter, but I wouldn’t need to be sloshing through snow. I made my way toward the henhouse and realized that Mimi, Jason, and Micah had stopped what they were doing and were walking toward me. I waved and grabbed a basket from its hook. Then, after going inside, I set about checking each hen for eggs.
At one point I stopped and turned around, surprised. The four of them had followed me in and just stood there, watching.
“It’s really cold out,” Jason said, his cheeks a rosy pink.
I thought it odd that they all needed to follow me into the henhouse, but without giving it anymore thought, I shrugged and went back to collecting eggs.
I reached under one particularly feisty mother and felt something hard. It undoubtedly wasn’t an egg.
I pulled it out and looked at the small box in my hand. A box?
“Are you going to open it?” I heard Jason ask.
“Shhhh!” Mimi giggled.
Without turning around, I opened the tiny box, and my hand flew to my mouth. It was a ring.
I turned around and saw Micah, Mimi, and Jason leaned up against the back of the henhouse. They were all smiling.
It was then that I realized Grizz was down on one knee. He reached for my left hand and brought it to his mouth.
Kissing the inside of my palm, he said, “I messed this up once before. I’m not going to make the same mistake.”
I held my breath, hopeful and yet fearful of what his next words were going to be.
“Ginny.” He swallowed. “Let me say first that I already know I don't deserve you. But, I know there is no one else in the world for me and if you'll have me, I promise you won't regret it. Please give me another chance."
My right hand flew to my mouth. I watched him swallow again before asking, “Will you marry me?”
I started shaking, and tears started to form in my eyes. I thought about Grizz’s rebuff the night before, and how I’d finally drifted off to sleep resigning myself to the fact that he was probably right and had saved me from myself. I couldn’t see how a future for us could ever be in the cards.
He was still holding my left hand in his large one, and I gently pulled it away and replaced it with the ring box. Avoiding his gaze and not chancing a glance at the onlookers, I ran out of the henhouse.
As I left, I heard Micah tell the kids, “Stay with me. Let him go after her.”
I could feel Grizz behind me as I stumbled down the path he’d shoveled. I made it to the house and went in through the side door. I realized I still had the egg basket dangling from my right arm.
“Ginny.” He shut the door behind us.
I laid the basket down and started to take Micah’s coat off.
“Ginny!”
Ignoring him, I put the coat back on its peg. My mind and heart were at war with each other. I couldn’t fathom my feelings, so I gave into them.
I turned to face him then. Tears were silently making their way down both my cheeks. I just stood there and looked up at him. I was begging for something, but for what I didn’t know.
He pulled me to him, wrapping his massive arms around me. My face was buried in his warm chest. I inhaled the scent that was uniquely Grizz. It felt so normal, so natural. What was I afraid of? His jacket was open and I could feel his heart beating through his shirt against my face.
“Say yes, Ginny,” he whispered while stroking my hair. “Give me another chance.”
“How?” I asked sniffling. “The kids, our neighbors, people in general? How can we ever carve out a life that doesn’t involve our past? How do I marry a man who was executed almost two years ago? How could it ever work?”
He pulled away from me then, took my face in both hands. Bringing his face close to mine he said, “I wouldn’t have asked if there wasn’t a plan that took all of that into consideration.”
I stared at him, my heart in my throat. Words would not come. A plan? What plan?
“You already know I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember, Ginny. And the years before you came into my life were nothing but darkness. Please, baby. Please, say yes. Say it’s not too late for us.”
It was then that we sensed them. Slowly, we turned our faces toward the glass sliding doors that led onto Micah’s huge deck. Huddled together against the cold, wearing huge smiles and giving their thumbs-up, were Mimi and Jason. Micah was standing behind them. He wasn’t smiling, but I saw the approval and optimism in his eyes.
Grizz gently pulled my face back to his.
“It’s okay if you’re not in love with me anymore, but maybe you can find it in your heart to just love me.”
His eyes were warm, sincere, and hopeful. Was his proposal why he hadn’t tried anything beyond kissing me, always being the first to pull back when it seemed as if it could’ve gone farther? Was this a Grizz I’d never seen?
The man I’d originally fallen in love with used to bulldoze his way over people and their feelings. My first marriage to him was pretty much thrust upon me in the back of Eddie’s tattoo parlor in 1975. He was now trying to do it the way he thought would be most respectful of me.
I felt a bubble of emotions rising in my chest and I realized that bubble was ready to burst with newfound hope. I started laughing then.
“Yes!” I shouted, grinning like a fool. “Yes! I’ll marry you. I don’t know how we’ll do this, but yes.”
The kids couldn’t hear me but obviously had read my lips. They started cheering and dancing. Micah just gave a small nod, and winked at me.