Ginny
2001, Fort Lauderdale
The expression on Grizz’s face was one I’d never seen. He was dumbfounded. He was shocked. And more importantly, he looked hopeful.
I went to the kitchen and brewed some coffee as he sat on the couch and stared at the blank television screen. When it was done, I handed him the steaming mug of strong, black coffee, just like he liked. He sat there and listened as I told him about my visit with Sister Mary Katherine several months ago, right before Tommy’s death.
“No.” He shook his head, the coffee untouched. “Things like that, coincidences like that, don’t just happen.”
I took a sip of my coffee and sat it on the small glass coffee table. I had the strangest thought as I took Grizz’s untouched mug from his big hands and sat it next to mine. This coffee table is too delicate to be in Grizz’s home. I wonder if it will ever get shattered. Like hearts. Hearts get shattered.
I shook off the morbid thoughts. “Those were my exact words to Sister Mary Katherine. I just couldn’t believe it. Sister smiled at me and told me she didn’t believe in coincidences, either. She liked to call them ‘Godincidences.’”
I reached for my purse and retrieved the envelope that contained David Enman’s picture. I pulled out another one.
“Sister let me have this.” I handed it to Grizz. “Is this Ruthie? Is this your little sister?”
He stared down at the picture, his expression unreadable.
“Grizz?”
When he finally spoke, his voice was thick.
“I never thought I’d see her face again. I just can’t believe it.” A slow smile spread across his face. “And Razor. He was the best damn dog a man could ever ask for. Lucifer and Damien were smart dogs, but Razor had more brains than some people I know.”
I told him about my visit to a sleepy little North Carolina town in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains, and gave him every detail of the afternoon I spent with his father.
“Your father’s name is Micah Hunter. Both of your parents’ last names, Folsom and Hunter, can be traced back to families that settled there before the Civil War. Your roots run deep.”
He listened without interrupting.
“He returned from the war and spent almost eight years tracking down every lead he could find on your mother’s disappearance. The rumor had gotten around that she’d left with a man who’d been working for a logging crew just passing through. She had confided to a friend she was pregnant, and that only made your father more desperate to find her. He made it a point to talk to hundreds of men over the years. He visited logging camps all over the state. He even had a few false leads that he traced to Tennessee and Virginia, but he never found her. He said the despair finally took its toll, and he turned to alcohol. He almost drank himself to death and found himself inconsolable until he met a lady. He said Margaret Mae gave him a reason to clean up his act. With her help, he was able to replace the alcohol with something better.”
Grizz looked over at me then. “With what? What did he replace it with?”
“He replaced it with God. Your father is a preacher.”
“A preacher?”
“Yes, a preacher. And he’s been widowed for years. He lost Margaret Mae to lung cancer. The poor thing never smoked a day in her life and died of lung cancer. They never had children, but your father has eight brothers and sisters. All but two are still alive. You have a ton of cousins.”
Grizz didn’t say anything but reached to his right to turn on a light. The sun was setting, and the living room was getting dark. He stared straight ahead, and I studied his profile. I almost reached out to tuck a piece of hair that had come loose behind his ear and caught myself. What do you think you’re doing, Ginny?
“Well, it’s too bad I’ll never get to meet them.” His voice was low.
“Why not? Why can’t you meet them?”
“Are you serious, Kit? And before you give me shit about calling you Kit,” he paused and cast me a knowing glance, “or my cussing, you’ll have to get over it. I promise never to call you Kit in public, but when we’re alone, you’re Kit. And I’ll try and tone down the language, but that’s easier said than done.”
I shook off the explanation. I wanted to hear why he didn’t think he’d get to meet his family.
“Why can’t you meet your family?”
“After the things I’ve done, you think I’m going to drive up to the top of some mountain and be the welcomed son? He’s a preacher, for fuck’s sake, Kit. It’s too late for people like me.”
I took a deep breath, my heart thumping. “I tell you I visited a nun I hadn’t seen in twenty-five years. She just happens to be caring for a nun who was there the day you were born. That nun remembers every single detail about your birth, and then I track down and find not only your original birth certificate in Florida, but the man who fathered you in North Carolina, and you think it’s too late?” I barked out a laugh. “Grizz, it’s just the opposite. It’s all about God’s timing. He’s never early and He’s most definitely never late. His timing is perfect, and it’s time for you to meet your father and your family. He’s wonderful, Grizz. I think you’ll love him. I know he loves you. He didn’t even know if his child survived. He didn’t know if his child was a boy or a girl, but he never once stopped loving you.”
Grizz shook his head.
“I could never meet him and tell him the things I’ve done, Kit. Never. You said he was a preacher. C’mon, honey. This isn’t a good idea.” He stood and walked his cold coffee to the kitchen. His back was to me as he robotically cleared our dinner dishes away.
I followed him and stood next to the island. He still had his back to me and was scraping food into the sink. Before he could switch the disposal on, I said, “You don’t have to tell him the things you’ve done. I already told him.”
He stopped what he was doing, and I saw his back stiffen. He slowly turned around and looked at me.
“I told him everything. I left no detail out. No detail. You know what I’m saying, right?”
He didn’t answer.
“Your father wants to meet you, Grizz. He’s been waiting. I’ve spoken with him a few times since Tommy died. He knew about my confusion where you were concerned and that there was a good chance I wouldn’t ever speak to you or see you again. But he never once tried to coerce me. Even when he thought the only link to seeing his only child might’ve been severed if I never came around, he didn’t push. He’s a kind and gentle man. Even if you don’t want to meet him, I’ll make sure Mimi does. He’s a man worth knowing. And like I said, he knows everything—and he still wants to meet you.”
After a few moments, he said, “I’ll think about it.”
I knew when not to push. I smiled at him and bumped him aside as I took over at the sink. I could’ve loaded the dishwasher, but just like when I made dinner, I felt like I needed to keep my hands busy. I talked as I washed dishes. My hands welcomed the hot soapy water. He sat down at the table and watched me. I could feel his eyes boring into my back.
“What was prison like?” I asked casually. Not that it was a casual subject, but I tried to act nonchalant. I didn’t think he’d answer.
“Shitty.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “I’m sure it was crummy, but what was it like? I mean you were on death row, so I assume you were confined to a cell maybe twenty-three hours a day, an hour for exercise?”
“That’s what it should’ve been like, but I had privileges.”
“I guess I should’ve seen that one coming. Was there like a hierarchy in the prison population?”
“Yeah. There were several different gangs and they filtered up and were separated by ethnicity. The Hispanics, the blacks, the whites. They each had their own organizations within the prison, and they each had their own leaders. It didn’t take me too long to establish myself over all of them.”
I shot him a glance. “How did you do that? I can see why you might’ve been able to be in charge of the white guys, but the others?”
“I just did. I may have been a lot of things, but there was one thing I always made clear. I didn’t care what color a man’s skin was. If he got the job done, he was treated fairly. When everyone realized I would deal with them equally and could get them more privileges, they respected me. In some ways, I helped keep the peace between the different groups. It actually benefited me, too. A prisoner on death row wouldn’t normally be able to eat with the majority of the prison population. Letting me eat in the chow hall or lift weights in the yard whenever I wanted to, well, it helped ease some tensions between the groups.”
I cocked my hip to one side. “And the name Grizz didn’t have anything to do with them appointing you as their head guy or whatever you call it?”
He laughed. “Yeah. It probably helped.”
I turned away from him again and started to dry the dishes I’d just washed. And then I brought up another subject. One I’d dropped earlier.
“So how old are you?”
“You know how old I am. You told me you found my original birth certificate.”
“Oh, right. So, let’s see. You were born in 1947, which means you’re fifty-three now, but you’ll be turning fifty-four at the end of this year.”
“Yeah. So what?”
I laid down the plate I’d been drying and turned around to face him again. Using my fingers to tick off the years I said, “And Tommy was born in 1959, which means you must’ve been...let’s see…twelve years old when you had sex with Candy? And for some reason, she thought you were fourteen.”
“I had assumed Pop’s son’s identity. The real Jason Talbot would have been fourteen.”
“But you were only twelve years old.”
“Yeah, again. So what?”
I snapped him with my dishtowel.
“Twelve?” I shouted. “Don’t you think twelve is not only too young to be having sex, but to think you actually got her pregnant? You sure have a high opinion of your sperm!”
I should’ve known the revelation wouldn’t have embarrassed him. He grinned and shrugged.
“She was a seventeen-year-old hooker. She made the first move. You think I didn’t take advantage of that? Find me a twelve-year-old boy who hasn’t discovered his dick and I’ll show you a girl.”
I shook my head in exasperation. “I just think it’s horrible!”
“Just because you think it’s horrible doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. That it doesn’t happen all the time. Even I heard about that schoolteacher who seduced her sixth-grade student. I think she even got some time for it.”
“Just stop talking, Grizz. I shouldn’t have brought this up when I knew it would get under my skin. I don’t even know if a twelve-year-old can get a woman pregnant. I still can’t see how you thought Tommy could’ve been your son.”
“Had a lot of time on my hands in prison. Did some reading. A boy has the ability to get a girl pregnant when he reaches puberty. Every kid is different. Youngest-known father on record is—”
“Stop. I don’t want to hear it. This conversation is over.” I held up a hand.
“You brought it up.”
“Yeah, well I’ve lived three minutes long enough to regret bringing it up.”
I looked at my watch and let out a sigh. I’d stayed long enough.
“I have to run. Pollyanna will be bringing Jason home in less than an hour. Mimi won’t be home, so I want to make sure I’m there.”
I started to gather my things when he asked, “Pollyanna?”
“She's his friend Max’s older sister. She’s a cheerleader for the high school football team, and Max and Jason wanted to go to the game. Their mother, Denise, has to leave right after the game and has an appointment in the opposite direction, so Pollyanna volunteered to drive Jason.”
He didn’t say anything, and when I looked at him, he was smiling.
“What?”
“Nothing,” he said, trying to hide his grin.
“What? What’s so funny?”
“Nothing. Just thinking—friend’s older sister. Older sister in a cheerleading uniform.”
“My son just turned eleven!” I could see by his expression he knew he’d gone too far.
“I didn’t mean anything by it, Kit. I’m sorry, honey.”
I walked over to him and punched him hard on the chest. It was so out-of-character for me, but it felt good. He didn’t flinch, and it only made me madder. I pulled back to swing again. This time, he caught my fist with one hand. I tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let go.
“Let go,” I told him.
“No. Not until you accept my apology.”
I hmphed. I doubted any apology from Grizz could be sincere.
“Let go of my hand,” I said in my most threatening tone.
“I’m sorry, and I mean it,” he said without loosening his grip on my balled up hand. “I know you and Tommy raised him up right. I wouldn’t want him to lose his childhood like I did, but don’t assume he’s naïve, either.”
I wouldn’t admit to him that Jason may have only been eleven, but he was in no way naïve about what happened between a man and a woman behind closed doors. I remembered Mimi making a comment last year when Tommy and I returned from our honeymoon about us “doing it,” and Jason had innocently wanted to know what we were doing because he wanted to do it, too. Tommy later told me he took the time to have “the talk” with Jason and was surprised to learn Jason already knew about the birds and the bees, and he only commented because he’d thought there was something else he’d missed out on. No, Jason may have been a sweet and lovable child, but he wasn’t naïve about sex.
“I was only teasing with you. I’m sorry, honey,” Grizz told me for the third time.
I saw sincerity in his eyes and relaxed. He slowly raised my hand to his mouth and gently kissed the inside of my wrist.
I pulled back like I’d been burned. And then, gathering up my things, I walked out of the house without saying goodbye or looking back.
I was upset. The only problem was I couldn’t figure out if I was upset about his crude teasing or the way that kiss made me feel.