Grizz
2001, Fort Lauderdale
He carried his groceries into the small efficiency apartment he’d rented on the beach. He’d been back in Fort Lauderdale for two days, and in that time he’d been unable to meet with Carter, but he’d learned from the local news that Tommy had succumbed to his wounds and died—at almost the same instant he’d had that overwhelming sense of grief while driving.
Had he been sensing Kit’s pain? He wanted to believe he had that type of connection with her. But he quickly reminded himself that people that did the kinds of things he’d done didn’t have those types of experiences. It was probably heartburn from the chicken salad he’d eaten.
Now there was nothing to do but sit and wait. He couldn’t go to Ginny, and he certainly couldn’t have her brought to him. And he didn’t want to approach Anthony until after Tommy’s funeral.
He was eager to talk to Anthony. He wanted to know what Anthony might’ve heard on the street. Had it been a random act of violence toward Tommy, or had it been connected in any way to something else?
He put away his groceries and made himself a sandwich. Sitting down, he reached for the remote. He scanned the local news channels and paused at one showing a sketch. It was a rendering of the alleged perpetrator in the convenience store shooting. The newscaster explained that the convenience store didn’t have surveillance cameras, so they had to rely on a few eyewitnesses. That sketch looked like every Joe Schmo between Miami and West Palm Beach.
If he could just get to Anthony, he could find out more. The street was always more reliable than any news station.
He washed his sandwich down with a soda and stared around the small efficiency. It was nicely furnished and clean. He stifled a yawn and realized he was bored stiff. The urge to ride summoned him. But he’d left his bike in that warehouse, and he wasn’t going to buy one or steal one off the street for a joyride. Well, maybe he could borrow a bike for just a few hours. Fuck. Staying out of trouble might be harder than he thought.
He crushed the empty soda can and tossed it at the garbage bin in the tiny kitchen. It missed and resounded with a loud ping on the tile. He got up to retrieve it and noticed the canvas bag he’d kept in one of his saddlebags on the motorcycle. He remembered hastily throwing it in the car when he’d emptied his bike.
It was the bag he’d stowed Moe’s journal in. He’d never gotten around to reading it. He hadn’t wanted to. A wave of nostalgia hit him, and he weighed his options.
Steal a bike for a couple of hours and chance getting caught, or open up that book and take a glimpse into Moe’s life? He’d not let himself think about Moe too much. He knew it was because when he did think about Moe, it was only with regret. Regret was something he didn’t like to face. Something he didn’t like to admit he felt. People like him didn’t feel regret. They accepted their choices and moved on.
Why wasn’t he moving on?
“Okay, Moe,” he said out loud. “What do you want to say to me?”
He was certain it was a big “fuck you, Grizz.” But he’d avoided her long enough.
He took the journal out of his bag and sat back down on the couch. He had time to read a couple of pages.
**********
Three days later, he sat in a car and watched through dark windows as cars pulled into the cemetery and people approached what would be Tommy’s final resting place. Ginny was having him buried next to Delia and Vince. Grizz had “borrowed” a nondescript four-door sedan with heavily tinted windows to be able to attend the funeral. With the window slightly cracked, he could hear snippets of conversations as people made their way through the throng of cars starting to get backed up.
Others arrived on motorcycles, the loud pipes breaking the silence and symbolic of the stark contrast of the lifestyles of those who came to show their respect. He watched as the chairs that had been set out started to fill up. He couldn’t miss the unmistakable outline of Anthony Bear. His head and shoulders rose above the rest. Christy sat on his left, and a handsome young man, who seemed to favor Christy, sat on his right. Didn’t Bear have two boys? It was then that Grizz’s focus was drawn to the right, and he had to squint to see if his eyes were playing tricks on him. A young man, whose resemblance to Anthony was uncanny, was leaned up against a tree some distance from the others. His arms were crossed as he balanced on one foot, the other perched behind him against the large trunk. This was definitely one of Anthony’s boys, even though he wasn’t as big as Anthony—yet. Grizz could tell by his posture that he exuded the same brooding countenance as his father.
He noticed a hearse and a black limousine, followed by a few cars, pulled up on a side access road. He recognized Carter and Bill, as well as Sarah Jo and her husband, whose name he couldn’t remember and wasn’t even sure if he’d ever known it. They walked toward the big, black vehicle and guided Ginny, Mimi, and Jason out of the car and to the folding chairs.
He hadn’t realized he was holding his breath. Seeing her like this caught him off-guard. She walked stoically toward the designated area, clutching the arms of both her children, yet obviously carrying the burden of so much pain. At one point, she stopped and seemed to bring them closer to her. After a brief moment, she regained her composure and kept walking. Mimi and Jason. Mimi, an almost exact carbon copy of her mother at that age. Jason, the spitting image of a ten-year-old Tommy.
Grizz felt a lump forming in his throat and a hard wave of nausea. He felt as out-of-place as a football player in a ballet recital. An imposter. He was glimpsing a world he knew nothing about. One he tried to pretend existed for him and Ginny during their ten-year marriage, but one he hadn’t experienced. Raising a family.
It was Tommy who’d been a real husband to her and a real father to the children. Tommy, who’d wiped butts and noses. Tommy, who’d gone to school recitals and met with teachers. Tommy, who’d purposely kept his family as far away as possible from anything criminal or illegal.
What had he done? He told Ginny he’d quit that lifestyle when they had a baby. He didn’t get away from that life for her. He’d put a condition on it.
He was a prick.
He hadn’t realized how far his thoughts had wandered when a voice carried on the soft breeze and found its way through the tiny opening of the car window. It was Sarah Jo. She was addressing the mourners. He listened with half an ear, his heart in his throat.
“Solomon told us in the Book of Ecclesiastes that there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.”
Sarah Jo then went on to share some stories about knowing Tommy as a child. Grizz stopped paying too much attention, instead gazing at Ginny, at her long hair and her beautiful face. He heard some mild chuckles as Sarah Jo recited a happy memory.
“And you know what I told him when he fell in that puddle? I told him he was getting his just desserts for squirting me down with the hose. It was tit for...” She paused as if she was overcome with emotion. She cleared her throat and started to tell another story.
Another round of quiet chuckles followed, but Grizz barely heard them. He stared out the windshield and was brought back from his thoughts when he sensed movement. The funeral was over. People were leaving.
He was parked behind two cars and knew he’d be expected to move his car when they pulled away. He couldn’t help but notice when a handsome man, who hadn’t been part of the group that showed up with Ginny, gently took her by the elbow and started walking her back toward the limo. There was something in the man’s posture that raised an alarm. The man was followed by two boys who walked with Jason.
Grizz didn’t know who the guy was, but he sensed a threat and instantly didn’t like him.
He heard a soft beep from behind him, realized it was time to leave. After starting the car, he shifted into drive and pressed on the gas. Something was tickling his cheek. Had a bug flown in through the cracked window? He went to wipe his face and pulled his hand back. His fingers were wet. He glanced at his hand, his first instinct to see if it was blood.
He was surprised when he realized it wasn’t blood at all.
It was tears.