Ginny
2001, Fort Lauderdale
My hands shook as I drove my children first to the grocery store and then to Grizz’s house in Laurel Falls. I had been doing some chores at home and listening to a morning TV program with half an ear when the program had been interrupted.
I don’t know how long I stood there, staring at the screen as horror unfolded on live television. I cried for the victims in those airplanes and in those buildings. I cried for the families that didn’t know if they’d be seeing their loved ones again. I cried for the country, my country, that I loved so dearly. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Here. In the United States. But it had, and it would forever change the course of American history.
My first thought was for my children. I wanted to be near them. I didn’t believe they were in any danger at their schools, but the need to be close to them was overpowering and definite.
My second thought was for Grizz. He made me feel safe. I wanted to be near Grizz. I racked my brain as I drove to their schools, trying to figure out if I knew anybody who might’ve been out of town and visiting where the attacks had taken place. I couldn’t think of anyone then, but as the weeks passed, the tragic news of someone’s loss would reach me, and I’d mourn for them. As it would turn out, I didn’t know anybody that hadn’t been affected to some degree by what happened that horrible Tuesday morning.
I talked with my children as we made our way to Grizz’s house. I had told myself, and truly believed, that I would be keeping them away from him. Yet driving to his home with them somehow felt right. Was it because of the air of authority and protection he exuded? He’d always made me feel safe, and I wanted that for my children, as well. I felt they were especially vulnerable since they had lost their father earlier in the year.
I had been right. Jason was downright afraid. His voice was shaky as he peppered me with questions on the drive to Grizz’s.
I saw his eyes widen when Grizz answered the door. I held my breath.
“James!” Jason cried.
He lunged for Grizz, wrapping his arms tightly around his waist. I watched Grizz hold him as he looked at me and then at Mimi, his eyes unsure as Jason clung tightly to him. My son had his face buried in Grizz’s stomach. I let out the breath I’d been holding and nodded.
“Did you hear what happened, James? Did you hear about it?” Jason asked as Mimi and I walked in, closing the door behind us.
I started to get tears in my eyes as I watched Jason look up at Grizz, still clinging to him tightly. It was then that I remembered how loving my little boy always was, especially with Tommy. There had been lots of hugging and physical affection between father and son, and Jason had obviously missed that. The men in our lives—teachers, coaches, even Alec—who had stepped in to offer comfort had all eventually gone back to their lives. They were still kind and loving and continued to include Jason in their activities. But all talk and memories of Tommy, the stories Jason craved, the stories Jason still needed to hear had slowly faded away as people returned to their lives and routines.
This man from Tommy’s past, James, would be a new source of comfort to my hurting child. I looked over at Mimi and could see she recognized it, too. I felt a warmness invade my heart. I swiped at the tears and was heading for the kitchen to get a napkin when I almost tripped over a dog.
Less than an hour later, I sat next to Mimi under the shade of a large tree and watched as Grizz showed Jason how to bait a hook and cast his line. I recognized the spot as one he’d taken me to more than fifteen years ago. I hadn’t realized how far out we must have driven back in the eighties. Development had been spreading west but apparently hadn’t reached Grizz’s favorite fishing spot. I quietly strummed my guitar as we talked.
“He likes him, Mom,” Mimi said quietly. “He really likes him.”
I knew she was referring to Jason’s fascination with Grizz.
“I know he does.”
We didn’t say anything else for a few minutes. I watched Grizz lean over and say something to Jason as he nodded back my way. Jason handed Grizz his fishing pole and ran toward me, his face flushed.
“James thinks I might need more sunscreen,” he told me breathlessly. It was hot, and the heat was taking its toll on my son.
I laid down my guitar and after lathering him up and sending him back to Grizz with two cold drinks, I turned to look at Mimi. She was sitting up, resting both elbows on her knees. She raised a bottle of water to her lips and took a sip.
“Do you?” I asked her. She looked over at me. “Like him?”
“I think I do, Mom. I can’t tell you why. I certainly don’t have a reasonable explanation as to why I like him. You seem happy right now. Happier than you’ve been since Dad died.”
That was a revelation that startled me. Today had started out so awful, but as our day progressed, a calmness had settled over me. Grizz had been smart to take us away from the noise of the city. To a place where we wouldn’t be continuously reminded of what had happened this morning.
Of course, we would have to face the harsh reality of today’s events, but it was almost therapeutic being away for a few hours. It was nice being with him and my children. Together.
The realization that I was doing something Tommy would probably disapprove of caught me off-guard. Almost immediately, I jumped to my feet and started packing up our picnic lunch and shouting orders that it was time to go. Jason whined that it was still early and he didn’t have homework.
I caught a questioning glance from Grizz, but he didn’t try to dissuade me or change my mind. He quietly told Jason he would take him fishing another time.
“Thank you for the picnic, Gr...James,” I said without looking at him. “We have a busy week coming up, though. Jason has back-to-back games, so probably not. There won’t be time for another fishing trip.”
“Awww, Mom,” Jason started to say, but he recognized the look I gave him and didn’t say anything else until something occurred to him.
“James, do you want to come watch me play? You wanna come to one of my games?”
“I’ll see if I can make it, Jason.”
I eyed Grizz and knew he was lying. He wouldn’t be going to watch any of Jason’s games and I knew why. He didn’t want to be seen, and he didn’t have the heart to tell my son he wouldn’t be going and didn’t want to disappoint him.
“You know what?” I asked, a reassuring sense of calm starting to come over me. “It’s still early. We can stay longer. Go on, Jason. You haven’t caught one yet.”
I saw the small nod of approval from Mimi and avoided Grizz’s glance as I sat back down, picked up my cell phone and started fiddling with it.
“No signal,” Mimi said blandly.
“Yeah, I can see that now.” I placed my phone back on the blanket between us. “I guess it’s driving you a bit nuts, huh? Not being able to text your friends.”
I leaned over and dug a container of fruit out of the cooler.
“Not really. Things have been different since school started.”
“How’s that?” I popped a chunk of pineapple in my mouth.
“I don’t know, Mom. I can’t explain it. With everything that’s happened this past year—the Leslie thing, the disasters with Elliott and Slade, him.” She nodded toward Grizz. “And of course, Dad dying. Well, I guess the things that are important to my friends just don’t seem so important to me anymore. Even more so after what happened today. I feel—different. I’m just not interested in the same things they are now.”
It was totally understandable, and I told Mimi I thought maybe her feelings were what it meant to be on the brink of a different type of maturity. I also told her I was sorry her sudden leap into adulthood came with such a high cost, the biggest being the loss of Tommy, but she explained that she felt ready for it. She was ready for a change, but she wasn’t sure exactly what it was.
“Well, I hope you’ll share it with me when you do decide, Mimi. I’m here for you. You know that, right, honey?”
She smiled at me, a bright big beautiful Mimi smile, and then lifted her water bottle as if making a toast.
“To the future, Mom.”
“To the future, Mimi.” I lifted my own drink as I pondered what our future could possibly hold.
**********
We found ourselves back at Grizz’s house where we grilled the fish he and Jason had caught. After eating dinner and cleaning up, I told my children they needed to thank James for a nice day and say their goodbyes. Jason was disappointed but tired, so he didn’t put up too much resistance. The afternoon heat of the Everglades had worn him down.
I felt a bit wilted myself and was suddenly concerned about my appearance. I self-consciously started tucking my hair behind my ear and touching my face when I felt a warm breath at my ear.
“You’re beautiful.”
I turned to see Grizz next to me, his expression unreadable, and I cast a quick glance at my children. They hadn’t noticed. I was all of a sudden very anxious to get home to a hot shower.
After some more chit-chat in his doorway, I thought we’d said the last of our goodbyes when I heard Mimi ask, “So, James, do you think you can teach me how to drive?”