Ginny
2000, Fort Lauderdale (After the Execution)
“You did what?” Tommy asked me, as I lay wrapped in his arms that night. The look of disbelief on his face was almost comical.
“I showed up at your office all ready to seduce you and went to lunch with Alec instead. You were out with Eileen,” I told him, laughing and trying not to blush at the entire situation again.
He pulled back to look at me, a knowing glint in his eyes. “You haven’t done that since my birthday! What made today so special? And before you answer that, remind me to kick myself in the ass for taking Eileen to have her car fixed.”
He got serious then as something dawned on him.
“Oh Gin, I didn’t even ask you how today went. You were supposed to clean out Carter’s garage. Did you do it? Are you all right?”
I sat up in our bed then and faced him. I crossed my legs in front of me, resting my elbows on my knees and told him everything. From the moment I arrived at Carter’s until I got home from my lunch date with Alec. I told him about my childhood Bible and the letter and other paperwork it contained. I told him about the box I found in the guesthouse. About the earrings I’d put away for Mimi. I told him everything except for the fact that one of Grizz’s bikes was missing. I had no intention of ever wearing that bandana so it made absolutely no sense to let Tommy worry or think about something that would never happen. No. Grizz was dead and gone as far as I was concerned, and I would not allow him to drive another wedge between my husband and me.
I suddenly felt lighter as the emotional baggage I'd carried all day evaporated. It felt good to get everything off my chest. Well, until I looked at Tommy’s creased brow. He looked worried.
“Are you okay, Ginny? I mean, the letter from Delia has to be messing with you. Especially after we’ve put so much behind us. To dig something like that up from the past. To know how your father died. Why Delia treated you the way she did. And the fact that you had a sister that died, too. It just seems like a lot to digest, honey. Do you want to talk more about it?”
The love in his eyes was so genuine, and I couldn’t help but notice the little spark I saw when I told him I’d asked Carter to throw away the cardboard box of Grizz’s keepsakes. I leaned over to kiss him.
“No, Tommy. I don’t want to talk about it, and truthfully, I don’t need to.”
“You’re okay, Ginny? You’re really okay? You’d tell me, right?”
I gently kissed his neck as my hand made its way down his flat stomach in search of his manhood.
“Yes, I would tell you. I’m fine. I’m really fine,” I whispered in his ear.
I could feel his body relax as he exhaled loudly, his growing erection evidence that he wanted me as much as I wanted him. He started to turn me on my back, but I stopped him.
“This is my night, and I’m in charge.” Quickly, I straddled him. He smiled as I reminded him of Delia’s note and the discovery of my real birth certificate. “So you see, you’re actually married to an older woman.”
Our lovemaking was hurried as I was again fueled by the burning need from earlier that day to have Tommy inside of me. My knuckles turned white as I gripped the headboard tightly while Tommy’s fingers expertly matched the pace I’d been slowly building. I found my release first and had to grab his hand to pull it away from where he was touching me.
“It’s too sensitive. I already came. Please—stop!” I practically screamed.
My breaths came in short, quick intervals, my head was thrown back and my eyes were closed. I slowed my pace and opened my eyes. I saw the want, the desire, the absolute need in his eyes. And giving him a slow sensual smile, I went back to the rhythm I knew would signal his release.
After, I collapsed on top of him and laid there until our breathing returned to normal. I eventually scooted down by his side, and he pulled me close.
We started sharing more about our day, and he asked me if I wanted to do anything about my legal birth certificate. Did I want to change my name or go to some authority and have myself legally declared as Josephine Diana Dunn?
I sat up and glared down at him. “Absolutely not! I am Guinevere Love Lemon Dillon, and I’m never changing it. I’ve had enough of the aliases and false identities, Tommy. Do you want to change your birth certificate to your real name, Thomas James Talbot?”
We both knew his birth certificate had been falsified years earlier to make him think he was Blue’s brother. Blue’s real name was Keith Dillon and Tommy’s falsified birth certificate reflected that surname, Dillon.
We both looked at each other then, and I knew that we were thinking the same thing. Thomas James Talbot still wouldn’t be Tommy’s real name. Grizz was raised by his stepfather and apparently had never even known his own father’s real name. Trying to go back and figure out Grizz’s true identity would be like dropping ourselves into a dark abyss, and both of us had worked too hard to make forward progress. Not go in the opposite direction.
No. We would remain Tommy and Ginny Dillon.
But maybe there was something we still could do.
“You know what I think we should do?”
He shook his head and his eyes widened as he waited for my reply.
“I think we should say to heck with my real birth certificate and our false birth certificates that we’ve used all these years. To heck with it all.” I paused to see if he would reply, but he just stared at me. “I think we should do whatever we need to do to make our names—the names we’re used to and have been using—made legal.”
I raised my eyebrows, giving him a hopeful expression. He didn’t say anything at first. Then he smiled, nodded in understanding.
“I think our attorney can discreetly file whatever paperwork is necessary to have our names legitimately and legally changed to Thomas Dillon and Guinevere Lemon,” he said.
He yawned then and rolled over on his side. His eyes were getting heavy, but I saw him notice the wide grin I gave him, and he acknowledged it with another yawn followed by a small smile. I could tell he was relieved we were moving forward in a positive way. After all, we’d renewed our marriage vows with those names. That’s who we were, and that’s who we would always be.
“Another thing—the cars and bikes,” I said. “Now that I’ve given it more thought, I really don’t want to deal with selling them. Do you think it would be wrong for me to get in touch with Axel? I mean, he’s legit now, and I know he’ll take them and give us a fair price.”
“I can call him for you,” he answered in a sleepy voice.
“I’ve handled everything up until now, Tommy. I can handle one more phone call.”
“That’s good, Gin. I have a lot on my plate at work,” he barely answered.
He was right. He’d missed a lot of work during our separation, and even though he didn’t have to, I knew he wanted to make up for it. He was feeling somewhat guilty for putting the extra work on Alec when Alec had been going through personal problems of his own.
“I’m not tired. I think a hot bath will help,” I said as I softly kissed his cheek. I wasn’t sure if he heard me or not. I could hear his quiet snores as I got myself out of bed and headed for our bathroom.
I loved to take long hot soaks in my bathtub. I started the water and tossed some vanilla bean bath salts in. I lit some candles, dimmed the lights. No need to take my clothes off. I was already naked. I grabbed a hair band and put my long brown hair into a high ponytail.
I started to climb into the tub when my eyes rested on my blue jeans that, after I’d carefully removed and stowed the diamond earrings, I’d hastily discarded on the closet floor after returning from Carter's earlier that day. I glanced at the bathroom door and noticed I’d locked it behind me—a habit from years of being barged in on by the kids.
I walked to the closet and picked my jeans up. I started to toss them in the hamper but found myself reaching into the back pocket instead.
I pulled it out.
The blue bandana.
I don’t know how long I stared at it. I don’t remember walking to the tub or climbing in. I don’t remember pulling my knees to my chest as I gently rested my face against them and quietly sobbed. The flood of water filling the huge tub drowned out any sounds I was making.
And for the first time, I understood why both Grizz and Tommy had lied to me for so many years about so many things. There were just some secrets we had to keep hidden in our hearts to shield those we loved. I didn’t agree with everything they’d kept from me, but I could now relate. They’d justified it because they thought they were protecting me. Isn’t that what I’d done just before making love to my husband?
I could never tell Tommy that Grizz was alive because it would destroy him.
I looked up from my bowed position and caught my reflection in the mirror on the back of the bathroom door. Silent tears streamed down my puffy red face.
I stared at the blue bandana that I’d hypnotically, unconsciously, wrapped around my ponytail. And I realized that a part of me still loved Grizz. Somewhere, buried deep within my heart, the memory of that love tried to claw its way to the surface.
But I knew to maintain my sanity, I would have to keep it locked away—or make a conscious effort to throw it away. For good.
With my arms still wrapped tightly around my legs, I laid my forehead back against my knees and whispered to myself, “Of course I need you. I’ll always need you. But I need Tommy too. And I’ll never sacrifice his heart to get back a piece of my own.”