Chapter Nineteen – Oliver

“Is that all you have?” I gasp in shock as Louise gets out of the cab with two rucksacks and three large bags. “There must be more. Do you need to go back and get the rest of your stuff?”

“Nope,” she chuckles loudly with a happy, if maybe slightly nervous, look on her face. “This is honestly it. I’ve emptied everything in my apartment and this is everything. I just don’t own much.”

“I suppose that will change once the baby comes. I think you’ll need all sorts then.”

“Yeah, don’t remind me.” She rolls her eyes and walks across the sidewalk to greet me. “I don’t know how I’m going to cope with it all. At least I have a chance of saving some cash to afford it all now. Thank you again for letting me come to stay with you, I really appreciate it.”

Louise looks up at me with expectant eyes, just as she has been over the last few days. I’m sure she keeps thinking that I’ll change my mind, but that’s never going to happen. I know that this is a good idea. Sure, on the surface of it, it might seem a little nuts, but underneath I know we can make this work. If I’m honest, I’m actually a little excited about trying it. I haven’t ever wanted to share my space with anyone before. It’ll be like a little practice, to see if I can ever be in a real relationship when the times comes. If the time comes. Oh God, if only my mom could see me now.

“You are more than welcome, like I said there’s plenty of space. Come on, let’s go inside.”

We take the elevator up through the floors of my building, during which time I negotiate taking some of her bags from her. She’s more determined to be independent than any woman I’ve ever met before, and that doesn’t even change when she has a baby inside of her. I suppose it’s because she’s always had to be that way, she hasn’t had any choice because she’s pretty much always been alone.

“Right, it’s this one. Come inside.” I move her from the elevator to my apartment quickly because I’m afraid Rita might come out. While we didn’t leave things on bad terms, it wasn’t the nicest of moods either. I’m sure the situation will be misconstrued if she comes out to see me moving another girl into my apartment after what happened. She’ll think I used her for all the wrong reasons. Since she’s clearly avoiding me I’m sure it’ll be okay, but I better be cautious just in case. “Here.”

“Oh wow, this apartment really is huge!” Louise gushes as she walks inside. “I mean, I lived in an apartment too, but it wasn’t anything like this. It was basically all in one room. This is… it’s crazy.” She spins and takes it all in, which causes me to laugh appreciatively. “This is awesome.”

I stand back and watch her for a few moments, simply enjoying the sight of her in my home. She suits it, she looks good, despite the fact that it’s a bachelor pad that’s never had a woman’s touch, she looks like she belongs. If the situation was anything different, then she could belong here.

“Come on,” I eventually feel compelled to interject before I lose myself in my imagination. “Let me show you to your room.” I had the bedroom spruced up for her and I really hope she likes it.

I open the door wider and show her the inside which makes her gasp really happily. “Oh my goodness, are you sure, Oliver? This is really nice. I mean, it’s gorgeous. It’s much nicer than my whole apartment. It might even be bigger… look at the bed, and the wardrobe.”

“It’s got an en suite bathroom too,” I jump in, loving her happiness. It makes me feel so good to be able to do something so nice for Louise. She really deserves it. “So, you have your own space.”

It seems that she acts without even thinking about it, because the next minute her arms have flung around me and she’s clinging onto me for dear life. I can feel her shoulder shaking against me, which suggests she might be weeping. I just really hope that it’s happy tears! I want this to be a nice moment for both of us and the time that we really cement our friendship.

“So, you like it then?” I ask brightly. “You think you can settle in here for a while.”

“Oh you don’t want me to settle in,” she mumbles into my chest. “You might never get rid of me. I might end up staying forever and ever, this is the nicest apartment I’ve seen in my life.”

In the past, a statement like that would have definitely freaked me out. There’s no doubt about it. Whether this was a friendship deal or not I would be regretting my offer and trying to squirm out of it. I’d probably just buy her home to get her out of mine… but Louise’s statement leaves me nothing but relaxed. Oddly calm, actually. Like I never want her to leave.

“Right.” Finally I step back and I give her some space. Or me some space, since I’m the one freaking out. “I’ll give you some time to get settled in. Once you’re ready give me a yell and I’ll put the kettle on. Make us a coffee, or a tea, whatever it is that you’re allowed. Sound good?”

“Yep, sounds good. I’ll see you in a bit.”

As I move back through my apartment, I feel like I’m floating on air, like all of this isn’t totally real. If someone had told me that I’d find myself in this situation only a few months ago I would’ve called them insane. But here I am, practically cohabiting! It’s madness, but in a really good way.

I flop onto the couch and I flick the television on. There’s a football game on, but it isn’t enough to capture my attention. Instead I find myself daydreaming about what my life would be like to have someone permanently by my side. I’ve never thought of myself as a lonely person before, more as the mad, party guy who’s always having fun, but now that I’m really examining myself in a way that I haven’t done so before I’m not sure that it really has been all that great. Aside from Simon, no one really knows me. They only see my persona. And while random, meaningless hook ups have been fun, they leave me very inexperienced in a certain area, and that’s opening up and being honest about myself. I’ve been far more open with Louise than anyone else before, and I kinda like it. I’m vulnerable and surprisingly it isn’t the worst thing that could ever happen to me.

“Okay, I think I’m done.” A smile bursts onto my face as I hear Louise talking. “And I could really use that coffee you were talking about before. I’m parched.”

“Of course.” I leap up, flick the TV off and head towards the kitchen. There, as the kettle boils, I do what I can to get my game face back on. I can’t let Louise know that I’ve been mooning and daydreaming. We’re doing what we can to make this as normal as possible. I can’t start being weird.

I take the drink back into the living room where Louise is waiting for me. I can tell that she’s been pacing, which means she has something intense on her mind. I don’t want to know what it is because it might ruin this really nice day that we’ve been having so far.

“I’ve been thinking…” Okay, she’s going to tell me whether I like it or not. “What are we going to say to people at work? If I’m commuting with you every day then won’t they talk?”

“Huh.” It’s weird, the gossip that I was so desperate to prevent not so long ago now doesn’t feel important to me at all. I don’t care now what people say and I’m not sure what’s changed. “I mean, I don’t think it matters too much because people might talk anyway, but you can always say that you split up with the father of your child and you need somewhere to stay. It isn’t too far from the truth.”

“But, won’t you get in trouble? If people start thinking that we’re together?”

“It won’t matter because we’re telling the truth. There isn’t anything going on, this is just a friend doing one favor for another friend. I don’t think we have anything to worry about.”

But as Louise gives me an intense look, I wonder how truthful we’re being. Are we just fooling ourselves by thinking that we can keep things above board by sharing an apartment? My home might be big but there’s no way we can completely avoid one another. Maybe we’ve accidently put ourselves in the worst situation possible and we’ll never be able to resist, just like during the appointment…

But then Louise reaches down and she touches her slightly swollen belly, reminding me that it’ll never happen. She isn’t in a place of hooking up and I’m only helping her own. I’m going to be respectful and keep away from her because it’s the right thing to do. Her life is complicated enough without me interfering and meddling, just because I can’t control myself.

“Well, if you’re sure.” She shrugs. “I don’t care so much about gossip because I’m pretty sure I’ve always been talked about. I just don’t want you to get into any trouble.”

We sip our drinks in silence, both of us trying our best to ignore the weird tension that’s filled the air, but there’s no denying that it’s there. It’s a shame, because there will always be something unanswered between me and Louise, and it isn’t going to help that we’ll never get our closure.

Still, we’re both adults, we can be each other’s friends. I’m sure once we’re more used to each other’s living habits the attraction will grow. This might even make it a whole lot easier. Who knows?

“Do you have anything planned today?” I ask her cordially. “I left the whole day free because I assumed it’d take you that long to get moved in!”

“Oh well, I don’t really have anything planned either. I thought it all might take a lot longer, so I guess we’ve got a long old Sunday stretched out in front of us.”

I don’t know if I can stand that, it all feels like too much pressure. We need to get out and do something so we can ease into this at a much better pace. If things start off weird and complicated, that will only get worse. I don’t want that, it’ll ruin everything.

“Why don’t we go and see a movie?” I ask while pulling my wallet out my pocket to shake it at her. “And something to eat afterwards, my treat. We need to do something to celebrate your moving in, don’t we? Why not do that by being out of the house!” I laugh at my crap joke. “If you want?”

“Oh sure.” The most adorable grin ever crosses Louise’s face. “That sounds really nice actually. I can’t remember the last time I went out to watch a movie. I don’t even care what we see, I just love being in the movie theatre! Can we get popcorn?”

“Of course we can, whatever you want. Popcorn, chocolate, chips. Let’s do this.”

Yeah, this is going to be fine. I can’t envision any problems coming our way. It might be a little bit weird because of what happened, but I’m sure we can make this work. I have confidence in me and Louise. We can make this friendship happen.