Chapter Twenty Six – Louise

It feels strange sitting in a restaurant opposite Oliver with this new dynamics between us. In his home it’s one thing, but out in public I feel like there’s much more pressure on us. Maybe to the outside world it seems very normal and, why wouldn’t it? We might just be another normal couple out on a date night before our baby is born, with just a bit (okay, a lot) of an age difference, but we know different. I know that Oliver is old enough to potentially be my father and that his commitment phobia means that he hasn’t ever been in a relationship before, and he knows that I’m isolated, naïve, and pregnant by someone else. Maybe all of that spells disaster in the future, I just don’t know.

“Everything looks really nice on the menu, doesn’t it?” Oliver smiles, ever the gentleman.

“It really does. I don’t know what I want.” In reality I’ve barely looked at the food. I keep peering over the menu and looking at him, drinking in his gorgeous appearance. He’s far too handsome for me, yet he wants to be with me for some reason. It’s amazing. “What are you going to have?”

At that moment, the waiter comes over to take our order. Because I don’t know what I want I’m more than happy to let Oliver do it for me. He orders me some sort of chicken dish which sounds lovely. I dust down my navy blue dress and give him a coy smile as he speaks, loving the way that his lips move. He brought me this dress to give me something nice to wear and it feels awesome. I’ve never seen the point in buying designer clothes before, but now I totally see it.

“…and sparkling water for both of us please. Is that okay with you, Louise?”

I nod mutely, amazed at how much he doesn’t seem to mind not drinking. I know that he’s driving, but he doesn’t have to. We could just as easily grab a cab. It’s almost as if he wants to do it in solidarity with me. Like a genuine, real father. I can’t imagine the elusive ‘Adam’ – who I’m sure must be called something else because no one knows him at all – being this good. He’d have just run faster.

“Thank you for bringing me out,” I say quietly once we’re left alone again. “You were right. This is a really good idea and I’m glad you made me come out with you.”

“I know how tempting it is to lock ourselves away from the world and to just keep to ourselves,” Oliver replies with a grave, serious tone of voice. “But we don’t have anything to hide or be ashamed of. And if we’re really going to give it a go then we have to do it properly. I want the world to know about us. I want them all to realize that we’ve actually managed to find happiness.”

His words give me an intense feeling of hope. I’ll admit it, I’m not totally sure that we can keep this going to the end because there are a lot of ways this could all fall apart. I’m doing everything that I can to prepare myself for that inevitability, but at the same time Oliver hasn’t done anything to make me really doubt him. He’s being incredible with me, I feel so damn lucky to have him. Maybe, despite every single odd in the world being stacked against us, we might make this happen.

“Yeah me too.” I bite down coyly on my bottom lip and glance up at Oliver through my eyelashes. “When are we going to start telling people at work? Or is that a step too far? I don’t want to keep us a secret necessarily but at the same time I don’t want to get in trouble.”

Oliver’s face darkens. “I think it might be better if I go into a meeting and tell the HR department and the bosses. I want to explain it all properly and let them know that this is real. This isn’t just me screwing around and having a fling. There are real feelings here.”

I hate leaving control of my future in someone else’s hands but I think this might be for the best. I’m too hormonal to deal with judgmental stares which I’m sure I’ll end up getting. There’s no hiding my baby and I’ve already told everyone that it isn’t Oliver’s, so people are bound to talk. I cannot believe it, I’m the office slut. Who the hell would have ever thought that?

“Yeah maybe.” I purse out my lips, trying to consider this as logically as I can. “I’m sure you’re the best choice but you know that they’ll probably stop me shadowing you. I might be made to work with one of the other doctors. Maybe I’ll even get sent to another practice entirely.”

I don’t mind really, I can be adaptable if I need to, but I’m in the middle of a pregnancy and I don’t know if anyone else will want me. They’ll have to adapt to me with all kinds of health and safety regulations. At least with Oliver he does everything that I can’t for me. It’s easy.

“Oh yeah, I think you might be right.” Oliver drums his fingers along the table and he furrows his eyebrows while he thinks and plans out his next move. “Yeah, maybe we should wait until you leave for your maternity break. That way, plans can be made while you’re off anyway and you can also take a time out to plan what you want to do. You never know, you might change your mind.”

I cradle my stomach knowing that he’s right. My desire and drive to be a doctor is still there, burning amber underneath the surface, but it’s combined with an intense need to be a mother. All I want is to be there for my baby. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to leave him to be raised in the hands of someone else. I suppose that’s something that I’ll have to work out after the baby is born.

“Yeah, that’s probably for the best. Thank you, Oliver, it means a lot to have you here.”

Oliver reaches across the table and he takes my hands in his. He ends the super practical conversation – which I like because it shows me how serious he is about me – with a powerful loving look. It sends a powerful shiver right from the bottom of my spine to my shoulder. I know for a fact that I have fallen for this man way too quickly, overwhelmingly so but actually I don’t mind. I want to fall for him because he deserves it. He has been better to me than anyone who’s ever come before.

If only my mother could see me now, I think happily to myself. Maybe we weren’t always close but I think that’s because she wanted to protect me from everything that she was suffering, but I still miss her every day. I still wish I could share all my big moments with her, especially happy ones like this. Me and Oliver, solidifying what we’ve built up and finally just being together.

“We have a bigger problem than facing work anyway,” Oliver warns me. “You haven’t met my mother yet.” My heart jolts in my chest because he doesn’t ever talk about his own parents. I must have drawn this information out of him with the power of thought alone. “She’s going to go nuts when she meets you. All she wants is for me to settle down. She’ll be over the moon that you’ve tamed me.”

I can’t resist smirking to myself as he says that. I like the idea that I’m the one who’s tamed him. I wasn’t even trying to, I was trying to keep myself the hell away from me, but the magnetism between us kept pulling us both back in. No matter how hard we tried.

“What will she say about me having a baby?” I lean in and ask him. “Surely that will make her mad at me?” I shake my head rapidly from side to side. “No, this isn’t fair. I haven’t ever had to deal with meeting parents before. I don’t think this is the time for me to start, do you?”

Oliver laughs out a booming sound that comes deep from within his chest. His mirth does nothing to dull the intense butterflies flapping violently in my stomach. This has progressed to something much too rapidly and I don’t know if I can hack it. It’s just too damn much!

“Oh my goodness, my mother will not have anything bad to say about you, trust me! She’s going to love you so much.” He shakes his head and smiles. “You have no idea.”

I still don’t feel very confident, not like he does. His mother must be at least in her sixties considering her son is almost forty. What will she think about us? Will she think I’m a gold digger or something? I’m very aware that I might look that way, and it’s an assumption that I don’t like… but if this is important to Oliver then I’ll have to find a way to make her see that it isn’t my intention.

“Okay,” I breathe out a sigh. “If that’s what you want, then I’ll do it.”

Oliver squeezes my hands. “I will be there, you don’t have to worry about things so much. I’m not going anywhere, honestly.” I cock my head at him, hoping that’s the truth. “Trust me.”

At that moment, our food is brought to our table which leaves me without the option of answering Oliver about where my trust levels lie. It’s not that I don’t believe his words because I know that right now he means them, I’m just concerned that everything will change when the baby is here. Maybe it’ll all be too much for him then, going through all of that hardship for a child that isn’t his.

With our plates in front of us, we each dig in to the wonderful food that tastes as good as it smells and as we do I feel my heart soar. It’s easy, especially for someone like me who’s prone to worrying about absolutely everything, to get tied up in what may or may not happen in the future. For once I’m really trying my utmost to enjoy time with him and right now I’m here with him.

“You look truly beautiful tonight,” Oliver comments with a smile as he watches me.

It seems that he’s going through a similar emotional roller coaster as I am. “I feel really lucky to be here.”

My eyes well with shining happy tears, I’m the lucky one for sure. “Oliver!” I scold in a teasing, playful voice. “You fully well know that I’m an emotional, hormonal wreck at the moment. You can’t go saying nice things like that.”

An elderly woman walks past and smiles at me and Oliver with a knowing look in her eyes. “You two are a wonderful couple,” she exclaims in the way that only someone who’s been alive for a very long time will do. “I haven’t seen two people looking so happy for a very long time.”

“Oh we are!” Oliver exclaims without an ounce of shame. “We’re incredibly happy. But how could I not be with this gorgeous woman in front of me.”

“Oh I agree with you. You two really suit each other.”

I can see the love shining behind his gaze which balls a lump up in my throat. He looks like he might be falling just as hard for me as I am for him which is awesome. I don’t want unrequited love, especially not now. I just hope it’s strong enough to get us through the future… not that I’m worried too much about the future…