Chapter Nine – Oliver

Why is Louise’s name on the list to see a gynecologist? I don’t understand it. I know that she’s sick, she told me that much, but I thought it was a stomach thing. She made out that’s what it was anyway, but now I’m kinda worried. Of course she isn’t on my list, but I suppose that’s to be expected. She won’t want to see me when she has to work so closely with me but I really want to see her. I want to rebuild that bridge between us, I want to make things right, and I don’t know why but I have the funny feeling that I can win her around if I’m the one who sees her, who examines her and offers her a cure to whatever ails her. She might be embarrassed to start with, but I’ll put her at ease.

I glance left and right, trying to check that no one is watching me then I secretly rub her name off the list and write her onto mine. My heart thumps painfully in my chest as I do so but I don’t regret my decision. I’m so good at winning the affections of women while I examine them. I don’t see why I can’t do that again. I won’t act in a way I shouldn’t, but I’ll just get her to like me again.

Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…

My heart almost leaps out of my skin when my cell phone blasts out in my pocket. I clutch it, fumbling with the buttons and I hit answer without much thinking about it.

“Hello?” a voice calls from the other end. “Hello? Oliver, are you there?”

“Oh, hi Mom.” I almost roll my eyes as I pick up, I just know that this is going to be a lecture that I really don’t want to hear. “How are you doing? Was the cruise nice?”

She and my father have worked hard all their lives and now they finally have the money they need to travel the world which they do via cruises. To me it sounds really boring, I couldn’t imagine anything worse than sitting on a boat for months on end with familiar faces surrounding me, but then that’s why I’m not the one doing it. If it makes them happy then fine.

“Yes, it was. Sorry I didn’t call you on your birthday we were out in the middle of the ocean somewhere. I have transferred some money into your account so you can get yourself something with it. Sorry it’s late, but I’m sure that now you’re thirty nine years old you don’t mind.”

“Nope,” I reply sharply. “I don’t mind. Thanks, Mom, that’s awesome.”

“We’re going to come and see you soon, once we get back from Thailand. I hope that’s alright with you?” As always, she doesn’t wait for me to answer, but that’s because she knows as well as I do, that she probably won’t come. I don’t mind my parents being busy, it’s better than them interfering, I just wish she wouldn’t complain all the time. “But just that I don’t have to wait all that time to catch up with you, how are things with you? Any progress with things in your life?”

“Do you mean my career or something else?” I know what she wants, I just want to tease her.

“Well, I do like hearing about your job but since I don’t understand it much I’d rather hear more about your personal life. Your love life, primarily. Are there any girls in your life right now?”

The first face that pops into my head is Louise’s. I see her sweet heart shaped face, her sparkling eyes, the way that she flicks her red hair out of the way when it dangles into her eyes… but of course I don’t say that. She doesn’t even like me at the moment, never mind anything else. Not that I want her to be mine, of course…

“No, Mom. There isn’t anyone. I’m just carrying on being me, you know.”

“Oh, Oliver. You’re going to miss out on the chance to be father at this rate…”

“Mom, I don’t want to hear it,” I snap in rapidly. “You know I don’t. If I ever decide to settle down then I’ll worry about all of that stuff then. I don’t want to freak out about it now.”

She had me when she was eighteen years old, so the fact that I’ve waited this long to even consider having kids kills her. She was scared to have me, but now she believes that it’s the best thing she’s ever done because as soon as I grew up enough to start looking after myself, she and Dad began travelling. They got their own lives back. But just because that’s her opinion I don’t know why I have to have that idea forced on me too. I want to live in my own way, the way that makes me happy.

“Oh, Oliver, I don’t think you get it.” Mom sighs, sounding incredibly frustrated with me.

“One day you’ll see exactly what I’m talking about and you’ll wish you did it sooner. I just don’t want you to have too many regrets. The last thing I want is for you to end up too old to have everything that you want in life. Things that you probably don’t even realize that you need yet! I want you to be happy.”

“I am happy,” I say through gritted teeth. “I love my life at the moment.”

“Right, if you say so.”

I don’t know why she sounds like she doesn’t believe me one bit, but there’s no point in arguing with her. I can’t get entangled in that vicious circle with no escape again. It’s pointless, especially when we don’t talk much as it is.

“I have to go because your dad is calling me, but I’ll give you a call again as soon as I can. Once we’re somewhere with cell phone signal.”

“Okay, Mom.” I huff without meaning to. “I’ll speak to you soon. Bye.”

I sigh loudly and glance at the floor in a moment of distress. Even though that conversation didn’t lead anywhere and wasn’t even that long but it left me emotionally drained. I never miss answering the calls from my parents, but the conversations about settling down and creating a family drives me right down into the ground. I just don’t want it, why can’t she understand that? It won’t make any difference to her anyway. If she’s always around the world travelling, she won’t even be a super involved grandparent, so why does she care so much? I’m sure it’s just to annoy me!

“That’s your Mom?” Simon asks in a bemused voice from behind me. “What this time? Get married and have a hundred children? Or did she have something new to say?”

“Nope. Same as usual. Urgh, I need a coffee. Come on, let’s go into the canteen.”

I follow Simon into the other room and scan my eyes over the people in there already. Of course I’m only looking for one person, but I don’t want it to seem that way. I’m already pretty sure that she won’t be here since she’s still ill and won’t be here until her appointment time, but I have to check.

“Your girl still not here?” Simon asks me casually. When I shake my head, he continues talking. “I think I might ask her out. What do you think? You think she’s like me?”

His words make my heart ball up in my throat. My blood runs ice cold and I feel my veins freeze over. The thought of Simon taking Louise out and treating her in the causal way that he treats all women makes me feel sick. This isn’t normally something I’d care about, but now I do. Even if I like a girl that he’s interested in, I just see it as fun competition. We haven’t ever fought over a chick, none of us are ever that bothered about them, it’s just a friendly competition that’s all.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I repeat much too quickly. My cheeks flame as I speak, with a bit of embarrassment and a lot of anger. “You know how work place romances end.”

“Romance, pfft,” he scoffs. “I don’t want romance, just a quick screw. She’s only a trainee anyway so she won’t be here long. Just enough time for me to have some fun.” He elbows me playfully in the side. “A lot of fun too, judging by the wicked look she has. That cheekiness in her eyes.”

My blood bubbles and boils, all the iciness I was feeling only a moment before zaps from my body completely and leaves me all hot. The idea of Simon even talking to Louise is bad enough, but the fear that she might say yes utterly kills me. I don’t want that one bit, and I’m pretty sure at the moment she wouldn’t want to hear anything that I have to say about Simon and his reputation, especially after she’s seen my behavior, so there isn’t even anything I can do.

“You don’t want to lose your job, do you?” I mutter quietly. “So, it might be best to keep away.”

“Don’t tell me you’re quoting the rules at me.” Simon rolls his eyes dramatically. “You’re always the one who’s breaking them and you know it.”

He folds his arms across his chest and glares at me. “Is there something going on between you two already? Is that why you want me out of the way?”

“No, not at all.” Shit, my voice was much too snappy then! “I just don’t think you and Louise will suit each other, that’s all. She isn’t as fun as she looks. You won’t like her.”

“Hmm, right, sure.” I can tell that Simon doesn’t believe me, but thankfully he seems prepared to drop it for the time being. “I better get to work with Hector, but I’ll see you later on.”

Between him and my mother I feel all tied up in knots, I don’t know where my head is at. I don’t know where my feelings for Louise lie at the moment and it’s very confusing. I know I like her and I want to talk to her some more, I also know that I’m attracted to her, but could it be more than that? Could I actually feel more for her than any female that’s come before?

No, it can’t be that, I’m sure of it. It’s probably just because I haven’t had her yet and I can’t. The desperation to screw her is driving me nuts. At this point I might just have to do it, just so I can start acting like a normal human again. This is sending me over the edge into insanity! I don’t like feeling so out of control of myself, especially over someone so young and innocent, someone who doesn’t even damn well know what she’s doing to me.

I grab my coffee cup and I take it into my office where I check my appointment list. Serena will be here any moment, and she’s someone who I can also have a bit of fun with if I want to. She doesn’t beg for it like a crazy person in the way that Diane does, she never takes control, but if I make that first move then she’s always prepared to have some fun. Maybe I should, just to get Louise out of my system before I see her today, but I don’t know if I’m in the mood. There’s a bit part of me that wants to wait, to lay off the hooking part today so I can be laser focused for her.

Crap, I must be going mad! I think to myself in a bemused way. This isn’t me at all.