Chapter Five – Oliver

As the second week with Louise working with me comes to an end, I sense a very different atmosphere circling the air. It started a few days ago, after I abandoned her to go to lunch by her own so I could get her out of my system with Diane, another of my awesome patients, and it’s continued ever since. At first I thought that something bad must have happened during lunch time that I wasn’t there to protect her from, but the only new thing I can see is a new friendship with one of the receptionists… and not even one who worked here when I got myself in a mess.

“Are you okay, Louise?” I ask her cautiously as she furiously scribbles notes in her pad of paper, doing anything she can as to not look at me. “You seem a little tense today.”

“Mhmm, I’m fine,” she shoots back coldly. “Just busy. Trying to get everything down.”

I nod slowly and narrow my eyes at her. Since she’s refusing to look at me it gives me all the freedom in the world to watch her. Her shoulders are up around her ears, there’s an iciness surrounding her, her walls are up really high. She’s definitely trying to shut me out.

Maybe she has heard about my previous work hook up. Someone could have told her that story, and I suppose from a female point of view I don’t come off it so well, I don’t look good. All I wanted to do was keep things casual, I tried my hardest to make that much obvious, but it backfired. Maybe Louise now sees me as the scum bag like everyone else does. I don’t want that, I don’t want her thinking bad things of me. I don’t usually care about the opinions of others, but with Louise I do. I want her to like me… even if we can only be friends.

“You know, me and some of the other doctors are going out to a bar after work tonight.” I never invite any of the trainees to this, and I know that I’ll be slated for doing so, but somehow for her I don’t mind at all. I can take the teasing if it brings Louise back to me. “If you’d like to come it could be cool. A good way for you to get to know me and some of the other senior staff a little better.”

She drags her eyes off the notes and stares at me in shock. I can understand that, it’s massively out of the blue, but I need to do something. For some reason, I’m desperate to get things back to the way they were. Not only the flirty bits between us which I can surely live without, but the friendship that was slowly starting to develop. I like that to develop further.

“Oh, wow, th… thank you,” she stammers awkwardly. “That’s a really nice request, but actually I’m busy tonight. I’ve been invited to a house warming at Julia’s new apartment. She’s quite a new friend and I like her a lot, so I don’t want to let her down.”

“Right, of course.” I can tell by the detail that she’s just offered me that she’s telling the truth, but that doesn’t make it any easier to hear. The fact that she probably would have said yes if she didn’t have that on makes me cringe. “Maybe another time then, we do it a lot.”

“Sure. Another time.” She glances at the appointment list and see’s Diane’s name on there. To be fair this is someone who comes her way too often, I don’t know what excuse she gives her husband, but if she wants to pay to see me and usually fool around then I’m usually all for it.

“Right, well I’m going to head to the canteen to get us both a coffee.” As she stands, I wonder what she’s playing at. She doesn’t usually dip out of appointments like this. “I’ll be back once you’ve done this job. This woman is simple, isn’t she? Not someone I need to be here for.”

Louise doesn’t wait for me to answer, she swoops from the room in a heart beat and leaves me all alone in shock. I stare after her, wondering what all of that was about. Yes, admittedly I was a bit of a dick the last time that Diane came here, but she doesn’t know what happened afterwards… does she? Oh my God, does she? Did she somehow see me and Diane?

I slump into my seat with my head in my hands as I try to work things out. That is the exact moment that things went frosty between me and Louise, so it’s very possible. But she seems like the sort of woman who would say something about it if she did. She’s a rule follower, isn’t she? She isn’t the sort of person who’d carry a massive secret like that around with her. Is she? Maybe she is, I suppose I don’t know her as well as I’d like.

God, this is a nightmare. My brain spins and I feel a little sick. What must she think of me?

“Well, hello there…” Diane’s sultry voice breaks through my shock barrier.

I drag my eyes up to see her standing up against the wall with her chest pushed out. “How are you, handsome?”

There’s a part of me that wants to be with her, to bury myself deeply into her and to just forget. Louise storming off has pretty much given me permission to do just that. If she knows, then she hasn’t said anything and she’s stepped out the way to give me the time I need to just enjoy myself, but now I don’t know if I want to. I think guilt might have the better of me and I want to just behave.

“Hop onto the bed, Diane,” I say wearily. “It’s going to just be an appointment today, I’m afraid. I’m really not in the right frame of mind for anything else.”

“Oh, poor baby.” Diane pouts out her bottom lip and she closes the gap between us. Her hand cups my groin and she strokes me gently. “What’s the matter with you? Are you sad today?”

“No, Diane.”

I try to push her away from me, but she doesn’t go anywhere. Instead she drops to her knees and she tries to prize my trousers apart. This is insane, she’s acting like a crazy, desperate person who is here to please me the other way around. “Please stop.”

“I’m not going to stop,” she gasps. “You need this even if you don’t realize you do.”

I glance down at her, wondering what sort of person I’m going to be right now. Am I going to carry on the path I’ve spent my whole life travelling, knowing that it’s even seedier now because someone that I actually like and respect might know about me, or am I going to use this as a lesson and a cue that I need to change? Maybe, at thirty nine years old, it’s finally time to grow up…

***

“Oi, Oliver.” Simon shoves me in the side, bringing me back to the present moment. “What the hell is up with you tonight? You’ve been quiet ever since you got here.”

I knock back the rest of the drink and I look at him square in the eye with a certain level of defiance. “I’m fine, mate. Just a long day, that’s all. I’m tired.”

“I bet. I’d be tired too if I had to work with that little rocket all day long.” One of the other doctors laughs at his silly joke. I don’t like the way it makes me squirm, it isn’t nice to hear him talk about Louise like that, like she’s a piece of meat without any feelings. “I’d be tired too.”

“No, not like that.” I roll my eyes. At least, it isn’t like that with her. Maybe I might be a bit tired with Diane, but that’s something I don’t want to divulge. I’m ashamed of myself for caving most of all, especially when Louse finally came back in the room and she gave me a disgusted look. It was as if she knew what had happened without me even needing to tell her. “Just work, you know.”

“Yeah, yeah sure.” Simon rolls his eyes and chuckles at me. “Just fantasizing over her all day long probably leaves you a damn mess. Your wrist must be shattered.”

I don’t know why all of this hurts so much, she’s just a friend, or she was. I might be attracted to her but that doesn’t mean I like her. I don’t like anyone properly, that’s not my thing at all. Any feelings I have are only physical, nothing more. And I’m only hooked on that, because it’s taboo.

“My wrist is fine, thank you very much.” I do my best to shut Simon down. “And it’ll be even better tonight when I find someone to take home with me.”

“Man, you’re appetite is crazy. I’ve never seen anything like that.” Simon shakes his head at me. “It’s like you’re on fire at the moment, ever since you hit thirty nine you’ve got even worse.”

His words echo what Rita said to me not so long ago. What neither of them know for sure is that age has nothing to do with it. I just need to keep on screwing around until I get Louise out of my system, that’s all. Once I’m over her completely, then I’ll go back to being as I was before.

“This isn’t a mid life crisis is it?” I give Simon a look, answering him with my expression rather than my words. “Well, I don’t want you to start making a fool of yourself. You’ll have a sports car in a moment… another one, and you’ll start wearing leathers.”

“Will you shut up?” His words are loud and echoing in my brain. I don’t need this right now, I need some space to forget all the issues I have. So far, I’ve learned that there’s only one way to do that, so that’s exactly what I’m going to do. This might be a work night out, but no one expects me to stay with the group… and I don’t care if they do. “I have work to do.”

I move from the table and scan my eyes around the room, like a bird of prey searching for something to eat. I check out all the women in the room, trying to find someone who will be perfect for the night. Not someone who’s going to even expect conversation, never mind anything more. Soon I find her, a blonde sitting with three friends, flicking her hair over her shoulders as she laughs loudly, trying to gain as much attention as possible. I know the type well, she has something that she wants to forget about just like me.

Now it’s time for me to act. I need to pull her away from the group, get her to go with me, then we can both forget all our life problems in a hot and sweaty way.

“Hey there.” I lean across her chair and smile at the whole group, getting to her fast. “How are you all tonight? Can I get you girls a drink?”

“Oh sure.” They giggle and glance at each other. “Thank you.”

All of them lean forwards and push their boobs in my direction while batting their eyelashes. I have them all eating out the palm of my hand with just a few short words. Why can’t it be that easy with Louise? Not that I’m thinking about Louise right now.

“Right, champagne all round. You lot really look like you need some fun tonight, am I right?”

They all squeal and gasp in excitement, showing knowing that I’m in there. This is going to be an awesome night after all…