Chapter Four – Louise

It’s been a week, a whole week of working with Doctor Foxx, or Oliver as he still insists I call him, and my crush isn’t dampening down at all. After the first day, I thought the more time I spent with him the less I’d be attracted to him, but that hasn’t worked at all. The more I listen to him, the more knowledge that he imparts to me, the deeper I fall for him. As I watch him work, with his expert fingers, I admire him deeper. It’s only getting worse and I don’t know how to make it stop.

“Do you have any questions about the patient we just saw?” he asks me curiously.

“Erm?” I glance down at my notes, but I don’t think there’s anything I need to know. It was quite a standard appointment, all stuff I learned during my education. “No, I don’t think so.”

“You don’t ever have much to ask, do you?” He gives me a look. “You always seem to know everything. You must be incredibly smart. I suppose that’s why you graduated early.”

I shrug and blush, sensing a pride in his tone rather than a look of doubt. People don’t usually see it as a good thing that I’ve graduated so early, so it’s nice to see someone appreciate that.

“Yeah, I guess so. Or maybe I’m just a geek who’s always got her head in a book.”

“Don’t you know, geek girls are hot.” He gives me a playful wink, but it’s friendly. At least, I think it is.

Sometimes I think we’re just friends, but sometimes I get the impression that he’s attracted to me too, which makes it even harder to reel my feelings in. “So that’s good news.”

“I don’t know about that, I don’t think people think I’m hot, but sure. Thank you.”

We pause for a moment and share a second of deep eye contact. I feel emotions swirling between us that I don’t know how to decipher. I don’t know if it’s just what I want, or if it’s him too, but it feels like there’s a thick sexual tension between us. My heart thunders in my chest, a thick lump balls up in my throat, anxious butterflies flap everywhere. Does he think I’m hot? Is that what he’s trying to tell me or is this just his way? I’ve seen him make little comments to some of his patients to make them giggle and relax around him. Maybe I’m simply in that category.

I don’t know if it’s gonna help me to be honest, but at the same time I really want to know. I wish I could tear his head open and see into his brain, really know what’s going on inside of there.

“Do you, erm, want to go for your lunch break now?” Oliver drags his eyes away and he stares at the appointment list for a moment, breaking the magic. “It’s about lunch time, isn’t it?”

“Oh.” I’m taken aback by that. Usually we wait until all his appointments are done and we head to the canteen together. I like it, because it means I don’t have to sit alone. “Aren’t you coming?”

“I just have one more appointment, then I’ll be there. It’s only a quick and simple one so there isn’t any point in you hanging around. You can go ahead first and I’ll meet you in there.”

I freeze on the spot, unsure if I should go or not. I don’t know if I want to, but I don’t feel like I can argue either. There’s something about this that makes it feel more like a command than a request.

“Right, okay.” There’s a tremor in my voice as I speak. “I’ll see you in a bit then.”

“Yep. No worries. I won’t be long. I’ll see you in there.”

I grab my bag and start to leave the room, but I don’t feel right about it. I glance back to look at Oliver, but he’s refusing to make eye contact with me. I really hope I haven’t done anything wrong. Maybe he’s angry that I don’t have any questions for him, maybe it’s damaging his ego. I should change that up, try and think of anything to ask just that he can impart his wisdom. I need to remember that while he’s made that comment about me being a geek girl in a positive way, he might not actually like my intelligence. My brains always put everyone off, I don’t even know how keen Jonathon was about it, maybe that’s why it all ended much too quickly.

A sadness shrouds me as I take my seat alone in the canteen, as usual no one talks to me, but actually I’m glad for a change. I don’t want to speak to anyone, I just want to think. I want to analyze and wonder what I’ve done wrong. It’s either the fact that I haven’t massaged his ego or it’s that he can see my feelings written all over my face. He knows I’m attracted to him and he’s trying to shut me down gently. I already know that nothing can happen, even if he did like me, he doesn’t need to be mean about it. Maybe, if I can work up the bravery, I’ll try and find a way to speak to him about it once he gets in here. Maybe, I don’t know if I have that ability, but I can try.

Once I finish eating, I wait in the canteen. I sit in silence with my arms folded across my chest waiting. I ate slowly to give Oliver time to finish up with his appointment, but still he isn’t here. He definitely said that he’d come, he told me to wait here for him, but now I feel a bit silly doing so. Everyone else is moving as soon as they’ve finished eating, but I’m waiting foolishly for goodness knows what. I can almost feel all eyes upon me, people thinking that I’m strange. I don’t like it.

What the hell is going on? I glance my eyes towards the door but he’s still not there. Has he remembered what he said? I know that he’s a busy man and he gets distracted easily, but this is mad.

In the end, I feel so ridiculous that I huff and I grab up my belongings. Tears sting the back of my eyes as I know now that I have to go and face him again, which is going to be humiliating. I’ve left it so long that he knows I’ve waited for him. There’s no getting away with it…

“Are you okay?” I spin my head rapidly as a softly spoken female voice speaks to me. “Sorry, I know this might be none of my business, but you look a bit sad.”

“Oh, erm…” I try to suck some air in to cool me down. “Yeah, I’m okay. Thanks for asking.”

This isn’t one of the other trainee doctors, it’s someone I don’t know at all, but she looks friendly and sweet which actually I need. Her blue eyes are warm and open, it seems like she’s inviting me in. I haven’t had a genuine friend before and I would absolutely love one.

“I’m Julia, by the way.” She extends her hand out for me to shake it. “I work on the reception desk. I haven’t been here for too long so I don’t know many people. Please tell me if I’m overstepping a boundary, I just want to say hi because you look really sad.”

My face breaks out into a smile, already it feels like a massive weight has been lifted from my shoulders. “No, you know what, that’s really kind of you. I don’t know anyone either so it’s good that you’ve spoken to me. I am okay, I’m just having a bit of a rough day.”

“You’re with Doctor Foxx aren’t you?” she asks me knowingly. “I’ve heard he’s tough.”

Okay, so that might not be my real problem, but there doesn’t seem any point in disputing that point. I like Julia, I appreciate that she’s come to speak with me, but I don’t know if I can trust her yet. I don’t think I should start putting all my cards out on the table. Who knows, my feelings for Oliver could get me fired if they became public.

“Yeah, he is tough. He’s a good guy though,” I finish loyally. “But it’s a lot to take in.”

Julia pulls a pen from her pocket and she grabs my hand. “Here, I’ll write my cell phone number for you. Type it in your phone when you get it and text me whenever you need someone to talk to. Maybe we can even go out for a drink after work sometime when you’ve had a shitty day. Blow off some steam. I would certainly like that.”

Relief floods through me as Julia gives me a glimmer of hope. Maybe I won’t have to go through this alone after all. Maybe, with a friend by my side I won’t need to feel quite so crap about everything. And a dink after work… I would love that.

“Thanks, Julia.” I run my eyes over the number and smile. “That’s awesome. I’ll text you when I get my phone so you have my number too. I better get back to work.”

She rubs my arm gently. “Don’t you worry about it, you’ll be fine. You’re a smart girl. Don’t worry about Doctor Foxx. If he’s being hard on you it’s because he believes in you.”

I nod slowly and walk back to the office with a happier feeling in my chest. There isn’t any point in getting too worked up and worried over Oliver, he’s only a human who has his moods, I shouldn’t read too much into it. If I hadn’t had such an isolated life so far then maybe I’d be much more used to people and this wouldn’t be so much complicated.

Just get through the rest of the day without worrying, I tell myself firmly. It doesn’t matter, nothing does. I might even have a friend now so everything is awesome.

I push the door open slowly, quietly, trying my hardest not to be such a destructive force, but maybe the silence is a mistake. I certainly think so the moment that I see the utterly shocking sight inside, the one that makes my blood run icy cold and my limbs freeze in shock.

Doctor Foxx… and a patient.

They aren’t doing anything at the moment, but it’s obvious from the way that they’re hurriedly pulling their clothes back on that there has been something. They haven’t see me yet, but I know it won’t be long until they do. I need to slide out the room at the speed of light and come back again in a moment.

I do so, still just as silently I hope and I race into the bathroom where I clutch onto the sink and I pant desperately. My brain is reeling, I’m still trying my utmost to process what I’ve just seen, but it doesn’t make much sense. I thought Oliver was a good man, I assumed that he would stick to all the rules that doctors have to abide, I didn’t think he’d act in such a way…

But he did send me away. He told me to go to lunch without him, he told me not to be there for the appointment and now I know the reason. He didn’t want me to cock block him while he fucked someone that he’s supposed to be caring for. I don’t know what to do.

Should I tell someone? Blow his case wide open? But if I do I won’t have anyone to shadow. I’ll be left behind when I really want to be pushing forwards. Also, everyone might already know, and that’ll leave me being the snitch. No one likes me as it is, except potentially Julia, I don’t want to lose my only chance of having a friend. It might be a girlfriend anyway, maybe I’m mistaken…

I don’t think I can do anything yet, I think I just need to wait. Continue on as I am and see what happens. Hopefully things won’t be as bad as I think…