CHAPTER 20
Aidan
I woke up before Elsa and just stared at her in my arms. She looked so peaceful, and I slid the sheet down to take in her body even as I felt guilty. Her pale skin was delicate where she was strong, and I remembered how she’d tasted the night before as my body hungered for more. I silently told myself to calm down as I let my eyes drift down to her thighs.
I hadn’t been with a woman with natural hair in quite some time since it was more the style now to be bare, but I loved touching her. It was like a gift in there once I parted her and found her sensitive spot with my fingers and my tongue. I remembered how hard she came in the shower for the first time in her life, to the best of my knowledge and how much it had rocked me to my very core. I wanted more, but I was scared of drawing her in any closer. I knew that she’d given herself to me with her heart and body and that it wasn’t a decision taken lightly, and it troubled me as I looked at her.
With just a few years between us, I knew that it was more like a lifetime. I had been through so much horror and tragedy, and I bore the scars inside and out. Elsa, on the other hand, was just starting out and likely wanted the simple things in life having been raised that way. I couldn’t give her any kind of future with my disease and the impending diagnosis, and I rolled onto my back.
I looked around the room. It was just your average hotel room exactly like a hundred others I’d stayed in before, alone as well as with someone else. It was never like this room, and I’d never felt such peace before. I felt like I was home and I knew that we’d be leaving for another state and eventually another room. There was just something about this moment that I enjoyed before I let the guilt set in.
She was sweet and innocent, and I knew that she would give me everything that she had to offer. It showed in her eyes and her smile, and I cursed myself inwardly as I realized what I’d done. I’d taken her innocence, her first time and she would always remember me for that. Elsa might sleep with a handful more guys if that, which was a thought that bothered me more than I cared to admit. I didn’t ever want anyone to touch her again even though I had nothing real to offer her. I had no future to give to her apart from this adventure that we were on together that had changed since last night. It had taken a drastic turn, and I hardened as I heard her moan in her sleep. Fuck if her sweet sounds didn’t get my body started the way no other woman ever had. I had never been into virgins before, and apart from Melissa and another girl in high school, I hadn’t been with any. I was into casual before this, and a first timer didn’t interest me as much as fulfilling my own needs did.
Last night was something I’d never experienced, even with the other virgins. I’d loved Melissa as much as a guy in high school could but our first time was clumsy and something that we both laughed about as time went on. Last night was all about Elsa and how she felt. I wanted to be gentle and passionate with her, and I’d never focused on a woman’s needs like I did hers. The way she looked in the shower as she fell against me as her body shook violently would always be in my memory, and I looked down at the tented sheet as I slowly pushed myself up and went into the bathroom with a longing look at her beautiful bare body. I closed the door and locked it before I turned to the toilet and started stroking myself to work these feelings out of my system. I needed to come but more than that, I needed Elsa. I needed her support and her arms around me. I needed her love.
I had messed up sleeping with her last night, and I started to move my hand angrily as I felt the pressure rising. I shot into the toilet for the most part, but some of it scattered on the floor as I moaned her name softly. I washed up and cleaned up my mess before I ran my hands through my hair that was starting to look more on the tousled side than I’d prefer. I always kept it cut short as a habit, but now it didn’t matter anymore. I felt relief from the orgasm, but it was so empty in comparison to last night when I came inside of Elsa. I was wearing a condom since I always did but I longed to be bare and wild inside of her as I filled her with my seed. I hadn’t thought about a baby for quite some time, but I did with her for a fleeting moment.
Yeah, like that could happen. I grabbed the clothes that I’d brought into the bathroom the night before and pulled them on before I shoved the key into my pocket to go and grab some coffee from the lobby.
Elsa was still sleeping, and I pulled the door closed quietly before I started the short walk over there. There were a few couples and some families in the small area seated at the tables and eating as they talked about their plans today and met the others around them. I waited in the small line quietly before I fixed a cup of coffee with cream and sugar since I knew Elsa liked it that way. I fixed a waffle with some strawberries and whipped cream for the topping before I glanced at a man that was looking at me with an intent gaze. “You’re in the service.” His voice was full and without any doubt as I nodded.
“Yes, sir.” He looked at the skin on my arm for a long moment before I stood straighter. “I was in Afghanistan most recently.”
“I served my whole life in the Marines. Things have a changed a lot since then, for better or worse. I feel for the youngsters that go in these days, but you’re here. Make the most of your life.” His words chilled me, and I weakly smiled. “Thank you for your service.’
“Thanks,” I mumbled before I left the lobby and headed back to my room. I unlocked the door and pushed it open as I walked inside to see her with her eyes closed as her mouth rounded in an o. Holy shit. Elsa was touching herself, and she didn’t know that I was here yet, and I set the plate down quietly as I watched her. God, she hadn’t heard anything, and I listened to the soft sound of her moans and bit my lip. Elsa yelped and opened her eyes to see me as a deep flush covered her skin.
“I didn’t know you were there,” Elsa said as she pulled the sheet up around her shoulders and hid her body.
“I went for some coffee. I got you a waffle too. You were sleeping so peacefully.” Her eyes darted all around the room as she looked anywhere but at me, and I knew that she was having the morning after jitters. I’d been there, but she was so awkward with her gestures since she’d been caught red-handed masturbating. I didn’t want it to be like this between us, but I didn’t know what to say to make her feel better. “I can go get some orange juice and champagne for Mimosas before we check out if you want me to.” I knew that it would relax her, and Elsa looked relieved at the idea. “Yeah?”
She nodded. I suggested that she take a shower when I was gone since she had really only gotten wet last night and her hair was a beautiful mess of curls. I explained that there were soap and shampoo and everything she needed in the little bottles, and she gave me a small smile as I left with the car keys this time.
I wanted to jump right back into bed for round two when I saw her under the covers. I couldn’t see the action, but her face had given Elsa away, and I felt aroused at the idea of her wanting that first thing this morning. I headed to the nearest grocery store and picked up the drink supplies and a bottle of Hennessey for tonight when I needed to relax.
It was telling when the cashier openly flirted with me and offered to share my morning drinks with me, and I felt nothing. I merely thanked her and headed back to the car, in a hurry to see Elsa again.
She was in the bathroom combing her hair, and I peeked in as I walked past the cracked door. Elsa was dressed in some tight jeans and a pretty green button up shirt and she looked gorgeous. Elsa blushed as she looked at me and I held up the bags. The waffle had been bitten into, and I smiled as I shook my head. She needed to eat something so she wouldn’t be a mess later on since he just wanted her to relax some and be her funny self. Elsa looked at me as I pulled out a carton of orange juice and a cheap bottle of champagne with curiosity in her eyes. “Want to freshen up your breakfast? They have a lot of stuff there to choose from.”
“I’d like to see it.” She smiled. I offered her a sip of my coffee to see if she liked it.
We walked over to the lobby, and I was relieved to see it a little less crowded this much later. I showed Elsa how to make the waffles and explained some of the other choices as an older woman watched us. She fixed a cup of coffee with a smile on her face and looked at me as she sipped it. “Perfect.”
Elsa put a few things on a plate, and I grabbed something for myself before we went back to the room and settled at the table. “So where are we going today?”
“We are visiting my ex-fiancée Melissa today. I ended things badly with her back then, and I just want to fix it before I go back on duty. She was one of my best friends and got a bad ending with me.” I pulled out the bottle and popped it as her eyes widened, and she scooted back. I chuckled and poured it into the travel cup that I’d purchased for her along with a healthy amount of orange juice. “She deserves to know the truth.” I hadn’t told her then that I was suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress and that I couldn’t deal with a relationship when I was too scared to be close to her, much less anybody else. I was too caught up in my nightmares and obsession with loud noises and my need to hide. Melissa didn’t need that, but she also needed a better explanation for my past actions. She also deserved the truth to what I was dealing with right now and that my days were numbered.
A part of me thought that Elsa deserved the truth too.
I watched as she sipped the mimosa and smiled. “This is delicious.”
“I’d stick to two at the most. Champagne catches up to you, but you seemed like you’d like it better than beer.” When she asked if I was having any, I shook my head. “I’m driving. I have to keep you safe.” Her eyes met mine as she took a bite of her cream cheese Danish and slowly chewed. She looked lost but happy, and he hoped the latter was most of what she was feeling. “I always want you safe, Elsa.”
“I know,” she responded as she broke off a piece of muffin and sipped her coffee.
I took another shower before packing up to go and found her giggling in the room in front of the televising after I’d finished. The champagne was taking effect. “Is that still your first?” I asked her as she nodded. “What’s so funny, Elsa?”
“These news people. Their acting so stupid when the one's last night were serious about what was happening in the world. Why do people watch this?” Elsa asked as I sat down beside her.
“People life to laugh, as you are. They like to be distracted from reality and just enjoy their mornings sometimes.” I was honest since I’d spent a few years doing that through sex and drinking. I tried not to notice the white lace strap of her camisole underneath the shirt that she wore. “What else did you watch last night?”
“There was this show with this man and woman. He was biting her neck, and they were doing it. I didn’t know that television showed so much,” her voice was earnest as she spoke and I looked at her as she met my eyes. “I didn’t know that it was really like that.”
“It isn’t always like that. It’s another distraction for people through the screen or perhaps a book. This world is all about escapism, Elsa. Do you want that?” I asked her as she licked her lips and made me hard all over again.
“I don’t have to decide yet, do I?” I shook my head and proceeded to clean up as she got her last few minutes in of watching the new and a couple of other shows before I filled her cup with a lot of orange juice and a little champagne. I urged her to wait in the car with the bags while I checked out and laughed as I walked into the lobby.
“Is she foreign? Your girlfriend?” I looked to see the woman from the second trip to the lobby. “She was so cute.”
“Amish. She’s Amish and on her rumspringa. I just want her safe, you know?” I looked at her, and she smiled at me.
“I can tell that you’ll protect her from everything out there. The world isn’t all bad, not when you’re falling in love.” I raised an eyebrow at her, and she tucked her purse on her shoulder and prepared to leave. I wasn’t falling in love with Elsa, was I? I couldn’t be. The timing was too tragic for that.
I paid and walked out to stare at her for a moment in the car as she fussed with her curls. The night before entered my mind again, and I remembered seeing myself slip inside of her. She was all heat and warmth as she gripped me with her body even through her pain. I’d never seen anyone feel sex so much like she did and every expression on her face played back as I took a deep breath. I couldn’t stop thinking about her as I watched her and laughed as she took another sip. She was so inexperienced, but Elsa was one of the most natural lovers that I’d ever experienced. I knew that she would want more and I didn’t know that I could deny her once she came out of the shell that she’d been hiding in all morning.
I walked to the car and got in as she blushed and stared at the floor. Today was already going to be draining, and I was getting the shy Elsa that I didn’t like. I wanted her laughing and seeing the world the way that she had been the last few days. I hoped that I hadn’t ruined that for her by taking a step that she wasn’t ready for.
CHAPTER 21
Elsa
I was feeling fuzzy from the champagne as I leaned back in the seat while Aidan started the car. I thought about the night before as I glanced at him and took another sip from my cup. I wasn’t sure about this, but I was feeling more relaxed as I shyly glanced at him again. It was a part of the tradition, and if I didn’t end up feeling sick from this, it could be enjoyable. Even if that happened, I knew that Aidan would take good care of me.
He did last night. Aidan was so concerned with the idea of hurting me, so much so that I think he was afraid to move faster when I was ready. Not only that, but he looked as though he was enjoying it. I know that I did. That wasn’t how it was supposed to be with the Amish, at least not as much as it was to have a family. I knew that my parents loved each other, but I didn’t see them cuddling or being overly affectionate towards one another. I didn’t see that with my brother and his bride-to-be either, though it was frowned upon before marriage, to begin with.
In the eyes of my community, I had sinned. It was allowed during rumspringa but still…I felt like I’d done wrong by my family. The problem was that I liked it, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to give it up.
I leaned back and watched as he got on the highway before I opened my mouth. “Did you like last night?”
“What part of last night are you referring to, Elsa?” Aidan asked in a teasing tone as I smiled and blushed.
“Doing it with me.” My voice was soft, and he looked over at me.
“I liked it. Did you?” His eyes mesmerized me as he smiled at me at the light that made us wait to enter the busy road.
“I liked it so much. I was always taught that sex was a sin before marriage and even after that, it was more for having babies than it was for pleasure. I can’t imagine my parents ever doing it like we did last night.” I saw Aidan smile as he pulled forward. “What?”
“You’re adorable. That was the missionary position which is the most common. That being said, it’s very pleasurable nonetheless.” His voice was casual, and I stared at him.
“There’s more that you can do?” I felt stunned as I wondered what I was missing out on. “I want to have sex over and over so I can choose my favorite. I want to feel you inside of me the way that you were last night, and I want to pop like I did. It felt so good.” Giggles filled the car as I looked out of the window.
“Pop. I like that. You’re beautiful when you do that.” Aidan sounded sad, and I looked at him as I awkwardly touched his leg. “I could make you pop right now, Elsa. I' love the sounds that you make.”
“Here? In the car?” I asked in wonder as he nodded. “You’re driving.”
“I have a free hand,” Aidan offered as I dropped back into my seat. “You’re in jeans, but you could loosen them a little. I just need to touch you.” His voice sounded heavy, and I felt my legs fell apart as I loosened the button with lust flooding my body. I knew that my shirt covered part of me, but I didn’t care that we were in a car for people to see. “Unzip them.”
I did and watched as he reached over to touch my thigh and made me moan. His hand first traced me over my jeans, and I closed my eyes as he pushed the firm material just where I needed it and caused me to heat up faster almost more than I was ready for. I was sober last night when we had sex but right now I needed this boost to forget where I was and the story from Mary about sex in the car. I had thought that it was impossible, and I knew that this wasn’t sex, but it felt just as good. I slipped my arm across the car to touch his leg and bit my lip as he pushed a little harder and found the spot that he’d touched last night. Aidan got me worked up before he slipped is large hand between the material and my skin as his fingers stroked and teased me.
Sober, it was an amazing feeling. I thought that it couldn’t be repeated, but I exploded again and jerked forward with a weak cry. “Oh, Aidan. Oh, oh, oh.” I looked at him to see him staring forward as his finger dipped inside of me and slid in a little bit.
“Feel so good,” he murmured as he moved deeper in. I came again as I let out a long cry and dropped my head back against the seat. “I love to hear you come like this, Elsa. It makes me want…”
I took a few breaths before I sipped from my cup again and wondered if this is what girls that weren’t Amish did. “Want what?”
“Nothing, Elsa.” He slowly withdrew his hand and rested it on the steering wheel as I looked at him. I was still pulsing from his touch, and I tugged my shirt over my pants as he glanced over briefly.
“What do girls do in return for that? I know that you get…hard and need something too. Can I make you feel good?” I was embarrassing myself, but I wanted to know more about sex, about Aidan. “Can I touch you?”
“We’ll be alone later. Maybe then, Elsa. It’s not safe while I’m driving,” Aidan told me in a quiet voice as I watched him frown. We settled into a quiet few miles where he looked uncomfortable, and I stared out of the window when I wasn’t looking at him.
“I want to know more about you.” Alcohol clearly took away my inhibitions, and I gave him an intent look. “You’ve told me a little about your time in the Army, but I know that it was glossed over and funny for the sake of my family. Mama always told me that I could see deeper into a person, and I did that with you the first few minutes that we were eating together. Tell me the real stories.”
“Elsa, I don’t think you want to hear all of this.” Aidan shifted in his seat and turned on the radio. “Let’s listen to some more music.”
“You lost someone there. Someone important.” I pressed, and he looked over at me for a second.
“I lost a lot of people there, Elsa. I lost a lot of people back home as well as a result of some of the terrible stuff that I’ve seen. It’s kind of hard to forget about sometimes.” Aidan grimaced as he gripped the wheel tighter. “Are you almost done with that drink?”
“I thought you liked me this way,” I said as I stared at him. “I thought that you wanted me loosened up. I’d want to know even if I wasn’t drinking.”
“I wanted you to stop being nervous about last night. I wanted to spare you of the discomfort that can come along with it since I am all too familiar with it, Elsa.” Aidan said as I looked at him. I slipped the drink into a round thing that he’d put drinks into before. “I want to laugh with you and see the world through your eyes again. I want not to think about being inside of you again until we’re alone tonight, and I can let go.” He rolled his head back and cracked his charming smile at me. “I want your innocence back and your wonder. Did I take that away last night?”
“No. Last night was a gift, Aidan. I never knew that someone could be so caring with me my first time, so patient. I am so blessed that I was with you for that.” I assured him as I stared at him. “I just want to do something for you to heal whatever is hurting inside of you.”
“I just had some bad experiences. You can see that I’m injured.” Aidan said, and I moved to sit next to him. “I lost a friend in that blast as well. This is his car, and it’s his money that is paying for all of this. Joe left it all to me, and it’s all I have to remember him by. Most of the memories are too brutal to want to think about, and they’ve hurt me in so many ways. I just want to fix what I can before I have to…have to head back.” I kissed his arm as he spoke and felt him freeze for a moment. “Melissa was my best friend before everything went downhill. She helped me through everything that she could before I pushed her away and lived in my misery. I know that she loved me once, but this isn’t about that. This is about letting her know the truth about everything. It’s about closure.”
“You’re spending his money on me. You’re buying me all of these things and making this a great time for me with it. Why? Why did you take me that day?” I asked him as I pressed my lips to another part of his scar. “You could have been on your own for this and not watching over me.”
“I saw life in you, life that I thought I’d lost. You were this simple girl living a simple life, and you had a fire inside that I wanted to eat up. I loved your curiosity and your need to see more than what was happening before you.” Aidan spoke rapidly, and I smiled as I wondered who he was describing. “I couldn’t believe that you were stepping away with me.”
“I think I saw in you what you saw in me. You were so confident and funny, Aidan. You were so different than any boy I’d ever met before. Man. I mean, man. You were a man in a world full of mere boys.” I kissed him again. “I wouldn’t leave with anybody but you.”
“This might be a total failure. Melissa was open to seeing me, but she might hate me after this visit. Will you still want to hang with me after that?” Aidan asked, and I looked up at him as he slid an arm around me.
“I like that you want to fix your wrongs, and I think that she will too. I think that you are a good person for trying at least.” I paused. “You don’t want to get back together with her, do you?”
“Melissa is married with four-year-old twins, so no. That part of us ended years ago, but I also walked out on our friendship.”
“You loved her once. You asked her to marry you.”
“We were kids then. I graduated and joined the Army, and it seemed like the thing to do. There was something romantic about it to her, and I didn’t think that I’d come back…broken.” He shook his head. “I thought that I was making the right choice.”
“Weren’t you?” I asked to a long pause.
“I don’t know. Let’s go check out Wisconsin, see how this goes.” Aidan pressed on the gas, and I smiled as I watched the scenery pass by.
I snuggled close to him and soaked in the moment of happiness as I wondered what Melissa was like. I wondered if she was going to like me and what she would think about Aidan and I. Was it obvious that we’d had sex? I thought so, given the way we were pressed together now as we drove down the highway. I liked his arm around me and his body heat pressed against me.
I wished that I knew more about relationships and sex as I watched the approaching scenery.