CHAPTER 38
Aidan
The next morning, I ate breakfast with Elsa and her family. I missed her sleeping last night, though my dreams were plagued with my death and watching her suffer through it. I knew that he would want to respect their rules, but I just wanted her to lay beside me. We left for the doctor after that, and I looked at the pretty pink dress that she wore with sandals as I opened the car door for her. I replayed the prayer that her family had said for me before the meal and tears sprung to my eyes. “I missed you like hell last night, Elsa. I missed you but your family is doing right by me, and I am grateful to them.”
“I missed you too. I tossed and turned all night missing your arms around me, Aidan. I can’t stand a night without you.”
I started the engine and listened to the engine for a moment as I stared forward. We both felt the same way, but we had to see this through the best way that we knew how. We drove together to the doctors, and I saw my friends there in front of the office to support me. Elsa went in with me, and I sat in the waiting room and held her hand as I waited for my name to be called.
This was too real. I had cancer and an aggressive form from what my friends were telling me. They were healing with the treatment, but it was hard for them. Today, they were here feeling weak and tired, but they would do this to support me. I was called back, and we walked hand in hand until I got to the part where I was weighed, and my vitals were taken by the nurse. Elsa sat in the chair next to me as I eased myself on the end of the bed and answered the questions that I was being asked.
Yes, I had been coughing more in the last few weeks, and it was painful. I had been feeling more tired, particularly after going to The Grand Canyon. I avoided Elsa’s eyes when I said that because I knew that she would feel bad but I had to be honest. I was having progressively worse headaches and breathing issues more and more now.
Elsa stared at me with wide eyes as I spoke and tears slipped down her cheeks. The doctor had looked at my previous x-rays before he decided on new ones and Elsa sat in his office as she waited for me, sipping from a soda. She looked pale when I walked back inside of the office and sat down, and the doctor looked across the room at me. “I have them already, thanks to modern technology. We can go over the results if you’re okay with that.”
“I am.” I took her hand and held it tight.
“There’s been progress since your last x-ray, Aidan. I’d like to start the treatment as soon as two days from now.” My heart sank as I stared at him. “It’s aggressive. Instead of coming in once a week for a few hours, we can do it from your home for your comfort.”
“How long do I need to do it for?” My voice was soft as I looked at Elsa.
“The treatments are going to be ten hours two days a week. I know it’s extreme, Aidan. We just need to treat this as fast as we can for you to have a chance.” Doctor Ellison told me as his brown eyes warmed. “Do you have a comfortable place to stay during this treatment?”
“Yes, he does,” Elsa said as she stared at him. “I am going to be there got every moment with him, Doctor.”
We continued talking, and I discovered that the treatment could be as long as three months, depending on my results. Three months of feeling sick and watching Elsa take care of me was a lot to think about, but I nodded my head slowly. She was worth this and my life would be better in the long run.
We made the arrangements for the first round and left the office as the guys surrounded me. They told us that it sounded very standard, but they felt better within month or so of starting the treatment. They urged me to move forward with it, and I nodded as we walked across the street for lunch. I didn’t know how well I’d be eating after this, and the doctor was already concerned with my rapid ten-pound weight loss. I should be gaining with the way I was eating on our trip.
We had hamburgers and fries as my friends got to know Elsa. As upset as she’d been inside of the office, she was a ray of sunshine right now, and they all fell under her natural charm. She was just a naturally positive person for others and Elsa held onto everything they told her that offered me hope. She listened intently and even made notes of some items on a notepad that she carried with her to the office. Elsa didn’t use her phone as much now that she was home, and I figured that it was because she was with her family again. I still saw her watching movies sometimes and looking at pictures when we were in the barn or the car, but she put it away at home. Today, she was researching cancer as we drove back and reading statistics out loud to me as I let the reality sink in. They were useful, but fear was a lump in my stomach as we headed to the farm and I parked the car.
Her father stepped out of the barn and walked towards us as Elsa left the car. She hugged him, and they spoke closely for a moment before he looked over at me. He stepped into the house and Elsa pushed her hair back over her shoulder before she walked over to me and opened my door. “Baby?”
“Yeah?” I felt numb inside and remembered why I was running away before.
“We’re going to make you a room inside so you’ll be comfortable. Someone will always be with you inside, and you’ll be well cared for, Aidan.” I nodded, and she dropped to the grass beside me. “Are you with me, Aidan?”
“Yeah, I am. I’m just worried,” I told her as I looked over at her. She was still upset, but she forced a smile on her face as I stroked her hair. “Will you stay with me?”
“Baby, you know that I will.” She leaned forward and kissed me softly as I closed my eyes and breathed her in. “Come on. Let’s get you settled.” I got out of the car and followed her into the house and an extra room that was simple with a mattress and a nightstand. Elsa brought my bag inside and set it down on the floor as I sat on the full-size bed and looked around.
“Is this what your room looks like?” I asked her as she sat beside me and smiled.
“Pretty much, yes. Very simple, but I have a good view from my window,” Elsa smiled at me as I laughed weakly and rested my head in my hands. “This isn’t forever, Aidan.”
“I know,” I told her as I sat beside her and took her hand. “You’re my strength, Elsa. You’re my light at the end of the tunnel. I am not going to be cheerful every moment of this process, but I will try my best. Does that work for you?”
“It does.” She sat in silence for a moment. “This isn’t a normal relationship, is it?” I couldn’t help but laugh at her. She joined in, and I started to wheeze as her face fell and she stared at me.
“Anything but that but I wouldn’t change it. We were brought together this way. We’ll find a way to get through this.” I smiled at her and memorized her beautiful smile.
I was at the table for supper but didn’t eat too much. I was powerless to stop the mental effects of this disease, and I excused myself to go to my room before the meal was over. I appreciated the prayers that everyone was saying for me and it surprised me when Elsa’s best friend and her family stopped by to say one before supper time. I knew that Elsa was trying to balance things and would help her mother clean, but I soon felt her hand on my arm as she sat on the bed beside me. We ended up falling asleep thwart way watching a movie on my phone, something that she’d worked out with her family. They allowed me my entertainment while I was here recovering, particularly during the chemo and had given me the only room with a plug for emergencies. I woke up in the morning as I heard the family in the dining room and Elsa poked her head into my room. “Are you hungry?”
“A bit. I’ll get up, Elsa. I will be stuck in here beginning tomorrow morning so I should move e as much as I can.” I was dressed in some sweats and an oversized t-shirt, and I felt her eying me as I moved towards her. “Like what you see?”
“I love what I see.” She kissed me, and we made our way to the dining room where I managed to eat some eggs and fruit before I felt my energy drain. She watched as I went back into the room to sleep and I fell onto the bed in frustration. I was thankful that we had our time together on the trip and that I was healthy enough to enjoy it and more importantly, remember it all. I needed that just in case this plan didn’t end up working out. Adam’s fiancée stopped by with her family and said heartfelt prayers for me in the living area of the house as I listened, and Elsa thanked them for the food.
She came inside the room after supper, one that I chose to skip and turned towards me on the bed. “It hit fast, didn’t it?”
“I am just glad that we had our time together,” I told her as she smiled weakly.
“Were you bad on the trip?”
“Little things got to me, but I was happy with you. I had a great time,” I replied as Elsa slipped her arm over my stomach.
“Are you going to tell Melissa and Angela about this?” Elsa asked me as I took a deep breath.
“After I get through the next couple of days,” I responded as I looked at her. “They’re all praying for me. Is that unusual?”
“As far as you not being Amish? I suppose so, but my family has welcomed you into the house so everyone else will support you as well. They’re good people when it comes to that. I knew that bringing you here was a good idea, Aidan. I knew that everyone would band together to help you.” Elsa smiled at me as she leaned forward and kissed me.
The next morning, a nurse showed up and hooked me to with an IV to a tube that would feed me my medicine for the next ten hours. Elsa sat with me as long as she could before she had to walk which was when her brother came into the room for a break. He brought me some water, and I drank it through a straw as he looked me over. “You brought her back safe, Aidan. You brought yourself back in worse shape than Elsa was ever in.”
“I told you that I would take care of her. I keep my promises.” I looked at him as I tried to ignore the needle that was in my arm.
“I am sorry for what I said to both of you. I apologized to Elsa already, and I’d like it if you passed the apology along to your friend.” He seemed scared, and I nodded.
“I’ll do it. We all understood, Adam. She’s your sister. I’d freak out of anyone took her from me,” I admitted as I closed my eyes. “I hate this.”
“Ten hours?” Adam asked, and I nodded slowly.
I felt nauseous that night after I was taken off the drip bag and slept fitfully, and the following night was worse. I threw up into the big bowl that Elsa brought me a few times and apologized as I tried to go back to sleep. This was a pattern for the next several weeks, and the community kept visiting me to pray for me, a different family each night. I had little faith before this, but I felt the power that they were sending my way with every word.
Melissa and Angela kept in touch with Elsa on my progress when I was too sick to talk on the phone, and she handled the guys as well. Everyone loved her, and I enjoyed hearing her laughing and talking even when I was too weak to do so. She kept everyone’s spirits up, and I know she helped a lot with my well-being. She wasn’t always so strong when she was dealing with my sickness and cleaning up after me, but Elsa tried to do everything with a smile. Sometimes, she broke down in tears, and I held her as best I could while she cried herself to sleep beside me.
On good nights when she was feeling strong, Elsa would talk about going to New York. She’d talk about seeing the Statue of Liberty and making love in a room that overlooked the city. She would talk about going to Paris to see the Eiffel Tower on our honeymoon once we were married and I was well. She spoke of bringing our kids to Gettysburg and telling them all about our first trip there.
There was so much hope in her voice as I was barely hanging onto life, so weak that I couldn’t move for days sometimes. There was so much strength that got me through the following weeks of treatment, hours of it.
There was so much love when she looked into my eyes that I knew I could do this for her. I lived for the moment that I could make love to her again and feel her bare skin against mine.