CHAPTER 37
Elsa
My heart was pounding as he asked me about the car parked across the street and I knew that they would all be here. I’d sent a few texts to the men in his unit, and they agreed to meet us here, at the very least just to catch up. Of course, all of us wanted to support him in his battle for his life and just show that we cared for him. I wasn’t sure what my parents would think when these men showed up at their door, but I just had to hope for the best.
They were all lined up when he stopped suddenly and stared. “Did you do this?” His voice was calm, but I heard the tremors if I really focused and I took his hand and squeezed it.
I told him that I did and that they wanted to be here with him as well. I watched him kiss me as emotion filled his eyes before he got out and marched towards all of the men that had been through hell right along with them. They were all masculine and intimidating like Aidan, and it hurt me to think that they were all sick with the same horrible cancer. A part of me broke down as he hugged the first man and I watched as it showed so much love as well as masculinity in the embrace. “Elsa?” I heard my mother’s voice and stepped out of the car with a cry as I ran over to her and threw my arms around her. “My baby, you’re home.”
“I’m here, Mama. I missed you so much. I love you,” I told her as I started to cry. I tried to pay attention to everything that was happening around me, but there was too much, at least until the bell sounded that told me it was time to eat. Daddy’s voice was full of emotion as he asked all of them if they were hungry and Mama and I both sniffled as they answered with every bit of respect as a team. They gestured for us to go in and she clutched my hand as I felt her eyes on me.
“You love him?” She sounded happy to me, and I gave her a look as we entered the kitchen and started to get the food together as if I’d never left.
“Madly, Mama,” I replied as she nodded and plated up several rolls. “When did they arrive?”
“This morning. It was something to have all of those young men knocking at our door, but once they told me what you’d done, I knew that it was the right thing to let them in. They deserve to be welcomed just as Aidan does.” Mama smiled as we each started carrying platters of food to the table. All of the soldiers were sitting on one side, and I smiled at Aidan as he patted the seat beside him with a firm look. I finished assisting with supper and took my seat as I looked over all of the faces at the table.
The prayer was skipped before the meal as Adam introduced me to all of them before making sure that they’d met my family. Some of them looked so young while others were older but they all showed their scars, both in their eyes and on their skin. I watched as they all stood to shake my hand before they embraced me and it made me giggle nervously before I sat down and took Aidan’s hand. This was a lot of testosterone in one room, and I glanced at my brother to see that even his eyes were wide with admiration.
My family ate and listened as they started talking about cancer and the treatment, and I stared into Aidan’s face as I waited for anger. They all expressed hope, and I saw the smile on his face as he nodded in between bites of food. My mama had gone above and beyond tonight with platters of roast and chicken along with fresh vegetables. There were various kinds bread and fresh fruit as well, and I thanked with a look as she gazed back at me. Daddy told them to speak openly as they gave each other hesitant glances and the sweet looking blonde man at the end cleared his throat. His name was Devin, and he talked about being just twenty-two years old with a deadly disease. More than that, though, he spoke of how much he’d changed from his friends in school and that he couldn’t relate to people his age any longer. He didn’t feel like he belonged.
After he went into the Army and discovered that he was ill, Devin found himself in some volatile relationships as well as a period of alcoholism. Even though he was so young, Devin had seen the damage to his life and found himself relying on the men in his unit for support. They symbolized both brothers and fathers to him since his mother raised him all on her own. His voice shook as he told all of us how devastated she was by everything that was happening. I saw my own mother raise her hand to her eyes as he finished and I smiled at her.
The next man was older and relayed to us how he’d lost his wife and children from Post-traumatic stress disorder and the unstable moods that it caused. His ex-wife claimed that he struck their five-year-old across the face in a fit of anger, though Andrew had no recollection of it. He had watched her pack them and leave before he started drinking and trying to escape his bitter reality. That only worsened when he discovered that he was ill, and Andrew sank lower into depression before his brother finally talked some sense into him. Now he was seeing his kids on a more regular basis when he wasn’t in treatment, and while they were going to stay divorced, he and his ex-wife were cordial again.
Another man that was just a few years older than Aidan had entered anger management classes when he started getting into too many bar fights after he came home. It was the only way that his emotions came out thanks to a father that was abusive to him when he was younger. I was stunned at how many things the PT SD caused in these men and I wondered if there was anything that could be done to get help before it got this bad. I thought back to the cemetery and Aidan shaking before me as he told all of his regrets to his dead wife and shuddered as he squeezed my hand. I knew that they were all receiving medical care now and were at least well on the way to being much better, but the idea that they had suffered so badly at all was terrible to think about.
The oldest man in the group was in his late forties, and it was clear that they all looked up to him. He admitted in a subtle manner that he’d attempted suicide shortly after coming home though in a respectful manner as he bowed his head. He had two grown children now that had to deal with the fact that he wanted to end his life, and I felt myself choke up at the idea of my father being that way.
The stories all had the same theme of heartbreak and pain, but I could see that they’d risen above it and were on the way to healing. They were trying to survive, and I looked at Aidan as he stared at all of them. They each told him in their own way to let go of regrets and pain from his past and to move forward, that life was worth living.
Aidan’s voice was clear when he told them that he’d lost two relationships along the way, and I pressed my lips together as I listened. He didn’t tell it in the detail that I’d heard, but when he admitted that his wife overdosed on his medicine, I could hear my mother’s intake of breath. I reminded myself that they were told to speak openly and that it made him a better man in my eyes before I looked at my parents and saw the pain in their eyes. Adam looked at me with regret and shook his head as I gave him a small smile.
After we’d eaten our fill of the plentiful food, my father cleared his throat and looked around the table. “Would any of you mind if I said a prayer?”
This would normally bother me in the presence of Aidan and is friends but tonight it made me want to cry. I had clasped Aidan’s hand and that of my brother before I heard her family pray for Aidan and his unit. They prayed for their recovery and strength from the Lord, and I felt tears on my cheeks as I listened. At this moment, my family was accepting Aidan and had forgiven us leaving so abruptly before. They wanted him to be well, and I knew that they weren’t going to ask us to leave.
The men all walked outside to talk after supper, and I helped Mama in the kitchen. “Those boys broke my heart, Elsa.”
“Mine too,” I said as I helped to wash the dishes while I glanced out of the window from time to time. “They could sure eat, though, couldn’t they?”
“I haven’t fed that many people on my own in a long time. It’s always a group effort with the women here,” Mama shook her head and smiled. “I liked it. I know they’re not Amish, but they’re good boys.” She looked at me. “Were you safe? Adam left here in a fit to find you. I was worried about both of you and your Daddy spent so much time working out in the fields.”
“I had to go, Mama. I had to see something else,” I told her as she nodded slowly. “I was so safe. He wouldn’t let me get hurt, and he made it a wonderful trip. I saw Gettysburg, Mama. I went to the Grand Canyon and saw so many sights with Aidan.” I told her how we were out to see people that he initially wanted to say goodbye to before he’d chosen to fight his cancer. “The world is beautiful even with all of what we heard tonight. You know that, don’t you?”
“I suppose so, Elsa. I never wanted that for myself, but you’ve always been a dreamer, haven’t you?” Mama looked at me as we finished the last dish. “You’re not coming back to stay, are you?”
“No, I’m not. I want to be with Aidan.” She nodded and looked over my dress.
“You look very pretty. I know that some of the girls dress much worse than that when they’re gone.”
“I am still the same person, Mama. The only difference is that I’m in love with Aidan. I am only looking to be with him, not to be away from my upbringing. We respect your wishes about that if you want us to stay in town. I do want him to see a doctor locally though because I need you all with me.” I looked at her. “You didn’t enjoy your Rumspringa, did you?”
“I saw what was out there, but my heart belongs here. I was happy to come back, and then I married your father, and I have been happy ever since then.” She smiled at me. “I knew that you cared for Aidan the moment you two were in the same room. I worried about the differences that were so clear but now I see that he’s a good man. He’ll take care of you. What are your plans?”
“Mama, we are just going to focus on getting him better for now. I want to marry him more than anything after that.”
“We won’t let him sleep in the house, of course. There is the barn, though. I know it might be different than what you’re used to.” Mama glanced at me.
“Mama, I will never be with any man other than Aidan. He’s kind to me. He never hurt me,” I told her as she nodded and looked out the window.
“I know.” She looked at my father as he stood before all of them. “Look at him.”
“Daddy is a great man,” I said as I let my eyes move to Aidan as he glanced towards the window.
After I had finished with the chores, I dried my hands and walked outside. Aidan and his friends were talking about the hotel that they had in town, and I looked at him as I stood by his side. “Do you want to go there?” Aidan asked me softly as I looked at Daddy.
“You’re welcome to the barn, Aidan. I would like to keep Elsa nearby for as long as I can have her and I know she wants to be where you are,” Daddy said as Aidan looked at him. “We would like to continue praying for you as well. The whole community wants to pray for you.”
“That’s very kind, sir.” Aidan took my hand, and I watched as Daddy looked at us with a warm gaze.
We bid his friends goodnight as they drove back to their hotel with an agreement to meet them for lunch after the appointment the following day before they returned home. My family disappeared inside, and I walked with Aidan to the barn as he set his bag down and looked around. “Do you remember last time that we were in here?”
“All too well. I was a nervous wreck,” I replied as I walked to greet the horses. They shuffled around as they leaned up to get a good pet and I smiled at them. “I missed you guys.” I walked back and sat beside him. “I am going to honor my family, Aidan. I am going to honor them while we’re here. Do you understand?”
“Of course, Elsa. From what the guys tell me, I am not going to be up for much of anything once I start the treatment. They all go through two full days of chemo, and it wipes them out for the week. I won’t be worried about any of that as long as you’re by my side. That’s all I want.” He stared at me, and I nodded. “I am scared, Elsa.”
“I am too, Aidan. We can get through this together,” I assured him as I stayed with him until he was falling asleep. I went back into the house, to my old room where I lay in my bed and cried for my lover.