Chapter 12

Rhett

 

Urgh.

When I thought back over the last few days, it was absolutely depressing. It was safe to say that my life since I’d returned from Camp Woodtree had gone from bad to worse. I’d been expecting to have a long, fairly lazy summer, but now I had to go and spend my days with my idiot father and my soon-to-be step-family. His new wife and her kid–probably some spoiled brat who would piss me off by spending all of my dad’s money. Cash that I never got to see a penny of when I was growing up.

I didn’t want to go, not one fucking bit, but I couldn’t see what other choice I had.

When I told Mom about Dad getting remarried, she wasn’t as upset as I thought she was going to be. In fact, she took the news surprisingly well and actually insisted that I should go and see the nuptials taking place. She said that made her points even more valid, and I would regret it if I didn’t see the wedding for myself.

Fucking regret it? The only thing I regretted was allowing her to talk me into it. I was pretty damn mad about that.

“So can you come?” James asked me excitedly. He was planning another trip away, white water rafting somewhere along the coast, and much as I really wanted to go, I just couldn’t.

“Sorry, dude,” I replied glumly. “I’m going to see my dad.”

“Really?” He replied warily, a reaction which I could understand. Until the other day, he’d not heard one word about my father in all the years that we’d been friends, and now all of a sudden, he was all I seemed to talk about.

“Yeah, really.” I was trying to act like none of this bothered me, like I didn’t even care, but I wasn’t sure how much I was getting away with it. James knew me too well to be fooled. We’d been through far too much together for me to be able to pull the wool over his eyes.

“Why? That seems a little…random,” he wasn’t normally a curious guy–he certainly never stuck his nose into other people’s business if he could help it–but this was obviously a step too far.

“He’s getting remarried,” I tried to offer as an explanation, but clearly that wasn’t enough for James because he stayed frustratingly silent. “Mom has this crazy idea that maybe he isn’t an asshole anymore, and that I’ll regret it if he dies and I haven’t given him a chance…or some bullshit like that.”

For some reason, this felt really uncomfortable to explain. It was probably because it was an emotional subject and something that I would normally choose to keep inside.

“Well, maybe she’s right.” James was so obviously thinking of his own father, a very caring man who’d been nothing but good to his son. There was no way I could explain to my friend something he had no chance of understanding, but I wanted to at least give it a go.

“Look, man, this guy left me when I was two and left me with nothing. He’s got freaking loads of money, but he left me and Mom without a penny.” I could feel the rage coursing through my veins as I spoke, remembering all the damage that he’d done to me.

“Then, when I was eight years old, he showed up again. I was too young then to know that he was a dickhead, so I got excited to have him back. We were going to have weekly visits and everything–it was supposed to be the start of something new.” I could practically hear James holding his breath.

“But then that was it–I never saw him again. I spent every Sunday sitting by the door, waiting for him to come, even though he obviously never was.”

“I never knew any of this,” James mumbled sadly. Of course he hadn’t; I was too humiliated to tell anyone.

“Then when I was fourteen-years-old, he reappeared. He promised that he’d changed and said he was willing to prove that. He offered to buy me a guitar, to help me get music lessons, then he told me that he would help me with some issues that I was having with my part-time job. He told me that he wanted to make things up to my mom, to get back with her, and I was stupid and naïve enough to believe it.”

Sadness consumed me as I remembered that awful time. “Then one morning, as I was out for a jog I saw him coming out of another woman’s house. He was kissing her and his hands were all over her body. He lied over and over again, and although I never confronted him, he still vanished from my life again. He’s just a dick, James.”

“Then why the hell are you going?” he asked, clearly exasperated. “Why put yourself through all of that again?”

“I want to prove to Mom that he hasn’t changed. I need her to understand that I’m right,” I sigh deeply, deciding to be truly honest about my feelings. “I also want to prove to myself that all the years that I’ve spent hating him haven’t been for nothing.”

I also knew that I was more grown up now, that it was much less likely that he’d be able to hurt me. I wasn’t the insecure child that I once was; I’d toughened up my emotions, so I felt ready to face him.

“Right,” he sounded suspicious of my intentions, which was fair enough.

“Look, I don’t trust that man at all and I want to use this opportunity to find anything tangible against him.” It might not have made sense to my friend, but I knew exactly what I was up to. “People don’t change, James. There is no way that this guy is better.”

“That probably isn’t the case,” he tried once more, but I wasn’t going to be shaken. “But I hope things go…okay.”

“Yeah, and I hope your trip is awesome.” I hated feeling so distant from my friend–this was the first time ever that I’d felt a separation about anything, but it couldn’t be helped. I knew things would be fine as soon as all of this was over. As soon as I was proven correct, our friendship would be right as rain, that’s just the way we were. “See you soon.”

As soon as I hung up the phone, I couldn’t help but shake my head. That boy really didn’t have any idea about my life at all. I wouldn’t have been able to make him see my point of view if we’d talked for hours.

After that, I started to pack, unable to find any excuse to put it off any longer. I grabbed t-shirts and shorts idly, without even really looking at what was going into my bag. It was hardly going to matter what I looked like, anyway; I wasn’t exactly going there with the need to impress anyone. I almost made the decision not to pack my suit, just to be stubborn, just to prove to myself that I wouldn’t even consider actually going to the wedding ceremony, but I decided against it at the last moment, just in case.

It seemed that maybe there was a small part of me that doubted myself, after all.

But just imagining that prick becoming a better man was something my mind couldn’t even begin to comprehend.

I’d only told James the outline of my complicated relationship with my father because the truth of it was much more painful. Being constantly picked up and dropped, brought up then let down, it absolutely crushed me and it had turned me into an untrusting person. It had formed negative traits, and I hated that he’d managed to have that much control over me.

Then I thought of Danica, just for a second, and the emotion swelled up inside of me once more. She was the one person that I’d let in for a very long time, and I’d really opened up my emotions to her. It had been wonderful and liberating, but then even she’d blown me off in the end. She still hadn’t contacted me, and it seemed like she was never going to.

I was slowly convincing myself that it was time to forget about her, to pretend that she never existed, to act like our romance was a dream. But I couldn’t quite bring myself to delete the one photograph I had of her.

Maybe it was me, maybe I was completely unlovable.

Knock, knock.

I knew that tentative knock on my bedroom door: it was my mom and she was feeling guilty.

“Come in,” I sighed, desperate to see her before I left. Mom had always been the one constant in my life–the one who hadn’t let me down–and I loved her for that.

Her face peeped around the corner, and she shot me a little smile. “Are you okay, sweetheart?” she asked me. “Are you all ready to go?” The fear was emanating off of her, making me feel awful.

“I think so,” I nodded, trying to keep my feelings inside. I didn’t want her to feel bad, even if she was really to blame that I had to go. I knew that she only had my best interests at heart and wouldn’t be doing this if she didn’t genuinely believe it would be good for me.

Okay, she might be wrong, but that wasn’t important. I would come back with evidence of that, and then we could put this whole issue to bed forever.

“Just be strong, son. I know this isn’t going to be easy.” She rubbed my arm in a comforting gesture, so I pulled her in for a hug. I wanted to cheer us both up, and this felt like the best way to do that. “Just remember that you’re a good person, and that there is nothing that he can do about that.”

Ah, so maybe she wasn’t quite as certain about Dad as she’d been before. There was a definite wobble in her voice, which showed that deep down she knew exactly what he was like.

I knew it!

“Thanks, Mom, I’m sure it’ll be fine.” I paused for a moment, before making a joke to lighten the mood. “Except the wedding–that part’s going to suck.”

“I know,” she giggled. “Rather you than me. I can’t imagine anything worse.”

I couldn’t help but wonder what she really thought about that. Mom and Dad had never been married, which must have been weird for her. In a way, it was as if he loved this new woman more than her. I hated to think that, and I wondered how much it hurt her.

Luckily, she didn’t look too upset.

“Okay, well I better get ready to go in a minute,” I pulled away and smiled at her. “It’s a horrible drive and I’d rather get it done before it gets dark.”

“All right, Rhett. I love you, son.”

“Love you, too,” I said, then I grabbed my bag and I slung it over my shoulder. I needed some kind of distraction to stop the unexpected tears from falling down my face. I wasn’t sure why I was getting so emotional, except for the fact that it felt like the weird end of an era.

Or maybe the start of a new one.

There was certainly a weird set of emotions coursing through my veins as I stepped into the car, and as I pulled away and waved goodbye to the only life that I’ve ever really known. There was anticipation, a little bit of fear, and a whole load of anger.

All I knew for sure was that I wouldn’t be returning as the same person.