CHAPTER 28
Aidan
I could see that Elsa was getting tired after a few glasses of wine, and I stood as she explained that she was going to go to bed once we’d talked for a few hours. Angela graciously showed her to our room and got her settled before she came back outside with a sweater pulled over her broad shoulders and a jacket for me that I’d left on my bag. She suggested a fire, and I joined her by the fire pit in the lower half of the yard as we settled back with another beer. “She’s in love with you, Aidan.” Angela didn’t hold back as I stared at her over the flames. “What are your plans with Elsa?”
“I am going back to Afghanistan, Ang. I don’t even know her that well, so why would you say that?” The look she gave me with her expressive blue eyes told me that she saw something else between us and I shook my head. “Look, Elsa is Amish.”
“Really?” Angela asked, and I nodded.” How did that happen?
“I was driving through her community and the car broke down. I ended up at her house and stayed there a few days until I could get it fixed up. It was different than anything I’d ever seen before; you know?” She nodded. “She was sweet and so naive in her ways, but I couldn’t help but to flirt with her.”
“You always were a flirt even on your worst days,” Angela teased me gently as she smiled and I shrugged.
“I loved the sound of her laugh. It gave me some hope after seeing so much wrong in my life. I was getting ready to leave, and she’d already told me about their tradition, rumspringa. It was when they got to leave their family and way of life for a time to see what they really wanted. She seemed too interested in seeing what else was out there, and she surprised me by telling me that she was leaving with me.” I remembered the expressions on her families face as I spoke and I shook my head. “She had parents and a brother, Ang. They couldn’t stop her, and they wouldn’t, but the way they looked at me killed me. I already knew from talking to her that this was what Elsa wanted, and I knew that she would be safe with me. I agreed and promised to take good care of her.” I looked into her face as she stared intently at me. “She’s like a kid sometimes. She sees the world in a way that I don’t think I ever have. Her first stop was to buy a pager…can you imagine? She didn’t even know modern technology. I got her a phone instead, and she’s learning it. Taking pictures, playing games and just loving it. She watched youtube shows on the ocean while we drove here. Elsa is like a sponge.” I looked at her to see that she wanted to say something.
“Why are you going back? You could be with her since you’re clearly in love with her as well. What’s your reason, Aidan?” Angela shook her head as she ran a hand through her curls. “You’re an idiot, you know.” There was affection in her voice as she smiled at me and I looked silently at her. I wasn’t willing to tell her the truth, not even with our past. The truth was too final for either of us to deal with right now. “You can’t get enough of that life, can you?”
“I suppose not. I’m used to it. This break is great, and I’m having a blast, but it’s time to go back to work soon.” I sounded very casual as I spoke on purpose so my voice wouldn’t shake. “How are you doing, Ang? I mean, how are you really doing?”
“Well, I still think about the baby sometimes. I won’t lie. I just take it was what was meant to be, though who knows why? I dated some after that, a long while after that, but nothing stuck. Nothing seemed right, not even work.” She sipped her beer and shrugged. “I left the practice and went to school here to become a teacher, and here I am. I love my little house and my simple life, though I might get a dog soon once I work out how many hours I am gone when I’m teaching.” She made it sound like a huge commitment, and I chuckled as I sipped from my bottle. “What?”
“You’re telling me to stay here for Elsa and you’re hesitant about getting a dog?” I teased her as she smiled peacefully.
“I am okay on my own, Aidan. At least right now. I always knew that you were the kind of man that enjoyed a woman in your life and now? I see it more than ever, more than when we were together. You’ve transitioned into something now, and you’re ready for love.” I shook my head as the last woman from my past flashed through my mind. “What is it?”
“I’m already signed up to go back. I just wanted to show Elsa a good time and keep an eye on her. We both know that it’s an ugly world out there.” I shared a look with her. Not only had we suffered a heartbreaking loss, but she heard some terrible stories working as a therapist, examples of horrible examples of life. She kept it confidential, but I saw the pain in her eyes when she came home at night. I almost wasn’t surprised that she’d stepped back after we parted ways, even if it was amicable. “I couldn’t stand the idea of her enthusiasm getting stomped on when she saw it. I wanted her to see the good.” I knew that was why I didn’t tell her about my illness or impending death. I wanted everyone, particularly Elsa, to see me going off into the sunset to fight like the soldier that I used to be.
It just seemed more honorable in my eyes.
“Are you sure?” Her voice was gentle, and I nodded.
“I had no plans on meeting anybody or even hooking up. I just wanted to make this trip and take the little time off that I had to recoup from this injury.” I had seen the way that Angela looked at my scars and her eyes looked me over again, under my jacket.
“You’re okay, though?” She pressed me, and I nodded. “You can go back with that?”
“Sure, of course. This is just scarring and a bit of discomfort.” I had been discreet about taking my pain pills and never complained about the pain that I suffered. Others had died, so I had nothing to say about it.
“Mentally, are you sure? You seem so strong now and happy to me. You look like you’re enjoying life.” Her face showed her joy for me and I nodded.
“I’m great, Ang. I am still alive and kicking, and I still have a lot to offer the Army.” I settled back and sipped my beer as the fire crackled. “Maybe after I’m out I’ll find a place like this and retire.”
“It’s a good way,” Angela smiled as she curled her feet under her and shivered in the cooling air. “Want to go inside?”
We cleaned up our bottles and tossed them into the recycle bin in the garage before she glanced at me. “Coffee?”
I looked at the clock above the stove to see that it was approaching midnight, and I smiled. “Still a night owl?”
“I create the best night.” She smiled as she started to brew a pot of coffee. She’d told us that she was writing on the side and that she’d published two fiction books over the last couple of years. I was proud of her.
“I think I’ll head to bed. We might try to hit the road tomorrow morning unless you cook those crepes for us for breakfast,” I kidded her as I sent a wink her way. I was comfortable with Angela in a way that I hadn’t been with anyone else before meeting Elsa.
“I’ll consider it for her sake,” Angela promised as I told her good night and went down the hall to where Elsa was sleeping. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and sat on the edge of the bed and stared at her as she rolled over slowly with a sigh and a smile on her face. Elsa looked happy, and I thought about the way that I’d brushed her off to Angela. I knew that she’d seen that, but she was too kind to give me too much of a hard time over it, knowing how stubborn that I could sometimes be.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and saw a text from Mitchell, another Army buddy. He was jumping on the bandwagon along with Dan since they were both going through the treatment and expecting good results. They gave me about a month before they’d get on me again and I could tell that my friends were getting angry at me this time. I didn’t have forever to put this off, and I sighed as I closed my eyes. My lie was wearing on me and stood and went to the window to stare out of the window before I noticed a French door that led to a small table and chairs outside. I unlocked it and sat outside in my jacket as I battled with myself and thought about what Angela had told me.
I sat up for a while and decided I was too restless for sleep before I tiptoed back into the living room. I’d locked the door to keep Elsa safe and found the kitchen dark and the living room empty. I sat down and ran my hands through my hair as I reminded myself to get a haircut again and dropped back against the cushions. I wanted to be back there with Elsa so badly, but I knew what I was like when restless, and it was best for me to be out here where I wouldn’t inconvenience her. I only hoped that Angela was in her room and not out here to see me like this since she’d want to help.
I didn’t want to subject her to this anymore. It wasn’t my place, and she was a good friend now, one that didn’t need to know everything as she once had.
I needed to get through this alone.
What I needed was Elsa.