CHAPTER 29
Elsa
I woke up hours later alone and rolled over to see that the clock said that it was past two in the morning. A part of me ached with jealousy as I wondered where Aidan was but I pushed those thoughts aside and rose from the bed. I pulled on my dress after I changed out of my shorts and tank top that I’d bought to sleep in and pulled my dress back on.
I saw the kitchen light on and wandered in to see Angela heating up a cup of coffee in the microwave. “Oh. I thought that you were Aidan.” I hated the disappointment in her voice but I was worried, and I ran a hand through her messy hair. “Do you know where he is?” A part of me worried that he’d left me here, and I bit my lip as Angela gave me a reassuring smile.
“Oh, he’s okay. Aidan is on the couch in the living room. He does that when he’s restless,” Angela told me as she glanced at the coffee pot. “Would you like a cup?”
“That would be great,” I told her as Angela pulled a large mug from the stained glass covered cub board and filled it up before she removed hers from the small over above the stove. She pushed a few buttons and pulled mine out a few seconds later if that. I had added generous amounts of cream and sugar before I looked at the stove. “What is that called?”
“It’s a microwave. It’s for reheating food and drinks mostly, though some people use them almost entirely. They say that they’re not healthy, but I love the convenience of it.” Angela shrugged, and I noticed that she still had her dress on.
“Have you gone to sleep yet?” I asked her as she giggled and shook her head. She was softer than Melissa, but I liked that about her. She seemed to know who she was, and I loved the feeling that her house had.
“Nocturnal writer. I can do that when I’m not teaching, and I take full advantage of it.” Angela sat with me at the small area of her kitchen that offered two stools and a small eating area. “Did you like dinner?”
“I loved it. I had never eaten that kind of food before,” I gushed even though I’d politely told her thank you earlier in the night. I sipped the coffee and smiled at the sweet taste. “This is different than I drank at the hotel.”
“I like this creamer.” Angela pointed to the bottle, and I saw that it was called sweet cream and realized why it was overly sweet. “I’m sorry! Is it too much for you?”
“No, it’s very good. I think I am getting addicted to coffee,” I admitted, and she laughed.
“I have been for years.” Angela sipped her own coffee, and I looked into her soft face to see something pass through her blue eyes. “Have you discussed Aidan not returning to Afghanistan at all, Elsa?” She seemed hesitant to ask and even glanced towards the living room as she spoke.
“No. I mean; I don’t think I have any place to. We haven’t known each other long.” Angela nodded.
“He told me about your rumspringa. How are you enjoying it?” Angela seemed curious, and I smiled widely.
“I love it. We bought a phone for me, and he took me to Gettysburg. I’ve lived so close to it for so long and never seen it before. It was so beautiful, Angela. We went to a fancy hotel for breakfast and had this fancy coffee and just walked around while he told me about the men that died there.” I looked at her. “He’s seen that himself, hasn’t he?”
“Yes.” Angela kept her answer short, and I suspected that she would never reveal anything too deep about anybody that she loved. “The Army has been rough on him. He knows that I’m not a supporter of war and violence, but I’d never tell him what to do. It did break my heart a bit when he returned, though after we parted ways. I had hoped that he’d choose something else.” She shook her head and gave me an intent gaze. “I think that he would choose you over the Army, Elsa. If he didn’t, nothing would keep him here.”
“What do you mean?” I asked her as she smiled and stared out of the window for a moment.
“You’re so sweet, Elsa.” She said it with kindness and not maliciously, just like Melissa had. I squirmed a little bit because it reminded me how different I was than anyone else, which reminded me of the fact that Aidan could never consider me as a choice. “Aidan is in love with you. Don’t you see it?”
“What?” My mouth dropped open, and I stared at her. “No, he’s not.”
“He’s head over heels over you. I can see it in his eyes and his smile, Elsa. I was with him, and I’ve never seen him like this before.” Angela had smiled with a tinge of sadness before she gazed at me. “I tried to tell him the same thing, but he denied it as well.” She shook her head. “He’s a fool for returning there.”
“I am scared for him. He already has those scars, and I think they hurt him more than he tells me. I hear him moaning in his sleep sometimes like he’s in pain. I don’t wake him up because I know that he needs sleep, but I worry.” I looked at her. “Is he okay?”
“I see peace in him that I haven’t seen in a very long time, Elsa. The way that he cares for me shows me that Aidan is all too aware of who he is again and I don’t want that broken. He’s just stubborn in his ways.” Angela gave me a rueful smile. “You know, after we lost our baby and broke up, I tried to date a few times. I thought that I might find a man like Aidan.”
“Did you?” She shook her head.
“I don’t believe there is a man like Aidan out there. I think that you know that and might be confused about what to do after this is all over. Am I correct?” I nodded since she’d hit the nail on the head. She was brilliant about people. “I knew that he wasn’t doing this just for fun like he claims.” She gave me a quick look. “He didn’t say it like that, Elsa. I promise. He just tried to brush me off when I told him that he was in love with you too.” Too? Did she see my feelings for him? “I saw it all over your face from the moment that you two arrived. I could see that you were a little uncertain about being here, but it’s clear that Aidan is very much with you.”
I sipped my coffee and took in her words. “It is?”
“Oh, yes. I knew that he wasn’t coming here to rekindle anything before but seeing you by his side…it made me happy. It made me glad to see that he’d entirely moved on from everything.” She nodded, and I looked closely into her face.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry about the baby. Aidan is still sad about it as well,” I whispered as she looked at me with soft eyes. “He talked about it driving here.”
“It’s a hard thing to go through. It was a shock since we’d been so careful, but I was all right with it. I thought that we’d make good parents.” She shook her head and glanced at me. “Do you want children?”
“I’m not sure. I’m only twenty. I know that it will be expected of me if I return home and marry. It’s what we do. I just don’t know if I want that life for myself, not yet,” I looked at her to see if she understood what I was saying.
“I know what you mean. I went through something similar once I was on my own. It took a few dates, and a few failed relationships to see that I wasn’t cut out to be with the guys that I met and end up on the same road with them that I had Aidan. I ended my career as a therapist and went back to school, and now I help others by teaching what I know. It’s soothing to me.” She smiled, and I saw the calm in her face. “I just go day by day now and enjoy every moment. I think everyone should do that at some point. You and Aidan deserve to do it together.” She looked at me. “Try to hold onto him. He’s a good man and he adores you.”
I remained quiet as I thought it over. “I want that,” I admitted as she smiled at me. “He’s the only man that I’ve ever…been with. At all. Is it okay to want that? We saw Melissa before this, and she laughed about his past. I am so different that what he’s used to.”
Angela chuckled as she stirred her coffee. “He saw her. I’m glad. That devastated him.” She seemed to think for a moment. “Men are funny, Elsa. Outside of where you are, they can act foolish, and they use sex the wrong way sometimes. I have seen a lot of them settle down when they find the right woman without a second thought, though. I am certain that Aidan is more that way than most.” She gave me a curious look. “Is sex a regular part of rumspringa for you?”
I blushed deeply as I stared at the counter. It was a soft gray and beautiful, and I stumbled over my answer. “Yes, for most. They don’t talk about it when they come back a lot, but I know that some of my friends had sex. Everything that you do is forgiven as long as you don’t come back expecting or something along those lines. This is just part of our lives.” I frowned. “I don’t think that this is just sex for me.”
“I agree,” she solemnly agreed before she sipped her coffee again. “He’s crazy about you.”