She looks into my eyes and tells me we shouldn’t keep up what we’ve been doing. The woman just can’t handle me, she says to me. She can’t handle fucking me so much and if we continue, she’ll never be able to resist me. It’s not exactly the worst thing a girl can tell a guy.

Still, I get the picture. This is bad news. I’m bad news. This is always how I’m perceived. Back when I was a kid, people always thought of me as the good kid. Now, people either scoff at me or hide their eyes.

It’s not hopeless, however. In the end, I’m still going to win at this. It’s like I said to her: I don’t give up and I love a challenge. And right now, I have bigger fish to fry. I gotta make up with Landon and Coach first.

I actually first head to the local bar, grab a Rainier and down it. I don’t aim to meet anyone today. The reason I’m out is purely to wind down, away from people. Except my whole fucking team walks in through the doors and I’m forced to reevaluate some things.

First of all, where was my invitation? If there’s a team function, I’m usually the first to know. I’m the first to grab shots for everyone and I’m always the person to give a toast. Instead, I’m in the damn corner, drinking a warm beer all by myself. It’s just as I suspected. The team has some weird shit against me now. Makes sense, I guess.

Landon walks in last and throws his hands against the bar loudly. He orders shots for everyone and doesn’t even look my way. He takes the shot, orders another round, and proceeds to jump on top of the bar. He grabs another shot glass and raises it high in the air. Someone yells up to him. “Speech! Give us a speech!”

“I was never one for speeches,” he says. “So all I have to say is fuck you, and drink up!”

I shake my head and attempt to leave. I’m halfway out the door before I lose it. It’s like I’m not even on the team anymore. I turn back around and head to the bar. “What’s the word?” I ask, slamming down my arms against the bar loudly. My palms clap against the wood and Landon jumps out of surprise.

“What’re you doing here?” he asks coldly. I take a shot from his limp hand and down it back. I sigh loudly and smile.

“Just came to get a drink. I’m allowed to do that, right? This is, after all, my favorite place to drink,” I reason. I’m not out for blood. I just want to make myself clear. All that Landon and I had in our friendship is now shattering before my very eyes.

I look into his light blue eyes and spit onto the floor next to his shoes. He jumps back, throwing his arm behind him. He lands a solid punch against my jaw and I fall back with a wince. I shake it off and keep my smile on him, taunting him every chance I get.

The whole team at this point has surrounded me. They’re yelling this and yelling that. It’s funny, actually. In a moment of crisis, everything tends to blackout. It’s like I’ve found my special place. The place where everything slows down before speeding right back up. I close my eyes and wait for the right cue.

Someone behind me whispers, “Bro, don’t do it. Don’t swing back. Landon is just trying to work you up, so you can’t play in the next games. He wants to take the Championship from you.”

It sounds like Loke’s voice, but I can’t be too sure. Either way I spin it, it’s not anyone’s championship but our championship together. There’s no one road to glory. Still, the thought of Landon holding that trophy up to a crowd of 100,000 people makes me sick to my stomach.

He swings at me again, hitting me in the upper cheek this time. I’m less mad about the pain than I am about him fucking up my face before practice the next day. I push my body off of the bar and throw my hands up.

“You know what?” I say. “Me and you, we were tight man. Now look at you. Look at how you’re acting. Over some bullshit misunderstanding. It’s cool, brother. You got your revenge tonight. I’ll see you on the field, boy.”

I push past the crowd and head outside. A few second string losers start cheering at my departure. They’ll do anything to please Landon. Anything for a shot at fame. Of course, they won’t get any closer using this tactic.

The door slams behind me and when I’m outside of the muffled bar room walls, the sounds of the street rush by me. It starts to rain and I have to laugh at myself when my clothes are sticking to my skin, clinging to my chest. I start to walk, but the sound of the bar door opening and closing again makes me turn my head.

“Wait up,” Loke says, jogging behind me.

“What’s up?” I ask. “Hey, thanks for the tip back there. That was you, wasn’t it?”

He nods. “Yeah, man. I don’t really get this feud between Landon and you, but I’d rather it just stopped,” he says, pacing on the sidewalk in front of me now. He starts to shiver when his clothes become as soaked as mine.

“Don’t look at me.” I laugh. “I’m cool with making up. It’s him who keeps provoking me.”

“I know you, man. You’re a loose cannon, sure. But you’d never turn on one of your brothers. That’s just not like you,” he says. “Anyway, I just wanted to tell you to be careful. Don’t let him fuck with your anger.”

“I’ll try my best,” I sigh. “It won’t be easy, though. Back there in the bar, I swear I almost ripped his fucking face off.”

Loke laughs and looks down. “All over a girl, huh?” He eyes me, smiling.

“Yeah,” I laugh. “But it’s complicated. We go way back.”

“Is she good, or what?” he asks. “Do you love her or some shit?”

“I don’t know.” I turn my head. “I just know I don’t want to be away from her. I don’t get it, Loke. I never thought I’d grow so soft.”

“You ain’t soft, man,” he shakes his head. “You kidding me? I’ve seen you shatter a 240-pound player’s shin, right in half.”

“Yeah, so what? Everybody has a story like that in this business,” I say.

“Man, Landon’s never played a hard play in his life. He’s been handed everything on a silver fucking spoon. You’re the real deal, man. So, stay safe. If you like this girl and shit, you better do it right. Go after it, but don’t let it affect your game. No more fighting. We stick together.”

I give him a hug and pound his back. “Thanks, man. We’ve always had a good understanding of each other.”

He just nods and I walk away. Loke and I have a bond, much stronger than me and Landon’s. It’s good to know I still have some allies in this business. I head home, walking in the pouring rain. When I get to my place, I’m shivering and shaking with cold.

Somehow, I fall asleep. When I wake up, I’m as sick as a fucking dog. I can barely speak, let alone run a play. And I just know that Landon will be on the field, celebrating my failures.