“I don’t have to go to school, right? I can stay home with you again, Mom,” Aidan smiles, showing off his small, white teeth. He’s not going to win with me today. He’s going to school. As for me, Jake has demanded that I stay home another day. Apparently he’s a real germaphobe, which is fine by me. I can work on the new accounts at home, anyway.

“You’re going to school, mister. You’re going to like it too!” I reach out and start tickling him wildly and he screams, trying to get out of my grasp. “This is what happens to bad little boys! They suffer the wrath of getting tickled to death!” I laugh wildly.

“Okay! Okay! I’ll go to school. I’m sorry!” he squeals. I stop ticking him and he rolls across the carpet, breathing quickly. “I want to see Sam, anyway. I miss my friends.”

“Well, there you go,” I walk toward the car and he follows behind. When we’re in the driveway, I can’t help but notice a minivan parked near our house. There are almost never any cars in this neighborhood that I don’t recognize, but it’s not that weird I suppose. Still, like the mom I am, I usher Aidan into the car. “Come on baby, get in the car. We’re going to be late.”

At school, he jumps out almost immediately. “Bye Mom!” he says, running full speed toward the door. I don’t even get a kiss goodbye, but it’s okay. He’s growing up so damn fast. It’s really shocking to see. I’m just glad he’s excited about going to school for once.

When I get home, there’s that minivan parked in front of my house. A man in a grey hoodie is staring back at me and it’s so odd because he’s got a familiar air to him. I can barely even see him, but it’s like looking at the ghost of someone I once knew.

I try to ignore it and walk inside, but I just keep staring out of the window. I figure, if this guy doesn’t leave my neighborhood in one hour, I’m going to call the police. There’s no reason for someone to sit outside of someone’s home for that long.

Of course, after about ten minutes, I can’t control myself. My curiosity gets the best of myself. I walk outside with my phone in my hands and yell, “Hello? Do you need something?” It’s as nice as I can ask, before shouting, “I’ll call the police if you sit near my driveway!”

It’s totally irrational of me and I know it, but that doesn’t stop me from actually doing it. Still, he’s just sitting there, head facing directly at me, shielded by the tint of the minivan. Finally, I walk up to the window and knock on it. “Hello? Do you hear me? I’m calling the police!”

He rolls down the window, but he’s faced away from me. And then I hear his voice. It’s deep. It’s familiar. It’s… “Erica?” he asks. Fuck. This can’t be possible. No, it’s definitely impossible. What the hell is going on here? Did someone slip something into my water this morning?

“Walker?” I say his name as if none of this is real. I must be stuck in a dream, I reason with myself. What other explanation is there?

“Before you say anything, I just want to say that I’m sorry. I—”

Oh, fuck this. “You bastard!” I smack his arm from inside the vehicle. “You complete douchebag! You think you can just come back to me after six years?”

I wait for his answer. I’ve been waiting for this response for, well, six years now. At this point, it feels like a lifetime of waiting. The reality starts to come into full scope. Aidan. What in God’s name am I going to tell my little boy? Surprise, baby. Your daddy has decided to come home after all! Fuck. No.

“You don’t understand what my life has been like over there,” he says. “If you did, you wouldn’t be slapping my arm right now. Come now. Listen.”

“I don’t want to listen,” I tell him, tears about to fall down my face. I thought things were supposed to be good from now on. I thought I was going to have a break from all this shit. Of course, right when I start to feel better about everything, tragedy comes into my life yet again.

“I just want to turn back time. I wish I never met you, Walker. I’m sorry to say that because it sounds so harsh coming from my mouth. But it’s the god honest truth. You’ve completely fucked me up,” I admit.

I turn around and head back toward the house. He jumps out of the van, in an attempt to stop me. All I can think about is Aidan. How’s he going to feel about all of this? Not to mention, Walker has no idea I have a fucking kid. Once he finds out, he’s going to leave. That might be for the best, honestly. I don’t think I want him around. He’s not exactly a picture-perfect father figure.

“Wait,” he says, touching my shoulder. The hairs on my skin start to rise and for a second, my body betrays me. I grow wet. Images flash across my eyes. I see and feel his hands around my body. His mouth is around my wetness. He’s sucking on me like he’s loving every second of it. And then I feel him cum inside me and everything takes a turn for the worse.

I should have known that the condom broke. How could I not have felt it? I’m such a fucking idiot. I should have taken a morning after pill. I keep all the blame directed at me, despite the fact that it’s not all my fault. In the end, it’s him who wouldn’t pull out. It’s him who decided to leave the next day. I can’t let myself take all of the blame. Not forever, anyway.

“What do you want, Walker?” I turn back around, at the foot of my door. Inside, if he looked, he’d find a bunch of action figures, scattered across the floor. He’d see Aidan’s room, complete with dinosaur bed sheets. He’d see both our cereal bowls, half empty with cheerio’s inside. He wouldn’t understand. He just wouldn’t.

“I…” he stops himself and gulps down. “I love you, Erica,” he says. “I’ve been thinking about you every single night over there. It’s been so horrible. I vowed to myself that I’d come back and find you, that I’d get you back somehow.”

“Yeah?” I look at him and my heart expands and contracts. It hurts to see him like this. He looks so honest. Yet, how can I believe someone that tricked me into a life I never asked for?

No. I can’t do it. I just can’t. “Well, you can go back to London, or wherever it is you were. I don’t believe that your mother was dying. I don’t even believe you’re who you say you are. In fact, I don’t really give a damn what the truth is. I just want you to stay away from me. Do you hear me? Just stay away!”

Here I am, full on crying and he’s just staring at me with his own set of tears in his eyes. Only, he doesn’t let them fall. He holds them back as much as he can. I can see in his eyes that he’s not done fighting for me and that only makes me feel sicker. I need him to answer me, truthfully. Why didn’t he ever call? But I can’t manage to actually ask him.

“I’ll do anything you ask,” he says, finally. “Even if that means staying away from you. I’m sorry. You have to believe me.”

“I’m sorry too,” I tell him. “But that doesn’t mean we should be together.”

“You’re right. Maybe I fucked it all up,” he says. “If you ever want to talk, here’s my number.” He gives me a piece of paper with a number scribbled on it.

“No more boyfriend experience?” I ask him, out of the blue.

“No. That part of me is over. It was stupid, anyway. It’s really embarrassing to think about,” he says. “Anyway, goodbye, Erica. You look more beautiful than I remember.”

He turns around and heads back to the rental van. I have no words, only the world’s most complex maelstrom of emotions. It takes everything in me not to fall down on my knees and weep. Right now, everything seems like a false reality. I hold his number in front of my face and it seems hollow.

“Goodbye, Walker,” I manage to say. If I was to tell the truth, it would come out like, “I miss you. More than you know.”