There’s nothing here for me anymore. She’s moved on and I wasted too much time back in England. Hawk made sure that I would never want to come back here. He probably even anticipated me leaving. So be it. I’m stuck here now, in this empty apartment, with my broken heart.

The only thing now is to pick up the pieces of my life and try to move on. I never used to get hung up on women. That wasn’t part of the deal. I was supposed to be unattached, yet unavoidable. Of course, just seeing her was enough to make me go insane.

She never asked me why I didn’t call her, though I’m not sure what I would have told her in the first place. “My mother passed in my arms,” I could lie. But it all seems so fucking wrong. No, I should have told her the truth, that I never grew up in London, that I was a child born in the northern streets of England. I should have told her about the debts I owed and what it might take to be released from them.

Hawk won’t release me. That’s the punch line of the fucking joke. And I know that far away, he’s waiting for me to make one mistake that’ll alert him of my exact location. When that happens, there will be fireworks. It’ll come down to me and Hawk, settling the score, once and for all. Let’s just say I’m not too excited for that day.

It’s been three days since she let me down hard. Three whole fucking days in hell. My head is still spinning, heart still aching, and I keep pushing myself to fall asleep so I can dream of us together again.

When my phone never rings, I eventually have to force myself to get out of bed so I can get some fresh air. I can’t keep living the way I’ve been living because of her. It’s been a long while since I’ve done any type of workout. I figure that’s the best thing for me to dive into right now, besides the loads of alcohol I have tucked away in my pantry. I leave my lonely apartment and go on a run.

I don’t stop, until my body nearly shuts down. No, I’m not stopping for anybody. The wind whips around my face. I breathe in the cool, morning air. My feet hit the pavement, but when I close my eyes for a brief second, a soccer ball nearly ends my life.

“Watch out!” I hear a young voice yell. I open my eyes and it hits me square in the face. Nice wakeup call, I suppose.

“Sorry!” a young boy smiles.

“It’s no problem,” I mutter, bending down to grab the ball. I smile and hand the young lad the ball. “Training for the world cup?” I laugh.

The boy keeps his distance once he has the ball. Am I really that frightening? “Mom says I can’t talk to strangers,” he says.

“Good. Listen to your mom,” I tell him. Talking to strangers is what got me into this mess years ago. If I ran away from Hawk when I was younger, maybe none of this would have ever happened. Maybe I would be at this park, watching my boy play on the swing set while I read the morning paper and drink my coffee from a thermos. I smile to myself because it’s a warm thought.

I watch as the boy runs back to his mother. For a second, I brace myself to continue my run, but when I see her face, I have to stop myself. Erica. Shit. She’s stunned when she sees me too. It’s a mixture of repulsion and curiosity. How the hell did I manage to run into this woman… again?

“Erica?” I blurt out.

That can’t be her kid. That would be impossible, right? When I left her, she was on her way to being an independent woman, free of her ex-husband’s grasp. She was ready to start a new life. She was excited. She must’ve take on a job as being a nanny. Besides, the child looks nothing like her.

She pats the kid’s back and he runs off, hitting his soccer ball around with some friends. She walks toward me and nods. “Hi,” she says. “I didn’t know you went on runs around here.”

I shrug and smile, so happy to hear her speak again. It’s a fucking miracle. “It’s as good a place as any,” I say. “Anyway, I didn’t mean to run into you, if that’s what you were thinking.”

“No,” she says, taking a deep breath. “I’m sure you didn’t.”

This is already off to a rocky start. I shouldn’t have left the apartment. I knew it was a bad idea. The best thing for me to do right now is move back to England and give myself up to Hawk. He’ll chop my fingers off, no doubt, but at least I won’t embarrass myself like this anymore.

There’s a long and awkward pause from both of us, but she breaks it after a few seconds, to my surprise. “So, how’ve you been?” she asks me.

“Managing,” I say, but that’s not exactly the full truth of the matter. “Well, if I’m being honest, it’s been pretty bollocks. I don’t do much now that I’m back.”

“Bollocks,” she pokes fun at me.

“Rubbish,” I laugh. “Absolute rubbish.”

“You miss England,” she says it as a statement, but in that way that lets me know it’s really a question.

“I hate England,” I admit. “I never should have gone back there. It was a dreadful idea.”

“Your mother. You had to, right?” she looks away from me, clearly hurt by the whole thing. I want to reach out and comfort her. I want to touch her arm and calm her down. I want to tell her that everything is alright and will be better, that I could make it up to her. Instead, I say nothing. It’s in these pivotal moments that the options seem to dwindle down and acting on anything seems almost impossible.

“Yes, my mother,” I lie. I want to tell her the fucking truth. What is wrong with me? Why am I hiding everything from her? For her protection? Yes, I suppose it’s partly that. The other part of me is too afraid of her reaction to the whole thing. She’ll feel gutted. Betrayed. More so than she already does now.

“You’re a nanny now?” I ask her. “Or are you just babysitting for a friend?”

She gives a hurried look over her shoulder at the boy playing soccer with his friends. She frowns and says, “Yeah, a friend. She works a lot.”

“Listen,” I say, “I’m not that same man you met. I’m better than he was. I want the chance to at least prove it to you.”

“It’s not a good idea, Walker,” she says. “I mean, the whole thing from the get go was absurd. I was just playing out a fantasy with you. The boyfriend experience. That’s all I was getting from you.”

Hearing those words hurts. A lot. I didn’t realize she was just like all the other women. I thought she was different. I thought she might have wanted something more. Shit, when did I become so fucking sappy? What have I become?

“Let me cook you dinner,” I say. “The boyfriend experience is over and done with, but maybe I can make one exception.”

Her heels bounce against the grass. She’s hardly making eye contact with me. Still, I know she wants to say yes. I know that it’s her pride that’s saying no to me. She wants someone. I know she does. “Walker, I—”

“One date and I’ll be out of your life forever,” I say. “I promise. Just give me one date.”

She sighs and looks down at the ground, heavy in thought. “One date? That’s it?” she asks.

“That’s it. And I’ll be gone. I’ll go back to fucking England if you want me to,” I say. She thinks about the offer and I hold my pinky out for her. “Pinky swear.”

“Pinky swear? You know that’s the strongest promise there is, right?” she smiles a little and it sends shivers down my spine. My cock starts to rise uncontrollably and my face turns warm. I want you, woman. I want to tie you down and fuck the life out of you. I want to feel your warm skin against mine, that aching, punishing, obsession, and the happiness that comes after those feelings.

“That’s why I’m doing it. I won’t break my promise to you,” I say. “I swear on my life.”

She bounces high on her heels, but comes down to a full halt. She looks at me for a good five seconds, long enough to get my heart going. Those beautiful eyes. Those light freckles on her cheeks. Fuck, I’m spinning.

“Alright,” she says, quickly wrapping her pinky around mine. “It’s a deal. But afterward, you have to leave me alone.”

“I’ll never leave my apartment,” I tell her. Excitement soon washes over me. I’m bathing in the best of emotions. She said yes. She actually said yes!

“Give me your phone,” she says. “Here’s my number in case you forget where I live.”

“I remember,” I say.

“Right. Of course you do,” she laughs. “You were stalking me long enough to get it imprinted in your brain, right?”

I have to laugh at myself. I’m fucking out of my mind. But sometimes, when you’re that madly in love with someone, you do some crazy shit. “Sorry,” I say.

“I get it. You had to see me,” she says.

“I did,” I tell her.

“Tomorrow then,” she says, walking away.