I close my eyes and the first thing I see is her ass in my face, round and smooth, hanging in the air, just like a ripe fruit hanging from a tree. As soon as I reach out to take a bite, it pulls away. Female laughter can be heard in all corners of my room.

I open my eyes and I’m awake. I look down at my cock and I’m so fucking hard I could cum bullets. All I can think about, dream about, is Olivia. It’s been days since I’ve had her and it’s starting to get to me. I thought I could hold strong, but this is the worst it’s ever been. I can just picture her, sleeping sound in my bed. I can smell her, taste her, feel her youthful skin. It’s too much for a grown man to handle.

When I’m at work, I can barely concentrate. Even with the scalpel in my hand, I’m trying not to think of her. I make my incisions. I look back up and Neil is staring at me like I’ve lost my mind. “What’s wrong with you?” I ask him.

“What’s wrong with me?” he asks me. “Scott, take over for a minute.”

The other surgeon grabs my tools and starts to work. Neil and I walk out of the room silently, but I’m pissed. In all my years as a surgeon, I’ve never had anyone pull me outside, let alone Neil. He’s frustrated, but I was doing fine. “What the fuck?” he asks me, as if I’m a mind reader. “You’re sweating bullets in there, man.”

“I’m fine, Neil. It’s hot. So fucking what? I was following the procedure to the full degree. What else do you want from me?” I ask.

“Nah, man. You were shaking in there. Trust me. You barely made the correct first incision. I saw you hesitate. Everyone did,” he says.

I shake my head and throw my gloves off into the waste bin. I take my mask off and throw it against the wall. I run the scalding hot water onto my hands and soap the shit out of them. I do all these things so I don’t slam my fist into Neil’s face. I’m the best there is in this business. That’s a fucking fact. I’ve got the awards plastered on my wall to prove it.

“Chill out,” he says. “It’s just one surgery.”

“You need to chill out,” I tell him. “You’re embarrassing me in front of my subordinates. Do you know how these med-school newbies look at us? They think we’re Gods, man. They look up to us. We’re supposed to be their teachers. So when we’re accused of failing or messing up a procedure, they’re going to go back to their rooms and tell the whole fucking staff about it. You better believe I’m pissed. I’m fucking livid. I’m fucking—” I have to stop myself and take at least ten deep breaths before I can calm the hell down.

“Jesus,” Neil sighs. “You were shaking in there. What was I supposed to do? Let you slip?”

“I wasn’t going to slip,” I say. I look through the window and watch Scott work his newbie magic. He’s doing good in there. That’s something, right?

“I wasn’t going to take that chance,” he says. “Look, how many years have we worked together? Remember when you first came here?”

I laugh, feeling a bit ashamed of myself. I’m starting to cool down a bit and I don’t know how to handle it. “Yeah. I remember it all too well,” I say.

“I took a lot of risks with you.” He throws his arm around my shoulders and sighs. “You were unorthodox, set in your ways. I had to teach you how to follow the rules. Remember?”

“I never followed the rules though. I was always set on my own path,” I tell him.

“Yeah, but every time you veered too far south, I had to teach the basics. I’m not taking any of the credit away from your successes. All of that was because of you. But you know that without anyone acting as your center, you’d be out on a reckless path,” he says.

“Shit,” I whisper to myself. I place my wet palms across my face. I breathe into the hard callouses. I see her face. Olivia. Fuck, I hate admitting that I’m wrong. I especially hate telling someone else that they’re right. Sometimes you just have to admit the truth. It doesn’t matter how it might make you feel. The truth is the damn truth.

“It’s fine, brother,” Neil whispers.

“No, it’s not. You’re right. There’s something inside of me that gets off center every now and then. I push so damn hard that I go a bit crazy. I need to chill out, maybe,” I say.

“Just take a week off. Stop working so damn hard. You’re going to give yourself a stroke,” he says.

“Hey, at least I’d be in good hands,” I mutter.

“Seriously, man. Stop worrying about that girl. Stop worrying about work. Just sit at home, drink a little, smoke a little if you have to. Do something to take your mind off of the real world. You’re going through a lot already with your family. Do yourself a favor for once,” he says.

I nod and run my hands through my hair. “You’re right. I can’t argue about it anymore. Scott can take care of this. I’ve taught him well enough and he needs to prove himself on his own anyway,” I say. “I guess I’ll just head home and stare at the television screen.”

“Finally,” he says. “You’ve come to your senses.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I mutter back. I wave and walk out, into the hallway, grab my briefcase in my office, and head home.

I’ll just head home and stare at the television screen. That sounds nice, to do nothing for once. Of course, when I step one foot into my house and hear the emptiness echo off of the walls, I can’t even bear to sit down. It’s not like me to do nothing. I always have to have my eye on some kind of gain.

I call Olivia. It’s the only thing I can think of to do. When she answers, I’m actually surprised. “Hey,” she says. “It’s a little early for that date, isn’t it?”

I check my clock on the wall and it says 4:30 PM. “Yeah, I guess it is,” I say. “But I’m off early for the day and I’m bored out of my mind.”

“Why don’t you watch a movie or turn on the TV, or something?” she says.

“Why does everyone tell me to do that? It’s not like the TV screen has healing powers or something,” I laugh.

“It’s just early! I wasn’t ready,” she says. “I’m wearing my pajamas and I haven’t showered in a day. It takes time for a girl to get ready.”

“You think I give a damn about what you’re wearing?” I tell her. “Look, I’m coming over, so you better get ready.”

“You’re the worst,” she says. I’m fully surprised when she doesn’t protest, however. She’s got this chipper tone to her voice that tells me I can get away with just about anything.

“See you soon,” I say.

She scoffs but whispers, “Fine.” I hang up the phone and throw on one of my nicest suits. I spray my cologne, the special bottle I save for special occasions. Today was pure shit, but somehow, I feel like a million bucks. Of course, that doesn’t last as long as I thought it might.

When I turn around, I see him staring back at me. On the dresser, across from my bed is a family portrait, shot at least fifteen years ago. It’s everyone. My mom, my sister, me, and my father. We’re all… so damn happy, which was kind of a rare thing to capture. Family is one of those weird things. You never quite know how to navigate it, but you also know that you want to keep it around.

My father would staunchly put his foot down, declaring that the bond is everything. I’d disagree until the cows came home. Yet, as the days go by and begin to feel much shorter, I start to understand his ramblings. This doesn’t last forever. Hell no. It’s a blink of an eye, a snap of a finger. And then the curtain is closed and it’s gone forever.

I walk over to that picture and look at my mother. She’s smiling so damn big. It’s an honest smile, not one of those forced mannequin looks they usually make you do at the photo places. She looks beautiful. The look on my father’s face is pure pride. He’s proud of the family he ended up with. He wouldn’t have asked for anything more or less.

What am I doing on this earth? Saving lives, sure. That’s the go-to line for any doctor. “I’m saving one life at a time. Get off my back.” It’s the kind of line that can get you out of a traffic ticket. Eventually, that all wears thin. What am I really doing here? It better not be pouring my soul into work. Work is just a means to an end. It’s security. Sure, I save lives, but I’m not a magician. I’m a human being like everyone else.

I’m not doing shit with my life. Well, not really. When you look into the past, you get an abstract idea of the future. You see what used to be important. Childhood. Youth. Family. These things will be forever ingrained inside of me. I can take one of two paths. I can either let it all go, like dust, or start something meaningful.

My mind circles back to Oliva. Beautiful Olivia. She’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted, the most beautiful creature I’ve ever laid eyes on. Not to mention, she’s so completely untainted that I’d be a fool to let go. So what am I waiting for? Trying to continue this bachelor lifestyle will be the end of me. Soon enough, I’ll be in my forties. I can’t continue down the same road forever.

I take a deep breath and walk out to my living room. I sit on my couch and try to collect myself. My palms start to sweat. My knees are shaking against the fabric. It’s obvious what I need. My father has laid it all out for me. I need something good in my life. I need something beautiful, something stable and nice. I don’t need myself anymore. It’s just so fucking obvious…

I need a wife. And Olivia is the perfect woman for that job.