I put up as much of a fight as I could last night, but as tough as I fought, he still ended up winning. It’s just that when I look at him, something happens to me. It’s like everything turns a different temperature. My vision gets clearer and I feel happy again. Even when I’m angry with him and feel betrayed, I can’t look at him and truly say I want nothing to do with him. I can lie about it. I can hope he disappears, so I don’t have to deal with the repercussions, but even then, I’ll have to deal with my sadness when I find out he’s never coming back. All I can do now is hope for the best, for my son.

“Wake up, darling,” he says into my ear. His hands wrap around my back and I feel so warm.

It’s hard not knowing which path to take. What am I supposed to say? Am I supposed to turn to him with loving eyes and kiss him with every ounce of passion in the world? “Hey, Walker,” I smile.

He does the work and kisses me. His lips crush against mine and goose bumps shoot across my body. His cologne smells so fucking good.

“Mm,” he moans and opens his eyes. His hand moves across my cheek. “Do you still want me to leave?” He kisses me again, tongue sliding against mine.

“Mom!” Aidan slams against the door. Thank God it’s locked. “Open the door, please!” he calls out.

“I guess not,” I laugh. I yell to Aidan, “One second!”

“Get dressed,” I tell him. “I don’t want him knowing you’re sleeping in the same bed with me.”

“God forbid his dad sleeps with his mom,” he sighs and puts on his jeans. I look over at his chest and perfect body and I give into him. I kiss his abs and feel around his arms.

“Maybe you’re right,” I sigh. “I just feel so weird about this whole thing.”

“You can trust me, Erica. I promise you,” he says. From my experience, all men say these things. The words hold very little weight after some time passes.

“If I trust you, that means I’m giving everything to you,” I tell him, holding onto his hands tightly. “If you do what you did before, I’ll be left in pieces.”

“I don’t ever want to hurt you,” he explains.

“Okay, but I need to tell you this, Walker. Raising a kid is one hell of a responsibility. It’s not just about playing basketball or taking him to the park,” I say. “It’s helping him with his homework, taking him to school on time, getting him to go to bed at a decent hour, and maintaining his emotions. You have no time for yourself. Trust me on this. If you can’t do the job, I don’t want you to make a promise to me that you will. Aidan is way more important to me than you are.”

He silently grabs his shirt and for a brief second, it almost seems like he’s about to leave. When he sits back down, I expect a long and painful goodbye. Instead, he smiles. “I want to be in his life as much as I do yours,” he says. “I’ve lived a long life in such a short amount of time. Raising Aidan will be a fucking privilege. There’s nothing I want more in this world.”

“Nothing?” I ask. “You swear to me? You’re not lying to me again?”

“No more lies,” he says. “I can’t believe I ever lied to you. It breaks my heart.”

“It breaks mine too,” I say, unlocking the door slowly. “But Aidan likes you. I can tell he does. If he approves, maybe I should give you another chance.”

“I won’t let you down again,” he promises. Aidan comes running in the room, already dressed and ready to go to the park.

“Walker!” he yells, jumping onto the mattress. He starts bouncing, with his shoes on and everything.

“Aidan, no shoes on the bed!” I tell him. Walker runs to the rescue and picks him up, swinging him into his arms. I can’t help but laugh because it’s the cutest thing I’ve seen in ages.

“We’re going to shoot some hoops, as they say in America?” Walker asks him.

“Where are you from, mister?” Aidan asks.

“Britain, lad,” he says. I roll my eyes.

“Is it nice?” he asks him.

“Dreadful place,” he smiles. “It’s full of dragons, kings, queens, and even knights.”

“Dragons?!” he screams, jumping out of his grip. He lands feet first on the ground and looks over at me with extreme excitement.

“Mom, can we go?” he politely asks me.

“Someday,” I tell him. “Right now, we’re going to the park!”

At the park, I sit and listen to music, while they play basketball. It’s possibly the first day in a very long time since I’ve gotten to relax a bit. I used to love listening to music outside, while going on long walks. There’s so much I used to love doing, but as you grow older, your time starts to dwindle. You have to sacrifice these things.

Having Walker around is helpful and it’s wonderful to see Aidan excited like this. Not to mention, he makes my legs shake. He gets me wet. He presses my buttons in all the right ways. God, I want him so fucking badly. Though, I still have the heavy weight in my stomach related to telling Aidan that Walker is his real dad, but that can wait for a while. Right now, I just need to see where this is headed.

They come over to the park bench, both exhausted and clinging to me. My two men. “Have fun?” I laugh.

“He killed me out there!” Walker winks.

Aidan says, “I got a three pointer and won the game.”

“I had no idea you liked basketball so much,” I say. I guess when you’re as busy as I am, it’s hard to really keep up on everything.

Aidan grabs the ball and returns to the court, practicing by himself. “This is fun.” I look at Walker.

“Yeah?” he asks. “You really think so? Because it’s been one of the best days of my life.”

“I know that’s a lie,” I laugh.

“I’m serious,” he says with a look of pure honesty. “I can’t believe I have a son. I’m going to fucking cry bullets.”

His hand curls around mine. I squeeze against his fingers and feel hopeful. “I hope you’re serious. This is a daily thing for me. Every year with Aidan is completely eye opening. He’s getting so big.”

“God,” he sighs. “Why’d I go back to England?”

“It’s okay,” I whisper. “It’s okay now. As long as you’re back for good.”

“I am. I’ll never leave you. I just can’t believe I didn’t get to see my son come into this world,” he says. “My life feels like one giant joke.”

“Welcome to adulthood.” I kiss him. “But just to let you know, your life isn’t a joke. It has purpose if you wish to live it.”

“I know. You’ve taught me that much. I’m confident about the future now,” he says.

“Then I’m confident about us.” Maybe I’ve made a bad choice in taking him back, but I’m going to see this one through. He seems honest this time. I’m seeing good things in the horizon. Fuck it, there’s no use in hiding it. I’m still in love with him. I always will be.