He doesn’t talk to me for days. Literally, days. Of course, I don’t text him either. He’s supposed to be the one to reach out. There’s no “I had a really nice time last night,” or anything. So I forget about him, for the time being. If he wants to be a jerk, he doesn’t get to talk to me.

Of course, when Wednesday rolls around, I get that text from him. “Dinner tonight, right?” he asks me.

I’m honestly surprised he just assumed. I’m halfway through finals and he hasn’t even asked me how they went. I text back, “Uh, I’m not sure anymore.” It’s harsh, but not as harsh as the deafening silence I’ve been getting lately.

Of course, he’s hurt. Or at least he’s acting like he is. He texts back, “Honestly? Why not? I told them all you were going to be there. They want to meet you.”

It doesn’t take long for me to let it all out. “You haven’t even said one word to me since our dinner date and you expect me to go eat with your family?”

That’s when he calls me and says, “You really like this text thing too much. I’d rather hear your voice.”

“Welcome to 2017. People text, you know,” I say, coldly.

“I thought you might be busy with finals. That’s why I haven’t reached out. Can you forgive me?” he says. And then after some heavy silence, due to my annoyance boiling over, he says, “I’ve missed you so much, you know. I can’t stop thinking about you.” Endless amounts gratitude after endless amounts of silence. Is this the key to happiness?

“You’re a bad liar,” I tell him. “In any case, I might have to pass on the dinner.”

Groans are heard from his side of the phone. “Honestly, Olivia. I’ve been dealing with my mom and I knew you were busy too, so I took a few days to collect myself. Can you blame me?” he asks.

Fuck. I forgot about his mom. Of course he gives me that excuse. Can I blame him? No, I can’t. That pain must be unimaginable. Despite my anger and reluctance, I feel my heart soften. I get that empathetic rush of sweetness. And I cave.

“Fine,” I sigh.

“Really?” he asks. “You’ll come?”

“Yes, but I’m not happy about it. In fact, I’m kind of mad at you right now,” I tell him.

“You’re always mad at me, so it’s okay,” he says. “As long as I get to hear your voice, see your face, and kiss your cheek, I’ll be okay.”

“Bullshit,” I mutter.

“See you tonight,” he sings back to me.

* * *

Hours feel like minutes, and suddenly we’re driving down the freeway with the windows down all the way, screaming Shakira. The volume is all the way up and the bass is maxing out. Don’t ask me how we got here. All I know is that after a few drinks of wine, I’m ready to have some fun.

We pull off the freeway, enter into some side streets, and park near a large, beautiful house. The music stops and we’re heaving out breaths of cold air, laughing wildly. He grabs my hand and says, “I like being around you. It’s the only time I ever have any fun.”

“I like being around you too,” I say. I look at the front porch. The door opens and a woman comes out. “So this is the old, family homestead?” I ask him.

“This is it. That’s my sister, right there,” he says. She waves at us, smiling. She lights up what seems to be a joint. “Yeah, she’s a bit wilder than me.”

“She seems cool, actually. Like, she seems nice,” I say.

“She is,” he says, opening the door. “I think you’ll really like my family.”

“No, you won’t!” his sister calls out. She walks down from the porch and reaches us, hugging James. “My suggestion is to stay away from this family. We’re absolutely insane.”

“She’s lying,” James quickly interjects. I, on the other hand, can’t help but laugh.

“I’m completely lying,” she says. “I’m actually really glad James has brought someone here. He hasn’t had a proper girlfriend in years.”

“Uh,” James starts to speak, but I’m ready to keep the myth going.

I jump in and say, “Right. Girlfriend. Yeah, he was telling me that. I couldn’t believe it. I’m sure I’m not the only girlfriend,” I say.

“No, I’m being serious. He’s a man of solitude. You must be really special,” she tells me.

“Come on, girls,” he says. “Enough talking about me.”

Am I special? I obviously like hearing that I am. I just can’t believe this no-girlfriend stuff. Maybe he’s the real deal, after all.

“I’m Olivia, by the way,” I say. She introduces herself as Jenna.

Before I walk in, I have to admire the house from the outside. It’s absolutely gorgeous, and I don’t mean in a gaudy sort of way. It’s got a real homey vibe to it and really reminds me of certain movies, the way childhood is presented to people. It’s perfect.

From the outside, old, classical music can be heard playing on the inside. When we walk inside, we’re greeted by his father. He’s sitting next to a nice set of speakers and a record player. “Oh, my boy!” he calls out. “And his wonderful girlfriend too! It’s so lovely to meet you.”

Girlfriend. Why does everyone think we’ve discussed that yet? I look at James who gives me an eye of honest confusion and regret. Despite it all, I manage to navigate the situation. “I’ve heard so much about you,” I say. “It’s so good to finally meet you.”

“You’re nice,” he laughs. “But I know my son hasn’t said much to you about me. He’s a very solitary figure. I’m Jim.”

“Everyone keeps telling me that tonight, but I haven’t seen that side to him yet,” I say. I glance at him again and he just shrugs.

“My family likes to make things up,” he says. “I’m a surgeon. I work a lot!”

“We’re not blaming you, son,” Jim says. “It’s just so good to have another woman around the house again.”

“Well, it’s nice to feel so welcomed,” I say.

“Want a tour?” James asks me.

“Do I ever,” I say. “I can’t wait to see your old room.”

“I’ve kept all the old posters up,” Jim says. “All the old crushes and everything.”

“I told you to take all of that down,” James sighs. We walk into the hallway and head toward his room. Before he grabs the door handle, he turns to me and says, “Okay, if this is already too weird, we can leave right now.”

I laugh a little, but shake my head. “No, this is great. Really. You’re like an actual, real person,” I say.

He laughs a little, but keeps my hand tightly bound in his. “What do you mean?” He opens the door and leads me into his room. It has blue wallpaper and there’s a wooden bed in the corner of the room. On the wall are posters of half-nude women, with the occasional motivational quote to accompany it.

“Wow, this is amazing,” I say. “I can just picture you as a kid. See, you’re a real person now.”

“What was I before?” he asks.

I shrug and walk deeper inside. “I don’t know. A weird old man.”

“Shut up,” he says and moves in front of me. I feel my heel give way. I fall onto the mattress and look up at James.

“Or what?” I reply, knowing full well what could happen. “Are you going to operate on me or something?”

“Worse than that, I’m afraid,” he says, towering over me. Yet, as he lowers his lips to mine, I know that he’s with me and I’m with him. It’s just this feeling that I have. Right now, we’re together. Tomorrow, we’ll separate briefly and figure out what this thing is. Or… maybe we won’t.

“I like this a lot,” he says.

“Me too.” I kiss him again and my body aches for him. He’s everything. No. He’s nothing. I can’t rely on him, no matter how right this feels. This is just a summer fling.

“My family really likes you,” he says. “I can tell.”

“I’ve been here for like fifteen minutes, James,” I say. But I know it too. His family is great. They’re nice, understanding, and though his father is a bit old-fashioned, it’s nothing I haven’t dealt with before.

“Still. I can sense it. They think you’re great,” he says.

I blush, but try to hide my cheeks. He lifts me off his bed and kisses me one more time. “Nice posters, by the way.” I wink.

“When you’re sixteen, you can hardly contain yourself.” He laughs and shakes his head. “Man, that was such a weird time.”

“I don’t even want to do the math on how long ago that was,” I say. He pulls me out of the room. “My cradle robber.”

“Ugh, don’t call me that!” he exclaims. I grab his firm butt and smack it right after.

“Enjoy the tour?” Jim asks us, as we find our way through the hall.

“The posters really did it for me, I have to admit,” I say.

“Haha, James was always a gazer.” He chuckles.

I look over at James. Even at thirty-five, he still gets embarrassed by his dad. “A gazer,” his sister laughs alongside their dad. James reluctantly walks over to the table and I sit next to him. His dad brings out a big pot roast and exclaims, “Here it is! The feast!” When that is set in the center, he runs back to the kitchen and grabs a big plate of mash potatoes and gravy. In the middle of the table are two huge bottles of wine.

“I don’t know what to say. In all honesty, this place is amazing. I’m really humbled to be here,” I say. “And this food… Jim, thank you.”

“No, thank you,” he replies. He quickly runs around the table and pours everyone a glass of wine. It’s enough alcohol to all give us DUIs. He holds up his glass and we all follow his lead. “To momma,” he says.

“To Mom,” James repeats. He’s stoic, but his eyes seem to gloss over with sadness.

“Mom,” Jenna says too.

“To Mom,” I say. We clink our glasses and drink it down. Then, the real dinner starts.

Meat, potatoes, the best damn gravy I’ve ever tasted, and some veggies on the side. It truly is amazing. I hate to admit this, but I could fall in love with James based on his dad’s cooking alone.

“So, Olivia,” Jim says. “What do you do?”

“I’m actually graduating from the University fairly soon. I’ll have a degree in health,” I say.

“Well, that’s fantastic!” Jenna says, mouth stuffed.

“Thank you,” I say. “It’s something, I guess. It’s not surgeon status.” I look at James, who bashfully keeps his eyes on his food.

“Every path is important,” Jim says. “Just remember that and keep going for it. My son chose his purpose and I’m sure you know yours.”

“Actually, I don’t,” I say. Jim laughs slightly. “Seriously, I just knew I needed a degree. Don’t get me wrong. I’m interested, but it’s sort of just something I fell into.”

“Well, then. Perfect,” Jim says.

“Let’s not talk about careers,” James speaks up.

“So be it. How did you two meet?” Jim asks.

I smile and start to feel bashful myself. “Actually, he spoke at the university,” I say, biting my tongue a bit.

“No way,” Jenna whispers. “James, you’re twisted, man.”

James angrily glances over at Jenna, but changes his temper. “Yeah, actually. I gave a speech in one of her classes. Her friend made her follow me outside.”

“Oh, God,” I mutter to myself. “I already forgot. Yeah, I have the worst friend in the world.”

“That’s how we met. We’ve only been out a few times, but…” James stops himself for a second to look at me. He takes a deep breath in and finishes his glass of wine. “I really like her. She doesn’t want to believe me, but I think she’s perfect.”

“And the wedding?” Jim asks.

“Dad,” James sighs. “Come on. Not now.”

I awkwardly scoot my chair forward. The food shifts in my stomach. I struggle to come up with something to say.

“It’s funny, actually. He was joking around about marriage the other day,” I say, awaiting laughter. There is none.

“Already?” Jenna asks. “James, you’re moving faster than normal.”

Jim jumps in, eagerly. “Yes, well. Family is the foundation of life.”

“Dad!” both James and Jenna jump in and stop his dad from moving forward with his very old school speech.

James looks at Jenna and works up the courage to say something. Yet when the words don’t come, he doesn’t continue to play this game. He sighs and lets his napkin drop onto the table. He pushes back and gets up. “I think we should probably get going,” he says, glancing at me. His eyes dart back and forth. I can tell that it’s probably time, even though we haven’t been here for that long. Tensions are high and they’re going through something much bigger than I can understand.

“James,” Jenna sighs and stands up with him. I crawl out from my seat and rub James’s arm in mild support, but I’m pretty confused at this point. Jim looks at all of us as if we’re crazy.

“I have more scotch,” he says.

“I think that’s the last thing we need,” I whisper.

James and I walk outside and immediately the fresh air is like a healing blanket that surrounds us. In the distance, crickets and other odd insects can be heard singing their song. Summer. It’s finally summer and it’s a time to celebrate… or at least that’s what I thought summer was all about. Right now, everything feels like a funeral party.

“Sorry about all of this,” he says to me when things start to feel quiet again. I can faintly hear someone inside collecting the plates and silverware from the table, probably Jenna.

“It’s okay,” I shrug. “Families are weird, you know?”

“I guess so. Normally, we’re pretty close. Things aren’t this weird at least. Lately it just feels like dad is spiraling. I mean, it could be worse, but he’s in this weird family thing. I don’t really get it. I’m trying to, but it’s like a fucking broken record at this point,” he says.

I nod and let myself fall against him. It’s going to be okay, I tell myself. Everything happens for a reason. This is just a hard time. These are all the things that I should be telling him right now, but I can’t find the right way to get the words out. Part of me understands that he just needs someone to talk to, to hold onto, a woman who is going to keep him steady and strong.

“You can get through anything, James,” I whisper.

He looks at me like I’m a glowing orb of truth, sent here from a distant world or something. Then, he kisses me. He caresses the back of my head and kisses me deeply. We both connect on such an intimate level that when we fall back, it almost makes no sense.

Still, as deep as we can go together, there’s still something on my mind. “What did your dad mean by that whole marriage thing?” I finally ask him.

“I don’t know. It’s part of that whole family thing. He wants me to get married. I hear it on a daily basis,” he says.

“But…” I hesitate to move this conversation forward. It’s not the best of topics and I know it can’t end well. My curiosity is what drives me forward, as well as the nagging urge to understand him and the world he grew up in. “Doesn’t he know that marriage is a natural thing that just sort of happens when it needs to? You can’t force something like that.”

He laughs and nods his head. He taps on the wood railing outside and rubs my back. “He grew up in a different world. A different time. Time,” he sighs again and thinks about that world. “Man, it must have been really different. I mean, I think my parents were in love. They stayed together through everything. If that isn’t love, what is? But, the thing is, back then… people did what they felt like they had to do. They had to make a family to provide something for their life. They had to continue that process, work hard, and solidify a plot to their name.”

“It’s weird to think about,” I say.

“Yeah, well, it’s a catch-22, isn’t it? On one hand, that way of living created us and this, and everything we enjoy. On the other hand, it stifled a lot of people’s dreams. Now, everyone can be an individual. At least, that’s what they say. Sometimes I think we’re worse off,” he says. “But it doesn’t matter. I found you. You’re someone I can feel good around, and I’m not going to let that go away. I know tonight was sort of a dud. I know my family might seem crazy to you. But know that I can be different. Know that when I look at you, I see the world in such a different light. It’s so much brighter with you in it.”

I open my mouth to speak, but my vocal chords have stopped working. My throat feels heavy with emotion. The door opens and Jenna quietly walks out. “Hey guys,” she whispers. “I just want to apologize for everything tonight. I didn’t mean to step on any toes. I’ve been doing that a lot lately. There is a lot of crazy shit going on in this family right now. It’s hard to know what to say, if anything.”

“Don’t worry about it, Jenna. Honestly. It’s my bad. I shouldn’t have freaked out in there,” James says. “It’s just dad won’t stop with the whole—”

“Yeah,” she laughs. “Family is everything. He’s going overboard. He can’t say anything to me about it anymore. I’ve started the whole death process already.” She laughs again, betraying her sadness in the light edges of the sound that comes out.

“He’s right. It’s just that I see the world a little bit differently,” James says.

“We all do,” I whisper back.

“Want to smoke this joint?” Jenna asks, reaching into her purse. She pulls out a long and slightly fat torpedo looking thing, and holds it in front of her like it’s the saving grace of the night. James looks at me. I look back at him. And we both start laughing hysterically.

“I think we should head out,” I say.

“Someday I’m going to get you to get high with me, brother. Trust me, the stress will wash right off,” she says.

“That’s what you keep telling me, Jenna. I’m sure you’re right. You always are,” James says.

We step down from the porch and start walking back to the car. “I love you,” Jenna says. “You too, Olivia. I don’t know you, but I feel like I do. See you tomorrow at the hospital?”

“Thanks. You too,” I say.

“I’ll be there,” James says in his gravelly voice.

As we walk down the path, James grabs my hand. Our fingers intertwine and his palm squeezes down hard. Shivers move up and down my spine. I know that we’re moving closer than ever before. I know that something is changing within both of us, and even if we can’t quite mutter the right words, my whole life feels… lighter.