“I’m getting married,” I tell Josie. “To the doctor.”

“What. The. Fuck,” she says. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Yes and no. It’s not real. I’m going to get it annulled immediately. I found out that he was going to propose to me in order to get in his daddy’s will, so I dumped his ass,” I tell her. “Then, I got to thinking. Maybe I should get half of what he gets.”

“You’re dropping way too much on me, way too fast. Wait, you’re telling me that he proposed to you in order to get into his dad’s will? Um, Olivia, that’s fucked,” she says.

“Yeah, I know. I’m done with him, okay? I don’t even know why I’m telling you this, really,” I say.

“…and you’re marrying—sorry, fake marrying him—in order to get half of what he gets?”

“It’s his childhood home or something,” I shrug. “And yeah, why shouldn’t I? He took my virginity. He broke my heart.” I try to hold back from crying, successfully, but my chest hurts and Josie knows it.

“Something tells me you’re not over him,” she says.

“I am definitely over him, you ass,” I say. I try to force out a fake smile, but fail miserably.

“Yet, you’re going in on some weird deal with him. A deal that binds you to him for the rest of your life,” she says.

“It’s just a house,” I say.

“Right,” she looks off to the right of her.

“Well, I’m doing it,” I say. “You can’t stop me.”

“Go ahead. It’s your life. I just think it’s kind of weird. Like, you seem pretty distraught. Maybe you should think this through?” She bites her lip and refrains from making eye contact with me.

Is she right? Of course she’s right. I’m hurt, so fucking hurt. The truth is I loved him. Part of me still does. But what he did disgusts me. Was he planning on staying with me just to get this house? It’s nearly impossible for me to trust him when he tells me he loves me, when he holds me close at night and tells me I’m his light. What the fuck kind of bullshit is that? I feel so betrayed.

“I’m fine. I know what I’m doing,” I tell her. But when the silence gets too awkward between us, I know that I’m being crazy about all of this. Still, I don’t want to stop. Part of me wants to remain close to James to see if he really is the guy of my dreams. Even after all of this, I find myself being pulled to him.

When I leave her house, I drive back to mine. I dive into bed and move my eyes toward my closet. Inside is a shining, white dress that I picked out yesterday. It fits almost perfectly. It just needs a few adjustments.

When I was a little girl, I stayed up at night thinking about what my wedding day might actually be like. I had so many ideas. Tears come pouring down my face when I realize what it’s really going to be. A sham. A disgrace. I can’t tell my parents about this. I shouldn’t tell anyone about this.

I wipe those tears off my face and walk over to the dress. I pick it out from the hanger. It’s so perfect too. A single tear falls to the floor. James. What a fucking con. I let it fall to the floor.

The door knocks and I just know it’s him. I walk over to the door and take a huge breath in. I feel like I’m about to pass out, like none of this is real. I feel absolutely insane. So when I answer with tears dripping down my cheeks, I hope he feels like shit. Whatever he’s about to say can’t take away the pain of being used like this.

“Honey,” an older voice says. I look up and my parents are staring back at me. Fuck. No. How?

I scramble back and nearly fall over in my apartment. “Mom? Dad?” I whisper in disbelief. “What are you doing here? You shouldn’t be here right now.”

“I think you know why we’re here,” my dad says.

“James. Did he…?” I ask, on the verge of flipping the fuck out.

“It’s okay. Josie told us the whole thing,” my mom says. She puts both her healing hands around my arms as I nearly fade into the wallpaper.

“Just let me go, Mom,” I whisper. “Please. Just…”

“What do you want me to do? You want me to fight this son of a bitch? I’ll kick his ass if I have to,” my dad says.

“Scott!”” my mom yells. “Cool it. Let her breathe.”

“I just want you to leave me alone. Both of you. Just go!” I shout.

“No,” my mom says. “We will not go. We came here to help you, baby. We don’t want you marrying someone out of the blue and we sure as heck don’t want you to do that with someone you don’t love.”

The anger rages inside of me. Every emotion inside my body yanks at my heart strings. I don’t know which way to turn. All I know how to do is lash out. “I do love him,” I say. “And I’m figuring my life out just fine. Now, we’re getting married on Sunday. It’s not your decision.”

My dad just shakes his head. “I’m going to find this guy,” he says. “And when I do, he’s done.”

“Good luck,” I say, knowing Josie wouldn’t ever betray that much information. I sigh and take another deep breath. “Look, can you just let me be by myself for a while? I promise to think things through… just let me figure this out.”

Again, my dad throws his hands in the air and gives up. “Deb, there’s nothing we can do. She’s in a trance,” he says. But he doesn’t know how he’s made me feel. He doesn’t remember this kind of love. He’s bathed in the spoils of his own marriage for so long.

My mom nearly sobs. “Please, Olivia. Just don’t make a decision without us. We’re your parents.”

“I know, Mom,” I say, heartbroken.

The lashing out has gotten me nowhere. As they leave my place, I break down.

I want to believe James is a good guy. That’s all. But I want him to confront this and realize why this is a complete betrayal of my trust. Most women would walk away, right then and there. But I’ve seen who James is. I’ve experienced what he can give to someone. It’s more than most men ever could. And if somehow, he can make it up to me, maybe it’s worth it.

It’s not the best logic I’ve had. After all, I’ve just betrayed my parents. I’ve let down my best friend. Everyone around me thinks I’m losing my mind, most likely. Maybe I am, but I still don’t know where this will end up.

I walk back into my closet and sit down on the carpet, holding my dress. “What’s the worst that could happen?” I ask myself. I see my reflection in the mirror and laugh. Fuck it. At the very least, I can sell off my half and never see his ass again.