“One more weed until we’re done. Can you believe it?” Josie is the beautiful, neurotic, blonde friend I met on the first day of classes here. San Diego University. We’re both about to get our degree in Health Studies, which essentially means that when I get out of here, I’ll have to run a juice bar or something. Still, she’s excited about school being over. As for me, I was kind of hoping to have another year left, somehow. How the heck am I supposed to go out into the real world? I’m practically still a child.

“I can believe it,” I tell her. “In fact, I’m pretty much dreading it at this point.”

“You’re insane. It’s because you haven’t gotten laid yet, isn’t it?” she asks. Her question comes complete with a twisted smile.

“Why do you always bring that up?” I sigh and continue walking. My schoolbooks sit jammed in my backpack, pressed against my back. If I ever get scoliosis, it’s because of my years here. If I ever go completely broke, it’ll be because of the same damn thing.

“Because I feel for you, girl. Seriously. Like, you don’t know what you’re missing out on,” she says.

“So it’s like this magic switch, huh? Once a cock goes into my vagina, I’ll feel the weight of the world drop from my shoulders?” I ask the question, but I don’t expect any real answers. The door to the outside courtyard of the Health and Sciences building is right in front of us. Josie swings it open and I feel the spring air hit my face. Sex can’t be better than this weather. It just can’t be.

“Actually yes!” she cackles. “Finals week? I call Eric. Parents getting a divorce? I call Samuel. Car accident? I call both of them and listen to them fight over me.”

“Who the hell is Samuel?” I ask her.

“Just some guy I met last week at that party,” she shrugs. “He’s going to be a doctor.” She makes a puffed-out gesture with her chest and laughs. I laugh with her, although I’m not too sure what we’re laughing about.

“You know I choose to be a…” I stop myself from saying the word. There’s just too many people around right now and, frankly, it’s embarrassing that anyone even knows.

“A virgin?” Josie blurts out. A couple of girls walking next to us giggle to themselves as I turn beet red and look around for a nice bush to hide in. No one understands me on this subject. To the world, I’m kind of a freak, but I value the perfect experience.

“I value the idea of love,” I tell her, proudly.

“Oh, God,” she groans and slumps over. “You’d think four years at university would sharpen your critical faculties a bit.”

“What?! I don’t get everyone’s deal. What’s so wrong with having values?” We sit down in the center-left of the courtyard. I swing my backpack onto the ground and hunch over the table.

“Love is a societal and cultural construct. It’s an idea men use to indoctrinate women into getting married and having babies. All those Disney cartoons… do relationships ever really work out that way? Hell no. You fall for someone and, if you’re lucky, a couple years later you can meet someone new and fall for them,” she says.

“Look,” I tell her. “I don’t need the women’s studies lecture. I took that course two years ago.”

“I’m just saying…” She smiles and pulls out a cigarette.

“I get that your parents are going through this new divorce thing. I hope you know that I’ll always be here for you,” I say. “In my opinion, life is what you make it. If I want it to be a goddamn fairytale, it’s going to be a fairytale.”

“You’re really going to wait until you’re like thirty to have sex with someone?” she asks. I don’t even try to answer. This whole conversation is getting out of hand this point. I simply put a hand up in the air, to try and change the subject, but she’s on a roll. “No, seriously. Don’t cut me off. This is an important topic. Let me get this straight. You’re going to fall in love and marry someone without knowing what sex is like with other people?”

“I don’t need to know. I’ve seen movies. I’ve read books. I do know the repercussions,” I argue.

“So, you’re turning into one of those evangelicals now?” she asks.

“Just drop it, already!” I nearly scream.

“Fine.” She rolls her eyes.

We both grab our books and attempt to go over the faux final that our professor gave us in our last class. Yet, there’s an awkward gap between us and I feel like I have to say something, so I do. I say, “Look, I’m going to leave it at this. I know exploration and this whole self-discovery thing is a big deal to you, but it’s not for me. I just want to meet someone who’s different from the rest of them. If it doesn’t work and we have sex, it’s fine. I’m not a puritan. I masturbate. I sometimes watch pornography.”

“You dirty girl, you,” she laughs.

“I’m being honest with you!” I laugh with her. “I guess I’m just wary of most men’s intentions.”

“Well, that’s probably good, I guess. Most men just want to pillage and conquer,” she says. “Sometimes I find myself acting during sex, just to make them feel like a king. You know?”

I shake my head. “No,” I say. “We should start studying.”

“Yeah, I guess,” she says.

So what? I’m a virgin. Is it that big of a deal? I’ll find someone eventually. Like, in ten years when I can finally pay off my student loans.