“You about ready, El?” Kane calls from the living room.
“Be right there,” I holler back, throwing another outfit into my bag.
We’ve been in Italy for six days now and while I was apprehensive about all of it, most of all our sleeping arrangement, it’s actually been quite nice. Kane has been nothing short of amazing and thus far my time here has been life changing.
Every morning after Kane leaves for work, I head out on an adventure, exploring a part of this beautiful city. The days are for me, the nights I spend with Kane. He’s taken me to a new restaurant every evening since we arrived. He’s been teaching me about the different foods and even managed to get me to order something other than spaghetti.
And now, like he promised, he’s taking me to Manarola for three days. To say I’m over the moon would be the understatement of the year. I haven’t felt this excited about anything since the accident and to know I’m still capable of feeling this kind of happiness gives me hope that maybe my future is not as bleak as I once thought.
Of course that excitement might have quite a lot to do with the man whose eyes I meet as I walk into the living room, trying to not act like the giddy smitten teenager I feel like anytime I look at his gorgeous face.
I mean seriously, it should be a crime to be as good looking as Kane is. He’s perfection. From his thick brown hair, to his breathtaking dark eyes, to that knee weakening smile, and body that screams plaster me on every magazine in the world, it’s all I can do to keep a clear head and not completely lose it–which I’ve nearly done more than once this week. Especially when he walked out of the bathroom two mornings ago in nothing but gym shorts, giving me my first real taste of what is hiding underneath his clothes.
Dear lord, I couldn’t bear to look at him for more than a second for fear drool would start pooling out of my mouth. It’s not just his looks, either. Sure, he’s still serious most of the time, and intimidating as hell. But I’m also finding he’s really quite sweet, thoughtful, and does an amazing job of making me smile nearly every time I’m with him.
Things have changed between us over the past few days too. Slowly, we’ve settled into some semblance of friendship, though I can’t say it’s like any friendship I’ve had before. Because deep down I don’t want to be his friend. I want to be something much more.
It’s not lost on me that this was how I felt about his brother. Then again, I was able to be Kam’s friend despite my feelings. For seven years I stood by and watched as he dated other girls, never taking my chance. But for whatever reason, this thing with Kane feels different. As in I can’t imagine watching him date other women or only ever being his friend, which leaves me feeling both confused and guilty.
Guilty that I waited so long to tell Kam how I felt when I’m already fighting back the urge to tell Kane that I’m attracted to him. Confused because if I can’t see myself just being his friend then what the hell am I doing here?
Kane has given me no reason to believe he feels anything even similar to how I feel. Then again, maybe that’s not entirely true.
I catch him staring at me sometimes. Not in a normal way you might look at someone that’s your friend, either. But in a way that makes my skin feel like it’s been touched by a live wire. And it’s in those moments I find it the hardest not to launch myself at him.
How did I get here?
How after just a week is he already under my skin so deeply that I can’t seem to shake him?
I came here to find myself. Instead what I’m finding is that Kane Thaler is even more irresistible than his brother. And there it is… Guilt.
“You good?” Kane brings my attention up to him and only then do I realize I’ve been standing here for several moments without saying or doing anything.
“Yeah, sorry. Just running through my mental check list to make sure I have everything I need,” I lie.
“Well, if you happen to forget anything, we can always stop somewhere.” He crosses the small space toward me and takes my duffel bag from my shoulder, sliding it on to his.
See what I mean… Sweet.
“We really should get going. I’d like to get there early to avoid traffic if at all possible.”
“Okay.” I nod, glancing around the space before turning my attention back to him. “I think I’m ready,” I hesitate, actually going through the check list in my head this time.
“You sure?” He chuckles.
“Yes.” I meet his gaze and smile. “Let’s go.”
****
Kane rented a car for our trip to Manarola. A medium size semi-sporty car. A Renault Captur. Something I had never heard of or seen before today.
We’re about half way through our drive, windows down, soft music playing on the radio, when I feel Kane’s eyes on me for probably the hundredth time. I shift in my seat, keeping my eyes glued out the windshield.
“I’m really glad you decided to come on this trip with me,” his voice low. Then out of nowhere his hand touches mine.
I jump slightly before looking down to where he turns my palm upright, sliding his fingers in between mine, entwining them. Staring at our hands that are now joined, I make no attempt to pull mine away. Looking from our hands to Kane, I’m graced by a small grin on his face, his eyes never leaving the road.
“Yeah…” I stutter, remembering what he said before his touch wiped everything else from my mind. “Me too.” I look back down at where are hands are, my heart doing something funny in my chest while my stomach feels like it has hollowed out into an enormous open pit.
“Relax, babe.” He glances in my direction and gives me a lopsided grin.
There’s that word again… Babe.
“I am relaxed,” I counter after several moments of silence.
“Your posture says otherwise.” He flicks his eyes to mine for the briefest moment, his smile not faltering for even a second.
I open my mouth to argue but realize he’s right. I instantly make a point to sink back down in the seat, though I don’t feel any more at ease in doing so.
“So what do you want to see first?” His fingers tighten around mine, pulling my gaze to his. “When we get to Manarola,” he clarifies, his eyes bouncing back and forth between me and the road.
“I haven’t really thought that far ahead,” I admit, wanting desperately to pull my hand away so I can think clearly, yet not wanting to ever take it away at the same time.
“You said your great grandparents lived right by the water, yeah?”
“Yes,” I barely manage to get out past the knot in my throat.
My god this man does something to me that I just can’t explain. It’s like I can’t keep a single thing straight in his presence and this fact has only intensified given that he’s currently holding my hand.
What exactly is happening here?
That’s what I want to ask him. I want to know if he feels it too. The zing of chemistry between us, the pull of something more. I’m convinced he does, he has to, and yet I’m afraid he doesn’t. Then again, I might be more afraid that he does.
“I’m not really positive on that, but from what I’ve gathered from pictures I believe so,” I eventually add.
“We will have to stop by and visit.”
“Visit what?” I question, not sure what he’s talking about.
“Where your great grandparents lived.” He flashes me an amused smile and I swear my heart flips in my chest.
Why does he have to be so beautiful? Why can’t this be easy? Come to Italy, reconnect with myself and my roots, and gain a good friend in the process. That’s what I wanted. A friend. Someone who understood what I’m going through. Someone I could offer some understanding too as well.
Instead I find myself off in la la land, dreaming about Kane’s mouth and hands and every other part of him I haven’t been able to stop staring at.
“We can’t. Someone else owns it,” I say after composing myself.
“And?” Kane questions, his gaze fixed on the road.
“And you can’t walk up and knock on someone’s door and expect they will let you inside their house.”
“Says who?”
“Says any sane person alive. Would you let someone into your house?”
“If the reason was valid, yes I would.”
“There’s a valid reason for letting complete strangers into your home?”
“We’re not in America, babe.”
Babe… God I wish he would stop saying that word. Every time he does I feel myself slip a little further, my heart beat a little faster, and my stomach knot a little tighter.
“If I explain to them the significance of the house and that it once belonged to your grandparents, I’m certain that they will at least let us in long enough to look around. To experience the place where your great grandparents lived. Where your grandfather was born. Where your father might have been raised had they not moved to the States. This is a part of your history, Elara. It’s important.”
“I still don’t think they’ll let us in,” I counter, trying my best to focus on that and not his mouth which I can’t seem to stop staring at.
“We’ll see.” His eyes briefly glance my way and I quickly pull my gaze from his mouth to meet his dark eyes.
“I guess we will.” I force an easy smile before turning my gaze back out the window, praying to the heavens above that we get there soon.
I’m not sure how much longer I can sit in the close confines of this car with Kane. Not with the way he keeps looking at me, the way he keeps squeezing my hand–not for one second releasing it, or the way his incredible scent fills the space. It’s all I can do to keep myself rooted in my seat, knowing that once I act, there’s no going back.
Kane is all I have left of Kam and no matter how twisted up he has me inside, I’m not ready to risk losing that just yet. Another hour in this car and I might have a different answer…
****
“You’re kidding me, right?” It’s the only thing I can say as I step into the small bedroom Kane booked us at a local B&B.
“Just wait until you see the view.” I hear the smile in his voice as he steps up behind me, his body so close to mine I can feel the heat radiating from it.
“The view? Kane, look around,” I say, spinning to face him. “There’s only one room. The whole thing is one room,” I explain, feeling like any rational person would understand my issue.
“I’m aware.” He chuckles, dropping both of our duffels on the full size bed next to us.
My eyes dart around the space again, my heart hammering a million miles a minute. It’s one thing to be forced to exist in a small one bedroom apartment. That alone is difficult enough. Now he expects me to spend the next three days in a small bedroom with an even smaller bathroom. Forget about a couch or separate living spaces. Hell, there’s hardly room for the small table and two chairs crammed into the corner.
“Where will we sleep?” I ask, my eyes finding his, humor dancing behind them.
“In the bed,” he says like it should be obvious.
“But there’s only one bed,” I object.
“Again, I’m aware.” His smile widens.
“This isn’t funny.” I cross my arms over my chest.
“Oh I beg to disagree. This is quite funny.”
“Are you laughing at me?” I say when his shoulders silently shake. “We can’t sleep there.” I point to the bed.
If it was a king maybe I could see making it work. I could stuff pillows between us or something. But it’s not even close to that size. We will be lucky if we can lie together and avoid touching.
“Elara.” Kane’s expression falls serious and he takes a full step toward me, essentially closing what little space existed between us. “You mean to tell me that you never shared a bed with Kam?” He cocks a brow.
“That was different.” I shake my head.
“How’s it different? He was your friend. I’m your friend. It shouldn’t be any more complicated than that. Unless there’s something you want to tell me,” he pauses, pushing my hair over my shoulder. His hand grazes the side of my neck causing goose bumps to erupt across my skin.
“I…” I start to speak but am too frazzled by his nearness to gather my thoughts enough to respond.
“I promise it will be fine. If it makes you feel better I will sleep on the floor.”
“You can’t sleep on the floor,” I immediately object, gesturing to what little floor space exists.
“I’ll manage,” he insists.
“I’m not letting you sleep on the floor.”
“Well you seem pretty hell bent on not sleeping together in the bed either.”
“That’s not it,” I start, only to be cut off by him before I can finish my statement.
“Then what is it exactly?” he asks, his dark eyes boring into mine.
“I. I.”
“I promise I will be on my best behavior.” He holds his hands up between us. “Not one part of my body will touch yours, Elara.” he announces and disappointment instantly floods through me.
What the hell?
I shouldn’t be disappointed, I should be relieved. So why do I suddenly feel like someone just told the eight year old me that there’s no such thing as Santa?
Then he does something so unexpected my breath hitches and an entirely different sensation runs through me.
He leans forward, his face mere inches from mine, and quickly adds, “Unless you ask me to. Of course.”
With that he grins, announces he’s going to get food, turns on his heel, and marches out of the room.
I don’t know how long I stand there, paralyzed, unable to think let alone move, before his head appears in the doorway, a knowing grin spread across his handsome face.
“You coming or what?”
****
While I was able to shake off the encounter with Kane in the bedroom, it never strayed far from my mind. After doing a little sight-seeing along the way, we finally stopped and ate at a small local restaurant that specializes in wines, fruits, and cheeses. And while all three were amazing, nothing could top the incredible view of the sea from our table on the outdoor terrace.
After eating, we walked for a good two hours but it felt like much less. Time with Kane passes so easily that sometimes I have a hard time keeping a grasp on it. By the time we arrive back at the small bed and breakfast sandwiched between two tall brick structures, it’s nearly dark and while I feel wide awake, my body feels exhausted.
It takes everything in me to climb the two flights of stairs to our room and once there, the only thing I want to do is to climb into a hot bath and soak for three hours solid. Unfortunately our bathroom is no more than a tiny sink, a toilet, and the smallest shower I’ve ever seen.
The conversation between Kane and me was easy and flowed freely while we explored the city, but the second the door closes behind us the earlier tension returns full force. Or at least for me it does. Kane seems completely at ease, moving around the small space like he doesn’t have a care in the world.
“You wanna grab a shower first?” He looks up from his duffel on the bed to where I’ve barely moved since entering the room.
“Um, yeah. That would be great.” I instantly jump into action, deciding that a shower might help clear my head a little.
Grabbing my bag, I quickly disappear inside the bathroom without another word. Once the door is shut behind me, I’m barely able to move around enough to pull the things I need out of my bag. I really should have taken out the things I planned to use and left the bag in the room, but I was so eager to get away from Kane I didn’t think it through.
Even still, I manage okay. I shower first, taking an extra amount of time washing my hair because the hot water feels so good on my skin. Then I set to the somewhat difficult task of brushing my teeth while straddling my bag that I had no option but to leave directly in front of the sink.
After that I dress in a pair of plaid pajama shorts and a pale pink tank. And even though I never sleep in a bra, I decide that given my present company it’s an absolute must. Normally I would refuse to wear such little clothing in the presence of another, but given how hot it is here and that the room is cooled by nothing more than a fan jammed into a small window, it’s likely I will bake if I put any additional layers on.
When I reenter the room, my blonde hair laying heavy and damp down my back, an instant chill runs through me and it has nothing to do with the breeze flowing in from the open door leading out to the terrace. But everything to do with the man standing in that doorway, arms crossed in front of himself as he leans casually against the frame.
Stepping up next to him, I feel his eyes on the side of my face but I keep my gaze forward, taking in the incredible view he tried to tell me about earlier. We’re elevated high up in the valley, an incredible outstretched view of the sea provided. The moon hangs high in the sky, illuminating the water in the most breath taking way.
“Well, at least you were right about the view,” I say without actually meaning to.
“I think you’ll find I’m right about a lot of things.” He turns toward me, one side of his mouth pulled up in a playful smirk.
“Adding cocky to the list,” I mumble, smiling to myself.
“What was that?” His smirk stretches to a full blown smile.
“I’m keeping a list,” I inform him casually, turning my gaze back out to the sea.
“Keeping a list?” he repeats.
“Of all the things I’m learning about you.”
“And what’s on that list so far.”
“Nope. It’s a secret.” I shake my head, flipping my gaze to see his eyes filled with amusement.
God, he really is way too good looking for his own good.
“Elara,” he warns, taking my shoulders as he turns me toward him. “You can’t tell a guy you’re keeping a list on him and then not tell him what’s on said list.”
“You can’t handle it,” I tease, feeling oddly at ease and like my heart is going to beat out of my chest at the same time.
“Try me.”
“Asshole.” I bite my bottom lip as he lets out a low chuckle.
“Keep going.”
“Oddly sweet.”
“I’ll take it,” he continues to comment.
“Surprisingly thoughtful.”
“I’m starting to like this.” He chuckles again.
“Super intimidating.”
“Got that already.” His smile holds its place and my heart beats a little faster.
“Cocky.”
“So you’ve recently said.”
“Way too good looking for your own good.” His eyes take on this sort of twinkle at my admission.
“You think I’m good looking?” he teases, rocking back on his heels.
“Shut up. You know you are.” I roll my eyes. “Or did you miss the part where I called you cocky?”
“Oh no, I got that. But I want to go back to the good looking part.” He takes a step toward me and I take a matching one back.
“Stop looking at me like that,” I warn, recognizing that look in his eyes. It’s the same look Kam always got before he’d tickle me or throw me over his shoulder and toss me in the pool.
Kane has the same look on his face right now and because of this, I take another step backward, my back meeting the door that opens up to the terrace eliminating my ability to go any further.
“Like what?” He cocks his head to the side and takes another step toward me, caging me between him and the door.
“Like you’re about to pounce.”
“Pounce?” He cocks his head to the side and laughs.
“Pounce,” I repeat.
“I’ve been making a list about you too; do you want to hear it?” he asks, continuing before I can answer one way or the other. “Loyal. Funny. Sweetest fucking laugh I’ve ever heard.” He leans in closer, his lips almost touching mine. A simple push up on my toes is all it would take and my mouth would be on his. “Breathtakingly beautiful,” he continues, his eyes darting to my lips and then back up to my eyes.
“I’m going to kiss you now, Elara. So if you don’t want me to, now’s your chance to say so.” His words paralyze me and even though I feel like I should say something, anything, I can’t seem to force one word out.
“Three.” His eyes are locked on mine, his gaze unwavering. “Two.” He dips in closer. I can feel his breath on my face. “One.”
Then his lips are on mine, soft and sweet. Testing. Tasting. My body zings to life and I have to fight the urge to dive my hands into his hair and kiss him harder. Instead I stay rooted to the spot, also testing, tasting, letting myself explore the most sensual kiss I’ve ever shared with anyone.
But then as quickly as it started, it’s over. Kane pulls back and drops his forehead to mine, his breathing uneven and his eyes so dark they look black as they hold my gaze.
“Tastes like a fucking dream,” he mutters, his mouth still so close to mine I can feel his words vibrate against me.
It takes me a moment to realize he’s adding to his list and I’d be lying if I said I’m not eating up every word as he says it.
But then just like that, the moment is broken. He straightens his posture, looks down at me for a long moment, and quickly turns and disappears inside the bathroom. Leaving me standing there, looking after him and wondering what the hell just happened.