Three months later…
“Elara. Are you about ready?” Carol calls up the staircase that leads to my apartment over the garage.
“Yeah. Almost,” I holler back, shoving papers in my bag, while praying to god I don’t forget anything.
“Well come on already. You’re going to miss your flight.” I can hear her foot tap against one of the wooden steps.
“I’m coming. I’m coming,” I say, snagging the Dodgers hat off my dresser before slipping it on my head.
Quickly pulling my ponytail through the back loop, I slide my duffel bag over my shoulder and exit my room, meeting Carol at the bottom of the stairs just moments later.
“You’ve got your ticket?” she asks.
“Yep.” I nod, pulling it from my back pocket.
“And your pitch?”
“Folders are organized and ready to go.” I tap the side pouch of my duffel.
“I can’t believe you’re actually doing this,” she practically squeals in excitement.
“Me either,” I admit, my eagerness and excitement a welcome emotion after the year I’ve had.
It’s January now. A new year. A new chance to start fresh and leave the ghosts of the past behind me. Well, not all the ghosts.
I’ve spent the last three months cleansing myself of everything I’ve lost. I’ve cried. I’ve laughed. I’ve experienced days where I could barely get myself out of bed. But I pushed through and I completed what I set out to do.
After leaving the cemetery that day–after talking to Kam– everything became crystal clear. I went straight home, dug all of his belongings out of that box, and then I spent the next four hours staring at it before I finally got the courage to look at the pictures on his camera.
It wasn’t easy. Hell, at one point I was crying so hard I felt like I’d never stop. But like everything else, I got through it and I came out on the other end better because of it.
Later that night, I opened my laptop and started writing. It didn’t start out as anything other than words on paper at first, but as the days went on it started to become something so much more.
A story. A manuscript actually. One that told the story of a hazel eyed boy who stole my heart at fifteen. I didn’t leave a thing out. I wrote moments I remember so clearly it was like they were happening in front of me as my fingers worked against the keyboard. I wrote the good, the bad, and the downright painful. I left no stone unturned. But then my story about my sweet hazel eyed boy started to take on a new meaning. Because it didn’t just belong to him anymore.
So I kept writing. I wrote about Kane, about our time in Italy, about the baby we lost. And by the time I was done, by the time I was holding a full completed manuscript in my hand, it was no longer a story about loss. It was a story about love.
Kane did that for me. He gave me love in a story that was meant to be nothing more than heartbreak. Thinking about him was almost as hard as thinking about Kam but it did get easier. The further I got into the story the more I felt a renewed sense of hope that we would indeed find our way back to each other. Our road to this point hasn’t been an easy one, but it was worth every single bump along the way. I’d do it all over again if I knew he would be waiting for me at the end.
I titled the manuscript The Road to You.
It took me five weeks to finish. I wrote nearly every waking moment for those five weeks and the night I finished was probably one of the most emotional nights of my life. But when I woke the next day I knew there was no way I could keep this story to myself. So, I started doing research and ended up sending my manuscript out to over twenty different agencies.
It was less than a month before I had two different companies interested in buying the rights. Less than four weeks. I couldn’t believe it. And now here I am, getting ready to board a plane to Los Angeles to meet face to face with one of the biggest production companies in the industry.
It doesn’t seem real. I’ve been pinching myself for the last couple of days since I got the call. Six months ago I thought my life was over. Now here I am, on an exciting new journey I never thought I’d ever get the chance to experience. And there are only two people I can thank for it.
“Now don’t forget to call me the minute you land.” Carol pulls me back into the conversation as I drop my bag in the backseat and climb into the driver’s seat of my car.
“I won’t forget,” I promise.
“I really wish you would let me drive you,” she says, leaning down into the open window.
“I’ll be gone two days. I’d rather leave my car at the airport so you don’t have to worry about picking me up.”
“But I’d be happy to pick you up,” she objects.
“I know. But I also know you’re understaffed at the salon and business is picking back up. I’ll be fine,” I quickly add.
“I know you will.” She smiles down at me, her face so much like my mother’s it causes my eyes to well. “I’m so proud of you, Elara. You had a choice. To either let life beat you down or refuse to let it take you under. You’ve been through so much and for you to be able to turn it into something like you have– it’s incredible. I just wish your mother could be here to see the amazing woman she raised.”
“Me too.” I force a smile.
“God, I’m sorry. Here I am getting all emotional on you when you need to be focused for your meeting.” She makes a noise in the back of her throat and swipes at her eyes just as a tear falls from each one. “Knock ‘em dead, sweetie.”
“I will,” I promise, firing the engine to life.
“I love you.”
“Love you.” I offer one last wave before backing out of the driveway.
****
“You did it?” Carol screams into the phone so loudly I have to pull the device away from my ear.
“I did it,” I confirm, still not able to believe it myself.
Today I signed over the rights to The Road to You and while it was impossible to let it go, it also felt so liberating at the same time. Walking out of that office, knowing what I had accomplished, there’s no way to describe that feeling. And yet it was surrounded by an air of sadness because the one person I wanted so desperately to share it with wasn’t there.
I thought about calling him, several times in fact, but I made him a promise that day in the hospital and I had every intention of keeping it. He was right after all. We did need time. I was just too focused on being with him to see it in that moment. And while being away from him hasn’t been easy, I know now it’s what I needed.
“Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!” I can picture Carol jumping up and down. “Did you call your dad?”
“Yep. I just got off the phone with him. He and Lynette are already planning on coming to town so we can all go out and celebrate.”
“This is so incredible. I can’t believe you did it. You actually did it, Elara. Do you feel different?”
“I feel like I’m in a bit of a dream state,” I admit.
“I can imagine. I feel like I’m dreaming.” Carol laughs and I can’t help but smile at how excited she is for me.
She’s been by my side through a lot. I’m so grateful I have her to share this with.
“And if your father thinks I’m waiting on him to take you out celebrating he’s nuts,” she quickly adds.
“We can just keep that to ourselves.” I chuckle before quickly adding, “Listen, I’m at the airport so I’m going to let you go. I’ll see you at the house later?”
“Sounds good, honey. Be safe and shoot me a text when you land.”
“Will do.”
We quickly say our goodbyes and I end the call before pushing my way inside the airport. For reasons I don’t fully understand, I find myself pausing to look up at the flight schedule, freezing the instant I see a flight to Chicago leaving in less than two hours.
One minute I’m standing there staring at a screen flashing with cities and times, the next I’m at the counter purchasing a one way ticket to Chicago.
I don’t think I fully processed what the hell it is I’m doing until I’m boarding the plane just over an hour later when the panic starts setting in.
Kane told me I had to come to him. He told me I had to be ready. He made me promise.
I am ready.
I think I’ve been ready for weeks but have been too scared to take the leap. Afraid that maybe he’s changed his mind and doesn’t want me anymore.
I push those doubts aside and quickly take my seat, knowing there is only one way to find out. I just have to jump and pray to God he’ll be waiting to catch me when I reach the bottom.
****
I text Carol and my dad on the way to Kane’s apartment and then silence my phone and slip it into my bag. I can’t answer all the questions I’m sure they’ll have, because honestly, I don’t have the brain power right now.
The past two days have been an absolute whirlwind and now, knowing I’m here, minutes away from seeing Kane again has every inch of my body wound so tight I can physically feel the tension in my back as the cab slows to a stop on the curb outside of Kane’s apartment building.
I look up at the building and then to the middle aged driver, feeling almost frozen in place.
“You okay, honey?” the driver asks, catching my gaze in the rear view mirror.
“Define okay?” I force a smile, reaching into my bag for my wallet before slipping him some cash. “Thank you,” I quickly add before sliding out of the backseat.
Grabbing my bag, I hitch it onto my shoulder and stand on the sidewalk for another long moment, trying to gather the courage to enter the building. I’m seconds away from chickening out when I hear my name. The instant recognition of the voice washes over me like a bucket of ice water as I turn and meet the gaze of the man I’ve dreamed about seeing again for weeks.
“Elara,” he repeats when I make no attempt to respond, my jaw slack, my feet rooted to the ground beneath me.
“Hi,” I say after what feels like an eternity.
My eyes dart from his face, which is even more handsome than I remember, to his messy hair, to his blue t-shirt and dark jeans, to the grocery bags hanging from his hands.
“I’m sorry, I should have called,” I start, realizing maybe this wasn’t the best idea.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he cuts me off before I can say more. “You want to come inside?” He gestures to the building in front of us.
“Yeah, sure.” I force a smile, taking a deep breath when he passes in front of me, his scent intoxicating all of my senses.
I follow him into the building, my stomach a mass of nerves, my hands trembling so bad you would think there was something medically wrong with me, and my heart hammering so violently against my ribs I swear I can hear it echo through the long hallway as he leads us to his apartment door.
He shifts the bags to one hand to dig his keys out of his front pocket before unlocking the door and letting us inside. If I thought my heart was beating fast before I was wrong because the minute the door closes behind us it starts hammering so rapidly it feels like it’s seconds away from beating straight out of my chest.
Kane doesn’t say a word as he crosses the space, depositing the bags on the kitchen island before turning back to where I’m still standing right inside the front door. My eyes dart around the space and I’m instantly transported to the last time I was here.
The baby. The memory hits me before I can stop it and my stomach twists. I know there’s not a thing I could have done to save that child but that doesn’t mean that thinking about it, remembering what happened, doesn’t hurt like hell.
I shake it off and focus on Kane. On the way his dark eyes watch me as I slowly move across the space toward him.
I open my mouth to speak, to explain, to say anything, but instantly snap it closed when I catch sight of the thick stack of paper on the island next to Kane, bound together with string to look almost like a book.
My eyes blur before refocusing as I approach. My hand reaches out and touches the title page the moment I reach it. I can feel Kane’s eyes on me, sense his closeness as I stand next to him, staring down at the manuscript on the counter. My manuscript.
“Carol sent it to me,” Kane answers my question before I have the chance to ask.
“Carol,” I repeat softly, my gaze still on the bound paper. “Did you read it?” I ask, almost afraid to look at him.
“I did.” His answer sends my eyes straight to his face and I find him watching me hesitantly, like he’s not sure how to proceed just yet. “It’s incredible, Elara.”
“I sold it,” I blurt, not really sure what to say.
“I heard you were pitching to Element Studios. I take it all went well.”
“It did,” I confirm, nodding slowly. “Though I’m not sure I’ve really processed it all. It happened so quickly.”
“It doesn’t surprise me.” He gestures to the manuscript. “This is probably one of the best things I’ve ever read. I had no idea how talented you are.”
“I don’t know if I’d go that far.” I shrug, blowing out a slow breath.
“I would.” He shifts so he’s facing me, his dark eyes boring into mine as his hands come out to cup my face. “Did you mean it?” he asks softly, his gaze going to my lips before finding my eyes again.
“What?” I breathe, my pulse pounding so hard there’s no way he can’t feel it.
“In the story, did you mean what you said about the other brother? The one who brought you back to life?”
“Every word,” I admit.
“This wasn’t just any story, was it, Elara? This was your truth.”
“It was. It is,” I stutter.
“And since you’re here right now…” He trails off, his thumb skirting along my bottom lip.
“It means I’m ready,” I push out past the knot in my throat.
“Thank God.” That’s all he says before his face dips and his lips meet mine.
My body remembers his touch perfectly. The way he starts soft, sliding his tongue along the seam of my mouth, asking, coaxing. The way one hand slides up the back of my shirt, his palm flattening against the bare skin on my lower back, while the other snakes around my neck holding me to him.
I don’t know how long the kiss lasts. One minute. Five. Ten. All I know is that when he finally pulls back I’ve been reduced to nothing more than a puddle at his feet.
“Do you have any idea how hard it’s been for me?” He drops his forehead to mine. “How many times I’ve wanted to come to you? How fucking miserable I’ve been without you?” He pulls me tighter against him. “I kept telling myself I was doing the right thing, but the more time that passed the more I regretted my choice to walk away from you.”
He pauses, pulling his face back to look at me. “But then I got that.” He nods toward the island behind me where the manuscript is sitting. “And I knew it was all worth it. Every day of missing you. Every day of wishing I could hold you, kiss you, make love to you. It was all worth it because I knew reading your words that you had finally found the peace you needed to find.”
“You gave me that,” I tell him, tears forming behind my eyes.
“No, I simply pointed you in the right direction. You did all the work.”
“I couldn’t have done it without you,” I say, keeping my face tilted up to hold his gaze. “I realized something while I was writing.”
“What’s that?” he asks when I don’t elaborate.
“I realized that it’s okay to love you both. For the longest time I felt guilty for loving you because loving you meant I loved him less. But I don’t love him less, I just love you differently. You’ll never replace Kam because you’re not Kam, and I don’t want you to be. I love you with every part of me, not just my heart. What you mean to me goes beyond friendship or connection or history. Kam was my best friend. Perhaps even my first love. But you, Kane Thaler, you are my everything. You are my heart. My lungs. My flesh. The very blood that flows through my veins. You are as much a part of me as I am myself. This is with you.” I pull his hand from my neck and place it flat on my chest, directly over my heart. “I think it’s been with you from the first moment our eyes met, I just didn’t know it at the time.”
“Are you really here?” he whispers, arm tightening around my back, eyes refusing to lose my gaze. “I’ve been dreaming of this moment for weeks and now that you’re here, looking at me the way you are right now, saying the things you’re saying, I feel like maybe I’m dreaming and any moment I’m going to wake up and you won’t be here.”
“Do you want to be with me?” I cut him off.
“You know I do.” A slow smile forms on his lips.
“Then I’m not going anywhere,” I reassure him, my hands reaching up to cup either side of his scruff covered jaw.
“I love you.” He leans forward, murmuring against my lips.
“I love you,” I repeat, deepening the kiss as I pull him impossibly close.
Kane works my body with expert precision. Knowing exactly where to touch me, kiss me, how to move just right so that I’m nothing more than putty in his hands. And that’s exactly how I like it.
I used to be a girl who needed to control everything. Now I know that sometimes the best things happen when you just let go.
And as Kane lifts me into his arms and carries me toward his bedroom, I have only one thought in my mind. I’m exactly where I’m meant to be. After everything, I’ve finally found my place, my peace, my home, and I found it all in Kane Thaler.