It’s been a week since we returned to Milan from Manarola. A week filled with countless heart flips, butterflies galore, and a newly forming tingle that starts at the back of my neck and works its way down to my toes every single time I look at Kane.
We’ve taken things extremely slow, learning more about each other with each passing day. He kisses me regularly…as in all the time. But our physical relationship has not gone past that. Unless you count spooning, because Kane Thaler is one hell of a spooner.
Needless to say he upgraded from the couch to the bedroom the day we returned from our three days in Manarola and he’s been there since. There’s something so incredible about him being the last person I see, the last voice I hear, the last touch I feel before I fall asleep. And then I get to wake up and experience every sensation all over again. It’s become my new favorite way to start my day.
Music’s coming from the apartment as I climb the last staircase, so I pause outside the door to listen.
James Bay.
Did I mention he has stellar taste in music too?
Surprised that he’s already home from the office, given that it’s only four-thirty, I quickly push my way inside, depositing two shopping bags on the floor next to the door before spotting Kane in the kitchen.
He’s shirtless–of course he is–and barefoot, his suit pants low on his hips doing some really good things for his ass. Not that he needs any help in that department. It’s hot in the small apartment, is what he always says when I ask him why he never has clothes on. I think he walks around like this on purpose because he likes the reaction it gets from me.
I stand in the doorway of the small kitchen for several seconds watching him stir something in a pot before he finally senses my presence, clearly not hearing my entrance over the music blaring through the small apartment.
“There she is.” He grins, popping a lid on the pan before peeking into the oven.
“What are you doing home already?” I ask, giggling when he pulls me into his arms and drops a kiss to my mouth.
“Wrapped up early. Thought I’d surprise you with dinner.”
“Now that you mention it, you have yet to wow me with these so called cooking skills you claim to have. About time you put your money where your mouth is.” I pull back and give him a teasing wink.
“You just wait, Miss Menton. I’m going to knock your socks off.”
“I’m not wearing any socks,” I point out, looking down at the flip flops on my feet.
“Would you rather I say it’ll knock your panties off?” His voice drops low, lips sweeping against mine. “Because that can be arranged.”
My body instantly gets tight and a slow ache forms in my lower belly. I have to take a few calming breaths to pull myself together. I’ve told myself we need to take things slow, but when he looks at me the way he’s looking at me right now it’s all I can do not to tackle him right here on the kitchen floor. Kane stirs something in me; a desire I’ve never felt toward another person.
“You talk a big talk, Thaler,” I tease, needing to lighten the mood.
“I walk a big walk too.” He winks, taking my hand in his before stepping back and twirling me under his arm.
My head drops back on a laugh when he pulls me back to his chest and starts swaying slowly back and forth to my favorite song on this album, “Move Together”.
My laughter doesn’t last long. Like the song, Kane’s movements are slow and sultry. His hand grazes slowly down my back, his lips trail up the side of my neck, his hips sway back and forth against me as he effortlessly moves us around the small kitchen.
All I can do is hold onto him, fearful that if I let go my legs won’t be able to support my weight. That’s what he does to me; he turns my body into mush and my mind even more so.
“Elara.” His whispered words at the base of my throat send a rush of need through my body.
Tangling my fingers in his hair, I lift his face to mine before pressing my lips firmly against his. He instantly deepens the kiss, his arms wrapping around my waist as his tongue sweeps through my mouth.
An involuntary moan slips past my lips and he swallows it whole, pulling me off my feet so the only choice I have is to wrap my legs around his waist, my arms locking around his neck.
Backing me into the refrigerator, his mouth continues to move against mine. When his fingers slide up my shirt, touching the bare skin of my side, something inside me snaps.
All I see is Kane.
All I smell is Kane.
All I feel is Kane.
All I want is Kane.
My hands find the back of his neck as I pull him closer to me, my fingers digging lightly into his flesh as the want coursing through my body starts to take hold. I feel like I can’t get him close enough. I want to feel him everywhere.
“I want you,” I say against his mouth.
“Elara,” he groans, pulling back slightly to look at me.
“I want you,” I repeat with more force. “I want this.”
I see the conflict behind his dark eyes, the battle he’s trying to hide. But when I lean forward and whisper a small “please” against his lips, uncertainty is instantly replaced with something darker. Hunger. Desire. Need. It’s only seconds before his lips are on mine again and he’s moving with me still in his arms, guiding us through the small apartment with complete ease.
He pushes his way through the bedroom door, but I’m already too preoccupied to care where we are. The only things that matter are the way his body flexes as he lowers me to my feet and the way his hands skirt up my bare back as he pulls the fabric of my shirt over my head and deposits it on the floor. My bra is next, his fingers against my flesh causing prickles to pepper down my arms as he slides each strap down before tossing it to the side.
He steps back and looks at me for a long moment, appreciation shining through his dark eyes. Just the sight has my skin blistering from the heat of his gaze. And then he’s moving, slowly lowering himself onto his knees in front of me.
I’m in complete amazement, watching him unravel me like he’s done it a million times before. His fingers go to the waist band of my jeans, unbuckling and sliding them down my legs in one fluent movement. He kisses the top of each thigh, running his nose along the seam of my panties before slowly standing.
He kisses me sweetly before guiding me onto the bed, my back coming to rest atop the thick comforter.
I watch as he stands before me, hear his rapid breathing as he leans forward and slowly removes my last article of clothing.
My entire body goes rigid as he spreads my legs open, allowing his eyes to trail across my now bare exterior. I don’t shy away from his penetrating stare. Instead I embrace it. Encourage it. I want him to see all of me, have all of me.
I see the flash of recognition cross his face when his eyes find the tattoo on my hip but it’s gone as quickly as it appeared.
I hear the buckle of his pants and the rustle of fabric as they fall to the floor, but my gaze remains locked on his face. On the way he’s looking at me–making every part of my body ache with the need for his touch.
He crawls up the bed, the heat from his body making tiny beads of sweat form along the back of my neck as he settles his weight on top of me.
He pushes my hair from my face, his lips once again finding mine as he kisses me deeply. I jump slightly when his hand slides between us and settles between my legs. When his fingers push inside of me, all coherent thought seems to leave my body.
I become greedy, lifting my hips to meet his hand as he pumps his fingers inside of me. The effect his touch has on me, the pleasure causing my body to pool around his hand.
“Please,” I whimper when he pulls his hand away, leaving me unsatisfied and wanting so much more.
“Please?” His mouth settles over mine again as he gently pulls my bottom lip into his mouth. “Tell me what you want, Elara,” he whispers against my lips.
“You. I want you.” My words are pleading, begging even.
I’ve never had a man’s touch control me the way his does. I feel each flicker of movement across every surface of my body.
“Please,” I whimper again when he slides his hard length against me, his face hovering inches above mine.
“Is this what you want?” he asks, grinding down harder.
“Yes,” I hiss, digging my nails into his shoulders.
“This?” He continues to tease me, lining himself at my entrance but making no move to do what every part of my body is aching for him to do.
“Now, Kane,” I practically scream, my frustration mounting
This seems to snap what little restraint he has left and he immediately plunges inside of me, both of us crying out from the intensity of our bodies coming together. Pulling back, he slams into me again, pulling yet another scream of pleasure from my mouth.
I try to hold back. The moans and whimpers that seem to keep flowing from my mouth, but I can’t. He’s pulling everything from me, making me feel every ounce of pleasure as he thrusts harder and harder inside of me.
It takes minutes—or maybe it’s only seconds—before the warmth starts to work its way through my lower belly. Kane senses my heightening desperation and pushes my legs further open, pounding into me so deeply I swear I feel him everywhere.
“Kane,” I cry, my body so overcome with pleasure I’m not sure how to control myself.
His mouth finds mine as he swallows my cries of pleasure; the earth seeming to literally fall out from beneath me. My body explodes around him, and I swear I have never felt anything so intense before in my entire life.
It comes in waves, washing over me, warming every single inch of my body until I can feel the effects to the very tips of my fingers and toes. Kane makes me feel every ounce of my pleasure as he continues to thrust inside of me, pulling every last bit of desire from me that he can. My body is shaking, trembling from the aftermath of what has to be the most incredible orgasm I’ve ever experienced.
Kane’s movements start to become less controlled, frantic even, and then he lets out a deep groan, pumping inside of me several more times before letting himself go.
When he stills inside of me, he pulls back slightly and hits me with the most incredible smile, the action doing funny things to my heart. His lips find my cheek first, then my forehead, followed by the tip of my nose before he finally presses them gently against my own.
I continue to pulse around him as he sweetly kisses my mouth, his tongue sliding against mine as his hand pushes the tangled mess of hair away from my face.
There are so many things I need to say, so many things bubbling to the surface that I have to bite back. I want you. I need you. I’m falling so hard and fast that I’m terrified if I let go I’ll go careening out of control.
Of course I can’t say any of this, certain it would freak him out. Hell, I’m freaked out. How is it after less than three weeks my feelings are already so strong? I can’t explain it, can’t rationalize it, but I also can’t deny the truth.
I’m falling in love with Kane Thaler…
****
“You have the same tattoo as Kam,” Kane says, his head on my stomach, his fingers tracing the outline of the permanent ink on my hip.
“I do,” I murmur, my hand lazily playing with his hair.
We haven’t left the bed in over an hour, at least I haven’t. Kane left briefly to shut off the oven, announcing moments later that I ruined his dinner. When I asked him if he was complaining he grinned and dove back into bed with me. And that’s where we’ve stayed.
“We didn’t plan it that way,” I continue when he doesn’t reply. “Kam designed it and as soon as I saw it, I knew I wanted it too. I guess it sounds kind of corny, getting the same tattoo as my best friend, but it meant something to him, therefore it meant something to me.”
“I don’t think that sounds corny at all.” He kisses the tattoo which instantly sends a wave of emotion washing over me. “You have this piece of him. Something that’s permanent. Something that will always be there. Nothing corny about that.”
Feeling the heavy shift in the room, I instantly divert from talking about Kam.
“What about you? Do you have any tattoos?” I ask, biting my bottom lip when he looks up at me and hits me with a sultry smile.
“You wanna explore and find out?” His eyes get dark and before I can react he’s shifted next to me and somehow managed to slide me on top of him.
“What do I get if I find something?” I play along, loving the heat that floods his gaze.
“Whatever you want, babe.” He groans when I lean forward and press my lips to the base of his throat.
“Whatever I want?” I speak against his warm flesh, loving the way his throat bobs when he takes a hard swallow. “I think I like this game.” I nip at his collarbone; pretty certain he’s going to like it too.
****
Four Years Earlier
“Are you having fun, bean?” Kam asks, his voice low in my ear as he moves me gently across the makeshift dance floor his parents set up in the backyard for his graduation party.
“I am,” I admit, pulling back to smile up at him.
“Even though my parents hired quite possibly the worst band in existence?” He chuckles, gesturing to the side where a four person band plays from the large stone patio a few yards away.
“They aren’t that bad.” I crinkle my nose at him.
“You only think that because half the music they’ve played is eighties shit.”
“There is nothing wrong with the eighties,” I object.
“Everything was wrong with the eighties,” he disagrees, his gaze going over my head to something behind us.
“Everything okay?” I ask, noticing the shadow that crosses over his face.
“Yeah.” He shakes it off, refocusing on me. “Marie is hanging all over my brother… Again. You’d think she’d get the hint already.”
“The hint?” I say, not familiar with the situation.
All I know is there is no way I am turning around to see what he’s talking about. No way, no how. I’ve met the dark eyes of Kane Thaler one too many times over the course of this evening. And if I’m being honest, I’m not sure I like that every time I look at him his gaze is locked on me. I don’t know if he’s sizing me up, trying to figure me out for his brother’s sake, or if it’s something more. And while I can’t explain it, I can’t deny that my gut instinct is that it’s something more. I just don’t know what.
“Marie has been chasing Kane around since we moved here. They’ve never been any more than friends and he’s tried letting her down easy several times. But last year, they got drunk at a party and Kane ended up sleeping with her.”
“Oh lord,” I mutter, already knowing where this is going.
“Yeah.” He gives me a knowing look. “Needless to say she woke up the next day convinced they were going to be together.”
“Let me guess. It didn’t work out as she had hoped.”
“Not even a little,” he confirms. “And what’s worse, he left town shortly after and avoided taking her calls, so she kept showing up here asking if we had heard from him. I felt really bad for her but at the same time I wanted to shake her and tell her to wake the hell up. Kane is Kane. She knows him, knows how he is. I don’t know why she expected anything more from him than exactly what he did.”
“Kamden Joseph, are you telling me your brother is a player?” I cock a brow, having never heard him talk about Kane’s love life, or lack thereof, before.
“I wouldn’t say he’s necessarily a player. I think he means well. But then again, the line of broken hearts he’s left behind him might say otherwise. I can’t even count on two hands how many girls showed up here either crying or raging pissed while Kane was in high school.” He chuckles, shaking his head.
“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me,” I admit, dragging my teeth along my lower lip.
“No?” He cocks his head and smirks.
“He kind of seems like a player,” I admit. “And I’ve only been around him a couple of hours. There’s just something about him. Something that reads ‘untouchable’.”
“And that’s the appeal,” Kam confirms. “Girls chase after guys like Kane. The ones who seem unobtainable. It’s like some messed up game.” He shakes his head. “Confuses the hell out of me.”
“Of course it does.” A small laugh passes through my lips.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He hits me with a serious expression but his hazel eyes are full of humor.
“You’re incapable of playing games, Kam. You are one of those ‘what you see is what you get’ kind of guys. And I adore that about you,” I quickly tack on. “No bullshit. No lies. You’re just you.”
“I think you’re giving me too much credit, bean.”
“I think you’re not giving yourself enough,” I shoot back.
“Always sees the good.” Kam smiles, shaking his head before pulling me back flush to his body as the song shifts from a slow song to one a little more upbeat, but still with a slow enough tempo that our current position on the dance floor doesn’t seem completely out of place.
I rest my cheek against Kam’s chest, smiling when Kris and Mary go whirling by; Kris spinning his wife around the dance floor like they’ve done it a million times before. Then again they probably have, considering the Thaler’s have been married for nearly twenty-five years.
That and I know for a fact Mary has been dragging Kris to a late night Salsa class every Thursday for the last eight months. Kam says his dad complains about it every chance he gets but because it’s important to Mary, he keeps going.
My gaze falls to the other people around us as Kam glides us along the dance floor. Hailee, Kam’s cousin, and her boyfriend Jimmy. Drake and Carrie, two of Kam’s close friends from school. Some other classmates whom I’ve met but can’t for the life of me remember their names.
And then suddenly I’m looking into the same set of dark eyes I’ve found myself looking into several times over the course of the night. A shiver runs through my body as Kane holds my gaze, his expression unreadable.
God, what is it about this man that has had my stomach in knots a good portion of the night? I try to ignore the way his eyes on me makes me feel and turn my head, resting my other cheek on Kam’s chest just as his arms tighten around me.
“I’m really glad you were able to make it tonight, El,” Kam speaks into my hair.
“Like I’d miss it.” I pull back to smile up at him.
“I just… You’ve been through a lot this year. I know this isn’t easy for you.” I know instantly he’s talking about my mom.
“Don’t.” I shake my head, tears instantly pricking the back of my eyes. “I can’t talk about it here, Kam.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.” He brushes the pad of his thumb over my cheekbone.
“It’s fine.” I force a smile. “Really,” I reassure him. “I just don’t want to ruin this night for you.”
“You could never ruin this night.” He smiles softly.
“Melting into a puddle of tears in the middle of the dance floor might serve to prove you wrong,” I say as a joke, but deep down I know that it wouldn’t take much to send me there.
“Refer to my earlier statement.” His thumb moves from my cheek down my jaw, and in that moment it takes everything in me not to push up on my toes and kiss him.
I can’t of course. Because no matter what Kam says, that would most definitely ruin the evening, and perhaps even our friendship.
I blink, quickly dropping my face back to Kam’s chest. My gaze once again collides with Kane’s, who’s dancing with Marie, a petite dark haired girl with big brown eyes and full lips. She’s really quite pretty and I can’t help but wonder why he doesn’t see that in her. Or at least not enough to give her anything more than a drunk induced one night stand.
I instantly feel sad for her. Kane is beautiful. Well, in the manly sense of the word. Every inch of him is carved perfection; from his dark hair to his even darker eyes, to the incredible curve of his jaw which is currently clenched so tight I wouldn’t be surprised if his face hurt.
My eyebrow shoots up in question, letting him know I see him and I’m more than a little confused by why he’s glaring at me like I’ve rubbed him the wrong way when in reality we’ve barely spoken.
He turns for a moment before once again facing me. His expression is slightly softer but his eyes are no less intense. His gaze jumps to the side of Kam’s face and then back to me before he abruptly steps away from Marie and quickly exits the dance floor.
I watch him walk away before my eyes dart to Marie who seems even more confused than I do. Poor girl.
Shaking my head, I refocus on Kam–the reason I’m here–and do my best to shove his sexy as sin but jerk brother out of my head. I’ve already got enough on my plate right now. I don’t need to waste my time obsessing over someone I likely won’t see again for another three years–considering that’s how long Kam and I have been friends and this is the first time I’ve ever met him.
****
I wish I could say that was the last I thought of Kam’s brother. I wish I could say I forgot him the moment he walked away, but that isn’t true. The expression he wore when he looked at me across that dance floor had been burned into my retinas and I couldn’t shake the feeling that left me with.
It took several days before the effects of that night finally faded away. But even as they did, even after Kane returned to Chicago and things returned to normal, I would still wake in the middle of the night seeing those eyes.
A part of me thought maybe it was just his obvious good looks. You’d have to be blind not to be effected by a man that looks like Kane Thaler. The same could be said for Kam as well. But somewhere deep down I knew there was more.
I guess you could say I was drawn to Kane from that very first night. A pull I didn’t understand stayed with me for years to come. It lived in the background, simmering just out of sight and it wasn’t until I was staring into those dark eyes again years later that it all came back like a gust of wind, sucking the air straight from my lungs.
Only I wasn’t the same girl. When our eyes met over Kam’s casket I knew none of it mattered anymore. I was heartbroken–devastated–not sure how I was going to go on living knowing I’d never see Kam smile again. Never get to count the blue and green speckles in his eyes or hear him call me butter bean. Knowing his sweet laughter would never fill my ears again, I felt nothing but an empty void where my heart used to be.
Until suddenly it started beating again…
I open my heavy eyes to find Kane’s gaze locked on mine, his face hovering just inches above me.
“You were dreaming.” he murmurs, brushing his lips lightly against mine. “What were you dreaming about?” he asks, rolling me to my side so my face goes to his chest.
“You,” I admit, hanging on the cusp of sleep, not entirely sure if I’m actually awake or still dreaming. “It’s with you now,” I mutter as I slip back under.
“What is?” I hear him in the distance.
“My heart.”