“Tell me something about you I don’t know.” I trail my fingers gently along Kane’s bare chest as I lay next to him in bed, tucked into the crook of his arm.
“Like what?” he asks, his fingers playing with the ends of my hair.
“Like anything. Just something I don’t know.”
“That’s pretty vague, babe.” He chuckles, the rumble under my cheek a welcome one. “I hate the color red. There, how’s that?”
“Okay not really what I had in mind, but wait,” I pause, just now processing what he said. “What do you mean you hate the color red?”
“Just what I said, I hate the color red,” he repeats, voice thick with humor.
“Like it’s your least favorite color or the sight of it actually bothers you?”
“Both.” He slides his hand down my bare arm causing goose bumps to erupt across my skin.
“Hmm.” I think on this for a moment.
“You’re mentally running through your wardrobe right now, aren’t you?” His laugh deepens and for the tiniest moment my mind tricks me into believing it’s Kam lying next to me. Not because I want Kane to be Kam but because what he said was something Kam would have said.
“You know me too well already.” I push my previous thought away.
“Well, how deeply impacted is your closet by this news?” God I love when he talks and I can hear the smile in his voice.
“That I can think of, not at all. I mean, I’m sure I have something red somewhere but it’s not a great color on me.”
“I can’t imagine a color that doesn’t look good on you.”
“Perhaps I should slip into something red and put that to the test.” I prop my head up, resting my chin on the back of my hand atop his chest so I can look at him.
“Do you have anything red here?” He cocks a brow down at me.
“No, but that doesn’t mean I can’t buy something,” I counter.
“You would.” He grins.
“Tell me something else.”
“What else do you want to know?”
“Everything.”
“Everything.” He chuckles. “How about we go with one thing at a time?”
“Fine.” I huff, pushing up into a sitting position before turning my body so that I’m facing him, twisting my legs Indian style in front of me.
I let my eyes soak in the sight of him; propped up on a stack of pillows, one arm draped behind his head, hair a mess, eyes sated, his incredible chest and stomach on full display. My god, he really is way too good looking for his own good.
“You were saying?” he prompts when my eyes still haven’t left his torso.
I blink, my gaze going to his face to see he’s wearing a cocky smirk. Yep, he definitely knows where my mind was right then.
“Favorite band?” I shoot off the first thing that comes to mind.
“Backstreet Boys.”
“Favorite mov… Wait? What did you just say?” My eyes widen in surprise.
“Backstreet Boys,” he says like he couldn’t be more serious.
“You’re kidding,” I say disbelieving.
“Of course I am.” He finally cracks, laughing at the shocked look on my face. “Babe, Backstreet Boys, really? Do I look like the kind of man that dances around singing ‘Bye, Bye, Bye’?” He impersonates the hand gestures.
“That’s not the Backstreet Boys.” I fight to control my laughter.
“My point exactly.” His easy smile does something wonky to my insides and I find myself struggling to keep hold of the conversation at hand when all I really want to do is climb up his body and have a repeat of last night, this morning, and this afternoon.
“So who is your favorite band then?”
“If I had to pick just one I think I’d go with Manchester Orchestra.”
“I approve.” I nod, causing his smile to spread.
“I didn’t realize I was being judged on my answers.” He narrows his gaze at me, his expression humored.
“Just keeping a running tally.” I shrug, seconds before his incredible laugh moves through the room. With a wide smile on my face, I continue, “Favorite food?”
“That’s hard.” He thinks on it for a moment. “I’m going to go with pasta. Pasta of any kind.”
“So what you’re saying is you’re a carb whore.”
“A what?”
“A carb whore,” I say like that’s a term regularly used in the real world.
“I eat pasta a lot. If that makes me a carb whore then fuck it, I’ll own that title.” His grin stretches across his face, the action giving his eyes almost a sparkle.
My heart thuds in my chest.
“How do you eat a lot of pasta and still look like that?” I point to his abs.
“It’s called the gym, babe.”
“Shut up.” I lay a light smack to his hard stomach. “I know you work out… Obviously,” I say after a thick swallow. “But even if I spent ten hours a day at the gym I don’t think I could eat pasta regularly and maintain any sort of decent figure.”
“Guess I’m lucky.” He winks.
“Men,” I groan.
“Are you done asking me questions now?”
“You’re not that lucky.”
“Well then please, Miss Menton, continue,” he says like I’m some client in a board room rather than the woman in his bed.
“Hmm. Let me think.” I tap my chin like I’m thinking really hard, causing Kane to chuckle. “How old were you when you had your first kiss?”
“Twelve,” he says with no hesitation.
“Twelve?” I gawk at him.
“Kate Malbourne. Behind the shed at her parents’ house,” he says matter of fact.
“Twelve?” I repeat.
“How old were you?” he asks, turning the question on me.
“Not twelve,” I clip. “I don’t know, I guess I was fifteen or sixteen.”
“You don’t remember how old you were?” He seems to find this humorous.
“It wasn’t the greatest experience of my life. It was quite mortifying actually. I try not to think about it,” I ramble.
“Was it that bad?”
“Worse.” I sigh. “He bit my tongue.”
“He what?” He slides up into a sitting position, not even trying to hide how funny he finds this bit of information.
“He bit my tongue,” I repeat.
“Babe, when you say he bit it…”
“I mean, when I stuck my tongue in his mouth he bit down…hard.”
“Oh my god.” Kane holds his stomach, laughter roaring through him.
“Screw you, jerk.” I shove at him. “I don’t think he meant to do it. I think he was a little over excited and clamped his teeth down when I stuck my tongue in his mouth. Anyway, it was his first kiss too so I guess I shouldn’t have expected much.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t swear off kissing right then and there.”
“I would have if it weren’t for my friends promising me that what happened to me never happened to anyone else. Eventually I figured it had to get better than that.”
“And did it?” He rests his back against the headboard, eyeing me knowingly.
“You already know the answer to that one,” I tell him before quickly redirecting the conversation back to him.
“First time you had sex?”
“Fifteen. Rachel Balanie.”
“God. Fifteen?”
“That’s actually not that young, especially for a teenage boy,” he informs me. “How old were you?”
“Seventeen. Mike Webster.”
“Did he bite anything he wasn’t supposed to?” He raises an eyebrow at me.
“Oh my god, I shouldn’t have told you that story.” I shake my head, not able to hide my smile even though I try like hell to.
“Can’t take it back now.”
“I’m aware.” I hit him with an evil glare–one that I know he sees right through.
“Is that your attempt at mean muggin’? Because I gotta tell you, babe, it’s not working.” He laughs when I once again smack his stomach.
“Asshole,” I say dramatically.
“Have you ever been in love?” Kane’s question is so out of left field it takes several long moments before I’ve recovered enough to form a response.
“Have you?” I counter.
“No,” he answers simply. “You’re turn,” he prompts when I make no attempt to say anything.
“That’s a complicated question with an even more complicated answer.”
“I’m sure I can keep up.”
“I don’t know,” I finally answer on a long sigh.
“You don’t know?” He arches a brow at me, his confusion apparent.
“I mean, I loved Kam. For years I thought I was in love with him. I never loved anyone else. He had my heart and didn’t even know it. But now…” I trail off, not sure how to put the next part into words.
“Now what?” Kane leans forward, disconnecting my hands that I’ve unknowingly knotted in front of me.
“Now I’m not sure if I was in love with him or if I just loved him so much I thought I was. Does that make sense?”
“Yes and no.” He answers truthfully.
“I loved him. I still love him, but things are different now.”
“What changed?”
“You.” I say seconds before his hand comes up to cup my face.
“Do you remember what you said to me last night?” he asks, his thumb tracing along my bottom lip.
“About what?”
“You woke up in the middle of the night and you said something to me. Do you remember what you said?”
“I said something to you last night?” I question, my stomach hollowing out as I try to rack my brain for any hint of what he’s talking about. Only I come up blank.
“Mm hmm.” He leans forward so only a couple inches separate our faces, his hand sliding around to the back of my neck. “You told me it was with me now,” he whispers, eyes locked on mine.
“I told you what was with you now?” I croak, barely able to force the words out past the lump in my throat.
“This.” He places his other hand flat against my chest, directly over my heart. “You said this is with me now. And I have to know, Elara, did you mean that or was it meaningless ramble in the midst of sleep.”
While I didn’t mean to say that to him, I also can’t deny the truth behind it. I buried my heart with Kam – or at least I thought I did – yet now I find it in the hands of someone else. And not just any someone but Kam’s older brother.
He’s the reason I find myself questioning how I felt for Kam. Because the way I feel about Kane is so much more intense, consuming, raw, and powerful. It’s the kind of feeling I feel with my entire body and not just my heart. He’s everywhere, weaved into my very core.
In no way does how I feel for Kane lessen the love I had for Kam, but it definitely has forced me to take a closer look at what I thought love was.
“Babe.” Kane drops his forehead to mine. “Just tell me,” he urges, almost pleading.
“I think I’m falling in love with you,” I blurt. When he doesn’t respond, I quickly move to explain.” I know it seems crazy. I know it hasn’t been long. And your Kam’s brother. And. And. God, I’m probably freaking you out right now,” I ramble. “Would you stop looking at me like that and say something already?” I snap when he pulls his face back, looking at me, his expression unreadable and eyes dark as night.
“You love me?” he finally says, one side of his mouth twitching.
“What do you think?” I counter, relief flooding through me when that twitch turns to a full blown smile.
I don’t get out another word. Kane’s lips are on mine in a flash and before I know it I’m on my back, pinned beneath him.
“Kane, I…” I start to speak but lose my words when he slides inside of me.
“Look at me, Elara,” Kane demands, stilling once he’s completely filled me. “I’ve never met anyone like you.” He pulls out slowly and slides back in before saying, “I knew from the first moment I saw you.” Out and back in. “You’re so fucking beautiful.” Out and back in. “So fucking beautiful.” He looks down at me.
“Kane.” I lift my hips, urging him to move. He takes my cue and picks up speed but still keeps his movements controlled, his gaze not breaking mine as he moves above me.
My vision blurs and my body shakes and within minutes I’m already chasing after a release that’s dangling right in front of me. Every thrust brings me closer. Dark eyes, lips, jaw, neck, chest. I let my eyes soak in the beauty of the man who’s not only opened my eyes but also opened my heart.
I didn’t think I could love so easily after Kam but here I am, diving in head first. If losing Kam taught me anything it’s that you never know what tomorrow will bring. I spent too much time worrying over my feelings for Kam to ever really explore them. I won’t make that mistake again.
Kane is here. Flesh and blood. Body and soul. He’s right here with me, inside of me. And I’ll be damned if I take even one ounce of that for granted.
It’s not an everyday occurrence to feel this strongly for another person. I’ve been around long enough to know this. So no matter how terrified I am, no matter how down right petrified, I’m going to put myself all in and let the waves take me where they will.
That very thin thread holding me in place shreds away and I fall apart beneath Kane, his name a whispered repeat on my lips as my body pulses around him. His release follows directly after mine and within moments he collapses, the delicious weight of him cocooning me in, making me feel safe for the first time in a very long time.
“You, Elara Menton.” Kane lifts his head so that his face is hovering directly above mine. “Are the most fearless person I’ve ever met. And I don’t just mean because you had the guts to come on this trip with me or because you let me drag you thousands of feet in the air and convinced you to throw yourself out of a plane. I mean because when I asked you something, something most people would have been scared to admit, you laid it right out there. No bullshit. No games. I asked you a question and you told me the truth.”
“I’m done keeping my feelings inside,” I admit softly. “I’ve done it once before and I don’t ever want to do it again. I can’t change the past, but I can control how that changes my future.”
“Fearless.” He smiles, laying a soft kiss to my mouth before pulling back. “I think I fell in love with you the very first time I saw you.” His admission has my heart thudding so hard in my chest there’s no way he can’t feel it. “You were so beautiful. Wearing that light pink dress; your hair pinned up on the sides and left long down the back. I remember watching you all night thinking my brother was quite possibly the luckiest man on the fucking earth.”
“Kane,” I start, but he keeps talking.
“I thought about you, ya know. After that night of the party. I thought about you more than any man should think about a woman. Especially a woman he barely knew and who was very much spoken for by his brother.”
“I thought about you too,” I admit, not saying more.
“When I saw you at the funeral, fuck, Elara, even in my grief seeing you was like having sunlight on my face for the first time in days. You made me feel like I could breathe. And that made me feel…”
“Guilty,” I finish his sentence, already knowing what he’s going to say because I felt the same way.
“I’m done feeling guilty. Whatever this is, whatever is happening between us, I want to keep exploring it. I want this with you. And if I’m being honest, I think Kam would want this for the both of us.”
“So do I,” I admit, tears pricking the back of my eyes.
“I’m in so fucking deep,” he mutters softly against my lips, brushing his mouth against mine.
“Me too,” I whisper back.
With that, he kisses me harder and everything I was feeling minutes ago somehow grows a million times over, swelling inside my chest.
Kam Thaler shattered my heart when he died. I never dreamed anyone would be able to piece it back together. But Kane is. Day by day. Minute by minute. Second by second. He’s bringing me back to life.