Dear Diary,

Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!! He likes me! That’s all. Just had to get that off my chest. ;-)

Mackenzie

Mackenzie

Waking up wrapped in Connor's arms is more than a dream come true, it's my entire list and then some. I turn and find him already gazing at me.

"I think this may become a pattern for us," he says with the cutest grin on his face.

I lie on his chest, propping my arms under my chin. "What's that?" I ask, returning his smile.

"Waking up together. I like it."

I'm speechless and thankfully he leans in, kissing me sweetly before turning me over and making our morning even better.

Afterward he walks me to the living room so he can get ready for work.

"You don't have to leave yet, you know?" he states before opening the front door.

"Tracy's going to be here within the hour. We're spending the day together," I say after kissing him one more time.

"Can I meet you guys for drinks?"

I'm surprised he asks, and he laughs at my facial expression.

He holds my hand timidly. "You are going to tell her about us, right?"

"I wasn't sure if there truly was an us to tell her about."

He pulls me close. "I like this, so yeah, I hope you'll claim me to her."

I laugh out loud. "Claim you?"

He chuckles under his breath. "You know what I mean. She'll give you shit. Wait"—he leans back slightly—"does she know you came to the club to find me?"

"Hell no."

"Does she know you wanted to find me?" he asks seductively.

I shake my head. "I've never told her anything about my crush on you."

"So I'm your crush." He pulls me in tighter, and I can feel the semi that's growing in his lounge pants.

I flush with embarrassment, and he kisses my lips.

"How long have I been your crush?" he asks, and I'm officially mortified.

I bite the inside of my lip, praying I don't have to answer his question.

His eyes widen in shock. "That long?"

"Stop." I place my hand on his chest. "It wasn't that long."

"Then tell me. Since you were sixteen, seventeen?"

I glance down, and he places his finger under my chin, tilting it to meet his eyes.

"Thirteen," I answer with trepidation, embarrassed to admit it was since the first day I saw him, at ten years old.

He holds my face, forcing me to look at him.

"I've seriously never been so humbled and honored. You're my crush now."

His lips meet mine, and it takes all my power not to pull him back to his room for round three. Instead, he opens the door.

"I'll see you tonight. Text me where to meet you, and I'll be prepared for Tracy to be totally grossed out," he mimics his sister's words.

I laugh slightly, kissing him quickly before walking out of his apartment.

* * *

"Hey, girl!" Tracy says when I open the door to my apartment.

She gives me a big hug, and then I show her around my new place.

In my room, she sits on my bed and smiles lovingly at me. "I'm really proud of you, you know."

"Thank you. Everything's happening so fast, but things have been good."

"How is it going?" she asks, beating around the bush, not wanting to say it out loud.

I shrug. "Good so far. I haven't really noticed anything yet. Since it's new, they don't really know what to expect."

Tracy is the only person who knows the truth of where I go everyday. Tears form in her eyes that she quickly blinks away, so I change the subject to something way more exciting, for me anyway.

"Something's happened I want to tell you about," I state with a grin.

"Yeah?" She sits up, tucking her legs underneath her like she's bracing for the big news.

"Something I never put on my list, because I didn't think it would ever happen in my wildest dreams."

Her eyes widen. "You're killing me. What are you talking about?"

"I think I have a boyfriend."

"Shut up!" She squeals like a little girl. "This quick? How? And how is this so big it wasn't on your list? You've had boyfriends before."

I’m nervous as hell, but here we go. "I've had this massive crush on someone for years, and not only has he finally noticed me, but I think he really likes me."

"Whoa, are you serious? Who is this mystery guy you’ve kept secret from me?"

"Don't be mad or weirded out...." I hold up my hands, ready to calm her down if need be.

"Wait...." She tilts her head and holds up a finger.

I pause, squinting my eyes and scared for her reaction.

"No," she says, shaking her head. "Ew, no."

I nod and smile. "I've been so in love with him for many years."

"With my brother?" She stands, shaking her body to rid the thought.

I can't help but laugh. "Yes, and oh my god, it's been unreal and—"

"Stop." She waves her hands in the air. "I don't want to know." She shivers.

"Please say you're not mad," I plead.

"I'm disgusted, yes, but mad?" She sighs. "No. It's just." She sits on the bed crossed-legged. "Does he know about… you know?"

"No. I'm not sure he needs to know yet."

She lets out a harsh breath. "Without getting too detailed, and please don't, tell me what's happened between you two. Is this a little fling or what?"

My eyes brighten at the memory of our conversation this morning. "I'm pretty sure it's more. We've spent every night together, and I stayed—" She holds up a hand, stopping me, and I chuckle. "Let's just say it's been really good, and we even talked about telling you and how he wants to pursue this relationship."

"Did he actually use the word relationship?"

"Well, no but we were using the term us."

She sags in defeat. "Mackenzie, you need to tell him. He doesn't do us, shit, he could really be into you. You need to tell him. He's my brother, Kenzie. I can't keep this from him. No matter how much he annoys the shit out of me sometimes, I love him, and I don't want to see him get hurt. He's already been through that once."

"I'll tell him. Just give me a few days. Let me enjoy this for a while longer."

I sigh, not wanting my high to go away yet. I’m being super selfish, but I don’t want to stop whatever we have going on. That’s not fair to me either, and I can see a ton of guys doing just that. Who wants to be with a sick girl?

I stare into space, my high melting away almost instantly. Is Connor that kind of guy?

"Hey. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone there. Even though I don’t understand what you see in him, I'm happy you're happy. But did you really say you'd had a crush on him for years?" she teases.

I throw a pillow at her. "He's hot. And holy cow, so amazing in bed!"

"Ahh!" She covers her ears. "La la la la, I didn't hear that." She laughs and walks over to give me a hug.

* * *

"Is this how my life is going to go now? If I want to see my best friend, it will include my brother too?" Tracy asks as we head toward a table at a bar Connor said had great burgers and music.

"Yes, and you’ll be happy for said best friend too," I jokingly chastise.

Connor enters minutes after we do, and to my surprise and delight, he greets me with a quick peck.

"Really?" Tracy huffs but winks at me. "Hey, bro." She stands to give him a hug.

"What's up, squirt?" he responds rubbing her head.

"You actually like this guy?" she asks, fixing her hair.

I look at Connor, and he smiles in return. "Yeah, I do."

His lips touch mine again, and Tracy yells for the waiter, announcing, "I need a drink over here please."

Our dinner is the most fun I've had in a long time. We tell stories of our childhood and laugh until our sides hurt. When the band starts playing, Connor pulls me onto the dance floor. He tugs me close, one hand holding mine, the other wrapped around my waist.

We dance, as I drop my head to his chest and let him lead me through the song. A happiness like this is something I've never experienced. I feel whole for the first time in my life.

My eyes open and meet Tracy's. I wish the look on her face matched the feelings in my heart. I silently plead for her forgiveness and blessing. She's torn, and it breaks my heart to put her in this situation.

It's not long after our dance that Tracy says she's tired. Connor pays for our tab, and we stroll back to our place. She goes inside while Connor and I say goodbye at my door.

"Is she pissed about us?" Connor asks.

"Nah, she was grossed out, but I think tonight was fun."

"Me too. Sad you can't come home with me." He shoots me a panty-melting smile, and I swear they actually melt, but I push him away.

"I should stay with her. She goes back to college in a few days. I'll see you tomorrow though?"

He kisses me. "You bet. I'll call you in the morning."

"Okay, night."

He winks as he walks away and it physically pains me that I can't go with him. When I enter, I notice none of my roommates are home and Tracy’s sitting on my couch, anxiously awaiting me. She tilts her head, motioning for me to sit down.

"Kenzie, you know I love you, right?" She reaches for my hand and blinks away tears.

I nod, fearful where this is going.

She gathers her thoughts. "Obviously I've known my brother forever. Though I talk shit, and we mess with each other when we’re together, I know him better than anyone else. Crap." She drops her head back against my couch. "I watched you two tonight. The way he looked at you at dinner, the way he touched your thigh or shoulder. Then during your dance." Tears fall, but she doesn't wipe them away. "He's in love with you. There's no doubt in my mind. I've never seen him look at anyone like he did you tonight. Not even Sarah."

My eyes spill over, and I try to cover them before I completely lose it.

"You have to tell him. This can't go on without him knowing the truth."

"How? How do I tell him?" My hands cover my face.

"I don't know." She wraps her arms around me. "I just don't know," she cries into my shoulder.