Dear Baby Girl,

My belly is getting bigger and bigger which means so are you. Whoever said being pregnant is fun should be shot. I can’t sleep, I can’t sit comfortably, and my feet are starting to swell. The only thing that gets me through it is you. When I feel you move, my entire world brightens. You truly are a miracle, and I’m in awe that my imperfect body is creating something so perfect. When you stick your little foot out, pushing hard on my belly, I’m even more in love and can’t wait to meet you.

Super anxious,

Mom

Mackenzie

“I think everything is set up,” Tracy says, overlooking the table full of food for my baby shower.

“Ya think?” I joke.

The table is overloaded with every kind of finger food and salad you can think of. I learned quickly that when you get my mom, Connor’s mom and Tracy together to plan a baby shower, they don’t take half measures.

It’s not only the food either. The games, drinks, and party favors are extreme. I love that they’re having so much fun with the planning, because it’s helped take my mind off what’s going on.

I’m thirty-six weeks pregnant, and solely focusing on our baby. Unfortunately, my symptoms returned faster than the doctor anticipated. After running more tests, we were able to see that it’s the fingers within the tumor that are growing.

This of course was devastating news, since we already knew there was nothing the doctors could do to remove these portions. Even though my timeline changed, it’s still longer than what we originally expected. I thank God for every day I’m here and for every day she can grow more.

My headaches have gotten really bad, and I spend all day in bed so I can enjoy the few hours I have with Connor after he gets home from work. My left side has gotten weaker, so I stay off my feet as much as I can. They are hoping it’s the pregnancy that is causing my symptoms to worsen, but until I give birth, we wait.

Take my cancer issues, add the discomforts of pregnancy, and I’m pretty miserable, but then I feel her move and it’s all worth it again.

The party is at my parents’ house. Tracy picked me up this morning, and Connor is driving down later today. The doctor suggested I not drive anymore for long distances due to the weakness and drowsiness I’ve been experiencing.

As people start to arrive, I think about how they have each touched my life in some way. My mom’s friends are here, my friends from high school, as well as some of their moms and of course my girls from San Francisco.

As I open the gifts, each person tells a story about how they met me, or something funny they want to share.

“We were shocked when Connor told us he knew of someone looking for a place,” Chantel says.

“I’ll admit,” Robin butts in, “I only told him we were looking for a roommate for an excuse to talk to him,” she teases. “We had a bet going between the three of us on if he was gay or not.”

Everyone laughs until his mom asks, “Why in the world would you think he was gay?”

“Well, they both hoped he was.” Katy points to both Chantel and Robin. “They didn’t understand why he never flirted with any of us even though they tried, and believe me, they tried.”

“We didn’t try that hard,” Chantel defends herself. “But he never once brought a girl back to his place, at least that we saw, so we had these bets going.”

“We knew there was something special about Mackenzie,” Katy interjects. “I think even before Connor realized it himself. He talked her up something fierce. We knew she’d be perfect just by all the good things he said.”

The entire party awes at the same time, and I can’t help the huge grin on my face.

“We knew it the first time we saw you two together. There was something there and yes, I won every bet we put on you two — thank you very much.” She nods her head in pride.

I laugh, remembering the first night at my door, the awkwardness we shared when saying goodbye.

After wiping a tear from laughing at the memories, Tracy speaks up, “So do any of you girls have brothers here?” she asks rhetorically. “Because let me tell you how weird it is to learn that my best friend has had a crush on my brother for years. Years I tell you! I started to question her loyalty to me and wondered if she was only my friend to get a peek at my brother.” She shivers her playful disgust.

“But looking back at it now. I should’ve been setting this up the entire time because how cool that my best friend is also giving me a niece. I honestly couldn’t have asked for a better sister-in-law.”

I blow a kiss to her before the next story begins.

* * *

After we’re back to our place, Connor hands me a card.

“What’s this?” I ask.

“I know this party was all about our daughter, so I wanted to do something special for you.” I can tell he’s nervous.

I rip open the envelope and pull out a handwritten letter.

Mackenzie,

You once said you wanted a love like the kind you hear about in songs. I may not be Sam Hunt, but I love you just as much as he loves the girl he wrote all his songs for. I won’t torture you by singing it, but I wanted to show you that you do have that love in me and always will. Thank you for showing me a love like that does exist. This song is for you.

Last Chance

It was dark until you lit up my sky

Sun shining down making me open my eyes

The girl who’s been there for so long

My life cracking until you made it strong.

At first I didn’t want to see the hold you had on me

I didn't want to believe until you gave me the key

Your arms wrapped around me tight

My story suddenly starting to rewrite.

This is my last chance to make it right

My last chance to prove to you

No matter what pain is ahead

You’re worth every path I’ve been led.

I tried to say nothing was happening

That we weren’t at the beginning

But the hold you had on me

Proved I was just too blind to see.

You’re the girl that’s my forever

This is more than a now or never.

This is my last chance to make it right

My last chance to prove to you

No matter what pain is ahead

You’re worth every path I’ve been led.

My last chance.

“Connor,” I whisper, after reading the last line.

I can barely see, my eyes are so full, as well as my heart. I can’t believe he did this for me.

“I mean it, Kenzie. I wish we had more time, but I wouldn’t change a thing that lead me to exactly where I am now. Seeing you carry our baby means the world to me.”

His lips brush mine, and I wrap my arms around the man who is my everything. Not only has he given me more than I’ve ever imagined, he’s brought it full circle and has given me the love you hear about in songs.

My life may not be the luckiest, but having him by my side makes every day a miracle.