Dear Diary,

Pinch me. Pinch me as hard as you can, because I’m in shock right now. This can’t be real. Am I really Mrs. Connor Hayden? Did this really happen? Are all of my dreams coming true? Wish me luck for more dreams to come my way.

Mackenzie

Mackenzie

Every day since our wedding has been both nerve-wracking and amazing at the same time. Connor wanted to make sure we created a life between us, and lord, he has been trying, let me tell you. I love every minute.

I have no idea what it feels like to be pregnant and I swear I’ve prayed—or straight begged—so many times my knees are going to be raw soon. My period is due, and I’m sick with apprehension and hope.

I’ve become so in-tune with my body, that every gas bubble or food movement makes me wide-eyed and cautious. I’m driving myself crazy.

I promised I would wait until I was actually late, but that thought went out the window this morning when I couldn’t wait anymore and had to know.

I ran to the store and bought one of those early detection kits. I read somewhere that it worked better with your first morning pee so I held it, and now I feel like I'm going to burst, I have to go so bad.

After running up the stairs to our apartment, I race to the bathroom and sit, staring at a little pink stick that will decide my future.

A part of me feels bad not waiting for Connor, but when I got the idea of surprising him in a cute way, that was all I needed to push me toward buying the test.

Pacing, I look at the stick for what feels like the hundredth time, dying for it to say something. Anything! The little timer just keeps turning, spinning around while it slowly tortures me.

It clicks, changing to words, and my heart sinks. Instantly I close my eyes, too nervous to see what it says. I wish Connor was here so he could read the stick.

I psych myself up, trying to remember that it’s still early, and even if it says I’m not, that doesn’t mean I never will be. It just means not yet.

Yes. That’s it. I’m going with that.

After a deep breath, I open my eyes to see written in front of me:

Pregnant

My hands cover my mouth as drops of water flow down my cheeks. Never in my wildest dreams did I think this would happen, yet here I am, about to have a baby with the only man I’ve ever truly loved.

* * *

Connor

“Come in,” I announce after someone knocks on my office door.

I’m so engrossed in the research I’m doing on my computer that I don’t bother to see who it is. I’m on to something big here, and I think I may have just had a breakthrough with a client who’s being blackmailed.

“I brought you some coffee,” I hear the sweetest voice say.

Even though I don’t want to stop, I’m elated to see my wife surprise me at work. It’s still so crazy to say that.

My boss was shocked when I told him. They were all happy for me and suggested I take time off for a honeymoon, which I hope to plan soon.

“Thank you, baby,” I say, reaching for the mug, curious as to what’s going on.

She didn’t bring me Starbucks or coffee from any local shop. No, she is handing me a white mug, like the one I use at home. She tries to hide her laugh making me think she’s trying to pull one over on me.

“Should I be afraid to drink this or something? Are you trying to get rid of me already?” I tease.

She playfully hits my chest. “No, silly. Look at the mug,” she says tilting her head down toward my hand.

I read what it says and almost spill the contents all over my laptop when I see the words We have a winner and what looks like little sperm swimming around and a lucky one entering a circle.

“Are you serious?” I ask, setting the mug down and wrapping my arms around her.

She nods excitedly. “How do you want to celebrate, Daddy?”

My lips crash with hers, absolutely thrilled by the news.

* * *

Mackenzie

“How’s my new son-in-law doing?” Mom asks giving Connor a hug when we enter her house later that night.

“I’m great. How could I not be with her by my side?” he responds and turns to me, winking.

“Can I get you anything to drink?”

In the kitchen, Connor and I sit at the breakfast bar and my mom gets a beer from the fridge for Connor and offers me a glass of chardonnay.

I glance at Connor, grinning from ear to ear.

He laughs. “You better tell her before you explode.”

“Is Dad here?” I ask.

“I’m here,” he announces, appearing from the hallway. “Hi, sweetheart.” He embraces me in the same hug I’ve always gotten, one that offers comfort and safety in his arms.

We move to the living room, and I take a seat on their couch, turning to Connor before bringing in a deep breath and saying, “I’m pregnant!” Connor reaches out to hold my hand.

“You’re what?” Mom asks, not in the tone I expected at all.

“I’m only a few weeks, but can you believe it? We’re going to have a baby.” I try to keep up my joy, but the look on my parents’ faces is killing it.

“Mackenzie….” Dad is shocked.

“Have you spoken to your doctor yet?” Mom asks.

“Well, no. I wanted to tell you guys first. We just found out today,” I say, deflated.

“Did you not take precautions? Did you actually… plan this?” she accuses.

“Jean,” Connor starts, but I place a hand on his knee, quieting him so I can speak.

“Yes, we did. We want this child.”

“How could you possibly say that? Kenzie, you’re sick. How could you bring a baby into this world, knowing you won’t be here to raise it?”

I’m stunned into silence. I look at my dad, hoping he has a different reaction, but he’s just standing there, stone cold silent and looking scared.

“You’re being selfish, can’t you see that? How is that fair to this baby? How is that fair to Connor?”

“I want this child,” Connor says, standing up for his feelings. “It was my idea, not hers. We thought you would be happy for us.”

“Happy? Why would I be happy, knowing my grandchild is going to be motherless?” Tears start to fall and she excuses herself, leaving us staring at each other.

“Daddy?” I plead.

“Baby girl”—he lets out a long sigh—“I have to say I agree with your mom on this. I don’t think it’s right that you bring a child into this world in your condition. And Connor, I admire your love for my daughter, but you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into. You’ll be alone. How will you work? Who will watch the baby? Is it even safe for you to be pregnant, Mackenzie?”

“Single dads do it every day. I’m not concerned one bit,” Connor says with no hesitation. “If I don't get to spend the rest of my life with her, I’m honored she would give me this gift as my forever.”

His arm wraps around me, encasing me protectively, showing my dad he’s ready to be the man I need, taking over his role as my protector.

“We’re happy this has happened, and we hope one day you will be too. This is what we want for our family, one we hoped you would be a big part of for years to come,” Connor finishes, giving my dad no room to argue.

“Your mother and I are just worried for you, Kenzie. Your illness has taken a big toll on us. She only wants what’s best for you.” Dad sits next to me, placing his hand over mine.

I don’t respond. Instead I stand up to search for my mom. Walking down the hallway I hear the sound of crying from her room.

“Mom?” I ask, opening the door slightly.

“My baby…,” she whispers through her sobs. I move to sit next to her. “I’m so sorry, honey. I shouldn’t have reacted that way. It’s just—”

“I know, but I really want this baby,” I say, holding on to her hand.

Her eyes meet mine, and I can’t stop the tears from filling my eyes. I can’t imagine what she’s going through. I’m starting to understand though. It isn’t supposed to happen this way.

I place a hand on my belly, feeling a sudden urge to protect the life within. She must feel so helpless, not being able to protect me from my fate. I’m her baby, her only baby.

Her hand covers mine. “This should be the happiest day. I’m going to be a grandma,” she says. “I’m scared. I don’t want to lose you.”

“But this way you’ll still have me,” I say, making her cry harder. My hand flips to grip hers more. “Shouldn’t I get to experience all the joys of life?”

She nods, pulling me in for a hug.

“I’m really happy, Mom. Please be happy for us.”

“I am. I truly am.”

She pulls back, holding my head in her hands. “My baby’s going to be a mom.”

I’m going to be a mom.