Connor

Five years later

“Daddy, I’m ready,” Mia calls from down the hall.

It’s her bedtime, and our evening routine is the favorite part of my day.

I enter her room, which is covered in Disney princesses. In the middle of a tiny bed with a sheer canopy falling around it is my own little princess.

She pats the spot next to her, and my heart melts. I never would have thought I’d find so much happiness in being a dad, but I truly have.

Her eyes are exactly like Mackenzie’s and the way her brown hair falls softly past her shoulders does me in every time.

Next to Mackenzie, she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. She’s brought me more joy than I could ever imagine, and my life is absolutely complete just with her in it.

Of course I’d give anything to have Mackenzie back, but our life has been one that I could have never dreamed of.

My boss kept his word about holding my job, and even made it possible for me to work from home. I only have to travel to the city once or twice a week for meetings but otherwise I get to be here with Mia.

Both Jean and my mom take turns watching Mia, and of course Tracy is here every chance she gets.

Today was her first day of kindergarten and with our entire family on both sides there to watch her walk into the classroom like a big girl, I had to choke back tears. She’s so lucky to have so many people in her life, cheering her on.

She’s not just a normal daughter or even a normal five-year-old. She’s our hope, our connection to Mackenzie.

“Do you have the letter?” I ask, sitting next to her and pulling her into my arms. I love how tiny she is and how perfectly she fits curled up against me.

“It’s right here.” She reaches under her pillow and pulls out a letter that’s been opened and folded so many times, the paper is worn and soft.

I should transfer it to another piece of paper to protect this one, but every time I suggest it, she comes back with, “But that’s not the one Mommy held.”

I can’t fight that logic. This is the letter I gave Mackenzie all those years ago on the day of her baby shower.

After Mackenzie passed, we found a box full of things she wanted Mia to have. In it was a diary that dated all the way back to the day we met, turned into letters specifically for Mia.

I sat, night after night, reading it until I laughed or cried myself to sleep. Of course there were a few pages I removed that aren’t fit for Mia to read—ever, but I’ve kept them close to my heart for years now.

The best part of the box was the videos she made for Mia. We get to enjoy them every night.

I’m lost in staring at my beautiful daughter when she laughs, nudging my shoulder. “Daddy, why aren’t you reading?”

“You know, you’ll be reading this to me by the end of the year.”

“Oh Daddy, don’t be silly. I know every word on here by heart already, but I want you to read it.” The way her eyes look into mine makes my heart sing. I can’t help it when I lean in to kiss her sweet cheeks.

“Okay, let me see.” I take the letter from her, carefully, opening it the rest of the way, and read the words I wrote to my wife all those years ago.

After I finish the first paragraph, Mia stops me, “I want to sing it tonight, Daddy. Is that okay with you?” She’s referencing the song I wrote called Last Chance.

I kiss her head as I whisper, “Go for it.”

Her head nuzzles into my chest when she sings, “It was dark until you lit up my sky. Sun shining down, making me open my eyes. The girl who’s been there for so long. My life cracking until you made it strong.” She pauses and looks up at me. “Daddy, do I sound like mommy when I sing it?”

Even though I never heard Mackenzie sing it, flashbacks of her at the karaoke bar run through my head. “You sound exactly like her,” I say.

Her face brightens with a big smile.

She turns back to her cuddle position. After she finished the song, I reach for the iPad, hit play to Mackenzie’s video of Goodnight Sweetheart, and listen to Mia’s sweet voice sing along with her mom. Her tiny hand wraps around my waist, hugging me as we enjoy the beauty of Mackenzie staring back at us.

It hurts every time I see Mackenzie, but my heart is slowly healing from losing her.

When the song is over, Mia kisses the screen, then hugs me. She’s my sweet angel, and the only chance to make my world right.

After pulling the covers up, I kiss her forehead and leave.

I don’t have my own routine to remember Mackenzie, but today was a big day. So after grabbing a beer, I sit on the couch and pull out a photo album of our time together.

Music plays on my stereo, and it’s no surprise when Watching Over Me by Thousand Foot Krutch plays. A smile grows on my face as I drop my head back against the couch. This song always has a way of turning up when I need to hear it most. I know it’s not a coincidence.

It’s her, always watching over me, just like the song says.