Mackenzie

"What's your plan while you're home, Mackenzie? Are you going to stay here in town?" Nancy, Tracy and Connor's mom, asks as we all sit around the dinner table, half finished with our food.

No one knows why I'm really home except my family and Tracy, and I want to keep it that way. Even though Nancy has always treated me like family, there's no need for them to be that involved in my life.

"I'm still feeling out my options, but I might move to San Francisco if everything pans out," I answer, trying my hardest not to look in Connor's direction.

"That would be fun. I'm sure Connor could help you research a place." She smiles fondly at her son.

"Yeah, no problem. Do you want a roommate situation or a place of your own?" Connor asks, not skipping a beat.

"Probably roommate. I hear it's pretty expensive," I reply, trying to act unfazed by him offering to help me.

He laughs. "Expensive is the understatement of the year, but I was talking to a few girls who live below me the other day. They mentioned their roommate was moving out, and they were looking for a new one. Maybe I can ask them?"

"Who are these girls you mention?" his mom asks, hopeful for news of him finding a girlfriend.

"Come on, Mom. They're Mackenzie's age. Not my thing," he states matter-of-fact, crushing my heart in one breath.

She hits his hand. "Now stop. That's only four years younger. Your father and I are three years apart. There’s nothing that says you can’t date a younger girl."

"I get around girls her age, think of Tracy, and nope, can't do it," he says, sticking a forkful of food in his mouth.

When he looks up, our eyes meet, and I swear it's more than the normal friendly glance. He actually stops mid-chew before slightly shaking his head and turning it back to his food.

"Well, either way, it would be nice if you could get her a place close to you. You've always been like a brother to her, and I'm sure a girl could use all the protection she can get in a big city like that," Nancy says, crushing my soul again.

He's never been like a big brother to me. He's been everything but that. He's been the standard I've held every guy I've ever dated up to, each one of them falling short. I search for that feeling I got when he offered to share his Twix bar with me.

My parents allowed me to go home with Tracy tonight after our dance recital. I was a nervous wreck having Connor in the audience the entire time. My eyes were glued to him and at one point he looked directly at me. Like the ditz I am, I tripped and almost fell on my butt. Thank God I was able to keep my balance and move on, but the smirk that covered his face told me all too well that he noticed.

Now that we’re back in her room, I keep kicking myself for not being able to keep my head on straight during the performance.

“We’re putting on the movie Scream if you guys want to watch it?” Connor asks from the door of Tracy’s room.

Like always, my breath hitches and my nerves take over. Thankfully, Tracy answers for the both of us. “Sure, I’ll make the popcorn.”

The two siblings still fight but it’s definitely calmed down once we entered junior high. This is the first time he’s invited us to watch a movie with him though.

I curl up in the corner of the couch and Connor sits on the other side with Tracy in the recliner and his friend on the floor. My heart pounds out of control. It takes all my power to focus on calming it without looking like I’m hyperventilating.

“Here, do you want the other half of this Twix bar?” Connor turns to ask me.

Pure joy fills my heart and for once I’m able to act like a normal human being when I respond, “Sure, thank you.”

Connor breaks my thoughts when he says, "I'll ask. Then I'll let Tracy know if they have a spot, and I'll give their info to her so you can call them."

Wow, not even a let me get your number. No. He'll relay a message. Ugh.

I try to hide my defeat over the situation. "I'd appreciate it," I say, paying more attention to my food, though my appetite is completely gone.

"Didn't you go to the city yesterday?" Tracy asks, and I instantly turn my head in surprise. "Were you looking for places then?"

I didn't tell her why I was going. I just sent a text, saying I was heading to the city when she asked what my plans were for the night.

"Um, no. I went to a club," I state, trying to blow the subject off.

"You went to a club without me?" she huffs.

"I, um, I'm sorry. I thought you were with Scott last night."

"Hello. That's why I was texting you. He had to work. Next time you go, I want to go too," Tracy declares.

I bite my lip when my eyes meet with Connor who’s squinting at me again.

"Which club did you go to?" he asks, making my heart beat faster.

"Um. I forget the name. It was—"

"Where was it located?"

I think he's catching on, but his expression isn't giving anything away. If he knows it was me he was with last night, that's definitely not the reaction I was hoping for.

I decide it's now or never. I'd rather him find out like this, with people around, so the idea can sink in when everyone is with us. This way, if he's pissed, it will give him a chance to calm down.

I take a deep breath and answer, "I think it's called Last Chance."

His eyes widen, and I know he’s made the connection. Visions of him inside me last night flash through my head, and I hope he's remembering the same thing. Luck doesn’t seem to be on my side as I watch red creep up his face.

We stare at each other, daring the other to blink or move away first, but I'm stone cold and too terrified by my admission to do anything other than hold my breath.

"I've never heard of the place," Tracy butts in, breaking our trance.

He drops his fork to his plate, leaning back in his chair to rub his eyes. My head falls forward, as I pretend to fold the napkin in my lap, totally deflated.

"Have you been there, Connor?" Tracy asks.

Connor looks straight at me. "No. No, I haven't."

I can't take it anymore. I push away from the table, excusing myself as his mom asks Scott a question I don't hear.

When I return, Connor's standing by the front door.

"Are you sure you have to leave so quickly? I thought you would hang out for awhile," Nancy whines.

"Sorry. I thought I was going to, but something's come up, and I have to head back." He gives her a hug and looks up to see me apprehensively standing there.

I still can't read his expression. He doesn't look pissed anymore, thank God, but his face hides all emotion.

Nancy hugs him tighter, thinking he's staying there longer for her benefit when really he's stuck in a staring contest with me.

"You're so lame," Tracy says as she hugs him in turn.

He says nothing. Just says goodbye to his dad and leaves without a word to Scott or me.