Dear Mia,

My life is complete. I could stare at you all day long. Your little fingers and toes amaze me, and don’t get me started on your cheeks. I want to kiss them every second, they’re so round and cute. I couldn’t be happier. Even though nothing else is right, it actually is because of you, and I’ll never be able to thank you enough.

Totally smitten,

Mom

Connor

“Look at her,” Mackenzie whispers when I walk into the living room. Mia is asleep in her arms. “She’s perfect. Everything about her is perfect.”

I kiss her forehead before rubbing my hand softly over Mia’s head. She’s grown over these past four months, but she’s still tiny.

“She really is. Have you been up for a while?”

“She woke up around four, and I’ve been holding her ever since. I couldn’t bring myself to put her back down.”

I laugh quietly. “You’re going to spoil her rotten. She needs to learn to sleep on her own.”

She shoos me off with a grin.

I whisper, “I love you,” before kissing her. “Just remember to take care of yourself too. Can I get you anything?”

Her headaches are worsening, but she says it’s nothing she can’t deal with.

“I’m good. I have all I need right here.”

“Okay, I’m going to hop in the shower.” I head back to our bedroom.

My law firm gave me a month off to be with them but that time went by too fast. While I’m at work, she stays home getting to cuddle and play with Mia all day. I love that I can give her that opportunity without having to worry about money or anything else.

I’m about to pull down my boxers when I hear a loud bang and Mia crying at the top of her lungs. Running as fast as I can, I storm into the living room, where I see Mia on the floor and Mackenzie lying next to her on her side.

“Mackenzie,” I yell. “Baby, are you okay?”

I pick up Mia, comforting her but concerned about Mackenzie. Her eyes are rolled back in her head, and she’s trembling but otherwise stiff.

After placing Mia in the swing, I hold Mackenzie, begging for her to stop. The doctor told us seizures were a possibility but this is the first one, and I have no clue what to do.

Fear I never knew was possible washes through me as the woman I love helplessly convulses on the floor. Knowing there’s nothing I can do to help her leaves me feeling like a complete failure as her husband.

Holding onto her tightly, I cry into her shoulder as I wait for her to come back to me.

Once she stops shaking, I rush to my phone and dial 911, telling the operator what happened while I pull Mackenzie onto my lap, holding her as close as possible to my chest.

After a few minutes her eyes open and panic sets in when she notices my tears and puffy eyes.

“Connor?” She rubs her head, closing her eyes briefly, then looking around the room, noticing she’s on the floor.

There’s a knock on the door, and I move Kenzie to let them in. They run to her side, and all I see is fear and confusion written all over her face.

A paramedic tends to Mia as well, and it seems Mackenzie was able to protect her from any real damage. To be safe, we all get in the ambulance.

On the way to the hospital, I call her parents and send a text to my friend Alan, briefly telling him what happened. He replies he’ll meet us there and my body welcomes the relief knowing he’ll be by my side.

Thankfully, we’ve completely mended our relationship and he’s been my guiding force through her illness.

I look over to Mackenzie who’s looking around like she’s still confused. Reaching out, I squeeze her hand gently, causing her to turn my way and our eyes meet.

“What happened?” she asks, breaking my heart wide open.

“You had a seizure. Everything’s okay though. Mia’s not injured.”

Her hand covers her mouth in shock. “I was holding her?”

I brush hair away from her face. “You were, but don’t worry. They’re going to check her out to be sure, but the paramedic didn’t have any reason to think we should be alarmed.”

Tears slip from her eyes, and I wipe them away with my thumb. “Don't cry. I’m here.”

“But what if you weren’t?” she says, holding onto my wrist.

I close my eyes, not able to fathom the thought of not being there for the two of them. “I was though. So let’s not talk about that.”

I lean in to kiss her, hoping that will calm her nerves.

After they examine Mia, determining she is uninjured, I hold her in my arms while they take Mackenzie for tests. I’m out in the hall getting water when Alan appears.

“Is she all right?” he asks, getting right to the point.

“I don’t know yet. They’re doing tests.”

He looks at Mia in my arms, and the pain he knows I feel is written on his face. Amy and he had a daughter a few months before us so I know he can truly put himself in my shoes.

“How have her headaches been?”

“She said they’re happening more often, but she was able to control them.”

“Any other symptoms?”

“Not that I know of. What does this all mean?”

His eyes meet mine and he doesn't have to say anything. I’ve known Alan for years, and I’ve seen that look many times before when he talked about Amy and how much he still hurt for her. Seeing it now does me in.

This is the beginning of the end.

* * *

They gave Mackenzie medication that made her sleepy so I’m sitting next to her bed, playing with Mia.

Her parents knock on the door. “Can we come in?”

“Look, Grandma and Grandpa are here,” I say to Mia.

Jean covers her mouth as tears well up in her eyes. Of course they’ve seen her tons of times, but I think with all the emotions of today seeing her smiling face pushed her over the edge.

I hand Mia to Jean before shaking Michael’s hand. “Thank you for coming so fast.”

“Oh stop, you know we’ll be here at the drop of a hat. How is she?” Jean asks, gazing at her daughter.

“She’s good for right now. The tests told us what we already know. The tumor is growing.” I rub my eyes.

She pats my back, giving me support that means the world to me.

We play with Mia, trying to enjoy the brightness she brings to our otherwise dark future.

“Connor, please don’t take this the wrong way, but we’ve been thinking,” Jean says, reaching for Michael’s hand. “We’re prepared for this, and we want to help. I-I mean,” she stutters. “What if you hadn’t been home today?”

I don’t want to consider the thought but know I should. My stomach turns, thinking of what could have happened. If I’d come home to see them on the floor I might not be able to survive a loss like that.

“Have you thought about moving back home?” she asks cautiously.

“We haven’t talked about it, but I’ve been considering it. Especially after today…” I don’t finish that thought; I’ve dealt with enough pain today.

She looks at Mackenzie and then at Mia. “We’d love to be able to be there every day for you guys. I think it might be time.”

I nod, reaching out to hold Mackenzie’s hand. “I think you’re right.”