Dear Diary,

I’m falling fast. Too fast. I wish I had someone I could talk to, but no one knows my truth except Tracy and, um, yeah, the fact that he’s her brother won’t go over too well. I wish you could talk back to me, Diary, and give me some advice. I’ve never felt so torn. One part of me is saying I should throw caution to the wind and live my dream life. I’ve loved him for years, and he’s finally noticing me. But that love is breaking my heart because I don’t want to hurt someone I love. If I keep this going, he’ll get hurt, and it will be my fault. How can I live with that? Either way, one of us will be screwed. It should be me, I know it should be me, but I want this so bad my heart aches. Please give me a sign as to what I should do.

Mackenzie

Connor

When I open my eyes, I'm momentarily confused as to where I am and how I got here. Blinking, I get my bearings and realize I'm in my living room, and I slept on the couch.

Mackenzie is asleep on my lap. Memories of last night, of our little game and the conversation that followed put an instant smile on my face. It's been years since I've talked to a female like that where nothing sexual happened.

I can't help but focus on the woman I've known since she was ten. I basically grew up with her, yet somehow I don't see that same girl I once did.

I never realized how beautiful she is. Her hair is a rich, dark auburn color I know is natural, because it's always been the same.

The longer I stare at her, the more I wonder why I didn't recognize her at the club the first night. To me, she was always that ten-year-old girl making friendship bracelets in Tracy's room or standing right next to her at every dance recital I was forced to go to. At least that's who I envisioned when I spoke to her on the phone about law schools.

I mentally count back and realize the last time I saw her was when she was around fifteen, about eight years ago. Then she was at law school on the east coast. No wonder I didn’t know who she was.

She stirs and opens her eyes to meet with mine and we sit frozen for a few seconds. I raise my hand to her face, moving her hair away from her eyes and tucking it behind her ears.

"Good morning," I whisper.

"Good morning," she replies. "What time is it?"

I pick up my phone. "It's six."

She sits up in a panic. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. You slept all night like that? You must have been so uncomfortable. Why didn't you wake me?"

I pull her back down. "I actually slept great and just woke up myself. You seemed to fit there pretty well."

She instantly blushes, and I fucking love it. She worries her lip between her teeth, and it's so cute how nervous she is.

How did I never notice this side of her?

"How did you sleep?" I ask.

"Good actually. Your place is much quieter than mine."

"Ouch, that hurts. Here I thought you slept well because I was next to you." I couldn't help myself. I was dying to see the flush of embarrassment creep up her face again.

"Well, s-sure it was." She’s flustered.

I place a finger over her lips. "Sorry for teasing you. My place is quieter. I had new windows installed a few years ago."

She huffs out a tiny laugh. "They make a big difference. You own this place?"

"Yeah. Each unit is owned separately. I've lived here for about three years."

There's a brief silence, and she looks away, unsure of her next move. "So, um, didn’t you say you had to work today?"

"Yeah, not till nine though. Want to grab coffee or something?" The smile that spreads over her face warms my heart.

"Sure. Let me go get changed."

"It's okay, stay here. You can turn on the TV, and I'll take a quick shower, then we can go." I help her off my lap and hand her the remote. "I'll be right back."

I can tell she's still unsure of the morning’s events. Hell, I am too, but for now I'm rolling with it because it feels so right.

I go into my room and disrobe before stepping into my bathroom. It's not long before the air and water tease my cock, along with memories of her face, and it throbs, wanting attention. Knowing she is mere feet away makes the urge worse, and I quickly rub one out.

When I exit, I walk out in only my dress pants, saying I need to get something from the laundry room. The way her face lights up at the sight of my bare chest makes me want to throw her down on the couch.

I'm beginning to really like being with her, and not just sexually. It’s so much beyond just sex, and it’s surprising the hell out of me. For now at least, I need to refrain my temptations in my pants and focus on being with her outside of my bedroom.

I slip my shirt on in the laundry room but leave it unbuttoned as I join her in my living room to put on my socks.

When I catch her looking at my bare chest again, I wink and she blushes but stands up quickly to grab her purse from the kitchen.

With her back to me, I walk up, placing my hands on her hips and leaning in to kiss her neck.

"Last night was fun. Did we ever pick a winner?"

She turns, surprised I’m so close, but doesn't pull away.

"I think it was a tie. Maybe rock music isn't so bad."

"Well, country music is still sappy as hell but the Church one was cool." She playfully hits my shoulder, and I grin at her.

After I finish getting ready, we leave my place and head to the coffee shop two blocks up. It's a locally owned place, without the hustle and bustle Starbucks always has at this time of day.

Mackenzie snags us a seat while I order two cups of coffee, along with a few pastries and some fruit. I'm not one to share food, but when she said she was torn between an apple fritter, a bagel with cream cheese, and a ham and cheese croissant, they all sounded good to me.

I've never had such a relaxing time at a coffee shop. It's normal for people to get coffee with friends, but I've never understood the attraction. It's coffee. You grab a cup, drink it, and leave. What else is there to do?

Now I get it. Our conversation is unlike any I've ever had. It flows from one subject to the next, and there are multiple times I laugh so hard, I have to wipe tears from my eyes.

I glance at my watch. We've been sitting her for about two hours, yet it felt like thirty minutes.

I sigh. "I'm sorry. I have to get to work." I stand, gathering our trash to discard it.

She nods and we head toward the exit. I open the door for her and without thinking twice, reach for her hand, holding it softly as we walk back to our building.

It's so comfortable I don't even bother to talk. Just being with her is filling my soul with a light I haven't seen in a long time.

I accompany her to her floor and at the door, I ask, "Can I see you tonight?"

"Really?" she responds, and I try to hide my laugh at her fast response. "I mean, yeah, sure. But, um, aren't you going to the club? Is that where you want to take me?" Her voice rises slightly.

"I don't feel like going. I'd rather hang with you. I thought we’d have dinner or something."

I’ve been toying with the idea of going back to the club, but the more I think about it, the more I realize I don’t want to. The excitement, the draw, the fantasy isn’t there anymore. Especially after spending this time with Mackenzie.

"Soooo...." I drawl out when she doesn’t respond.

She lets out the cutest laugh. "Yeah, sorry. Sounds good. How about I make you dinner?"

"You cook?" I ask, way more excited than I should be. "Because I'm a total sucker for a home-cooked meal. Don't tease me now?"

"Yes. I'll cook you dinner. My place or yours?"

"Mine, if you're cooking I want it all for myself and don’t want to share with your roommates."

"Do you even own the pots and pans I'll need?" she asks, making me laugh.

"Probably not. Here"—I hand her my key—"let yourself in, see what you need, and then bring it from your place. I'll be home at six-thirty or seven. I'll text you."

"Okay. Thanks for breakfast," she says, looking for her keys like she’s trying to avoid an awkward goodbye.

I kiss her on the cheek, surprising her, before walking away and saying over my shoulder, "I can smell the food now. I'll be dreaming of it all day."

I'm going to dream about the small laugh she releases for the rest of the day as well.

* * *

Mackenzie

I watch as Connor struts down the hallway as calm as can be with his hand in his pocket. I'm surprised he's not whistling he looks so content.

I enter my apartment and am shocked to see all three of my roommates sitting on the couch, staring at the door, waiting for me to come in.

"So?" Chantel springs up, too excited to wait for me to say anything.

"What?" I ask innocently.

"Stop the shit," Katy squeals. "You stayed at his place last night. Spill it, girl. We've been dying to hear about him for years. Years!"

I laugh, heading to the kitchen to put my purse down. "It was amazing but not how you would expect. We stayed up all night talking, and I fell asleep, lying on his lap in the living room."

"But you've slept with him before, right?" Robin asks.

I smirk, remembering our time at the club and knowing I need to stay far away from that topic. "We have twice, but this was totally different. I really enjoyed hanging out with him. Then we went to that coffee shop down the street for a couple hours. On our way back, he held my hand then kissed my cheek."

"Dayumn, girl. Look at you. Do I see a relationship blossoming?" Katy asks.

"You think?" I bite my lip, not quite sure yet.

"Hell yes," they say in unison.

"Did you make plans to see each other again?" Robin asks.

I hold up the key with a cheesy grin on my face. "I'm cooking him dinner tonight. He gave me this so I can get what I need prepared before he gets off work."

“That’s it, girls. He’s taken,” Katy states, walking away with her hands in the air.

I look at both Chantel and Robin, waiting for what normally comes next. “What, no bet?” I tease when they don’t respond.

Chantel huffs. “I’ve already lost enough money on you guys. I saw the way he looks at you. It was only a matter of time. I didn’t need to put money on it.” She winks as she leaves the room.

This is the one thing I didn't even consider putting on my list because never in my wildest dreams did I think it would actually happen. Tears start to well, and I quickly blink them away. I'm too happy to go down that road right now.